A/N: Here the new Chapter hope you like it ^-^ I know my OC is a bit...yeah, but I try to be realistic ^^" there will be some more depressing moments, but I promise that it will get better :), like every story even the characters needs to grow on their own speed
"bla" normal talking
´bla´ OC thinking
´bla´ OC inner
Chapter 12: Doubt
OC 12 years old, Itachi 17 years old
I stood there with a knife and were crying, every now and then wiping my tears away.
´God I hate this´
´I know but you must go through with this´
´But this won´t lessen my discomfort´
´Look at it like this, as soon as you are done it will get better´
´True but this is really just something that I hate about this´
´Practice to get a resistance is the key for this´
´Practice my ass´
´You asked for this´
´Doesn´t make this any better´
´Just finish this already´
I hold my hand up and began slicing carefully.
´I swear when this isn´t over soon I will hold you responsible´
´Concentrate we don´t want any missing fingers´
With high concentration and blurry sight I somehow manage to cut the onion in little pieces and handed them to Akimichi-san to put them in the pan.
"Here look for this receipt we need them to be golden brown, think you can manage this?"
"Hai" I nodded and took the spoon to look over the progress.
"You are getting better and better at this continue like this and you will even surpass my cooking" she swooned.
"I practice every day and especial when my friends need bentos for their missions, but I really want to make a special one for Naruto and his team tomorrow they will take out to wave country so they need some really good bentos don´t you think so too Akimichi-san?" I smiled at her and she explode out of happiness.
"Such a good friend you are, you will be an excellent wife your husband would be a really lucky man"
I blushed but fortunately the heat from the oven conceal it.
"Will you by any chance marry my son?" She winked at me.
I nearly dropped the spoon.
´This woman...I really don´t know how to describe her´
"I-I-I don´t think of marrying yet"
"Mhm" She looked at me with this "I will have you as my daughter" look, I shuddered but concentrated again on my pan seeing the onion had now the right colour.
"They are ready"
"Good then now the meat and don´t forget to flavour it"
"Hai" I carefully put the meat into the pan and flavour it with a bit salt, paprika and pepper.
While cooking my mind wanderer to the first time my friends tasted my cooking.
Flashback
Some days bevor the genin exam
Yesterday I told my guinea pig and Choji that I have made a bento for them to taste my cooking and secretly I have even some sweets to taste for the sweet tooth number one Itachi.
They waited for me in the park together with the others.
´Wow seems really hard to get some of them alone´
´I hope I have enough so everyone can try´
"Ah! Yuu over here" Choji was really excited and waved for me.
"Everyone nice to see you all, I´m only not sure if I have enough for everyone to try..." I trailed off looking at the big group of hungry friends.
"No problem I will just eat everything and give you your feedback" Naruto yelled but was quickly stared down by Choji and Kiba.
"Ne ne come one let's all share this" Hinata said to settle all of them down.
´She really won some confidence, that is so great´
´But Naruto is still her weak point´
´See on the bright side, she can now manage one sentence without to stutter´
´We should help Naruto to realize that Hinata is in love with him´
´I have even an Idea´
´Ah I see that is a good Idea´
´But that is for later on´
I handed one benot to Shika and the other one to Choji and give out some chopsticks.
"I hope you like it"
"It smells good I´m sure it will be yummy" Choji comment and then dug in shortly followed by Shika.
With their first bite they both frozen for some seconds and I feared the worst, but then Choji broke into tears.
"Yummy, that is a piece of heaven" after that declaration a fight for the bentos broke out.
"You know, it really was good, I look forward to more" I voice whispered in my ear. Swirling around with a light blush Shika stood there holding his bento and eating it at a normal pace (that would be fast for a Nara).
´Why do they always do that?´
´Because they know that you are sensitive there´
In no time the bentos were eaten blank.
"That really was good" Naruto said liking his lips.
"Hmh" A great Comment from Sasuke.
"Delicious" Hinata was also discreetly liking her lips.
They all praised me.
"You know how about I make you all bentos for the missions when you become genin"
"Really!?" This time it was Naruto calling out.
"Yes" and the next moment I was pulled in a group hug, squeezing me to death.
Flashback End
The meat was done now and I added the vegetables.
´It won´t be long anymore until the wave mission´
´Yes but first the teams wanted to meat up on BBQ after their missions so we better get this right and done so we can go there too´
One hour later I was done with the dish and Akimichi-san tried it.
"Ah! That's really great Yuuki-chan, excellent, sure you don´t want to marry into the Akimichi clan"
"It is a great offer but I must go now my friends are waiting."
"Then go. Ah! and tell Choji to come home a bit earlier his father wants to show him some nice techniques"
"Will do, until tomorrow"
"Good bye Yuuki-chan"
I hurried down the streets to Chojis favourite restaurant hearing them already or more, Kiba and Naruto.
