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Almost Lover

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do - A Fine Frenzy

...

Belfast

Milla stood outside of Ashby's provisions waiting for the "shipment" to arrive. Paddy and Liam had gone to pick it up and Milla was responsible for it once it was delivered. Well she was responsible for half of it but she'd still make sure the other got put up safely. She never would've done this if the request hadn't come from her brother. Just hearing Jax's voice had made her cave and what he was asking wasn't a big deal, she just didn't want an outsider to see how fucked up her life was. As she contemplated this the truck came rolling in and she put her drink on the ground before she nodded to Paddy as he got out followed by a slip of a girl and Liam helped Cameron out of the back.

"Hey! Where's Edmund?" Liam shouted once Cameron was out and leaning on him.

"He's on an errand for Jimmy; he should be back this afternoon. Jimmy said to put Cameron up in Maureen's guestroom for a few days until he's good." Liam nodded and Paddy walked up to her with the girl trailing behind. "This Sherry?"

"It's Cherry." The girl held out her hand and Milla took it before she looked at the girl who looked scared and excited.

"Ok Cherry, you follow those boys upstairs Maureen should be back shortly then we'll get this all settled." Cherry nodded and followed the others inside before Milla walked in and flipped the sign on the door from "Open" to "Closed", they didn't need anyone coming in and getting curious about the new American arrival just yet. Once she'd locked the door she went upstairs and saw Cherry sitting at the kitchen table while Liam took a beer from the fridge and Paddy took some water to Cameron who was on the couch.

"When should Mo be back?" Liam asked as Milla sat at the table and observed everyone in front of her.

"Any minute, why's Cameron on the couch? He's supposed to be in the guest bedroom; those orders come straight from Jimmy." Milla hated being Jimmy's middle man but she'd discovered that her quality of life had increased a hundred-fold since she'd taken on the responsibility and her son was safe so she could deal. It just sucked that she had to betray Chibs to do it.

"He didn't want ta be separate from the meetin'." Milla nodded, completely understanding his point.

"Fine, but once the meeting's done I'll need help getting him in bed." Paddy nodded and Liam just looked at her in that creepy way of his before Cherry piped up.

"What's there to do for fun around here?" She asked and everyone in the room started laughing. Fun...what was that?

…

Later that Day...

"Here's the kitchen. Little Clay's high chair always stays there, don't move it. The food's in the fridge, we always have something and if you eat the last of something leave a note on the notepad and I'll restock it. There's no booze in this house at the current moment but if you want some you're free to bring it. The computer is my personal machine but I could be convinced to let you borrow it. Down that hallway is the bathroom and the guest room but we'll get back to that." Milla stopped her progress and watched Cherry following behind taking everything in. "Want a drink? Take some time to let it all sink in?"

Cherry nodded and followed Milla to the table where she sat and Milla grabbed two mugs and placed a tea bag in her mug and a packet of instant coffee in Cherry's. Once that was done she put water in the electric heater on the counter and turned it on, waiting for the minute and a half it took to boil. Once that was done she poured water in Cherry's mug first then in her own and sat down, being sure to put honey and sugar in her mug as they sat in awkward and uncomfortable silence.

"So...you're Jax's sister?" Cherry asked and Milla nodded. "He's a good guy, I mean I like my guy better but Jax saved my ass so I owe him."

"Jax is my brother and I love him but you don't just owe him, you owe the Club. They got you out and safe. I didn't get the details but why'd you need to get out of the country so quickly?" Milla sipped her tea and watched Cherry go through the story in her mind before she decided on an appropriate version to tell.

"I got in trouble and had an outstanding warrant on me. I needed to get out for the safety of the Club." She said and Milla raised an eyebrow at her.

"Why was it "for the safety of the Club"?" Milla asked as she sipped her tea.

"They had shit on me and said it would be easier if I rolled on the Club. I know shit and I know I would've ratted." Milla sucked in a breath but calmly set down her mug before she took in the girl in front of her. Cherry was obviously terrified about the situation she was in and her heart had been broken by something but that didn't matter as Milla sized her up.

"Hap should've put a bullet in your skull and dumped you in a ditch instead of bringing you over the border. Shit I can't believe Dad signed off on this." Milla blew out a breath and Cherry's eyes got wide as Milla turned a level stare to her. "I'm going to say this once then I'll consider the subject done. If I hear you talking shit about the Club or threatening to go to the Peelers or Interpol I'll make sure the Kings know how big of a risk you are. If you keep your head down and do what Maureen says then we'll be good. I want to learn to trust you Cherry but that's a long road."

"I swear I'm not going to say anything to anybody. I just wanted to get out of there and this is where I ended up. I promise you won't have to worry." She put up her hands in surrender and Milla nodded intent on keeping her to her promise.

"Who's your guy?" Milla asked suddenly and Cherry's face took on a dreamy smile.

"Kip, he's the prospect and a great guy. You know 'im?" Cherry asked and Milla shook her head. She'd talked to him a couple of times when she'd called the garage or the clubhouse but that was the extent of it.

"He came a bit after my time but I've heard good things." Milla took another sip of her tea, debating whether she should ask Cherry about Juice or let it come out in time. She continued to contemplate as Cherry looked antsy.

"Can I ask you a question?" Cherry asked when the silence got to her and Milla nodded. "What's up with you and Juice? He told me to look out for you and be sure you and your kid were safe and according to Kip he's got a hard on for you big time. Were you two together before the shit went down?"

Milla choked on her tea and Cherry came around the table and patted her on the back while Milla fought for air. Shit that came out of nowhere. Just as Milla had started to numb the pain and plan a life without Juice and her son at the center the man with the 'hawk had to come back and he had to be sweet about it, making sure this woman would look after her. Damn him for fighting his way to the surface of her heart again. Once Milla could breathe she gave Cherry a look and used her choking as the excuse for the tears in her eyes.

