A/N: In this chapter: the fight gets personal.

Chapter Nine

Castiel felt cold all over, like ice ran through his veins. His vision disappeared, and he tried to cry out, but couldn't hear anything. He was vaguely aware of the sensation of falling, but images appeared before him.

A faceless angel knelt in a clearing while two pairs of detached hands pulled at its wings. Its cries sounded like out-of-tune music, and blood pooled on the floor. The hands pulled and pulled, and after hours or seconds of pulling, the snowy white wings ripped completely off the angel's body. It crumpled to the ground, crying. The wings burst into flame and the ash scattered across the dirt.

The colors of the image swirled around and around until they resembled the sky. Castiel felt a shaking sensation, and a sound. "Wake up, Cassie, come on. Wake up!" It was Gabe.

Castiel sat up immediately, the images around him once again the real world. His head still felt a little swimmy, and he shook it to clear it. "What happened?" he muttered, looking around.

"You passed out," Gabe said. "Dean too." Castiel saw Dean a few feet away, just waking up in Sam's arms.

"Damn," the king muttered. "What was that?"

Castiel grunted as he got to his feet. "I think… I had a vision. Did you see-?"

"Yeah," Dean rose and dusted himself off. "The angel… and the wings."

They stared at each other for another minute before Sam spoke. "Did you see the second trial?"

Castiel blinked. That made a lot of sense. If the first trial worked, which he assumed it had, then there had to be some way to give them knowledge of the second, because it wasn't written anywhere.

"I think so," Dean murmured. He looked back to Ben, who lay in his blankets, heart unmoving. "We should bury him."

Sam retrieved a small shovel out of Chevy's side bag and they set to work. Sam and Dean dug, Gabe sat next to the pile of blankets, and Castiel sat by himself, working to numb his brain.

He needed to stop feeling. Watching that little spark of life leave the infant's eyes was absolutely horrible. And that was just the first trial. The others would be worse. They already knew what the second was. They had to rip the wings off an angel. He saw the bone and sinews and blood in his vision. God, the pain it would cause.

Castiel stumbled to his feet and retched into a nearby bush. An angel's wings were the purist physical manifestation of its grace. It was essentially the same as the first trial- remove a sizable chunk of the individual's essence. Ben didn't have to live with the consequences, but the angel would.

When the infant was buried, Castiel could only stand to repeat the words he'd told his mother. "I'm sorry," he whispered to the freshly turned ground.

o o o

When they returned to the castle, Castiel flew up to the spire of the tallest tower. He needed to be alone. After that… clusterfuck of bad, he needed air to breathe. He wanted to fly away and not come back, but he knew he couldn't. Just…

What had his world become? Just a week ago, his life was crazy, but manageable. He had an amazing relationship with Dean and was starting to work on allying two kingdoms. Then he found out about the curse, and Benny showed up. Now he was watching babies die and contemplating nearly killing an angel.

A week ago, if something horrible happened, he would be in Dean's arms. Now he felt distant and insecure and frankly, not good enough. He needed Dean in his life, needed him like air, but did Dean need him anymore?

Castiel got up. He'd go talk to Dean. At least be with him. The thing between them was still salvageable.

It took several minutes to locate him. He was walking in one of the sitting rooms, explaining the pieces of art there to someone. "You would not believe how much my mom wanted this one. I swear, she was ready to sell a territory to get it, but the Earl gave in to Mary Winchester's charm, like always."

"That explains where yours comes from," a recognizable voice drawled. Castiel narrowed his eyes. Lo and behold, it was Benny. Again.

Castiel trusted Dean. He really did. But Benny was another story, so he stayed to listen, lurking in the shadows like a creep. He'd save the guilty feeling for later.

"What's really wrong, Dean?" Benny asked. "I know you didn't want to talk to me about paintings."

Dean sighed and sat heavily onto a nearby settee. "It's just been a really stressful day. I just…" he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I'm fine. I'm just really tired."

The settee squeaked as Benny sat next to him and, to Castiel's annoyance, patted his back. "You don't deserve any of this," Benny said soothingly. "I know you got things you need to stay for right now, but when the dust settles, you should visit me in the Southern Kingdom. It's nice and warm, the beaches are pretty…" he trailed off.

