Okay so as always here's another chapter and I do not own anything, still as broke as I was when I started this.
Also just a warning that some parts of this turned out to be more mushy than I had originally thought they would.
After that painful conversation with Remus earlier it was no shock that Sirius couldn't fall back asleep. He sat now in the living room in the dark by himself with only the light from a fire in the fireplace. He slowly sipped on a steaming hot cup of tea while thoughts cashed after each other in his mind.
How could he have been so such an idiot! He knew very well that harry was harry, definitely not James or a replacement James for him. But then there were some moments when comments like "James" or "You're so much like your father" popped out. Honestly most of the time he didn't even notice it when it happened. And because harry didn't ever bring the issue up to him he never really felt like he should mention it either.
He cringed after thinking of fight after fight he had had with molly about this same subject. And how he had reassured her over and over again that he didn't think harry was James and that harry knew that very well. James was his best friend and harry was James's son… who happened to be more like his son these days, simple really. Sure they looked the same and sometimes even acted alike but Sirius had assured every one that he saw the difference in them, that it was an easy thing to do. Apparently it wasn't as easy as he thought; somehow he had messed up concerning it without him even noticing it.
Though now after all he and Remus had talked about it things started to fall into place. If Remus was right, which Sirius truly believed he was, and then harry was flinching away from him because he thought that maybe Sirius saw him only as his father. Yes, it was also directed back to the neglect that those damn durselys had given him. But Sirius had a strong feeling that a lot of it was about his "you're less like your father" quote.
Now all he had to do was figure out how to talk with harry about something like this. Sirius knew very well then teen would never willing sit down and have this conversation with him. To make this work he was going to have to be very sneaky.
He took a drink from his cup only to find that his once scalding tea was now icy cold. Gingerly he set his mug down on a small table next to the chair he was in.
Curious to what time it had to be looked up from the dancing flames to stare at a clock perched above the fireplace, he wasn't surprised to find that it was almost seven in the morning. Not seeing the point in heading all the way back up to his room for more rest when he would have to get up in an hour he stayed in his chair. Not even giving a thought to how his eyelids began to slowly drop after some time and before he knew it they had closed completely.
Remus had gone back up to his room after his little late night chat with padfoot. However it was completely useless since he couldn't manage to fall asleep for life of him.
He tossed and turned and moved over and over again. Not because he couldn't get comfy, no his bed was delightful to sleep on, but because he couldn't get that memory of harry's out of his head.
It taunted him for the rest of the night, mocking him about how he wasn't there. How while all that was happening to harry he was probably just sitting at home drinking tea and reading the paper.
The idea of this slowly began to fill him up with guilt; at least Sirius had an excuse from not being around seeing as he was in prison. But Remus, Remus didn't have anything like that, he had been around and he should have fought harder. He had just simply complied with Dumbledore and eventually forgot about the idea of harry coming to live with him.
He trusted Dumbledore with no proof whatsoever that harry was being cared for. Trusting only his word that they would love him as their own because he was their blood seemed very foolish now that he thought about it. But at the time it made all the sense and difference in the world, he supposed he just accepted it to clear the building guilt that was now coming back full force.
He felt as though he had failed in some way, that he had failed Sirius, harry, James, lily. Everyone he held dear to him all because harry had gone through that kind of pain without him, all because he was a werewolf. And he was sure that where ever Sirius was in their house, asleep or still awake, he was feeling the same thing.
Knocked out of his thoughts by the sound of his alarm going off he quickly got out of bed and knew he just had to see harry maybe even talk with him just to make sure he was happy and alright. He was not going to fail with him now like he had in the past.
Later Remus found himself sitting in a chair by harry's bed just staring absentmindedly at the boy who lived. It was weird and creepy he knew but he felt as an honorary uncle he had the right to. Besides he couldn't tear his gaze away. It almost seemed impossible that the young man sleeping sounding was once the little downtrodden boy who he had seen in that memory.
Realizing that it had been about ten straight minutes of just staring he carefully began his journey out of harry's room.
But as he began to walk out he stepped on the wrong part of the floor and before he could stop it where he was standing gave out a loud creek. To Remus it seemed to echo throughout the room for hours till finally silence again but it was already too late.
"R Remus?" Harry questioned. Looking up without his glasses and squinting in Remus's general direction. His voice still husky and thick with the sleep he had just come out of.
