She knew the theory of course, had spent hours in defense against the dark arts training for this moment, they both had, but it was unlike anything that she had ever expected or imagined. Remus grabbed her arm, pulling her backward and jarring her back into reality even as the impending sense of doom settled over her like an icy, suffocating blanket of fear and pain. She could see it in his face too, the fear, and it reminded her of the hope that she had just spelled out for him, how she had told him that he would be fine.

"We've done this before, it's just like in class" she said, and Remus was nodding though she couldn't make out the words that went with the gesture. "Just like we practiced" she said. Somewhere in the back of her mind voices were threatening her, yelling, darkness was coming from all sides, she was twelve years old again, being chased by older Slytherin students, she was hiding from them, something dark was bearing down on her. She could hear people screaming and crying around her, could feel the blood flowing from open wounds…

And yet somehow she was holding her wand in her hand, mirroring her friend's actions next to her as they drew closer together in the dark street, every light blocked out, every sound silenced.

"Expecto Patronum" she shouted, but there was nothing at the end of her wand. She saw a faint wisp escape from the end of Remus' wand.

"Remember!" she shouted at him, "Something happy!"

It was impossible to think. There were several of the dark creatures now, crowding into the street towards them, and she knew everything about them, how to repel them, but it didn't seem like enough. They were drawn to the fear, they would suck out every happy feeling and memory, but she didn't want to give up her memories, not the happy ones or the bad ones, she had to remember, she had to think.

And all of a sudden, memories were rushing through her mind at a blinding pace. She was six years old, and she was watching her father step off the train in full military uniform, throwing herself into his arms… she was seven, and Severus was telling her all about magic as they gazed at the stars… she was sitting on a park bench with her sister, just laughing, the last time they would really ever laugh together… she was ten years old, tearing through the woods with a letter clutched in her fist, running to tell her best friend in the whole world… she was walking through diagon alley for the first time… she was eleven years old and she was falling asleep in her four poster bed for the first time… she was in class… watching a quidditch match… her prefect badge slid out of the envelope into her hand… she had passed her apparition test… she was walking with James and Sirius and Remus and Peter, teasing each other good naturedly… they were all laughing, his face was swimming in her mind… she was made headgirl… it was august 4th again.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silvery falcon shot from the end of her wand forcefully, taking her by surprise and knocking her back into Remus , who's face was pale and haunted as he managed to produce little more than a thin unformed shape that hovered in front of him momentarily each time before dissolving. Her own patronus began to waver as she focused on him but she needed his help either way. The dementors were so close, too close, that at any moment it would be too late, a dozen of them against two, their clammy hands reaching out…

"Remus!" she shouted at him, and he turned his head towards her as though he had heard her voice from somewhere far away, and suddenly he began to scream and fell to his knees, and she knew exactly what he was imagining as he thrashed around at her feet, an event so much worse than anything she had ever experienced or would ever go through, as he was attacked by Greyback over and over again, just a child again, with no happy memories to protect his mind.

She glanced up at her bird, trying to focus on happy thoughts, but she had thought of everything she could and it was already flickering, circling closer and closer to her.

"Remus!" she had to kick him to get his attention, yanking on the collar of his jumper to force him to look at her as he experienced the most painful moment of his life over and over again.

"Remember what I said to you!" she shouted at him over the fear that was starting to mount again inside of her. "Remember getting accepted to Hogwarts, remember becoming a Gryffindor, and meeting James, and Sirius and Peter, remember that you are never going to give up, that you got everything you thought you would never have. James, Remus! Remember that you will never be alone again, that they are with you even when you're a werewolf because they love you more than anything!"

Her own patronus had become little more than a mist but somehow she had pulled Remus back to his feet and though he was sweating he had stopped screaming in pain, and he clutched his wand as her falcon soared around them.

"Tell me!" she told him. He blinked at her, then began. "Coming to Hogwarts" he told her, "The last six years of my life! Everything I have become and the friends that I never thought I would have. Sirius, and James and Peter. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. I will never have to face it alone ever again, because of Sirius and James. And you too Lily."

She felt the dementor's touch, but she didn't look away from her friend even as the cold and the darkness threatened to envelop her. Remus was raising his wand, and his huge silver patronus shot from his wand, thundering past her, knocking away the dementor that had closed it's fingers around her wrist. She was sinking to the ground herself, as though it still had a hold on her. Remus' last words echoed in her mind, and she didn't lose them because they weren't exactly happy, but nor were they unhappy.

"…because of Sirius and James. And you Lily."