"That sounds really nice," Dean murmured, still looking at the floor. He gave a humorless laugh. "Vacation."

Benny continued on about all the places Dean needed to see there, and Castiel's grimace grew. Why didn't Dean see it? The way Benny's eyes flickered down towards his lips every so often, the way he leaned towards him, the way he found appropriate yet affectionate ways to touch him. It made Castiel's blood boil.

A butler came up to the sitting room and cleared his throat, and Castiel could have kissed him. "Your Majesty, your presence is requested in the east council room," he said, and Dean rose.

"Thank you, I'll be there in a moment." The butler bowed and left, and Dean turned back to Benny. "Duty calls. I'll see you later."

"Good luck." Benny watched him as he left, then got up and turned back to the painting, lost in thought.

Castiel couldn't help it. He stepped out of the shadows and came to stand silently in the doorway, waiting for Benny to turn. He trusted Dean, but Benny needed to know his boundaries.

The duke finally turned and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Castiel, wings raised just a little. "Oh, uh, evening," he said awkwardly.

Castiel just looked at him, eyes narrowed. "I think you know why I'm here."

Understanding crossed Benny's face, and he stood tall, defiance in his posture. "I do," he said. "Go on, say what you need to."

"I know you're still in love with Dean," his voice was low. "I can't change your feelings, but I can let you know that I will not tolerate you trying to take what is mine." He raised his chin. "Stop flirting with him. Don't touch him, and don't make insinuations. Show that southern honor you claim to have."

Benny smiled easily, and Castiel hated him even more. "You think he's completely yours, don't ya?" Benny shook his head minutely. "Dean seeks me out. He wants me to be near him and comfort him and do all the things you seem to be failing at. You think he thinks he's yours?"

Castiel twitched, but Benny continued. "I've known Dean far longer than you have, and I know what's best for him. He needs someone who can take care of him and make him happy. He doesn't need a flight risk. He deserves someone who can be there for him and help him during this war. Someone of his own species." He smiled again. "Once you can do that for him, then tell me if you think he wants to be yours."

Castiel grit his teeth, barely managing to keep his wings from puffing up. He wanted to punch him. "Dean is in love with me, and I am in love with him. You will not come between us. I will ensure it."

Benny took a step closer to him, and for all Castiel's supposed confidence, he leaned back. "If he's so in love with you, why are you here?"

Castiel fumed, but had no response. He let Benny push past him and walk off somewhere, he didn't care where. But the duke's words struck him. If he trusted Dean, why did he feel like he had to confront Benny?

He sank onto one of the chairs, face in his hands. Maybe he didn't completely trust Dean. He trusted that Dean wouldn't cheat on him, sure, but he didn't trust that Dean wouldn't leave him. As much as he loathed to admit it, Benny was right. Dean deserved all of that. Castiel was just too selfish to let him go.

After a long time, the angel got up and wandered about the secret passages, having no destination in mind. The next day he was scheduled to meet with Michael and Lucifer to give them the documents and look over theirs, but he didn't want to go. He wanted to get back to the Garrison, yes, but he just wanted to see his friends and pretend none of this was happening.

It had been at least two hours of aimless wandering before something tightened in his chest. He wouldn't have noticed otherwise, but he had been silent and slow in pace. A faint heat emanated from his shoulder.

It was Dean.

Castiel didn't feel anything particularly fearful or worrying, but he should still go make sure he was okay, maybe turn in early.

He climbed the stairs, letting his wings drag behind him. Even if he hadn't physically exerted himself that day, he still felt shock-sore. His wings dragged all the way to Dean's room. When he opened the door, he saw the king staring at the floor, breathing heavily with his fists balled.

Castiel immediately closed the door behind him. "Dean? What's wrong?" Was the sensation he felt too weak to be accurate?

"Did you threaten Benny?" Dean asked, voice calm though his demeanor wasn't.

Shit. That bastard ran right to Dean, probably all sad that his boyfriend was bullying him. Castiel felt a strange mix of guilty and aggressive. "I didn't threaten him." Well, not outright.

Dean took a few steps towards him. "Yeah?" he asked, teeth gritted. "Then tell me why you told Benny to stay away from me."

Technically, he never told Benny to stay away from him, but the rational part of his mind was fading fast. "You do know he's in love with you, right?"

