I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.

Born to Die

…

Feet don't fail me now

Take me to the finish line

All my heart, it breaks every step that I take

But I'm hoping that the gates,

They'll tell me that you're mine

...

Walking through the city streets

Is it by mistake or design?

I feel so alone on a Friday night

Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine

It's like I told you honey

...

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

I don't know why

Keep making me laugh,

Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

...

Come and take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

Choose your last words

This is the last time

Cause you and I, we were born to die -Lana Del Rey

...

...

Charming

"Hey Daddy." Milla greeted as she kissed her father on the cheek and he drew her into a hug.

"Hey baby, where's the rugrat?" He asked as he looked for his grandson, they were having some shitty luck lately and he wanted to see his grandson.

"He's sleeping in the back. We had a big day yesterday and he's conked." He nodded his head and kissed the top of hers. He liked having his family together, now he had to find a way to make it permanent,

"Good, he needs to rest. Go get a drink at the bar baby." Milla nodded and kissed her Dad's cheek before she moved over to her Mom and gave her the kiss she was looking for then wandered over to the bar where Juice was on his computer.

"Hey." Milla said almost shyly and Juice gave her a smile. They weren't back to what they were and probably never would be but the majority of the animosity was under the bridge and the affection was back.

"Hey." Juice picked up his cigarette and took a puff while he debated talking to Milla or letting their conversation drift. He decided to continue their conversation. "How'd he like the museum?"

Milla smiled as she remembered the look of joy on her little man's face when he saw the fossils and the recreated T-Rex. It was the happiest day of his life and she couldn't wait until they went to La Brea, shit just had to calm down first so that her Dad could go with them.

"He loved it, wanted his Uncle Juice to come with. He seems to have taken a shine to you." She said as she sipped the coke she'd gotten from behind the bar.

"I love that little boy, you know that. How're you doin?" He asked and Milla gave him a smile.

"Better than I've been in years." She said it diplomatically to keep the word vomit that was threatening to spill out at bay. It took every ounce of self control that she had not to tell him she loved him every time they met. She wanted him to hold her, wanted to kiss him, wanted him to know that he and her son were her world but she couldn't. He had a woman and, regrettably, she was still a wife. There was also the added barrier of Cormac in the way. She looked down as the hopelessness of their situation hit her again but still she gave him a smile. She was about to ask how he was doing when her Dad came out of the chapel, hanging up his phone.

"Luann's in the clear, Otto not so much." At the sound of her Aunt Lu's name she looked up and listened to the conversation.

"Why, what happened?" Bobby asked and her Dad's body language changed.

"He shattered Stahl's face." This news brought a smile to Milla's face. She had yet to have a run-in with the bitch but to hear that her Uncle Otto had destroyed the bitch's face brought a feeling of vindictive joy to her.

"Oh I love that man!" Tig said with joy and Juice caught Milla's eye and grinned with her.

"Tryin to prove to the Club that he wasn't gonna give anything up." He walked behind the bar as he yelled. "We're clear of the ATF Ladies and Germs!"

As he passed by his daughter he kissed the top of her head before he got distracted by her mother. There was a noise from Juice's computer and he turned his attention from her while he checked it out. As she sipped her drink Juice glanced up and suddenly slammed his computer shut.

"Clay cops!" Immediately after the announcement the door slammed open and shattered the glass partition. Suddenly the room was flooded with agents in SWAT gear and they went about the room. As Milla was forced to the ground she heard a cry come from the back. She prayed her son would stay in the room. She felt a panic start when Juice grabbed her hand.

"Hey, look at me. It's just a raid. Keep your eyes on me." She nodded and Juice squeezed her hand while she kept her eyes on his. Those eyes had been her saving grace in the past, no reason they couldn't be now. Her blood was rushing in her ears and the only thing she could hear were her son's cries. She prayed that they'd be done soon so she could go to me.

"What have we here, a princess and an outlaw?" A condescending cruel voice spoke over her and still she refused to move her eyes from Juice. "Millicent Gemma Rafferty...I've been trying to get a hold of you for days. You've been quite the hide and seek champion. Too bad we have official business; I'd love to pick that pretty little brain of yours."

"Just let me up, please, my son needs me." She spoke quietly and Agent Stahl made a noise of pleasure in the back of her throat.