Everything was dark, but there were faces swimming in her mind, mingling with her friends words, and James' face was circling behind her eyelids, laughing, dark hair a mess, eyes sparkling behind his glasses, and some part of her had returned to august 4th once more.

And then she could see again, had somehow opened her eyes, and a furious growl ripped through the silence that was all around her, and something large and hairy leapt over her where she lay, and it wasn't any patronus, but a giant shaggy dog.

"Sirius" she said in wonder, but she knew he couldn't hear her.

"Padfoot! Get Lily out of here!"

It was another familiar person, another face, right where there had been a stag a moment before, but then there was another stag, this one silver and she wondered which one was which, and then her vision was obscured by the mass of fur once more and Padfoot's teeth were sinking into her shoulder and they were moving away. She struggled but he didn't relinquish his grip until the others were blocked from sight. She could hear other shouts now as the village came awake around them, becoming aware of what was happening in the street, and Sirius was crouched over her.

" We have to go back, we have to help them, they can't-"

She made to get up but her limbs were shaky and Sirius was stopping her. "They're fine" he was telling her. "It's under control now" but she didn't believe him. He was pulling her to her feet and her mind was slowly shuffling itself back into order. She could hear running footsteps all around them. Sound seemed to have returned, and there were other voices, some familiar, some not.

"We have to go back" she snapped at Sirius, furious that he didn't want to help the others. "I know what I'm doing."

"I know" he said, "We saw your bird, it was good."

"Falcon" she corrected him, "It's a falcon."

He nodded but he wasn't really paying attention, though his grip was firm, holding her up. He was waiting for something and then quite suddenly three boys appeared around the corner though she could still hear the shouts in the street behind them. James was supporting a weakened Remus, and Peter brought up the rear.

"It's over. They've got it all under control. They'll have aurors here soon, round them all up" James said as they skidded to a stop just long enough to regroup. Lily felt his eyes on her, but she didn't meet his gaze. She was exhausted and drained, and she knew that if Sirius let go of her she wouldn't be able to hold herself up.

888

"Who knew we'd actually make it back in time for dessert" Sirius said in surprise as they reached the marble staircase leading down to the entrance hall. The doors to the great hall were thrown wide open and loud voices and laughter floated out to them, mingling with the sounds of cutlery clattering against dishes and the smells of every good thing you could ever imagine eating. Lily felt as though every one of her senses had returned to her tenfold.

They slid into the hall in ones and twos, but she could feel the eyes on her from the moment she stepped through the doors at James' side. They were after all head boy and girl, showing up at an odd time, and not exactly in mint condition, drawing glances and whispers.

They slid onto the end of the Gryffindor bench, trying to draw as little attention as possible. She had never been happier to sit down in her life.

"Eat this" James said as soon as they had all settled, drawing a thick chocolate pie from the obscure piles of cakes and éclairs. "You're as white as nearly headless Nick."

It took a single bite for her to begin feeling better, to straighten into a real human position.

"Are you alright?" James asked her softly under the clatter and voices around them. She looked up and saw the concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine James" she said, flustered. "And I'm capable of taking care of myself you know?" she said defensively.

He nodded solemnly. "You both did better than I could have done with two against a dozen I'm sure" he said in a pacifying voice. "I saw your falcon" he told her, "It was impressive."

She nodded once. " You too. And It was kind of…" she stopped.

"What?" he urged curiously.

She shrugged. "It was kind of exciting, the real thing, like what we've learned is actually worth something now, like maybe we could do something..."

James grinned at her, and she remembered how picturing his face had helped her with her patronus, to remain conscious. She could feel the color rising in her cheeks and looked away.

"We'll have to do it again" he said lightly.

"I guess so."

"What was your happy memory?" he asked her with an honest curiosity, almost as though he had read her mind.

She shook her head. "Shutup" was all she could say in reply, earning a raised eyebrow and mysterious smile.

He touched her shoulder and she glanced down to the place where Sirius had taken hold of her, teeth tearing through the fabric of her robes. "Oops" she said, and then she started to laugh, and it was partly from relief, and excitement, and the ebbing of adrenaline, and then the others joined in, Sirius chocking on his chocolate pie, making the rest of them laugh that much harder.

Lily glanced up at the head table as they all went back to their plates. Dumbledore and McGonagall were eyeing them, heads together and talking between them in low voices. She looked away quickly, eyes settling instead on someone else who was watching them from the other side of the room, his dark hair hanging in his face as he slouched at the Slytherin table, but he was the one to look away immediately as their eyes met.