Matt vs. the Giant Chicken
"Jeff be careful up there!" Matt ordered. He was watching Jeff walk around on a tree branch while trying to eat an ice cream cone. "Come on, get down from there! You're going to fall!"
"Am not!" Jeff denied. He took another step, lost his balance and then fell out of the tree (but somehow, his ice cream cone stayed together) "OW! Matty, I hurt myself!"
Matt rolled his eyes. He was going to help Jeff up when a giant chicken came out of nowhere and stole Jeff's ice cream cone. "HEY!" Jeff screamed. "GIVE THAT BACK! MATT GET IT FOR ME!"
"Jeff, I'll just get you another one."
"NO! I WANT MY ICE CREAM CONE!"
"Okay, okay!" Matt said quickly. "Just quit screaming at me." He chased the giant chicken into a field and tackled it from behind. "Give me that thing you feathery fucker," he snarled. He turned to chicken over and was shocked to see the ice cream cone was gone. "What in the hell did you do with it?"
"Bawk!" the chicken replied. It pecked Matt right in the nose. "Bawk!"
"Oh you fucker!" Matt yelled. He went to punch the chicken in the face, but it kicked him off. He scrambled up to his feet only to have the chicken tackle him down a hill that hadn't been there a second ago. They kept rolling and rolling until they hit some rocks down at the bottom of the hill.
"Matt! Hey Matt!" Shawn said eagerly. He handed Matt a bag of popcorn. "Hit him with this!"
"What good is this going to do?" Matt asked. Despite wondering that, he still smacked the chicken in the head with it. The chicken made a loud noise as popcorn kernels flew everywhere, and it slipped and fell on the kernels. Matt gave it a leg drop and was going to try to force it to tell him where Jeff's ice cream cone went when Big Dick Johnson arrived. Johnson stripped his clothes off and started dancing around. Matt screamed in horror and punched Johnson in the face. "Put your clothes on!" he shouted. "Nobody wants to see that!"
The chicken got up and hit Matt from behind with a pillow. Matt went down like it was filled lead or something, and the chicken just kept beating him with it over and over again. Matt finally managed to punch the chicken in the stomach and take the pillow from it. He started hitting the chicken just like it hit him, but then a large amount of water was dumped on his face and it felt like he was drowning…
XXXXXXXXXX
"Come on, wake up you jackass!" Hunter snapped. He slapped Matt a couple of times in the face. The older Hardy had gone beserk in his sleep and Hunter had decided to pour a bucket of water on him to wake him up. "Rise and shine Matt!"
Matt coughed and sputtered as he opened his eyes. He looked extremely confused. "What's going on?" he asked. "Where's the giant chicken? Where did it go?"
Jeff frowned. He was curled up in a ball on the floor because Matt had been hitting him with the pillow. "What giant chicken?"
"The giant chicken that stole your ice cream!" Matt said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Dude, you fell out of a tree and a giant chicken came and stole your ice cream cone and I had to go get it back because you wouldn't stop screaming. Only the cone disappeared and we started rolling down a hill--"
"Those were stairs," Hunter said.
"And then Shawn handed me a bag of popcorn to hit the chicken with--"
"Actually you just stole my damn popcorn and dumped it on Hunter's head," Shawn said sadly. He was obviously mourning the loss of his popcorn.
"Then Big Dick Johnson came and started stripping--"
"That was Shawn," Hunter said. "He was just trying to help me and you punched him and yelled at him to put his clothes on."
"And then the chicken hit me with a pillow and that really hurt!"
"That was me!" Jeff whined. "And you took the pillow away and started beating me with it! And I got really scared and now I'm mad at you!"
Matt sighed. "I'm sorry Jeff. Do you want me to get you some ice cream?"
"Yeah!" Jeff said happily.
Hunter sighed as the two brothers walked away. "That's it," he announced to Shawn. "We're not having another Family Guy marathon with Matt. It makes him do strange things."