The Amazing Lobster Story

2 weeks ago

Shawn was eating a cherry Tootsie Roll Pop while staring at Jeff. "Dude, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Spinning of course," Jeff replied. He was sitting in a black desk chair, just spinning and spinning and spinning. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Making me sick," Shawn replied. He got up and looked out the window so he wouldn't get sick from staring at Jeff too long. That's when he saw something completely out of the ordinary. "Jeff! Come here! There's a giant lobster out here!"

"Yeah sure, whatever you say Shawn," Jeff said with a snort.

"I'm serious man! There's a giant lobster in the front yard!" Shawn looked at the lobster fearfully. It had to be at least ten feet tall and it looked really pissed off.

Jeff shook his head. "Shawn, stop being ridiculous. There are only giant monkies who destroy climb on the Empire State Building. Giant lobsters are too lame to exist."

"Do not listen to your friend," the giant lobster told Shawn. "I'm as real as you are."

Shawn squeaked. He was hearing voices in his head now. What was he now, Randy Orton? Oh God, that was a horrifying thought. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"I am Lenny, the Lobster King. My people need your help Shawn."

"Wait, lobsters are people now?" Shawn asked. He was so confused.

Lenny sighed. "I'm using people in the general sense Shawn. Will you just get your ass out here? I don't have all night."

"Shawn where are you going?" Jeff asked as Shawn started heading to the front door. "You're not going to leave me here all alone, are you?"

Shawn sighed. "I have to Jeff. The Lobster King is waiting."

"What Lobster King? There is no lobster outside! Why are you acting so weird? Shawn! Answer me! Don't you walk away from me bitch!"

Shawn ignored Jeff's temper tantrum and went outside so he could come to Lenny. He carefully climbed up the Lobster King's back. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"To Lobster World," Lenny explained. He jumped into the air and they were suddenly flying in the air. Now Shawn didn't know a lot of things, but last time he checked, lobsters couldn't fly. Then again, maybe since Lenny was the Lobster King, he could do whatever he wanted. On the way to lobster world, Shawn saw all kinds of things. Matt was fighting a giant chicken yet again, Hunter was stealing an ice cream machine, Jeff had actually left the house and was swiging from tree to tree like Spiderman."What the hell is gong on?" Shawn asked. "What are my friends doing?"

"How do you know they're doing anythig Shawn?" Lenny asked. "Maybe you're just seeing things."

Shawn frowned. "Are you saying I'm hallucinating?"

"I'm just saying that not everything is as it seems." Lenny flew them to the grocery store and practically threw Shawn off of him. "My people are trapped inside of there. They need to be set free or my whole kingdom will collapse."

"Well why don't you go in there and get them yourself?" Shawn asked. "You're the giant lobster here."

Lenny grinned (at least Shawn thought it was a grin. He couldn't be sure. Did lobsters even have mouths? Hmmm…he would have to ask Hunter later). "Because that's your job Heartbreaker. Now go!"

Shawn sighed as he went into the store. This was way too weird. "Oohh, magazines," he said happily. He started to look at what the covers said. "Britney and Kevin caught in bed together…oooh, how deliciously white trash! Lindsay Lohan: I am so alone. Aw, who cares? Um…Brad and Angeli—"

A small lobster came out of the magazine and snapped its pincer thing at him. "Ack! What the hell?"

"The lobsters Shawn!" the tiny lobster ordered. "Get the other lobsters!"

"Okay! Okay! You don't have to get all pushy about it!" Shawn went to the back of the store and found the container the live lobsters were being kept. "Uh oh, that's glass," he muttered. "I need something to smash it with so I don't have to use my hands or feet. I don't want to get hurt here now." He looked around and saw Hunter's sledgehammer laying on the floor. "Wow, this is convienant." He picked it up and started smashing the glass. Unfortunately, he also smashed the lobsters up with it. "Uh oh," he muttered. "I think I—"

Now

"Stop!" Matt ordered. "Shawn, just stop for a second!"

Shawn stopped talking. "Why did you stop me? I didn't even get to the part where Lenny got mad and he made sure I could never turn invisible."

"Yeah Matt, you didn't even let him finish the story," Ted whined.

Matt shook his head. "Shawn, stop and think for a second. You said a Lobster King named Lenny told you to free the lobsters from the grocery store. Not only does this Lenny thing talk, but he flies as well. And Hunter's sledgehammer is convienantly at the grocery store just when you need it the most?"

"Well, it was kind of unconvienant since I killed the lobsters, but what's your point?" Shawn asked. "Are you trying to deny that I tried to liberate the lobsters?"

"By killing them?" Cody asked.

"Shut up Robin! Nobody asked you. Go suck on Batman or something."

Matt sighed. "Shawn, did Rob come to your house earlier that day?"

"Yeah."

"And what did you and Rob do?"

"We smoked some…" Shawn stopped as he remembered what he and Rob had smoked earlier that day. "Oh, never mind then."

"So none of that actually happened?" Ted asked. He sounded disappointed.

"Well I think I smashed the lobster thing with a sledgehammer," Shawn said slowly. "That would explain the vandalism charges I'm facing. But—"

"Get back here you liar!" Jeff screamed. He and Hunter came running back into the room. He now had the sledgehammer and he was trying to hit Hunter with it.

Matt sighed. "Oh boy, here we go again." He stood up. "Jeff, I'm coming to stop you! If you try to hit me with that damn thing, you're going to end up wearing your ass as a hat!"

Jeff stopped in his tracks. "Could you really do that?"

Matt shrugged. "I don't know. Do you want to find out?"

"No."

"Then sit down like a good boy. And from now on, make sure Shawn doesn't smoke anything Rob offers him."

"Okay."