A/N: I already had most of this written so here's yet another chapter for you all! :D Now I will either start "Father's Day" or just a quickie little adventure outside the TARDIS. Either way, it will now be a while before anything appears for you to read. Thank you all for your patience.

My Own Little Adventure

Part Five

The blood draining from the Doctor's face made me instantly regret saying that name aloud. Hunched over like I'd punched all the air from his lungs, the Doctor got up without a word and trudged inside to the couch, leaving his coffee behind.

I hesitated for a few moments, pinching the bridge of my nose with all that regret slapping me in the face. Just like I'd guessed, whoever Em was, she'd been very close, very important to him. Why else would he look like I'd just brought a ghost out of a grave? Berating myself nonstop, I forced myself to stand up and follow him. If only to apologize and promise to never talk about it or bring her up again.

The Doctor sat hunched over on the edge of the couch, head in his hands as if it weighed far too much. Knowing that I caused it didn't lessen the assault of so many negative emotions swirling around him like a storm. It just made my guilt rise up just as strong, but I clamped down hard on it as I reached out to brush a hand over his shoulder. Not quite touching in case he recoiled from it.

That touch didn't even get a flinch out of him.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Doctor. I shouldn't have said anything." It took a monumental effort to keep my voice from cracking, but it still wobbled quite a bit. The guilt and knowing that at least he didn't recoil yet made me bold enough to set my hand firmly against his shoulder. So much grief and loneliness battered at me that I almost fell in despair as well, but I wouldn't let him notice that. "The TARDIS might have wanted me to see that, but it doesn't mean I had a right to it. Don't feel like you owe me an answer. You don't."

Gnawing on my lip, I gave his shoulder a firm squeeze, letting him feel my apology at full strength. Not even knowing if I succeeded at it. As sneakily as I dared, I tried drifting away from him, wanting him to give him his own private space.

"Wait." The Doctor's hand reached up and grasped my own in a grip so strong, I couldn't wiggle out of it even if I wanted to. Though it came out too tight, too in control, he didn't bother hiding the chaos in his mind. "All this time and you haven't asked any questions. Not like Rose. Why?"

Blinking, I came around next to him. Slowly, in case he didn't want me to go somewhere, but while the hand had mine in a vice-like grip, the arm was loose and placid enough as I perched on the edge of the couch next to him. He had the feel of a deer caught in the headlights. Tense enough and afraid enough that the slightest wrong move would send him running off, never to come back.

I chose my words very carefully, letting him feel my emotions as best he could—the full extent of his empathic abilities still unknown to me. "I…I guess because I know you still haven't…I don't know…worked through things. Not enough to talk about anyway. Call it my empathy or common sense, but I can tell that sometimes you want to talk to someone but…don't want to or something." My lips actually managed a smile of sorts, though I don't know if it worked. "But if you also want to talk to someone, ever, you should know that I'm willing to listen. Only if you really want to, though. I don't want you to think that I'm forcing it out of you. That's not what I do to people. Friends, especially."

In the silence, I felt a lot of adrenaline drain from me, leaving me tired and just hoping that I didn't make an idiot out of myself by talking too much.

The Doctor's eyes drifted away from me. Far away, like he had gone someplace other than the TARDIS console. He didn't let go of my hand once, or lessen the pressure, which might have been a good sign. Muscles in his jaw worked visibly beneath the skin, he swallowed several times. Slowly, the maelstrom around his mind stopped its spinning. Didn't stop completely, but seemed to slow down enough to give him some sort of anchor.

"Em…Magpie…we got into so much trouble," he murmured, almost too quietly for me to hear.

I tensed for a moment, not sure if he was willingly telling me this or felt guilt tripped into it.

The Doctor must have noticed. When he looked back at me, there didn't seem to be any sort of guilt or coercion in his face. He'd made up his mind. "I know what you said, but you do deserve an explanation."

With a smile that felt easy rather than forced, I backed down a little. "All right then. So, if you were as troublesome then as you are now, that must have been a lot of trouble." Very poor attempt at getting the conversation on track, but it seemed to convince the Doctor.

The lips barely twitched, but that was better than nothing. "Loads of it. The TARDIS? Didn't get any sort of permission to fly her. Em dared me to steal her right from under everyone's noses." Memory danced behind his eyes. Memories that I couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Sounds like an awesome woman." One I could be jealous of, someone to keep up with the Doctor.

Now a true smile flashed across his face. "She was absolutely fantastic." A hand ran over his head and face, eyes retreating even farther away. "Loved going after mysteries and adventures even more than I did. Drug me along sometimes. Always ended up coming back with some souvenir. That thing you took from Statten? She'd have loved that."

For some reason, I didn't want to think of that as a compliment. Too many bright and shining emotions had started flashing through the Doctor's mental barriers the longer he talked about her. At once, I squashed any semblance of jealousy and shoved it far into the back of my mind. I'd deal with it later. The Doctor was finally talking to me. "So is that why she was called Magpie? Or did they call her that the same way they call you Doctor?"