Deciding quickly that it would be even more weird if he ran out of the room he choose to reply, "Yes harry it's me."
"Oh." Was the only response he got back.
Fighting the urge to laugh at the squinted and confused gaze he was getting from his nephew Remus walked over to harry's nightstand and handed him his glasses.
"There you go, that should help some."
Harry wasted no time in getting them on his face, it was kind of strange not to have them laying there. The chosen one blinked a few times and let his eyes adjust before saying, "Oh wow... that's much better thank you."
"Of course it is I'll be going now and let you get up."
Before he could even take a step towards the door harry's voice, now clear, stopped him.
"Remus wait, was there something that you needed?"
Lupin turned back around to face harry while trying to come up with a good lie on why he was in harry's room. Though all those thoughts left his mind when he turned around and saw harry.
Harry's hair was messy from sleeping, a shoulder of his sleep shirt was slipping down and on accident reveled some black and blue bruises, and harry was currently rubbing his eyes with his hands underneath his glasses.
It was all too similar to what he had viewed just hours before in the pensieve room. A younger dirty harry covered in wounds and Dudley's large clothing, sitting atop a tree and rubbing his eyes to wipe his tears away while ripper continued to bark at him.
Not giving a thought to what he was doing Remus walked over to harry's bed and sat on the side of it.
"Remus? What are you..?"
"I'm sorry harry I just.." Remus trailed away, even he didn't have the slightest clue to what he was doing. But he felt as if he had to, had to see them and come to the harsh realization that every horrible wicked thing that had seen happen to harry was indeed true. A truth he had been trying to hide from himself ever since he looked in that pensieve.
Before he could stop himself he grabbed ahold of harry's left hand and pulled it towards him. He then proceeded to give it a proper inspection to see if and where there were any lasting damages from the glass that he had seen drive deep into this boy's flesh.
Sure enough there were tiny scars from where the glass shards had deeply imbedded themselves into harry's skin. Remus felt like he was going to be sick when he caught sight of them littering harry's palm and he cautiously ran a few fingers of his free hand over them.
"What do you think you're doing?" Harry demanded very confused about the way his uncle was acting and very nervous about how he knew exactly where to find those tiny scars. He hadn't told anyone they were there and no one had ever seen them before now.
Letting out a loud frustrated breathe Remus let go of harry and stood and walked over to harry's dresser. Propping his elbows on it and running his hands over his face and through his hair. He was thankful that in this position that his back was turned to harry so that he wouldn't have to see a couple of tears beginning to run their course down his cheeks.
"I know that you won't understand cub but I needed to see them need to see the lasting physical damages from not only the glass but everything else that had gone on."
As if the other bruises and scars weren't enough. Remus thought bitterly.
However understand harry did, he understood very well. There was no way that Remus could have known that those scars were from glass or where there for that matter without looking into his memories.
"You went through my memories?" Harry screeched, promptly hopping out of bed.
Wiping off any proof that he had been crying from his face Remus turned back around to harry. He knew that he was going to have to fess up to what he had done but he also had to make harry see why he had done it in the first place.
"Yes Harry I did… now I know you're doing to be angry but,"
"No don't! You couldn't wait for me be able to tell you? You had to break my privacy?" For reasons unknown to him harry was on the verge of tears himself. It showed to Remus from his voice beginning to shake.
"Now harry, I understand what I have done but I had to know, I needed to know to help you." Remus was fighting to keep his voice level. He was hoping this could just turn into a discussion not an argument but it wasn't heading in that direction at all.
"I TOLD YOU I WOULD TALK WHEN I WAS READY!"
Lily's temper began to show because harry was getting frantic. He didn't know if he was angry because they had gone through his personal moments without asking or if it was just the fact that they knew about the abuse in the first place.
Remus had to wince at the loudness of harry's yelling due to his sensitive werewolf hearing. "Harry please," he began "you have to understand that I only looked because I love you and I want you to feel safe and happy."
"I was safe and happy before anyone found out about happened at the durselys! Why is everyone freaking out about this?"
Again without thinking Remus ended up doing something entirely wrong. He marched over to his nephew and planted a hand into his shoulder nails almost digging in to the skin and clenched his fist around harry's other arm.
