The Return of the Brownies

"Guys I feel funny," Shawn complained. He and the others were sitting in Matt's living room, eating the special brownies Rob had given them as a present.

"Do you feel guilty for stealing one of my brownies?" Hunter asked. He was glaring daggers at his best friend. "Because that's what you did, you stupid son of a bitch!"

Matt giggled like a crazed chipmunk on crack. He tried several times to say something, but he failed miserably.

Jeff looked at everyone solemnly. "Guys, I have a problem. My house is haunted."

Shawn's eyes widened. "Really? Why do you say that?"

"Because every time I go in there, all I hear is "Jeff, clean up your mess! Jeff, don't leave your candy everywhere! Jeff, take out the trash! Wash the car Jeff!" Jeff's eyes were as wide as they could get. "And the funny thing is, the ghost sounds EXACTLY like Beth. I'm telling you guys, it's fucking crazy!"

"Does that make me crazy?" Matt began singing loudly and off key. "Does that make me crazy?"

"You want to know what sounds good right now?" Hunter asked suddenly. "Bugles. I want some Bugles."

Shawn shook his head. "I don't think that's a ghost Jeff. I think it's Beth who's telling you all those things. Rebecca does that to me a lot. She thinks just because I come home, it means that I'm going to start helping her with the chores and stuff. And I've told her a million times that I am the Showstopper! The Main Event! The Heartbreak Kid! I…wait, what were we talking about again?"

Hunter got to his feet and ran into the kitchen. "Damn it!" he yelled a couple of minutes later. "There are no Bugles in here."

"Guys! Guys! Watch this! You need to watch this!" Matt held his hands up and stomped his feet until Jeff and Shawn looked at him. That was when he smacked himself in the face as hard as he possibly could.

Jeff began to laugh so hard that he started to snort uncontrollably. "Dude! That was awesome!"

Shawn couldn't even form words. He just rolled around on the floor, howling in laughter and clutching his stomach.

Hunter came back into the room with a package of hot dogs. "I couldn't find the Bugles," he said sadly. "So I'm going to eat these instead." He stopped in his tracks when he realized they were all laughing. "What's going on? Why are you people laughing? Were you guys making fun of me? You better just tell me right now or I'll beat you with my sledgehammer!"

Matt just smacked himself in the face again, laughing as he knocked himself on the floor. That made Shawn and Jeff laugh even more.

Hunter just frowned as he sat back down. "You guys are really weird," he said as he shoved one of the hot dogs in his mouth.

Jeff pointed at Hunter and got a smug smile on his face. "Hunter likes wieners! Hunter likes wieners!"

Shawn smacked Jeff on the arm. "Quiet! That's completely immature!" He was silent for a second before giggling again. "Wiener! Wiener!"

Hunter rolled his eyes. "I don't care what you guys say. These wieners are really good. I'm going to eat every wiener that comes my way and that's the bottom line because the Game said so."

Matt picked himself up off the floor and got back on his chair. "You can't steal Stone Cold's lines," he said in a serious voice. "It's against the law."

"Yeah!" Jeff agreed. He kept nodding his head over and over again, which probably meant he hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation and he was nodding just to nod. "The police could come and arrest you!"

Hunter cocked his head to the side. "Well if they come to arrest me, won't they take all of you too? We've been eating the special brownies that the government doesn't want us to have. They could take us all to jail and then we'll end up being a bunch of bitches."

Shawn, Matt and Jeff all exchanged horrified looks. They hadn't thought of that before. "Oh crap!" Jeff exclaimed. "We're screwed!"

Matt stood up and looked back at his ass. "No, not yet. I have not been screwed yet."

Shawn got up to his feet and began putting things in front of the door. "Lock the doors! Close the binds! Move furniture around so nobody can get in and hide the babies! The police could be anywhere!"

Hunter looked around in confusion. "Wait, what babies?"

"The brownies! The brownies are the babies!"

Jeff's face lit up. "Really?" He picked up the pan that held the few remaining brownies and cradled it like it really was a baby. "Aw, look at it Matty? Isn't it adorable? It has my eyes!"

Matt took his finger and put his finger through the brownies. "Ha ha! I poked out your eyes!"

Jeff's face darkened. "You bastard!" He set the pan down and tackled his brother to the ground. It only took a couple of seconds for them to start wrestling on the ground.

"Damn it people, there's not time for that!" Hunter yelled. "This house is going to be turned into Fort Knox! Do you hear me? Fort fucking Knox!"

Matt and Jeff stopped fighting. "Who's Fort Knox?" Jeff asked. "Is he related to Mike?"

"Just shut up and help me and Shawn barricade the door!" Hunter snapped. "We need to make sure nobody gets in! We must save ourselves from the evil of the police! We must not get turned into bitches! Bitches I tell you! Bitches!"

XXXXXXXXX

Several hours later, Beth, Candice and Maria had to break into the house through a window because the doors wouldn't open, even when they got them unlocked. "I swear to God, I am going to murder those boys," Beth muttered as she helped Candice and Maria get in. "I'm not even joking right now."

"Why would they barricade the doors?" Maria asked. "What the hell could they be doing?"

Candice led them into the living room, which was where they found the boys all passed out in the living room, an empty pan of brownies in the middle and the movie Fantasia playing on the television. "Oh boy," she said. "I think they got into the brownies again."

Beth groaned. "That is it! I have had it! I am putting a stop to these damn brownies! I am not doing this anymore! As soon as they wake up, I am whipping them into shape even if it's the last thing I do!"