I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.
Square One
Had to find some higher ground
Had some fear to get around
You can't say what you don't know
Later on won't work no more
Last time though I hid my tracks
So well I could not get back
Yeah my way was hard to find
Can't sell your soul for peace of mind
...
Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head and meet my dear
It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here
...
Try so hard to stand alone
Struggle to see past my nose
Always had more dogs than bones
I could never wear those clothes
It's a dark victory
You won and you are so lost
Told her you were satisfied
But it never came across
...
Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here - Tom Petty
...
Charming
"What are you doin' here?" Juice asked his woman as their hug broke.
"I knew you'd be going on break soon so I wanted to stop by. What's wrong?" She looked at him closely. Her Juan was never this quiet. He was always full of energy and always talking. Now he looked like the weight of the world had been settled on his shoulders.
"Nothin, just got some news. Listen, as much as I like seeing ya, we've got some Club business to work out. I don't think I'll be over tonight." He said and watched her face fall. He never bailed on her, but he needed time to think, time to process everything.
"That-that's ok... What's happening Juan, seriously?" She was really worried; their Tuesday nights were special nights.
"Never mind Nessa, it's nothing I can't handle, but I don't think we should see each other for a few days, I have a lot of shit to think about." He ran his hand along his head and rubbed the back of his neck and her face morphed into a concerned frown.
"Something happen to..."her", she-who-must-not-be-named?" Nessa knew all about Milla, Juan talked in his sleep, and she knew that saying her name could turn her docile, laid back Juan vicious.
Juice simply looked at her and the look was enough. Nessa knew it had to do with "her" and would let it go. She didn't know the woman but she hated her for the pain she'd caused Juan and the others. She also hated her because she knew intuitively that if "she" ever came back in the picture that Juan wouldn't be here anymore and the tat on her back would mean nothing.
"Just go baby; I'll call you when I'm done thinkin'." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple.
"I guess there's no date stamp on that. That big brain of yours never seems to stop thinking." She smiled when the corner of his mouth tugged up in a smile. She'd made it her mission to prove to the world how smart he really was.
"Bye baby." He kissed her lips this time and let her go before he walked into the clubhouse without looking back. Nessa would let him stew and brood and think...for a little while. Then she'd remind him that he had a woman now. A woman who wouldn't bail.
…
Belfast
Jimmy sat in his customary booth at the pub. The boy had arranged a meeting and Jimmy was more annoyed than anything. The boy had been getting on his nerves over the last year. He'd become whiny and demanding, wanting "justice". Jimmy played along, never intending to let any harm come to Milla or that boy. They may have been on the outs with Charming right now but they'd come in handy eventually and it was that eventuality that kept Jimmy interested. He signaled for a beer when Keegan came through the door. Jimmy looked at the younger man and felt a smile on his face as he took in the formerly beautiful face. After his beating in Charming, beautiful wasn't something you could call Keegan anymore. His nose was misshapen in a way no surgeon could fix and a lacework of scars covered the remainder where they tried in vain to give him back some of his normal appearance. The loss of his looks made him bitter, it was the loss of Annie that was making him insane. It was that insanity Jimmy saw when he looked in the younger man's eyes.
"Hello Jimmy, good ta see ya." He sat in the opposite booth and fidgeted while Jimmy sipped his Guinness.
"Aye, what's this meetin' fer boy. I told ya no on yer scheme last month." Jimmy set down his drink and Keegan looked determined.
"We need ta get rid of Cormac and O'Flagherty's other boys. They're a threat ta us." Jimmy set his mouth in a line as he looked at Keegan. This was all the proof he needed that the boy had gone mad. Yes he hated O'Flagherty and O'Flagherty was his main obstacle when it came to moving up the ranks but killing his boys wouldn't do a thing, he'd just get new boys. There had to be another reason, especially since he brought up Cormac, a man selected by the council to protect his wife and child while he was out being a tosser.
"Why do ya want ta do this Keegan? Cormac may be O'Flagherty's man but he's loyal to tha cause and he's goin outta his way to protect what's yers. He do somethin' to ya?" Jimmy had a pretty good idea why Keegan wanted him out of the way. According to his spies Cormac had been spending a lot of time with Little Miss Milla and the boy, had been overly affectionate with her. One spy had seen him through the bedroom window one night. Yes, Jimmy had a good idea.
"I don' trust him an' this would be a good idea fer ya. Kill his boys, force him ta regroup. Force the council to choose someone ta take his place fer a while. You could be on that seat. T'ink about it." Keegan has some good points but Jimmy understood the risks of what he was proposing. If done wrong he'd be killed. Besides O'Flagherty's boys were of more use to him alive. He'd already bought the loyalty of one of them and if he could use Milla to get Cormac so much the better. Jimmy smiled; he always seemed to find a use for that girl.