"Because it's a big deal harry! It was abuse! Why can't you see that?" he questioned. Finally losing whatever patience he had left and raising his voice. With every word he tightened his grip on harry, without knowing his face began to loom down on Harry's.
Harry felt his pulse quicken, flashes of memories from what had gone on at the durselys took over. There was no longer him, his room, or Remus . Instead it was like a movie playing before his eyes, things like being locked in his cupboard all night stomach hurting from hunger. Aunt petunia taking a swing at his head with her frying pan, being taunted by Dudley for not having any parents, and uncle Vernon grabbing ahold of harry's arm and hair and snarling.
Before he knew it tears became to gather at the corners of his eyes and he inhaled sharply.
Hearing that and finally getting a clear look at harry's anguished face brought Remus back. Looking down slightly he saw what he was doing. He quickly let go of harry and jumped away from him, asking himself in disbelief what he had just done.
Lupin knew he had probably brought back thousands of horrible memories for harry and he might have just lost all the progress he had made in gaining his trust.
"Harry I'm…," but am I'm sorry didn't seem like enough to show him how much he regretted what had just happened, "I can swear to you I have no intention of hurting you nor have I ever. You have to believe me harry all I want to do is take care of you… I am truly sorry for what just happened even though I know that won't make up for it." He did his best to keep his voice gentle and soothing despite the fact that it was shaking.
But all harry felt like he could do was stare at him, he couldn't bring himself to form words or even thoughts. His mind was still trying to process what he had just been through.
Hearing only silence from harry and when he kept looking at him with that same lost puppy look Remus couldn't take it. He wanted to talk for hours about how he never meant it and that he would never hurt him, he was his cub. But at the moment he wasn't sure how much harry would hear, he seemed to be in shock.
Taking a small step to the boy-who-lived he hoped he could comfort him in some way. Hold him and prove to him that he was safe here with him and Sirius. Nevertheless as he did so harry tried to take a step back and almost ended up crashing back down onto his bed, having to throw out a hand to steady himself.
They stood on silence for a few more moments, neither knowing how to approach the other. And when it became painfully obvious that both of them weren't going to talk any time soon Remus slowly made his leave. Hoping that the distance would give harry time to think and him time to think on how to make it up to him.
The werewolf found himself in the kitchen pacing back and forth. He couldn't read any of his books, his mind kept wandering back to harry and he didn't dare go into the living room for Sirius was asleep in one of the chairs. The last thing he needed was to worry Sirius with all of this, it would only just distracted him for the conversation he had to have with harry soon.
Eventually he registered that he was in kitchen with nowhere else to go so for the time being he might as well use this to his advantage. He was planning on cooking harry his favorite thing, the only issue being he didn't know what that was. Remus mentally cursed himself for not knowing something as simple as that.
So he decided why not make whatever was in the fridge all at once! He needed something to do, Sirius was always hungry, and maybe just maybe it would get him and harry on speaking terms again.
He understood that it was a long shot but then again he had never dealt with an abused child so he was willing to try anything. He hoped deep down that harry could see it as the loving gesture that it was and that would get them talking.
And with that he began to gloomily get started on his project. At the moment however Hedwig came up the window and tapped loudly with her claw to get him to open it.
"Thank you Hedwig."
She let him untie from her leg a rather large package that had the Hogwarts crest on it. Once he was finished she flew right back outside and perched on a nearby tree.
Attached to this package was a note.
Dear Remus & Sirius
This is what you will be needing to clean harry's wounds. Please use once a day as needed. Feel free to contact me at any time if there are concerns or questions.
Sincerely
Poppy
Cleaning harry's wounds! He had completely forgotten about that! But with all that had been going on around there house the last few days could you really blame him?
He was almost tempted to wake Sirius up so that he could do it now and get it over with. However he decided not to when he realized that harry probably wouldn't want anyone, even if they only meant to help, touching him at the moment.
He placed the box in the dining room so that it would be out of the way. Lupin hoped that he would remember it later but he had so much on his mind he was unsure.
Remus walked slowly into the kitchen again as to not wake Sirius from his slumber.
Once there again he opened up the fridge and viewed what they had to eat. Deciding that breakfast would be nice since technically it was still morning he took out all the supplies he would need to make it a phenomenal affair.
The werewolf cooked on and on without stalling or wasting time. He made it his personal mission to get as much done as he could while Sirius slept on and harry stayed upstairs.