Entering the building I was greeted with loud chattering clinking of dishes and sizzling of meat on the grill I only need to go in the direction of the largest and loudest table to find my friends.
"Yuu there you are come sit here with us" Ino greeted me making space for me to side between her an Hinata. Somehow my friends managed to loop their teachers into the meeting so I was introduced to them.
"This is Asuma-sensei our team leader and that there is Kurenai-sensei team leader from Hinata, Kiba and Shino and this pack there has Kakashi as their sensei, can you believe their luck getting the former head ANBU as a sensei." Ino ranted on and on.
My eyes wandered to the silver haired man sitting before some empty plates and reading his porn in open public.
"Don´t really know if it is really luck, such a team screams for trouble" Shikamaru remarked giving Naruto and Sasuke a pointed look.
"Yeah poor Sakura" I really felt with her, but she will manage even more when she becomes Tsunades apprentice and then it will be more like poor guys of team 7.
"Ne Shika, tell Choji not to eat all the meat" Ino whined at him. I looked around and saw all chatting happily and eating with no concern in the world.
´I´m not really are part of this anymore...´
´Na don´t be like that you will always be a part of this´
´But for how long?´
´They won´t forget you´
´Sure, because I think when I leave now no one will notice this´
´I think someone will´
´Let us see´
´Hey you will make it worse with leaving´
I stood up silently laid down my pay and left the restaurant walking straight for my hiding spot where I could think and be for myself without anyone finding me.
It was in the forest on top of the Hokage mountain, a little pond with an old Sakura tree which branches reached down into the water like a weeping willow. I went right under these branches sitting near the water listening, closing my eyes and thought about all this.
´To feel alone even when I´m with friends...I´m missing something again´
´Why this time you have real friends they won´t forget you and will be with you´
´I´m just not sure about this, they maybe will not but their time will be spent as teams on missions, there will be not much time especially when they all begin to advance in their career or in love live´
´Just fight for every minute you can have´
´I´m so tired, I never wanted to live again, I actually wanted to die and you know that´
´Didn´t you wanted to make the best out of all this?´
´Didn´t I already? I changed things, but it is all over like the other time, I´m nothing special we both know that, and everyone else does that too, that's why we will be forgotten or only a distant memory for most of the people I care for´
´That again, your inner demon, fight it already down´
´You know the only thing that could...One thing I never got neither from my family nor my boyfriends´
´Love, strong enough to break through your shields´
´Yes, but I would be naive to hope for this when I can´t even maintain my friendship with the others´
´Hope dies last, so don´t give up yet´
´I will wait as always until I can´t take it anymore´
´Cut this out girl you are stronger than this´
"Yuuki?" A voice called and I shot up from my laying position in a sitting one eyes wide and looking straight at Shikamaru standing over me.
"Shika? Why are you here? No better how did you find me?" I asked bewildered.
"I know you so I knew where to search, and I also come here from time to time" He looked me deep into the eyes sitting down beside me laying his hand over mine.
"Don´t give way to despair, we will never forget you, I will never forget you...We all will find enough time just don´t give up, as I said before when not believing in yourself believe in me" he gave me a rare wide smile. He gripped my hand a bit tighter.
A warm feeling flooded through me and tears began welling up in my eyes making my vision blurry.
"I don´t deserve such good friends" I also hold onto his hand wiping my tears away with the other.
"Ma so troublesome come here" he pulled me slightly nearer to him never letting go of my hand and got a hand chief out to brush my tears away. He was so near that I felt his warmth.
´Boys are generally warmer than girls even when so young´
I calmed down and closed my eyes feeling the peace he emitted when I opened them again his face was so near that I could count his eyelashes and look deep into this dark chocolate eyes getting lost in them only feeling on the side how he leaned his forehead to hers.
"You are important you know even when you can´t do anything special, but it was you getting us all together and you to help us even with little things, just open your eyes and see it already"
I blinked a bit shocked about the earnest his words held.
´He is right just look, look him in the eyes and remember the time how you melted down Sasuke and Itachi, how you made friends with Naruto over a bento and getting your friends to accept him, how you give Hinata enough courage to ask Naruto out to the Christmas party´
My Inner whispered while I looked still in his brown eyes seeing the warm feeling they held for me.
´You are right but do I deserve that?´
´Just accept it for once´
´Easier said than done´
But I gave Shika after all a bright smile that he returned only with a mischievous glint appearing.
´What-!´
He bit my nose. He bit it and then ran off like the devil was after him.
´HUH?´
´Don´t ask me I can´t answer that too´
´The hell?´
´Maybe-´
´Yes?´
´Ah! Not important´
´Huh?´
´Maybe he likes you?´
´But even then this action makes no sense´
´And why should everything make sense?´
´True´
I stood up with a better mood and began my track home.