A more thoughtful look danced in those eyes and a small frown pinched the area between his eyebrows. "Don't know, actually. She was always Magpie—only a few people called her Em—even as kids, but she never complained about the name." A reminiscent smile turned his face into something kinder and he didn't quite look like the 'Doctor' anymore. Just someone remembering a close friend. "She was an empath like you, actually. Just as quick to see the best in everyone, no matter what they'd done or if they wanted her to." A swiftly descending blanket of bitterness and old, old wounds wiped that smile off his face. "Her compassion is what got her in trouble with the Council and made them exile her. I…hadn't thought that they would go so far as to kill her until it happened."

Biting my lip, I nodded slowly, recognizing the tensing up of his voice as territory he still didn't want to talk about to anyone, even me. I could tell, though, that he and Em had to have been a lot closer than he'd admitted. "So the memory I saw…."

"Was the last time I ever saw her." The Doctor blinked, pulling himself out of the past to focus on me. Unshed tears gave his eyes a gleam, softened them as he left them unguarded. A full Time Lord unveiled for me to see, or at least part of one. A slight shudder passed through him. So small I almost missed it save for the way his hand moved in mine. "The two of you are so alike it's…not easy sometimes."

While part of me trembled at the infinity behind his eyes—a powerful being that I knew about but hadn't truly realized existed behind the Doctor's carefree behavior—I found that it didn't really scare me at all. Even with the sour taste of jealousy in my mouth, I kept myself from letting him see it. The Doctor trusted me enough to see this side of him. If he caught any glimpse of that, any progress we'd made would be thrown right out the window, not to mention cruel and petty. My heart ached enough for him. Though my barriers still felt shaky, I lowered them further so he could feel everything I didn't have the right words for.

"Doctor, I'm sorry I remind you of her. If it's too hard for you, you can drop me off anytime or just tell me and I'll…I'll stop doing whatever it is I'm doing. I don't want to remind you of…."

"No!" Such ferocity entered the Doctor's attitude and lit a fire inside him, glittering in the depths of his eyes. It felt like only a hint of what he was capable of. He turned around, facing me more directly and, if it were even possible, even gripped my hand with more strength. "Don't you dare start changing yourself. Not for me, not for anyone. If I didn't want you or…or didn't want to remember, trust me, I wouldn't have brought you along in the first place."

With my eyes burning unshed tears, I managed a smile and what I thought came out as a reassuring nod. I could feel the hardening of those softer emotions already, even though I felt a certain triumph at the openness of the conversation. Any longer and the Doctor would probably close up so tightly, I wouldn't get this much out of him again for a very long time. If at all. "What about you always saying that you'll toss me off if I give you too much more trouble? Should I just ignore you now?" A weak sort of attempt at humor, but I had to keep the Doctor from closing on me before it's too late.

The Doctor snorted, a smile, a real one, making its way easily to his face. "You already ignore me, so what would be the difference?" Though he might have tried to hide it, the Doctor all but sagged in relief, relaxing his hold on my hand until they barely touched. "Are you sure you're all right?" He added, a belated bit of concern working its way free.

I shook my head. "Don't worry about me, Doctor. I'm the one who should be asking you that question. I'm not the one who had to live through those memories again." I reached out and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "How's this? I promise that I'll be fine but only if I'm sure that you are going to be okay. Remember that you don't have to be Mister-Tough-Guy-Time-Lord all the time. Not with me."

The Doctor straightened, but it wasn't him withdrawing, more like I'd startled him. His eyebrows rose quite a bit, just a fragment of momentary, habitual panic making its way to the surface. Perhaps he'd never been told that before. Or maybe Magpie…Em…had said something similar to him in the past. Either way, I'd never seen him as honestly grateful as when he gave my hand a responding squeeze. That proved to be all the answer I needed. He wasn't one for words.

After a pause when I actually started getting shy, the Doctor released me and lurched to his feet, a long, deep sigh whistling out through his lungs. He ran both his hands over his face and head, as to rub some life back into them. When he turned around again, the mask I'd gotten so used to seeing had already sliding back into place. But at least I knew that it could be lifted, and willingly. "Right then. Rose should be getting up soon, but I say this calls for one more cup of coffee before we have to deal with her." A quirky smile tilted his lips, but I sensed that the humor, while kind of forced, had some genuine feeling behind it.

Swallowing the knot in my throat—mostly from missing that open, sensitive Doctor already—I managed a grin bigger than his. "Just finished the one you left me. Thanks, by the way. Then again," I added as I saw the little signs of the Doctor's disappointment sagging his expression. "I've never said no to coffee before and I especially won't start now. Not when your coffee seems to be better than anything Starbucks can come up with." I hopped to my feet, all too easily sliding into the usual banter with him once more. "I'll get it this time."

"Right, just make sure you're back soon enough so we're done before Rose gets here." The Doctor made a face. "Then we'd have to share."

Laughing a little, I made my way back towards the kitchen.

"Oh, and Jessica? Thanks."