Truth was he was also dreading going up the stairs to harry's room to tell him that he had prepared such a feast for him.
He was scared not of harry but of what harry would do. Would he respond to Remus at all, put up a fight and yell at him for what he had done? Or would he just simply comply and wordlessly head down the stairs.
That would make breakfast, well now technically lunch, a horrid ordeal. Harry wouldn't speak to him even if he tried to make a conversation with him. Then Remus would began to get nervous as Sirius began to question just what had happened while he had been asleep and what was now going on.
He had no doubt that if this all did happen then the tension between all of them would make harry far more uncomfortable than he needed to be when around him and Sirius. And that just might cause the young and still scarred boy to go even further back into himself.
Then the next thing you know harry doesn't want to be around them anymore and asks to live with Ron and his perfect family!
With a bang Remus dropped what he was doing beside him and laid his palms out on an empty space on the counter in front of him. He breathed deeply to get himself under control.
It was a hard thing to do too, each horrifying idea or fantasy of what would happen if he didn't fix what he did was chasing each other around his mind. Each was much more crazy and farfetched then the one that had been before it.
He knew that if he didn't solve what he had done and quickly then there was a large possibility that what he was imagining happening could likely happen. Then the family that he had only just gotten back fully would be torn into pieces all over again! And he knew that if something like that happened he wouldn't be able to handle it this time.
He visibly cringed at the thought of going through what he had went through when he wasn't allowed to be around harry and Sirius was still in jail. Back then the sadness and loneliness seemed to try and consume him.
He wasn't able to get many jobs in the wizarding world seeing as he was a werewolf. That simple fact of what he was also stopped a lot of witches and wizards from wanting to be in the same room as him let alone be his friends. Not everyone in the wizarding world was as open minded as the marauders were.
Being a werewolf was quite a hard thing to hide and even when he tried to something or someone in most cases would tip them off to what he was and in believing that the ministry was right in thinking that all werewolves were insane vile creatures well… it didn't usually need to be said that they would run as fast as possible in the other direction.
While on the friend's subject, it wasn't as if he did not look elsewhere then the wizarding world. He had tried to be friends with muggles also. They didn't even believe in werewolves so they never thought to ask or put together the pieces of how he was never around on full moons and always seemed to be sick.
There was a few muggles back when he was alone that he had been close to. But they didn't last for long. Pretty soon he would always end up comparing them to James, Peter, Lily, and sometimes even Sirius and the pain would be so much that he had to sever all ties with them.
Stopping himself in reminiscing what had been such a painful time for him he forced himself to go back to his whisking of what he hoped would make amazing pancakes. Knowing that he would have to talk to harry very very soon before this crack in the pavement between them began to grow larger and larger.
"Re.. (A cough) Remus?" A quiet voice questioned from behind him. Recognizing the small voice as harry's in shock he accidently dropped the whole bowl of mix and his whisk onto the white tiled floor.
It crashed to the ground and made a rather large BANG, spreading everywhere. Remus saw out of the corner of his eye harry slightly flinch at the loudness of it.
He stared at it only for a moment in surprise that he had been snuck up on when he usually had such awesome hearing as a werewolf. Linking it to the fact that he had been so caught up in his own thoughts he brought out his wand and with a Scourgify cleaned the mess up.
After all that was done he looked up to the owner of the voice that had taken him by surprise.
"Y yes harry?" he managed to get out, still in shock that harry was talking to him at all after what he had done by accident.
"I wanted.. Well I wanted to," harry began but he looked to be at a loss for words.
Seeing his discomfort Remus ushered him, very gently, into a chair in the dining room. First moving the box of harry's medical things much farther down the table so harry wouldn't have to fret about them just yet.
He left everything that was in the kitchen where it was for the moment. Knowing harry and the conversation they were about to have was a lot more important than some ruined breakfast dishes.
After harry was settled and comfy in a chair he took one for himself next to the boy-who-lived and turned it towards him to show that he had his full attention.
Remus waited calmly in the silence for harry to make the first move, say the first sentence. He knew that it wasn't a good time to bombard him with "I'm sorry" or force him to talk right away.
Though as the silence went on and on he suddenly felt worried that maybe harry hadn't come do to talk to him about what had happened only hours ago. And that by bringing him into the dining room and sitting him down he made harry feel as though he was being forced to talk to him.