"Juice and I weren't together and I'm to blame for that. Maybe if I get to know you better you'll get the whole story, just know that any feelings Juice has for me are returned." She said once she could breathe and speak properly then she looked at Cherry. "What I just said stays in this kitchen. I shouldn't have told you shit."

She continued to take deep breaths and Cherry sat down. She looked at the woman across from her; she may have been Cherry's age or maybe only a few years older but the stress resting on her added years to her face. No doubt the man that she was married to was mostly to blame. Cherry had heard about Milla's husband and his attack on Juice and felt nothing but sympathy for the woman tied to him. She wouldn't tell a soul what she'd heard, she knew men like Milla's husband so she understood the risk.

"I won't tell a soul." Cherry looked around before she moved closer to Milla. "Juice is doing good, he doesn't tell anyone anything but when they talk about you he looks like someone hit him in the chest with an aluminum bat."

Milla nodded and felt a hint of relief that turned to sadness in the blink of an eye. He still loved her and she loved him but there was nothing they could do about it. He had a woman now and didn't want her fucking up his life again and even with Keegan out of the picture she still had Cormac...shit... She took another deep breath and squared her shoulders, no need for this outsider to see her breakdown.

"Thank you for telling me. It's good to know that Juice is doing ok. Want to see your room?" Milla put all the hurt and all the pain away and focused on the job at hand and that job was giving this young woman with nothing a place to stay and a means to earn and she'd do it right.

"Yeah, let's go." Cherry may have been young and a bit excitable but she'd been a sweetbutt long enough to know when to speak and when to remain silent and now was definitely the time to remain silent.

…

Charming

Juice sat at his desk and tracked the departure schedule of the ship that took off from Canada. According to the records it had docked in Dungloe the day before and been unloaded that same day. That meant that Cherry and Hayes had been unloaded then too. He contemplated calling Spud, the SAMBEL Intel Officer when Half-Sack wandered over and ran a hand along the back of his neck, he looked nervous as he approached.

"Hey man, can I ask you a favor?" Sack asked and Juice raised his eyebrows. "I know I'm the prospect I do shit for you but I need to know how Cherry is and you have all the numbers. I was thinkin' you could call Milla-"

He was cut off by the severe look Juice gave him; it was an alien look on the usually light-hearted Intelligence Officer's face. It was a look that said without question that he was an outlaw and you should tread carefully.

"Sorry dude." The apology softened Juice's face as he looked at the younger man. He understood where One Nut was coming from. He knew how much it hurt not to know how the woman you loved was doing.

"Why do you want me to call Milla?" Juice asked and Sack looked hopeful.

"Cherry's stayin' with her and she knows what's happening around there. I thought she could give you a, you know, threat assessment. Tell you how she sees Cherry fittin' in." Juice nodded, he had the right idea and the right person to call but since that phone call, what seemed like ages ago, he hadn't spoken to Milla at all. In fact he did everything he could to stay away but that all came crashing down when he had to keep Cameron Hayes from bleeding out. Fucking Irish had decided to fill him in on Keegan's girl and how she needed a real man. Juice couldn't help but agree with the assessment and since then she'd been a constant thread at the back of his thoughts. He heard a shuffling and it broke him from his zoning. Half-Sack was looking at him pleadingly and Juice capitulated.

"I'll call her but you do all my oil changes for a month and Nessa needs her tires rotated." He pointed a finger at Sack who nodded.

"You got it." He stood awkwardly holding his broom and Juice raised an eyebrow and he suddenly understood. As he walked away he nodded in thanks and Juice just waved him off, he didn't need thanks, he needed the hole in his heart to close. Once Half-Sack was sufficiently away from him he took out his burner and called Milla on the burner she'd gotten from McGee. He waited a few rings before her heard it click.

"Hello?" She said in a questioning tone and Juice felt a twist in his heart but he ignored it.

"Hey, I'm callin' to ask about your guest." He said without preamble and he heard her exhale a light breath.

"Juice..." She said his name almost like a prayer before she seemed to collect herself. "Um, Cherry's good, a little sullen by the lack of good clubs and salons but she's dealing. I hate to admit it but Little Clay loves her. I think she may be the little man's first crush."

He felt himself smiling as she told him about the little boy that he still loved as much as if he were his own. She rambled on for a few minutes about Cherry and Little Clay before her tone turned serious.

"How are things in Charming? If what Cherry says is right you guys are going through a lot of shit right now." Her voice was serious and sympathetic and Juice wanted to tell her everything, but he knew he couldn't she was still on the outside and had to stay that way.

"We've been better. Listen now that I know that Cherry and Hayes are good I've gotta go." He was ready to hang up when Milla made a pleading voice in her throat.

"Don't go, not yet... I've missed you, missed you so much. It's like a part of me has been cut off. Please, stay on the line a bit longer..." She pleaded and he felt awful when he hit the "end" button. It was better that way; a clean cut wouldn't hurt so badly in the long run. It may have felt like he'd been punched in the gut now but that would go away in time. Never mind that the almost two years since she'd been outcast had done nothing for his pain so far.

…

Belfast

Milla sat in her bathroom and cried quietly on the toilet seat for a few minutes. She was now in mourning and had allowed herself these few minutes to get it out of her system. With one last quiet sob she breathed deeply for a few minutes before she got off the toilet, turned on the sink and splashed water in her face. Now she could officially move on, it was over and life had to continue. It would just continue without her dreams.

...

Author's Note: So sorry for the really long delay. I've had more schoolwork than I'd ever had before and the writer's block on this story was ferocious. I'm finally inspired again and I have a plan. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like what you read.