"I've thought about it an' no. No harm comes to those boys. They're more use ta us alive. Ya sure Cormac didn't do anythin' to ya, hurt yer pride maybe?" Jimmy held in a smirk as Keegan's face turned red. He wanted to see if the boy would air his grievance.
"No, sir, he's done nothin ta me." Keegan bit his cheek as he lied to Jimmy. It was better to lie to him than to admit his wife was making a fool of him by fucking another man.
"Alright then, have a drink. It's on me." He motioned to the barman who brought a mug and set it in front of Keegan who swiftly drank. With the day he was having he needed it.
…
Charming
Opie sat in the corner of the clubhouse watching everything around him. He'd been out two weeks and he couldn't seem to find a balance. He was a stranger in his own home, his kids were scared of him and his wife was scared for him. The only place he felt even remotely like he used to was in the clubhouse and even there there was a tension, an undercurrent of something that he couldn't figure out. He had a theory that it had to do with their family being incomplete, that losing Milla tipped the scales in a direction they weren't meant to go but that was a foolish thought. A woman, no matter how deep in the family, couldn't cause that much trouble. Yet at the same time he saw how having her gone had affected each person differently. That was never clearer than when they were around the table. He hadn't had to think twice about his vote. He'd missed the drama but from what Clay said she'd had no choice. Her boy came first and Opie got that, yeah the club was important but she wasn't club, her loyalties weren't determined by a Patch on her back.
As he ruminated he saw Juice walk in from outside, silently brooding and solemn. Opie didn't know the Latino that well but he knew enough about him to know that this wasn't like the man at all. The vote had obviously messed him up and from what Ope had heard there was good reason. Whoever said was better to have loved and lost had obviously never been in love with someone who wasn't their's. That shit hurt. Opie shook his head and his eyes followed Juice as he went to the back rooms, but his eyes took a detour when he found his dad at the bar, his customary bottle of tequila in his hand and Opie decided to get up and talk to the old man. Everybody else's votes made sense, even Chibs' nay made complete sense but his dad's "nay" came out of left field and that confused him. He got up and grabbed his brew, taking purposeful strides to his father. He wasn't pushy or overly curious by nature but this was something he just had to know.
"Pop." He tipped his head in acknowledgement and Piney poured himself a shot.
"Son." He tipped the bottle toward Ope who sat and motioned to his bottle. He already had his drink of choice; he didn't need the cactus liquor to feel right.
"Why'd you vote "nay" Pop? You've always loved Milla like a daughter. Hell she was with us almost as much as she was with Luann growing up. You used to say that if you ever had a daughter you'd want her like Milla." Opie knew bringing up the past could sometimes be a low blow with his Pop but Piney just downed his shot and turned to his son.
"That hasn't changed. I still love that little girl and even now if I had a daughter I would want her to be like Milla. Damn kid's always had her priorities straight. That's why I don't want her comin' back. She made the choice to protect her kid. Unless she comes home to stay the target on her will be bigger and brighter when she goes across the drink. I know those Real IRA bastards, if they think hurting her will send a message to us, like to up a payment, they'll do it. The best thing for the kid and her boy is to remain in exile. She may not be home, but she's safe." With that Piney stood and took his bottle as he went toward the couches to watch a bit of TV. He'd said his piece and the topic, as far as he was concerned, was closed.
Ope stared after his father with a bit of pride. Piney was looking after Milla in the best way he could and Opie couldn't fault him for that. Even so, if it were brought up to vote again he would still "yay". He missed his adopted little sister a hell of a lot and he didn't doubt that they could protect her; they had SAMBEL at their disposal after all.
...
Clay finished his stogy and turned from the window to set the butt in the ashtray. He'd done a lot of thinking and he still didn't quite know what to do. He wanted to do what was best for the Club, but at the same time he wanted his family whole again. He should've stopped the vote with Chibs' nay, let that be the end of it but he had wanted to see what the others felt. He was pleased to see that the majority of his men were in agreement with him, they realized that the events that transpired were beyond his girl's control. She was still loyal to the Club, but she had other loyalties to consider. She wasn't like them, she wasn't Club, she was allowed to put her family first and unfortunately in this case that meant choosing the Irish rat bastard over the people she really loved. He saw it in her eyes before she left, the signs that she didn't want it were there but they were all hurt and Juice was vocal. She had to go to keep the Club solid...to keep them united. With a sigh he looked to the Redwood, trying to find the peace the Reaper always gave him. This time he looked and saw the stack of papers Juice had left on the table.
"What the?" He whispered quietly and walked to the stack that, as he got closer, appeared to be photographs.
