Sherlock Hardy and the Killer Raccoon

Jeff put a pipe in his mouth. He had a long trench coat on and he was looking at everyone suspiciously. "We have serious problem here ladies and gentlemen. Isn't that right Watson?"

Ted frowned. "My name is Ted."

Jeff took the pipe out of his mouth and he slowly turned to glare at the younger man. "Your name is Watson," he growled.

"Okay," Ted said in a scared voice.

Matt glared at his younger brother. "Why does he get to be Watson? And who died and made you Sherlock Hardy. I should so be Sherlock here."

"Guys, can someone please explain to me what is going on?" Hunter asked.

Shawn sighed. "Well I can already tell you that it's going to be weird and stupid. It always is when Jeff's dressed up."

Jeff began to pace back and forth. "Gentlemen, we have a mystery in our hands. One of the people in this room…stole my raccoon."

"What?" Hunter said in disbelief. "When did you get a fucking raccoon?"

"Hey, you don't get to ask the questions here! Watson, sit him down so I can question him."

Ted approached Hunter slowly. The Game just glared at the young Legacy member. "Touch me and die you little bastard," the Cerebral Assassin growled.

Ted gulped and looked back at Jeff. "I'm afraid to touch him."

Jeff rolled his eyes and pushed Hunter down into the nearest chair. "Where were you on the night of last night?"

"I was at my house watching TV,"

"Alone?"

"No, I was with Stephanie."

"Oh really? Are you sure you weren't in my house stealing my raccoon?"

"No! I didn't even know you had a damn raccoon!"

"And just for the record, I want to say I didn't steal the raccoon before you even ask," Shawn said.

Jeff glared at Shawn. "Oh really? Well where were you last night?"

"I was stealing lobsters from the grocery store."

Matt frowned. "Why were you stealing lobsters?"

Shawn just looked at him. "If I told you, I would have to kill you."

Jeff turned to Matt. "What about you? You were near my house last night."

"I was taking a walk."

"Taking a walk! A likely story. Watson, give him a titty twister!"

"Ted you better not--OW OW OW!" Matt screamed as Ted twisted his nipples really hard.

"Uh…how long do you want me to do this?" Ted asked.

"For as long as it takes for him to admit that he stole my raccoon!"

"I DIDN'T STEAL IT YOU BASTARD!" Matt jumped away from Ted. He rubbed his nipples gently. "Damn it Ted! That really hurt."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry Watson," Jeff snapped. "One of these men is a raccoon thief." He put his pipe down on the table. "I must have it back. Michael Myers cannot function without me. He's a killer raccoon that will eat people's faces right off their heads."

Shawn looked scared. "Your raccoon really does that."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Jeff come on don't exagera--"

Suddenly a raccoon ran into the room and jumped on Matt's face. "Oh my God!" Matt yelled. He started running around the room like crazy. "Get it off! Get it off! It's trying to bite my face!"

Jeff's jaw dropped. "Bad Michael Myers! Bad! Don't eat Matty's face!"

"Somebody do something!" Shawn cried out.

Hunter tried to touch Michael Myers and he turned around snapped at Hunter. "Oh fuck that shit," the blonde said. "I'm not letting that thing bite me."

Ted finally managed to grab Michael Myers and tossed him across the room. Michael bounced off the wall and then managed to land on his feet.

"Watson!" Jeff yelled as Michael hid under the couch. "Why would you do that?"

"It was eating Matt's face!" Ted reminded him.

"So? That doesn't mean you throw poor Michael."

Matt looked at Jeff incredulously. "That's no reason to throw him? What the fuck man?"

"Sorry. I just love my raccoon." Jeff got down on his hands and knees and tried to coax Michael out from under the couch. "Come here boy. Nobody's going to hurt you anymore. Matt's sorry that his face looked so appetizing."

"Like hell I'm sorry!" Matt yelled. He grabbed a broom and turned the couch over violently. "Come here you little furry bastard!" He started trying to hit Michael with the broom.

"Matt stop it!" Jeff yelled as Matt chased his pet with the broom. "Leave Michael alone!"

Michael hissed evilly and lunged at Shawn. Shawn ducked and then he started chasing the raccoon. So Hunter and Ted watched as Shawn and Matt chased the evil raccoon from hell and Jeff was chasing both of them. It was quite a sight to see.

"So Watson," Hunter said slowly. "Aren't you glad you're here right now?"

Ted looked like he had no idea what to say. "I'm actually kind of scared."

Michael Myers lunged at Ted so hard that the young man went flying down to the ground. "Bad Michael!" Jeff yelled. "Don't attack Watson! Bad Michael!"

Hunter grabbed Shawn and tossed him over his shoulder. "Come on, we're getting out of here. The last thing we need to do is catch raccoon rabies."