"Stop being so paranoid," Dean spat. "He's just my friend. I am allowed to have friends, aren't I?"

"He wants to be more, I promise you that," Castiel's hands balled into fists. How did Dean not see?

"You're jealous, Cas, and it's not a good look on you."

Wow, that hurt more than Castiel thought it would. "You're so blind, Dean!" Castiel's voice rose. "It's obvious to anyone who so much looks at you two that he wants you back!"

"You just can't handle the fact that I'm not with you every minute of the day!" Dean retaliated. "And you have no right to be like that! You're gone half the time over in the Garrison, and when you're here, you barely look at me! You can't blame me for not wanting to be alone!"

"But you go straight to the person who's trying to break us up!" Castiel felt his face heating up. "Do you think I want to be gone, Dean? I'm trying to help your side!"

"Oh, it's my side now? What side are you on?" Dean put his arms out. "You gonna go all badass angel on me? Huh? Gonna do more magic on me?"

That also hurt more than he expected. "Well I'm sorry for my species!" Castiel felt his wings puff up. "I'm sorry I'm caught between all this shit! I mean, it's been a cakewalk for me!" his voice was laced with sarcasm.

"What, you think you're the only one who's hurt around here? Like you'd stop and ask."

"Well if you tore your attention away from Benny for one second then I might be able to make things better!"

"Oh, back to the Benny thing now." Dean gave a humorless laugh. "You're obsessed with this!"

"He's in love with you! If there was someone else in love with me, don't you think you wouldn't like it?" Castiel could feel himself shaking with anger.

"Like Inias? The guy you openly admitted to flirting with in front of me?"

"Don't blame me for that! It was the quickest way to get the act of god!"

"And it was so hard for you, wasn't it?" Dean's tone was bitter.

"Dean, I barely know the guy!"

"Yeah, and that makes it better?"

"At least I knew it was fake!"

"You're such a possessive bastard!"

Something snapped in Castiel and his wings puffed out, knocking over a chair. The two glass lamps shattered, and the torches around the room flared up high and went out. The two were drenched in weak moonlight.

They were silent. Castiel's monumental rage went cold, a heavy bitterness settling in his stomach instead. He could barely see Dean's face, but it didn't look angry anymore. "Cas-"

"I have a meeting to attend," Castiel cut him off, monotone. He grabbed the two sealed envelopes off the coffee table and strode to the windowsill.

"Cas, wait!"

But Castiel didn't wait. He jumped, flaring his wings out to pick up a draft. He flew quickly towards the forest, not looking back until he passed the tree line and landed in the clearing.

He wasn't supposed to be back at the Garrison until the next day. He didn't have a place to go. Sure, he could ask Bela or Ava if he could crash at their place, but he didn't feel like being grilled, and the prickling sensation behind his eyes told him that he wouldn't be able to hide how terrible he felt.

He didn't feel like listening to Crowley's snark, and he most certainly didn't want to see Inias now, though it would serve Dean right.

Dean.

Did he really believe everything he said? He really thought Benny's intentions were pure, and that Castiel had been ignoring him, and that he didn't want to fight for the humans anymore, and he liked flirting with Inias?

Castiel sat heavily on the cold ground and put his head in his hands. What was he supposed to do? His job forced him to be in the Garrison half the time, and he didn't like being there when Dean and Benny were hanging out, which was about half the time he was back at the castle. And then most of the time Dean wasn't with Benny, they'd been completing an emotionally taxing trial that left everyone unhappy.

And… Did it really bother Dean that Castiel was an angel? He huddled in on himself. He didn't ask for any of this. The species change had been forced on him. He'd never lied to Dean, and he couldn't go back to being human. He had tried to find a balance between acting like he used to and embracing his new self. Was he failing? Was that too much for Dean?

His shoulder felt uncomfortable, and he tried to cut off the feelings. He didn't want Dean to feel him through the Mark right now. He wanted to be alone, even though it felt like shit. Maybe he was masochistic. He kept putting himself in situations guaranteed to make him feel horrible.

There was really nothing left to do before the sun rose. Castiel grabbed the envelopes and, with the rest of his strength, flew up into one of the tallest trees. He wrapped his wings around himself and tried to get as comfortable as possible before forcing himself into unconsciousness.