"So, polite and respectful. You definitely didn't learn that from your Mama." She rose from her crouching position and looked at the agent who had his gun trained on Milla and Juice. "Let her up, we're done here anyway."

The agent nudged Milla with his boot and she scrambled up, not looking at anything as she ran to the dorm where her baby boy was crying for his mama. She took him in her arms and rocked him and sang to him until he was asleep again. Once he was out she laid him on the bed and ran her fingers through his curls, she never wanted him scared like that again.

…

Juice debated going into the room to talk to Milla, it would be the first time they would be alone together and the thought made him nervous. He kept everything in check in front of people but he didn't know if he could resist his urges if it was just the two of them. Deciding that it would be safe because Little Clay was in the room he knocked.

"Come in." She spoke quietly and he entered and took in the sight of her sitting on the bed, running her fingers through her boy's hair.

"How is he?" He asked and Milla

"He's fine, the noises just scared him. Usually when he hears doors slamming and glass breaking Daddy's back and Mommy gets hurt." The words were out before she could stop them and Juice felt a blind rage fill him. How dare that Irish prick hurt her! With a deep breath and a quick count to twenty he calmed himself and set about asking her what he went to her for in the first place.

"Have you heard from Donna and Ope at all?" He asked and Milla shook her head.

"Not since last night. After the museum I went to dinner at Ma's and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and texted Donna and she texted back. I called this morning but just assumed that she'd gotten called into work." He nodded, fear suddenly at the fore of his mind. He liked Ope, he didn't want him to be a rat. "Is everything ok? Does this have something to do with Bobby?"

She asked so unobtrusively that Juice had to stop himself from telling her. As he looked into her dark eyes he found himself wanting to confess everything but he stopped himself and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. If you hear from Donna or Ope you'll let me know right?" He asked and she nodded. He gave her a weak smile and backed out the door. Shit, this couldn't be good...

…

Later that day...

"How's the little man?" Milla asked Tara as Little Clay played quietly with the stuffed dinosaur his Uncle Jax had given him before they'd left that morning. It had been Jax's when he was little and he wanted Little Clay to have something to tie them together.

"He's doing a lot better. He should be coming home soon, maybe even tomorrow." The news made Milla smile and Tara felt something in her chest loosen. For the last week every time she saw Milla the younger woman had been somber and serious, as far from the friendly, kind and polite young girl she'd known when they were younger.

"That's a relief, Jax will be so happy when he comes home." She grinned as her little boy got up and walked to his grandmother who was feeding Abel. He tried to pass the toy to his cousin but gave up when the littler boy just looked at him. Instead he leaned against his grandmother's knee and sucked his thumb. Tara found herself smiling at the two boys, they looked so different, one light, one dark but they both had that air about them and there was no question that they were family.

"How does your little boy like it here?" She asked and Milla's smile fell a bit.

"He loves it; he doesn't want to go back. It breaks my heart that we can't stay." Milla sighed and Tara touched her arm. "Hey, can we talk privately for a moment?"

Tara's eyes widened a bit, not sure what this entailed, but she nodded. Private talks with Milla were always more pleasant than they were with Gemma and she didn't risk a boot up the ass.

"Ma, Tara and I are going to have a talk, are you good with Little Clay for a few minutes?" She asked and Little Clay looked at his grandma who gave him a smile.

"I dunno, you ok with staying with your grandma a while?" Gemma asked and Little Clay smiled before he sat at her feet and resumed playing. "Don't take too long."

Milla didn't miss the change in tone or the look her mother gave her. Her mother may have been grateful for Tara's help in keeping Abel alive but she still didn't trust her. Milla just nodded and walked to a small waiting area nearby. She didn't want to go too far from her little boy, especially since the scare earlier.

"What did you want to talk about?" Tara asked as soon as they were both seated.

"This may be rude but, what are your intentions with my brother?" Tara's eyes widened but she found herself unable to speak, which turned out to be a good thing since Milla wasn't done. "I mean, are you back together with him, is this rekindling an old flame or are you just having a fling with a bad boy? If it's just a fling then cut out now but if it's more, and I think it is, you need to be ready to fight for Jax. I have no doubt that you'll be a good mother to Abel, but it's Jax you have to decide on."

