Donuts, Skittles and Chaos (Grocery Shopping Part 2)

"Donuts!" Jeff yelled as he went into the bakery. He knocked over several employees and started devouring every pastry in sight. There were so many donuts that it made his head spin (not literally of course--but it would have been cool if it did). There were glazed ones, chocolate ones, frosted ones, cinnamon ones, jelly ones, ones filled with cream and every other kind in between. "You!" he shouted, pointing at one of the poor employees. "Find me something to drink! I am getting thirsty from these donuts!"

"Jeffery Nero Hardy!" Matt yelled as he stormed over. He did not look happy. "I told you no fucking donuts!"

It was times like this that Jeff always asked himself one question: what would Jesus do? And right now, he had the perfect answer. "Be gone, Satan! Hello Jelly Donut!"

This stopped Matt in his tracks. "What?"

"I'm trying to turn you into a jelly donut."

"Why?"

"Because that's what Jesus would do."

"Jesus never turned anyone into a jelly donut."

"He did in my story."

"What story?"

"The one where Jesus, Satan and their two friends go to the grocery store and Satan puts Jesus on a leash so he can't go get donuts. And then Jesus kicks Satan in the nuts, gets the donuts, turns Satan into a donut and then eats it and then lives happily ever after."

Matt sighed and gave his brother a strange look. "Jeff, can you please be reasonable for two seconds? You're going to give yourself a stomachache if you eat all these donuts."

Jeff just shrugged. "So? What do I care? It's your job to take care of me when I don't feel good."

Another employee came running into the bakery. "Guys! You won't believe what's happening! Some guy wearing leather chaps is eating all the Skittles out of the candy aisle!"

Jeff gasped. Shawn! That traitorous bastard! That stupid Village People chap wearing reject knew he wanted the Skittles after he was done with the donuts! Oh he was so going to get it.

Matt recognized the look on his brother's face. "Okay Jeff, let's be reasonable for a minute.

Jeff hated being reasonable. Reason was so boring and stupid, just like Matt was. He ran out of the bakery and got to the candy aisle as fast as he could, jumping over an unconscious Hunter on the way. It looked like the bastard got kicked in the face a second time. The dumb bastard just never learned when to keep his mouth shut. Jeff would have stopped to feel sorry for him if he would have had the time. But at the moment, he had Skittles to rescue.

"Michael Shawn Hickenbottom!" Jeff shouted as he caught the Showstopper in the act of eating the Skittles, despite the employees best effort to stop him. "Put down my candy this instant!"

Shawn looked up in surprised. It sounded like he had suspected to have Matt find him, but having Jeff catch him in the act was much worse. "Oh crap."

"Oh crap is right," Jeff growled. He sounded so much like an angry Matt that it was scary. "You hand over those Skittles this INSTANT or there will be HELL TO PAY!"

Shawn gulped. He started to hand over the fruity candy, but his degenerative ways got the best of him. "Make me!" he shouted. He took off running as fast as he possibly could.

"Oh you bastard!" Jeff yelled. He began chasing after Shawn, fully intending on destroying the Heartbreak Kid once and for all.

As Jeff chased Shawn around the store, Matt found Hunter and helped him up to his feet. "Ugh, Shawn is so dead when I get my hands on him," Hunter groaned.

Matt patted him on the shoulder. "Well the only person you have to blame for you getting kicked is yourself."

"Don't bust my balls Hardy," Hunter growled. "Or I'll kick you in yours harder than Jeff did."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's a promise."

Shawn and Jeff came running by at that moment. Shawn finally turned around and threw the Skittles at Jeff. "Here! Take them! Just take them and stop chasing me!"

Jeff caught the Skittles and stopped running. "You see? Was that so hard?"

"Yes. Part of me is dead now that I have surrendered."

Matt looked around at the angry employees that were gathering around them. "Guys, I think we're about to get kicked out of here."

Hunter raised his eyebrows. "Really? What gave you that idea Matt?"

Shawn sighed. "Damn, this is the tenth grocery store we've been kicked out of this year. I'm starting to think we're doing things we're not supposed to be doing."

They all thought about that for a second and then started to laugh. That was the most ridiculous idea they had ever heard in their lives. How could causing chaos and having fun be wrong?