Clay picked up the stack and took in the first picture. In it his daughter holding Little Clay tight to her as a tall man with dark hair cut into a Mohawk-like cut draped a coat over them. She looked terrified and Little Clay was crying. The picture brought a lump to Clay's throat. The next picture was Milla walking out of "Ashby's Provisions", nothing special was happening but Clay had to flip the picture to the back right away, he didn't like seeing her so miserable. The next few pictures in the stack were same so he flipped through them quickly. In each succeeding picture she looked more miserable and Little Clay grew more and more. His grandson was taking after his daughter more and more; a kind god had allowed her traits to dominate his father's. The last picture in the stack took him off guard. In it Keegan was gripping Milla's arms and the force looked like it hurt but she held her mouth in a tight line and stared at him defiantly. The look was pure Morrow and Clay felt a surge of pride. She may have been hurting, she may have been afraid but her heritage would never desert her. He set down the pictures and ran a hand over his face. Now he knew what to do.
With determination he picked up the pictures and went out into the main room. There was no way Piney or Chibs could ignore these pictures. No way could they ignore the proof that his daughter had been forced into her decision. Her misery and terror proved it all and he'd have to find some way to thank Juice for finding these photos. They were just what he needed to turn things in his favor.
...
Milla got out of the car as soon as Cormac opened her door. He had passed his hand over hers and it made her nervous. What they did in the privacy of her bedroom, or shower or his dingy little apartment was one thing. To display it publicly, especially in front of Jimmy's house was another. She caught her lover's eye and he nodded, understanding that he had to be more discreet. Giving her a smile he gave her some distance as he walked her to the door. They were collecting Little Clay from his "Gamma Fi" so they had to be on their best behavior.
After they rang the doorbell they waited and Milla looked at the man who was risking so much for her. He was tall with wide, storm blue eyes and his dark brown hair styled into a "fauxhawk". She still felt a little bad for talking him into the cut but at first she honestly thought it looked good, now she knew that it just aided in her delusions. Once she figured that out she should have put an end to it, allowed him to move on but she couldn't. She'd been selfish and now she needed him more than ever. She'd gotten rid of one vice; she couldn't bear to part with them all. She gave him a smile but straightened her face out when the door opened and Fiona's maid Louise opened the door.
"'ello there Miss Milla. Come on in." She opened the door wider and Milla walked in followed by Cormac. "Hello to you too Mr. Gallagher."
"Hello Louise, how has Clay been today?" Milla asked as she handed Louise her coat and Louise smiled.
"An absolute angel. Right now he's with Miss Kerri and they're watching a video. Can I get ya some tea?" Milla shook her head; she just wanted to get her son and go. Maybe if they beat Keegan home she could get rid of the majority of her stash and come up with a plan. She needed to get her son out of their situation in any way she could.
"No thank you Louise. Are they in the den?" She looked past Louise and saw her sons dark curls against the arm of the couch.
Aye, you go in I'll get Mr. Gallagher some tea." Cormac smiled at the older woman who made fanning motions before she took his arm and led him to the kitchen. Before Milla turned into the living room he brushed his hand with hers and she smiled. Maybe tiny bits of affection would be ok every now and then.
As Milla walked into the den Little Clay's head popped up and he gave her the grin that made her world light up. She knelt down and opened her arms for her baby boy.
"Mama!" He yelled and flung himself from the couch before he ran into his Mama's arms.
"How's Mama's little man?" She asked as she placed a kiss to his head and hugged him tight. He didn't say anything he just hugged her tighter while Kerrianne gave her a smile and she joined Kerri on the couch.
"Yer looking good." Kerri commented and Milla couldn't help but smile at her surrogate little sister. Her appearance must have done a one-eighty since she'd been getting compliments all day. Who knew the demon drink could do such harm?
"Feeling good. How was he?" She asked as she held her calm, happy little one on her lap.
"Good, we spent most o'the day colorin'. Ma went to the shops and bought him a new book. He's taken a likin ta dinosaurs now." Kerri smiled at the boy she considered her nephew and ruffled his hair.
"You like dinosaurs now?" The little boy nodded. "Mama likes dinosaurs too. There's this place called the La Brea Tar pits in California, where Mama's from. Real dinosaurs fell in there. Your Grandpa took me there when I was a little girl. Maybe...someday...Mama can take you to the tar pits. Maybe even Gran- you know what we'll find some museums around here. We could even go on holiday to London and go to the Natural History Museum."
Kerri watched Milla and saw the pain that flashed in her eyes when she talked about going home. Ever since she'd called Charming she had doubts churning her stomach. She wasn't sure if she'd done the right thing, if she'd risked her mortal soul for a worthwhile cause. Watching Milla's face as she talked about home proved that she'd done the right thing. Now she could sleep at night knowing that she was helping bring a family together.
"Can Auntie Kerri come too?" She asked as she saw the smile on Milla's face turn from sad to happy again.
"Of course, it wouldn't be fun without you." She smiled as Little Clay crawled from her lap and settled into Kerri's while they finished watching the movie. Her search and destroy mission could wait; it had been too long since she hung out with her little sister, sober and as happy as she could be. Even with the hammer that was Keegan hanging over her head, ready to drop.