"You really cut to the quick don't you?" Milla smiled and nodded as Tara took a deep breath. "I really don't know, right now we're just getting the feel of each other again. I do love him and I love Abel, but I'm not sure it's enough."

"It's enough and I can see it in your eyes." She reached over and gave Tara a comforting pat to the shoulder. "I just wanted to ask because I've always liked you and you've always been kind to me. I support you no matter what the decision. Just remember that Abel's in the equation and that little boy's crazy about you."

Milla smiled again and got up, heading back to the room. Tara sat for a minute and let it sink in. If she did go all in with Jax there was at least one person he cared about that supported them. She smiled slightly then walked back to the hallway, she was still on duty.

…

That Evening...

"Hey baby." Clay said as he walked past Milla who was playing with Little Clay on the couch. The day had been a horrible one and he was just glad to see his little girl.

"Hey Daddy, I talked to Donna. She thinks it's best that I stay here, tonight. The kids are a little spooked by what happened. Is it ok with you?" She asked and Clay walked back and squeezed her shoulder.

"You never have to ask if you can stay here. This is your home. They finished your room upstairs so why don't you just stay for the rest of your trip." He suggested and Milla thought about it for a moment.

"I'd have to tell Donna but I'd like that. I just don't want to be in the way." Little Clay climbed up and reached for his grandfather who took him in his arms.

"You're definitely not in the way." He leaned down to kiss her head before he carried his grandson into the kitchen. He had serious shit to think about but he could let it go for a while and have a good evening with his family.

…

The Next Day...

Milla woke up the next morning exhausted. Her bed was comfortable and Little Clay had slept through the night but there had been this nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that something was wrong and the feeling in the pit of her stomach confirmed it. Something big was happening and the shit with Bobby was just the tip of the ice berg. She carefully crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom, being careful not to wake Little Clay. Once she was done she went back to the bedroom and sat by the bed. He'd be up soon and she couldn't sleep, all she could do was think.

…

Juice woke up from a heavy sleep to a sore neck and a dead arm. As he took in his surroundings he noticed that he was on the pool table and he wasn't alone.

"Shit..." He said quietly as he gently removed himself from the croweater who was resting with him. He felt like an asshole as he got up and found his clothes. Fucking a croweater was the last thing he wanted to do, especially in Charming, but last night he'd found himself slipping back to his old ways. He'd needed pussy and booze to forget the pain that had sprung up when he'd spoken to Milla. Seeing her there, with her little boy, the boy that by all rights should be his had undone him and he'd started with the booze and had been too far gone to go to his woman like he should have. Shaking his head he lightly shook the croweater's shoulder and when she woke up he told her to get out of there. He didn't need any more reminders of his fuck up.

…

Milla stood in the kitchen, looking at Wendy out of the corner of her eye. It had been two years since she'd seen her and she didn't think that was long enough. She'd been told that Wendy was back the day before and part of her didn't want to believe it, but now that she was stuck on decoration duty with the junkie she had no other option but to accept that she was there.

"So, you're home? That must feel good huh? I never understood why you were sent away, you're your Dad's pride and joy. He would have done anything for you. That's why it came as such a shock when you left." She started to babble and Milla just looked at her.

"Of course you don't understand. I left to protect my son. Everything I do is to keep him safe and protected...yeah...you wouldn't understand that." She picked up the plastic plates and opened them with more force than was necessary.

"Look I've changed, I'm clean. I want to be a good mother to Abel." At that Milla snorted and gave her a smile that chilled Wendy to the bone.

"You're not a mother, you're a birthpod. A mother will sacrifice herself for her child; will give up everything to make him safe and happy. You couldn't look beyond your next fix. If I have any say in this you won't see him again once you head off. He deserves so much good in this world and that's not you." She turned back to the unpacking and Wendy picked up the crepe paper.

"I know you don't like me and you don't like my past but it's my past Milla. I want to make things right." She said pleadingly and Milla just gave her a glacial look.

"You'll never make up for what you've done." Milla said and that was the end of it, she didn't want to waste any more time on the junkie. She turned her back on Wendy again and went back to unpacking the supplies. At least Abel could have a good party, even with his "mother" there.

…

Later that night...

