Road Trip Hell, Part One

Hunter finished putting the bags in the car. "Okay, I think that's everything. You got the map Matt?"

Matt nodded and held it up. "Yup. Jeff, Shawn, did you guys go to the bathroom and get your snacks?"

Jeff nodded. "I'm all set."

Shawn raised his hand. "Are we there yet?"

"We didn't even leave yet stupid," Jeff told him.

"I'm not stupid!"

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Lovely. They're fighting already. This is going to be fun."

They all got in the car and took off. They had been driving for about ten minutes when Hunter asked a very important question. "So where in the hell are we going anyway?"

Matt looked at him in surprise. "Wait, you don't know where we're going? You're the one that's driving."

"That doesn't mean I know where I'm going! I just got told we're going on a road trip and that we had to use my car. I thought you guys were going to tell me where we were going once I started driving."

"But nobody told ME where we're going!" Matt whined. He looked back at Jeff and Shawn. "Did anybody tell you guys where we were going?"

Jeff shook his head. "Nobody tells me anything."

Shawn shrugged. "I remember us saying we should go on a road trip. But nobody said where we should go."

"So wait a second," Hunter said. "I agreed to go on a road trip that nobody knows the destination of?"

"Maybe God will tell us," Shawn said.

"And maybe flying monkeys will come flying out of my ass," Jeff said sarcastically. "I think we should go to Disney World."

Matt groaned. "We're not going to Disney World Jeff."

"Disney World! Disney World! Disney World!"

Hunter shook his head. "You can chant that as much as you want. I'm not driving us to Disney World.

15 minutes later

"Disney World! Disney World! Disney World! Disney World! Disney World! Disney World! Disney World!

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT ALREADY!" Hunter screamed at the top of his lungs. "I WILL FUCKING TAKE YOU TO FUCKING DISNEY WORLD IF YOU FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Jeff smiled. "Yay, I win!" Hunter's yelling hadn't fazed him at all.

Matt just shook his head. "I think you broke my eardrum."

"Don't start with me Matthew," Hunter growled. "Now how do I get us to Disney World?"

"You have to go south."

"I know that dumbass! I meant what fucking road do I need to be on."

"Oh." Matt looked at the map and pointed to one of the little lines on the map. "There. You have to take that road."

"Are we there yet?" Shawn asked.

"NO WE ARE NOT FUCKING THERE YET!"

"Hunter, quit yelling!" Matt pleaded. "Shawn, Jeff, eat your snacks and draw a picture."

"Okey dokey then," Shawn said cheerfully.

Hunter gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. Jeff's begging had really left him teetering over the edge. "I think I might have to choke a bitch," he muttered to himself.

Matt frowned. "We don't have a bitch here."

"We could dress Jeff up as a girl again and I could choke him."

"We're not making him into a cross dresser just so you can choke him."

Shawn giggled to himself. "Hey Jeff, look what I'm drawing. I'm drawing God striking you down."

"Oh yeah?" Jeff said. "Well I'm drawing a giant bunny that's eating you alive."

"EEEK! Hunter, Jeff wants me to get eaten by a bunny."

Hunter groaned. "I should have just stayed home with Stephanie. This really sucks right now."

"Hey guys, do you want to hear a song?" Jeff asked.

Matt whirled around to face his brother. "No, don't you sing what I think you're about to sing. You're going to get that song stuck in my head."

Jeff ignored him of course. "There once were two cowboys all alone on the open trail And they discovered they could sleep with another male. So now they're having butt sex. Cowboy sex."

Shawn scooted away from Jeff. "That's it. Somebody needs to trade me spots right now."

"SodoMAYHEE!" He was saying "sodomy" but he was saying it all weird.

"What the fuck have you been letting him listen to?" Hunter asked Matt.

"SodoMAYHEE!"

"It's from Family Guy. I can't get him to knock it off," Matt replied.

"SodoMAYHEE!" Jeff grinned and paused. "Sodomy."

"Okay, either you're going to stop watching Family Guy or I'm going to duct tape your mouth shut," Hunter said. "Take your fucking pick."

"My foot hurts," Shawn announced. He took his shoe off and held his foot up. "Somebody rub my foot."

"Put that down you disgusting bastard!" Jeff exclaimed. "That thing smells!"

"It does not!" Shawn objected. "And you're the one who's disgusting! You were singing about sodomy."

"Sodomy happens Shawn. Get over it."

"Okay, that is officially one of the weirdest statements I have ever heard in my life," Hunter declared. "And I have heard you say some strange ass things Jeff."

"Don't talk about my ass you pervert. You're not getting any now."

"I didn't say I wanted your ass! Jesus, you're the one that's perverted!"

"Oh yeah? Then why did you ask me the other night if we could--"

"La la la la! I don't want to hear this!" Shawn said loudly. "Somebody change the topic right now!"

"Hunter look who's standing on the side of the road there," Matt said. "It's Rob Van Dam and Sabu."

"Ooooh, let's pick them up!" Jeff said. "They can be our hitch hikers!"

Hunter sighed and stopped the car. "I cannot believe I'm letting Cheech and Chong into my damn car."

"Hey dudes," Rob said. "Where are you guys heading?"

"Disney World," Shawn replied. "Where are you going?"

"Man, we have no idea," Rob said. "Isn't that right Sabu?"

Sabu only nodded.

"Oh hey, before I forget, I have a treat in my bag here," Rob said. He opened his bag and rummaged through it. "How would you guys feel about having some special brownies?"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Uh oh. The brownies are back! How will they affect the boys' trip to Disney World? Find out in part two!