On the other hand harry was mentally cursing himself. While up in his room he had used his abundant time alone to think over what had gone on and to plan what he was going to say to Remus.
Harry hadn't expected to feel the conflicting emotions of fear and comfort when he saw his old defense against the dark arts teacher.
Finding his voice and remembering what he had planned to say harry began again.
"Remus I wanted to tell you that I'm still shook up from what happened this morning."
Remus's heart sank, all the time that Remus had known harry his answer to how he was had always been fine or even brilliant on a good day. So for harry to actually admit to him face to face that he was shook up was not a good thing at all.
"But," that one simple word gave Remus more hope than he ever thought it would, " after thinking and thinking some more over what happened I realized that you did what you did out of caring and not to hurt me."
Remus was unsure on whether or not harry was talking about him looking into his memories or gripping onto him and yelling but when harry went on he took it as meaning both.
"Did you really mean what you said?" the question fell from harry's lips before he could stop it. He hadn't planned on getting to that part just yet. But with Remus here in front of him and the discussion they were having it just popped out.
"What?" Remus questioned back. Trying to think over everything that he had said when harry caught him staring that morning and what harry could possibly mean. For once he was exceedingly disappointed that being a werewolf gave him better things like hearing, and smell, but not memory.
"Upstairs after I woke up and we started fighting," harry paused and worked up his Gryffindor courage he went on, " you said that you looked in my pensieve without asking because you loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy."
Remus was confused for a minute. Up until now he had believed that he and Sirius had done a fine job on making harry know that they wanted him to be cared for.
"Yes harry of course I did, there's really nothing I want more than for you to feel safe and happy around me and Sirius and while you live with us."
There was a silence after Remus answered as harry realized that Remus had completely missed the point of what he was asking. He didn't want to have to elaborate but a part of him, the younger insecure part, really wanted to know the answer to this question.
As quiet as his voice could get harry said. "But you love me?" he began to focus his attention to the large book that was in his hand, he had completely forgot that he was holding it until now actually.
For the second time that day Remus was taken by surprise. He didn't even think that harry would have to question that he did after all they had been through together and all he had said to him.
"Of course I love you harry," Remus paused and he suddenly got very serious, "Did I or Sirius ever give you reason to believe that we didn't?"
"NO! No you and Sirius never did anything that would make me think something like that.. It's just.." he trailed off.
"Just what?" Remus prompted hoping to get Harry to say more.
"I've never actually had an adult that I trust say that out loud or anyone for that matter that I can remember and I've never said it back."
"I love you?"
Harry nodded his head quickly hoping to get off this subject soon. This was something he had never actually said to anyone and I was starting to make him feel uncomfortable as well as embarrassed.
Remus was feeling pangs of guilt and hurt sweep over him, he had never even thought of something like this. He had heard Lily and James tell baby harry that over and over again but harry must have been too young to remember. A sudden question struck him.
"But what about Ron and Hermione? Haven't you three ever said it to each other?"
He couldn't imagine three people who were so close and who had gone through what they had together never saying something like that to each other.
To harry and Remus's surprise a small bit of pink, the start of a blush, began to creep itself onto harry's cheeks.
"We've never really needed to say it and when we did it's always been jokingly never something serious and meaningful like this."
Remus felt his heart swell full of happiness and pride that harry was being totally honest with him. He knew that that did not happen a lot between harry and adults.
"Harry," Remus started and waited to say more till harry looked up at him.
When he did Remus took ahold of one of harry's hands gingerly in his own and was relieved to notice the fact that harry didn't flinch or pull away.
"I love you." He made sure to look just at harry and say his words clearly just as you would in a curse. He knew that this was a big moment for both of them seeing as it had been such a long time since either of them had said or heard something as simple as those three words.
His voice wavering slightly but still loud and harry managed to choke out, " I love you too Remus." Before he had to turn away and take his hand back to wipe away the small tears that were nestled on the corners of his eyes before they fell.
Feeling an odd sense of superiority to his friend snoozing away in the next room that harry had said his first "I love you" to him, Remus allowed himself to smile a small but genuine smile for the first time in a long time since harry's abuse had been told to him.
Once harry had composed himself he started to speak again.
