The Battle

"Jeff, what the hell are you doing?" Matt asked. He watched his brother pour sand on the ground with a confused look on his face.

Jeff drew a line in the newly poured sand and then went to stand next to Matt. Shawn and Hunter were standing across from them. "Okay people, listen up. The battle line has been drawn. You two think you're the best and we think we're the best. I say we have a fight for tag team supremacy."

Shawn frowned. "You told us we were getting ice cream."

"The losers will have to pay for the ice cream."

Hunter nodded. "That sounds good to me. Now how do you win this battle?"

"Pinfall or submission. And to make sure everything stays fair, I've hired two special guest referees to officiate this thing."

CM Punk and John Cena came over to them. "You can't see me!" John shouted triumphantly.

Shawn frowned. "Actually, we can see you. You're not invisible."

"I'm not? Jeff, you told me you would give me the power of invisibility."

"I said I would do that after the battle," Jeff reminded him.

"And my Pepsi?" Punk asked.

"I said after the damn battle! What part of that didn't you idiots understand?" Jeff sighed and shook his head. "Okay people, let's do this thing!"

Hunter looked at their special referees. "Shouldn't we have a bell or some--" He was rudely interrupted by Jeff jumping over the line in the sand and tackling him to the ground. "OW! Damn it Jeff! You made me land on my keys!

"Why the hell are they in your pocket?" Jeff asked. He let Hunter get back up to his feet so The Game could take his keys out of his pocket.

"Where else am I supposed to keep them?"

"Well I was watching this thing on the History Channel about prison gangs and they talked about shoving things up their asses so they can get them into the prison…"

"EWWWW!" John yelled.

"I agree with Cena," Hunter said. "I'm telling Matt you're not allowed to watch the History Channel anymore."

Shawn and Matt were rolling around on the floor, fighting like a couple of teenaged girls. "Hey, watch the hair!" Shawn warned Matt.

Matt smirked. "What hair?"

"OH THAT'S IT!" Shawn yelled. He picked Matt up and tossed him through the window. "NOBODY MENTIONS THE HAIR AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" He jumped out the window to go kick Matt's ass.

"Come on guys!" Punk complained as he went after them. "Can't you hurry up and finish this? I want my Pepsi!"

Jeff grabbed Hunter by the nose and dragged him out the front door. "The Game Triple H had a very large nose," he sang to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer". "And if you ever saw it, you would even compare it to Pinocchio's."

Hunter punched Jeff in the back and rammed his head into the nearest stop sign. "So you think I have a big nose? Well then I'm going to tell everyone that you like Mamma Mia!"

Jeff gasped. "You swore you would never speak of that!" He tackled Hunter to the ground. "You must die!"

"Hey, wait a minute," John objected. "This isn't Celebrity Deathmatch."

Jeff didn't listen and he suplexed Hunter in the street. Then he hijacked a car and ran over Hunter as The Game was getting back up to his feet.

"What the fuck?" Hunter yelped. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Damn it! He's not dead," Jeff complained. He tried to run over Hunter again but John stopped him.

"There will be no killing during this battle," John said. "Murder is almost as bad as the lie about Santa not being real."

Jeff frowned. "But Santa isn't real."

"SHUT UP! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT BLASPHAMY!"

Meanwhile, Shawn and Matt were fighting their way through a park. "Say you're sorry about making fun of my hair!" Shawn ordered.

"Make me!" Matt said. He grabbed Shawn and pushed him on to the merry-go-round. Then he started making the merry-go-round spin very, very fast. "I'm going to make you puke!"

"No wait!" Shawn protested. "I don't want to puke! Let me off, I don't like this thing!"

"Um guys?" Punk said slowly. "Aren't you supposed to be fighting?"

Matt shrugged. "I'm tired of doing that." He reached into his pocket and pulled out some money. "Here, go buy yourself some Pepsi for your troubles."

"I LOVE YOU!" Punk shouted gleefully. He took the money and ran away.

Matt continued to spin the merry-go-round until Shawn started to cry. Then he felt bad so he let Shawn off.

Shawn collapsed to the ground and puked everywhere. "I hate you," Shawn said between heaves.

Jeff showed up carrying Hunter after Shawn was done puking. "What the hell happened?" Matt asked.

"The Rainbow Haired Idiot ran me over with a fucking car!" Hunter yelled. "He was trying to kill me!"

"I told you that if you ever mentioned you know what then I would have to kill you," Jeff said.

"What, that you liked Mamma Mia?" Matt asked.

Jeff dropped Hunter and started to throttle Matt. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO GOD!"

Hunter moaned in pain. "Fucking hell Jeff! I'm going to beat you with my sledgehammer as soon as I recover from this!"

Shawn sighed. "You know, I wouldn't have showed up if I knew we weren't going to get to the ice cream."