´Thought it was later than this´
´Hmmm only 2pm a lot of time actually what do we do?´
´Maybe I should have thought more´
´Why?´
´I don´t know...it all feels so strange and that makes it hard to accept´
´Strange?´
´You know that I don´t really know how things like true friendship, Love or even being cared for feels like, not until I was reborn here, I can´t difference them I only know warm, neutral and cold´
´Sometimes you are so depressing´
I wandered away from my original destination and began wandering a bit aimless through the town thinking again but this time about something else than before or better said this time about myself and not what others think or feel about me.
"Yuuki?" I turned to the voice knowing already to whom it belonged.
"Itachi-kun" he mustered me from top to toe and then a frown appeared.
"What bothers you so much?"
"What do you mean?" I asked with my usual cheer, but his frown deepen and he even crossed his arms over his chest not needing to voice his doubt about that so I let go of my false cheer showing him my blank thinking face...one on which you maybe could see my true age.
"A lot of things go through my head Itachi, you don´t need to know all of them" I looked melancholically a bit up into the sky having the wind blow my hair a bit behind me I could feel my own melancholically heavy aura.
´What do I do?´
He uncrossed his arms watching me intensely, maybe asking himself the same as I.
"Want to come over and have some tea?"
"Huh? Uhm...sure why not" This time my smile wasn´t forced, so he got to my side to lead the way.
"We are not going to your house?"
"I got a flat last week, it is not very far from the Uchiha district."
"Oh I didn´t know"
´A own flat, yes that would be nice to have, remember our own? Such peace and you could do whatever you wanted decorate how you want...we really should soon begin to work´
´The best place would only take me in with 15, this year I will be 13 after the chunin exam so 2 years to go until then, but the only good thing that this year Hiruzen will give me my first test for our real plans´
´We should be ready for that´
Lost in my thoughts I didn´t noticed that we reached our destination when Itachi stopped and opened the door to his flat.
´COURIOUS´
´Na this time better not´
´True´
So I hold back myself and tried not to look too curious around just following him into the kitchen section.
Entering through the floor leaving my shoes at the entrance were to my right side of the room his living area with a sofa, a coffee table, a tv and a big bookshelf with some photos on the wall. To my left was a table with chairs and behind that a midsized kitchen and a floor leading more into the flat and could only guess where the three door there lead.
I sat myself down on the table so I could watch him making the tea.
"What would you like?"
"Do you have Jasmine tea?"
"Yes"
"Then I will take that" and he began to make expertly calm in efficient moves the tea and served it in some black cups.
"Thank you" I took my first sip of the calming tea savouring its sweetness running down my throat and warming my belly.
´I really needed that´
Silence sank down and I took a few more sips before it was broken by Itachi.
"What is bothering you?"
´I really need some time to relax, to be alone and enjoy nature how about a trip to the onsen?´
´We are too young to make that alone´
I looked him deep in the eyes and the sighted setting my cup down on the table but not letting go of it tracing its brim with my finger.
"Itachi..." I searched for words that won´t alarm him too much having already Shika fretting over my self-esteem problem I don´t need Itachi teaming up with him.
"I..." I sighted again ruffling my own hair at my forehead.
´Be blunt there will be no smother way´
"I´m doubting myself"
He lifted just a brow asking me nonverbal to elaborate.
I took a sip of courage from my tea.
"I´m doubting my worth, but that is nothing new...but beside that I doubt also...I...was asked by Akimichi-san about my plans for marriage...but I doubt myself cable of loving someone...I don´t know what it should be like...maybe I even doubt myself cabal of stronger feeling than a bit happy, sad or angry, I feel something cold muffling all of that" I looked down at my finger around the cup rubbing it out of being nervous not wanting to look up into Itachis eyes out of fear what I could find there.
He was silent and it felt like eternity until he spoke up.
"You are cable of feeling Yuuki, you just don´t see it as that because it is so natural for you, you just need someone open your eyes and heart"
´That sound a lot like Shika´
"But I´m worth of that? Will there really be someone?" I gazed shortly up to him seeing how his eyes became warm just like Shikas.
"You are, there will be someone just wait and do not lose hope"
"I do not hope"
At that he stood up rounding the table and kneeled down beside my side taking my hand in his.
"Then I hope for you, you are not alone Yuuki"
The warmth of his hand spread through my hand and up my arm into my heart and hitting on the same spot Shika hit and made a greater crack in my wall around it letting something trickling thought my body.
Fear.