"And I realize that you didn't have much of a choice in the matter of looking into my memories, moony couldn't exactly wait till I was ready to talk could he?" harry asked talking Remus by surprise that he knew that.
"How…" he managed to question through his confusion. A lot of people didn't know that Remus and moony were close to being to separate beings. They just assumed that sense Remus was a werewolf that they would be the same and that moony wasn't another name for his wolf but a nickname for Remus because he was a werewolf.
Truth was that actually they both lived inside Remus. However Remus thought with more of a human's knowledge and thoughts, as he should too, while moony had more of a wolf personality. He looked at what Remus would call his family as his pack and James's son not as Remus would say his nephew but instead the cub of the pack.
They technically were the same person but there had to be some moment where they weren't like when it was a full moon and Remus had forgotten to take his potion.
Though Remus preferred not to get into conversations about this with others since it seemed so simple to his since he had lived with it most his life but so hard to grasp for others who had no idea what it was like to be a werewolf.
"I have a book about werewolf's it was sent to me and after what happened upstairs I thought I should read it and find out why. It was because I'm seen as the cub of the pack isn't it, that's also why you call me cub sometimes."
Harry held up the book in his hands and showed it to Remus and it was indeed about werewolves. In fact the title was even "Everything you need to know and understand about werewolves."
Remus nodded slowly to harry at his inquiry's as he looked over the cover of the book. A sudden fear came over him that some random witch or wizard had found out what he was and sent harry this book as a warning to the boy-who-lived as to what Remus could do. If this was true then the ministry just might be alerted if they didn't already know and take harry away from Remus.
"Harry, who sent you that book?" he asked slowly and seriously.
Hoping he didn't scare harry but still scared himself that the horrors of being alone again that he had been thinking of earlier could quite possibly come true after all the progress there family had just made and was going to.
Sensing Remus's worry Harry replied quickly, "Hermione did, and she thought I might want it since I came to live with you."
Relief spread throughout Remus's body knowing that at least for now he didn't have to worry about something like harry being taken away from him because of his furry little problem just yet.
"Were you cooking before I came in?"
The question came out of the blue but Remus was still more than happy to answer it.
"Yes actually I was, I was hoping to make you and Sirius a fantastic breakfast but seeing as it's close to two o'clock that idea is out the window."
"We could always have breakfast for lunch. I'll even help I really started enjoying cooking after doing it for so long at the durselys."
"That would be a wonderful, thank you harry." Remus chose to look over that comment about the durselys wanting nothing to ruin the good mood he was now in.
Sirius awoke to someone above his shaking his shoulder slightly and the scrumptious smells that were coming towards the living room from the dining room.
He had been out like a light for longer than he thought he would be. He didn't even remember falling asleep.
He fully opened his eyes and looked up to see that who had been shaking him was his favorite, and only, godson harry.
"Good you're up, come on then me and Remus made breakfast lunch for all of us." He nodded his head towards the way of the dining room.
Before Sirius could eve start to ask what breakfast lunch was a voice from the dining room yelled out, "Remus and I."
Both Sirius and harry laughed at Remus being so uptight about those sorts of things. Harry had picked up on it from when Remus had been his teacher and Sirius from how long they had been pals.
Harry led Sirius into the room where all the sweet smells were coming from. He was surprised to see so much good food ready and laid out for the three of them.
"You two did this?" he asked in astonishment. It vaguely reminded him of a Hogwarts feast.
"We needed something to bond over." Remus replied with a small glance over to harry.
"What's that?" was the next thing out of Sirius's mouth as he pointed to something under a chair. Luckily harry wasn't paying attention and had sat down to begin to eat.
Remus look over and realized that it was the box poppy had send over that was all they would need for cleaning harry's wounds before they got worse. It had been moved so that they could fit all that they had made onto the table.
Not wanting harry to know and worry just quite yet Remus chose to mouth to Sirius "medical supplies for harry's scars" instead.
Luckily Sirius had learned how to read Remus's lips from when they had been in school or else he would have been totally lost.
Taking the hint that harry didn't know and not to bring it up just yet Sirius didn't say another word and sat down on the other side of harry. Who felt awfully secure by having them both on either side of him.
Soon they were eating their breakfast lunch in peace. Not Sirius however, he kept darting glances as he ate over to the content harry.
He was dreading when he would have to have that painful conversation with him about James. But he knew it should be started sooner than later.