Nessa stood off to the side with Juice's arm around her waist. She should have been on top of the world. Juice was here with her by his side, he hadn't left her side all night and he kept touching her, almost as if he was checking to see if she was still there. She was chatting with Luann and she really should have been at ease but she wasn't. Her eyes kept getting drawn across the room where Milla was talking in hushed tones to Ellie while her little boy was leaning against the couch next to Piney who would occasionally ruffle his hair. She felt like going over there and yelling in her face telling her that she left, they were Nessa's to care about now. She knew she couldn't though. She was just a girlfriend, Milla was attached to the Club by blood and if they forgave her, Nessa had no choice but to forgive her too. As she sipped her drink while Juice held her she tried to keep the green eyed monster at bay but she couldn't, she knew that Juice's eyes kept getting drawn to the brunette across the room and it killed her to know that this was just an act.

"Hey babe, can you get me a brew?" He asked as he kissed her temple and she turned and kissed him but moved away quickly and made her way to the kitchen. While she was there she leaned against the counter and took some deep breaths to find her center. She managed to calm herself and took one last deep breath before she went to the bowl of ice and brews. She'd barely picked up a bottle when she heard commotion outside. Shit, she'd missed the grand entrance, Gemma wouldn't like that...or worse, she would. As she rushed out of the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks, but her eyes weren't on the baby but on her baby. Juice was standing at the back of the group and standing next to him was Milla. He had her little boy in his arms and was lifting him up to see the baby while Milla kept a light touch on his arm. She felt her stomach turn when she saw the look of adoration on her man's face as he looked at Milla. It was a look that he'd never given her. She turned back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter, this time she couldn't keep the tears from her eyes.

…

"Can you see him buddy?" Juice asked and Little Clay nodded in the affirmative as he watched his cousin. "Let me know if you want down."

The little boy continued to watch everything and Juice turned his attention to Milla, who was holding his arm in an effort to steady it and he couldn't keep his emotions off his face. He loved this woman and this boy and for the first time he didn't have to hide it. No one in this room would protest. She turned her face from her nephew and when her eyes caught his, she licked her lips. He wanted to kiss her and moved in for the kill before he heard a crash from the kitchen. It was what he needed to remind him of the woman he brought, the woman that was his. He handed Little Clay to his mother before he walked into the kitchen only to find Nessa kneeling in a puddle of broken glass and beer. She was crying as she tried to pick up the glass.

"Nessa, baby..." He said quietly as he approached her slowly. "What happened?"

She just looked at him, then looked down at her bleeding hand. She hadn't meant to break the bottles but the sudden rage over took her and she dumped the whole tub, not caring about the mess or potential injury.

"I love you and you'll never love me." She said in a voice thick with tears and emotion. "I tried to deny it, tried to say that if I did enough, worked hard enough you'd be mine but I deluded myself. There's only one woman you love and she's out there, with the boy you wish was yours."

Juice was at a loss, he didn't know how to handle this outpouring of emotion. He didn't have a lie to bandage the gaping emotional wound. All he could do was go to her, kneel by her and pull her into his arms. She didn't fight it.

"I'm so, so sorry babe. I thought...I thought what we had was good enough, I was happy with you. I really was. "She turned her face to look at him and saw that he was sincere.

"I know and you make me so happy baby. I need...I need to get out of here, I can't be around her, or you right now." She said the last softly and Juice helped her up. She hugged him and cried into his shoulder a bit before she practically ran out the door. He looked at the mess then looked around for cleaning supplies but as his eyes swept the room he saw Milla looking at him, her eyes sad and he suddenly felt like he was torn in two.

…

Milla grinned as she held Abel and her mother took a picture. She was already head over heels for the little boy and Jax threw an arm around her and kissed her head as he leaned toward his son.

"Hey little man, you listen to what your Auntie says, she's the smart one in the family." If she wouldn't have had her arms full of baby she'd have slapped him, he was smarter than he pretended to be.

She continued to grin as she passed Abel to her Dad. Once he was secure she went to the kitchen. After the crash Juice had rushed off and she wanted to be sure he was ok. As she got to the kitchen she heard voices and saw Juice pull Nessa off the floor and hold her before she went out the door. Once she was gone he turned and looked at her and she knew she hadn't kept her face blank.