´Why do I feel fear.´
´Did you forget?´
´What?´
´You once sealed a great part of your emotions away, because of your sensitivity. You got really hurt more than once, you are cable of feeling some feeling but not all of them, you pushed them behind that wall in hope to not be hurt again. This cold you feel muffling is your self-protection against being hurt´
´But why can´t I remove it? I have friends I´m happy but why won´t it be removed´
´You are mentally too strong, your demon is the guardian of the wall keeping it in place because deep down you just got hurt once too much and developed this things unconsciously to protect yourself. So clearly spoken deep down you don´t want to remove it and as long as this part of you don´t want it, it won´t budge. The exception is an outer source like friends or better someone who loves you, they can break the wall down and make you feel again.´
´Then we should just wait?´
´No you can begin to break that damm wall down as far as you can, hold onto your bounds, they will strength you, fight girl, you are strong, WE are strong´
´It is really good that not only my demon was created but you too, mirror of my soul´
´I know your potential, because I´m a part of you´
´Thank you´
The slight feel of fear disappeared, closing for a moment my eyes I calmed down and took Itachis hand leaning forward I repaid him and gave him a kiss to his own forehead.
"Thank you Itachi" I gave him a small smile and let the hope he gave me shimmer through my eyes, seeing that he returned my smile, standing up he pulled me from my chair into a warm hug laying his forehead on the crown of my head.
"Nothing to thank me for my little light" He murmured in my hair.
"Why do you call me this?"
"One day you will see why"
´Uchihas and their mysterious behaviour´
I rolled my eyes at that but snuggled deeper into the hug.
It was so warm and nice that I didn´t want to leave but nearing now 4 pm I left Itachis flat to go shopping for some ingredients, the wave mission is tomorrow and I wanted to make enough bentos for their travel.
Next morning at the gate
I handed all of team seven even Kakashi a scroll in which their bentos were sealed. Sealing and unsealing storage scrolls are the only thing that I could do with chakra.
"Here you go and Kakashi I even have a bento for your dogs I think they would like that" I grinned up to him getting an eye cringle in return.
"Thank you Yuu-chan" Naruto put his scroll safely away in his bag, I couldn´t believe it but it seems like my cooking was ranking right behind ramen for Naruto.
"For being such a brat you sure have a nice friend" Tazuna remarked.
"Yes she is a true friend" Sakura confirmed and Sasuke nodded to that.
"Then let us go" Naruto shouted eager to leave the village and begin his mission.
"Be careful guys, I want you back in, possible, one piece" I shouted and waved and watched them going away until I couldn´t see them.
´There they go´
´They will come back, having learned an important lesson´
´I´m interest how Naruto will tell the story later´
´Possible making himself the shining hero´
´Hahahahah possible´
I wanted to make my way to the park when I was stopped by and ANBU appearing before me.
´The hell!?´
´He doesn´t search for us, or does he?´
"Yuuki Hanaka?"
My eyes widened so much that I thought they would pop out.
"Yes ANBU-san?"
´What does Hiruzen think sending an ANBU for me!?´
"You are friends with Uchiha taicho"
That alarmed me more than the possibility that Hiruzen sent him.
"Yes, did something happen? Is he alright?" He handed me only a paper.
Taking it, I read it and were filled with a light warming feeling, a second spark of hope.
We found track of Tsunade-hime she will come to Konoha soon. I will get you an appointment so don´t give up Yuuki-chan.
"Do you need an answer?" The ANBU was still there watching me closely.
"No" and so he puffed away. I took the note and placed it in my poked going home.
"Yuuki-chan there you are, you have a letter" mother welcomed me back.
Curiously I took the heavy enveloper from her.
´This could be-´
´We aren´t sure but better open it in our room´
"Thank you mom it is surely from Akimichis-san, a new receipt" I told her while going upstairs to see what it really was.
Closing my door I sat down on my desk opening the enveloper to find a short note and-.
´Ah! My first test´
I smiled at the coded text on the other papers.
Your first test is to decode the text. When done give it to Inoichi.
´Hmmm...won´t be that easy´
´It is easy I have seen it before´
´Sure?´
I searched in my inner library and found the right book.
´Here, see? It is a code with a key, we only need to find the key´
´And that would be?´
´A book and how I Hiruzen know it would be the rule book for Ninjas´
´There is no other way then trying it out´
´This will be fun I really like puzzles and with most of my friends gone on missions I have time´
I smiled and fetched the book from my bookshelf and began the decoding of the text only to be done in just a few hours bringing the decoded text to Inoichi.
"I didn´t expect you so soon" We stood in the flower shop and I only gave him the envelope with a big grin.
"This was nothing"
"They will only get harder from here on"
"I will hope for that or it would be boring"
I laughed and left to find the Ino-Shika-Cho trio on their training ground. I may not be a ninja like them, but watching can´t hurt and so I can see my friends more often.
Thank you for reading and please leave me some reviews =) I really love them and always hope to get more, they are like cookies to me, addactive xD