Jeff and the Naked Parade

"Nakey is good! Nakey is free!" Jeff declared as he wandered the streets. He knew the others were after him because they wanted him to put his clothes back on. But they didn't understand what he had discovered when he removed Mickie's robe: clothes were evil. They were the devil. They had to be removed or people were going to be slaves forever. He had to help people understand that. He had to help people get naked.

A car full of screaming fan girls suddenly pulled up beside him. Several of them actually got out of the car and started chasing him. Now he knew from personal experience that there was only one thing to do if fan girls were after you: run like hell. So he ran away and went into some random person's backyard. He jumped into the pool that was there and hid until the screaming women went away. "Oooh, water nice," he said. "Water warm. No shrinkage today. Shrinkage is the only thing worse than clothes."

Suddenly the back porch lights came on and the owner of the house stepped out. "Jeff! What the fuck are you doing in my pool?"

Jeff grinned and waved at the enraged Canadian. "Hi Edge! Wanna swim?"

XXXXXXXX

"Guys, this is bad," Matt said. He, Shawn and Hunter had been looking for Jeff for the past hour now. "We've got to find Jeff."

"Well what do you think we've been trying to do all this time?" Hunter asked. "Your brother does not want to be found."

"Maybe we should just go home and wait for him to come to us," Shawn said. "I mean, if dogs can travel across the country to be reunited with their owners, Jeff can find us again."

Matt shook his head. "You guys don't understand. Freaky things happen when Jeff goes streaking. He makes people join them."

Hunter frowned. "He makes people join them? What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is, if we don't find him soon, the streets will be overflowing with naked people before morning."

Shawn and Hunter stared at him with wide eyes. "Wow," Shawn whispered. "That's crazy." He looked at Hunter. "I want a Slurpee. Let's get me a Slurpee."

XXXXXXXX

Edge just stared at the younger Hardy in shock and anger. "No, I do not want to join you," he said bluntly. "I would like for you to get the hell out of my pool."

"Why?" Jeff asked.

"Because I don't even like you! Now get out!"

Jeff pouted his lips and got out of the pool. "You're really mean, you know that?"

Edge let out a yell and jumped back away from Jeff. "And you're really naked! Where are your clothes?"

"Clothes are the enemy Adam," Jeff said seriously. "They must be abandoned. They will eat our brains if we don't."

"Okay, you have officially lost your mind," Edge decided. "I'm going to call Matt and tell him--hey, why are you coming near me? Keep your naked ass over there!" He opened his back door and started backing into his house. "Jeff, think about this for a second. Don't do anything you're going to--oh shit! Christian! Help me!"

Jeff speared Edge and they ended up on the kitchen floor. "Would you just hold still?" he asked as he tried to rip Edge's clothes off. "I'm only trying to help."

"Get off of me you freak!" Edge yelled fearfully. "Jeff, I am not joking! This is too weird, even for you!"

"Dudes, what's going on?" Christian asked. He didn't look fazed at all by the sight of a naked Jeff straddling Edge and trying to rip the blonde man's clothes off. Then again, he was completely drunk, so nothing was going to faze him tonight.

"Clothes are the enemy Christian," Jeff explained. "We have to be naked from now on."

"Oh, okay." With that, Christian stripped his clothes off and threw them on the floor.

"Good boy," Jeff said. He looked down at Edge. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way Copeland."

Edge gulped. "Okay, okay, just please get your naked ass off of me.

Jeff got up and allowed Edge to strip in peace. "Now see, isn't this better?" he asked.

"No," Edge replied. He was covering himself up as best as he could. "Why couldn't you do this with your freaky friends? Why did you have to come here?"

"They'll make me put my clothes back on if I go back to them," Jeff explained. He rubbed his stomach. "I'm hungry. Who wants to go to McDonalds?"

"I do," Christian said. "I need some Chicken McNuggets."

"Wait, we can't go out like this!" Edge protested as he was grabbed and dragged out the front door. "We're naked! We're going to get arrested! Guys, this isn't funny! Let go of me!"

"Shut up you big baby," Jeff said. "Stop ruining my fun. This is a celebration of nudity and you are ruining it with your whining!"

As they were walking to McDonalds, they ran into Miz and Morrison. Morrison took off his sunglasses and stared at them. "The Shaman demands to know what you freaks are doing," he declared.

"We're going to McDonalds," Jeff answered.

"But why are you naked?"

"Hey, that's not the real question here. The real question is, why aren't you guys naked?"

Miz shrugged. "That's actually a good question. We look good naked."

So Miz and Morrison took off their clothes and joined the others on their McDonalds quest. When they got to their destination, they gave the employees and the other customers quite a surprise. "Okay I want a Happy Meal," Jeff told the lady at the cash register. "And an apple pie. I like pie. And Christian wants Chicken McNuggets."

"And I want God to kill me now," Adam muttered.

"Quiet you," Jeff snapped.

The lady just blinked several times. "Um…why are you naked?"

He smirked. "Actually, the real question is, why aren't you naked?"

XXXXXXXX

"I love Slurpies," Shawn said as he, Matt and Hunter left the 7-11. "Slurpies are good."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Yes they are Shawn. But can we please go look for Jeff again?"

Hunter pointed to something across the street. "Uh…there he is."

Matt and Shawn looked to where Hunter was pointing. "Holy shit," Shawn said in amazement. Jeff was now leading Edge, Christian, Miz, Morrison and whole bunch of other naked people down the street.

"Great," Matt muttered. "We're never going to get his pants back on now."

"Oh we will," Hunter said. "Because I'm calling a State of Emergency. Our new mission must be completed or we are all doomed."

"But what's our mission called?" Shawn asked.

"It's called Operation Get Some Pants On Jeff. It must be done soon. I have to wrestle Jeff tomorrow night and I am not wrestling him naked. I don't care that he's not as gross as that naked Midieon guy was. Wrestling a naked Jeff in front of millions of people around the world is not on my list of things to do before I die."