"Uh, yeah, she had to go. Is there anything around here to clean up?" He asked and Milla nodded as she went to the pantry and took out a mop, broom and dustpan. They were quiet as they cleaned up the mess. Once it was clean Milla handed him a brew and gave him a soft smile.

"Head back to the party; I'll restock the brew and make sure there's no glass." He nodded and before he could stop himself he gave her a light kiss on the lips. He drew back and they stared at each other, shocked, before he walked out and she was left with her fingers pressed to her lips. She stood there for a few minutes marveling at the sensation.

"Hey! What's wrong?" Milla looked up and saw her best friend standing in the doorway looking at her. She couldn't speak so Donna came up to her and moved a stray hair behind her ear.

"Nothing's wrong. I..." She couldn't finish, all she could do was run her finger over her lips.

"Milla?" She asked and she was pulled to the corner. Milla had to tell someone, she had to stop the white noise in her head.

"He kissed me." She practically hissed and Donna's eyes widened.

"How'd that happen? Wait, where's Vanessa?" She asked and Milla shook her head.

"They were fighting, there was a mess, we cleaned up together. Then he kissed me. It wasn't like the last time, this...it was so real." She touched her lips again and Donna was reminded of the girl Milla had been, the one who still believed in true love.

"Oh sweetie." She hugged her and Milla hugged back, needing the comfort only her best friend could give. "Whatever you're feeling, just feel it, but remember, you still have hoops to jump through."

She took Milla's hand and Milla nodded, snapping out of the daze she was in. She took a deep breath and squeezed to let Donna know she was there and ok.

"Listen, the kids and I are going but I don't have to work until the afternoon tomorrow. Why don't we have breakfast and we can talk about any and everything. Ok?" Donna asked and Milla nodded.

"That sounds great actually." Milla hugged Donna again and kissed her cheek before she let her friend go and stood in the kitchen for a little while longer. Suddenly she had a need to see what was up with the cleaning supplies and noticed that they were nearly out of dish powder. As she was mentally weighing the options in her mind Gemma poked her head in the door.

"Everything ok in here? V-Lo left without a goodbye." She said condescendingly and Milla showed her Mom the box.

"We're almost out of dish powder." She placed it on the counter and Gemma nodded.

"I'll have one of the guys pick some up. You go out and enjoy the party. Little Clay's zonked out." She said as she pushed off the door frame and threw an arm around her daughter.

Milla went back to the party and made a beeline to her godbabies who each hugged her while Donna talked to her Mom about something. Then before she knew it it was time for them to go and she got a hug and kiss from each kid and a bearhug from Opie. God, she'd missed those.

"Remember, breakfast tomorrow." Donna said as she kissed Milla's cheek and Milla nodded.

"Tomorrow." With a wave the four of them walked out the door and Milla went to her Father and took the hug he offered, another thing she had missed for so long.

…

Later that night the party was winding down and the cleanup was starting. Milla had her baby boy in his jammies and was ready to go back to the house and take a hot shower to wash away the drama of the day. As she put a load of dishes in the dishwasher she heard commotion out in the living room and made it to the doorway in time to see her Father, Brother and Chibs run out like bats outta hell.

"Baby." Her mother practically whispered it and Milla felt something in the pit of her stomach give a jerk but she walked over to her Mom who took her into her arms and held her in a death grip.

"Mom, you're scaring me, what happened?" She asked and Gemma kissed her head, then her cheek then pressed her head against hers and tightened her grip.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry." Her voice was thick and Milla felt herself starting to panic.

"Mom, what is it?" She asked as she heard her voice rise in pitch. Gemma continued to hug her and kiss her head.

"That was Unser baby, there's been a drive-by." At those words Milla's blood ran cold, there was a short list of people her Mom would be this upset about and Milla loved them all.

"Mom?" She asked again, her voice taking on a note of panic and Gemma kissed her head again.

"It was Donna baby..." As soon as Donna's name left Gemma's lips she felt her knees give out and her legs folded beneath her. Gemma held her and went with her as she went down to the carpet. There was an inhuman noise and Milla knew it was coming from her but she couldn't seem to stop it or get enough air. All she could think about was that Donna was dead, the woman she loved like a sister...dead... That was the last coherent thought she had before the rest were lost to stillness.