The Body Switch

"Santa's here and he's brought Chinese food!" Hunter yelled triumphantly as he entered the room carrying Chinese takeout.

Jeff looked up in interest until he saw Hunter. "Wait, you said Santa," he whined. "You're not Santa!"

"Yes I am," Hunter insisted. "I'm Santa's twin Hunter Claus."

"Yeah Jeff, can't you see the resemblance?" Matt asked as he took the food from Hunter and began passing it around. "I mean, sure instead of red, fat and jolly, his blond, big nosed and he has anger issues, but they are so totally twins."

Hunter glared at Matt. "You know, you're really lucky I don't stab you with a chopstick right now."

Shawn shook his head. "Hunter, we've talked about how threats like that aren't nice. You know the therapist said you need to work on being less of an asshole to people."

"Yeah, and the therapist also said you need to stop being obsessed with ninjas, but I don't see you doing that any time soon."

"But my ninja obsession is way less damaging than your anger problems."

Matt shook his head. "You two need more help than any therapist can give you. I'm sorry to say that because you guys are my friends, but it's the truth."

Jeff giggled. "You know, if you separate that word up, you have the rapist."

Matt sighed. "Have you been watching Saturday Night Live again?"

"Maybe." Jeff dug through his bag and squealed. "Oooh, fortune cookies!"

"Hunter!" Matt yelled. "I told you no fortune cookies! Jeff's never going to eat the rest of his food now!"

Hunter just shrugged. "Sorry man, I meant to listen to you on that, but then I remembered that you're a loser, so I didn't."

Jeff eagerly opened the wrapper of the first fortune cookie and then broke the cookie in half. Something very weird happened as soon as he did that. The entire room flashed green and they all felt like something was being pulled out of them and then being shoved back in violently.

"What the fuck was that?" Matt asked---only Shawn's lips were moving.

"Holy crap!" Shawn said. He made Hunter's body turn around. "Jeff, what the fuck did you do?"

Jeff, who was in Matt's body, just shrugged. "I don't know. But this is cool."

"Cool?" Hunter said incredulously. He made Jeff's body stand up. "Look at me. This is not cool. I look like a freak now!"

Jeff scowled. "Who are you calling a freak?"

"Boys, let's calm down," Shawn said.

"Fuck calming down," Matt said. "Let's fucking get ourselves back in our own bodies."

Shawn frowned. "Oh, so is my body not good enough for you to be in? Is that it?"

"That's not what I said dumbass. I just meant--"

"Hey guys, look what I can do!" Jeff exclaimed. He started dancing around the room, acting like a complete jackass in the process.

"Stop that!" Matt yelled. "You're making me look like a dirty stripper!"

"I think that's the point," Hunter said with a smirk.

"Would you shut up and open another cookie?" Matt snapped. "We need to fix this!"

"Fix what?" Candice asked as she came into the room. "And oh my God! Matt, what are you doing?"

"It's not me!" Matt yelled, scaring Candice because he was Shawn. "Jeff--"

Hunter opened another cookie at that moment, making them switch bodies again. "Son of a bitch!" Shawn yelled. Now he was in Matt's body. "That didn't work."

"Oh my God!" Candice yelled. She was in Shawn's body. "I'm old!"

"What did you just say?" the Heartbreak Kid said dangerously.

"Dude, actually, this is perfect," Matt said. He was in Jeff's body and he was looking for payback. He grinned evilly. "I think I know exactly what I need to do now."

Jeff, who was now Hunter, glared at his older brother. "Matt--"

"Candice, I need your stripper pole. I'm going to--"

Jeff just tackled Matt to the ground and started throttling him. While those two went at it, Shawn and Candice got into an argument about Shawn being old. It wasn't until they heard Hunter giggling that they all realized whose body he was actually in.

"OH MY GOD!" Candice shrieked. "STOP TOUCHING ME!"

Hunter, who had his hand on Candice's breasts, froze in his tracks. "It's not what it looks like, I swear," he tried to say.

Candice screamed, picked up a newspaper and started beating Hunter with it. "You can't do that!" Hunter yelled. "Male on female violence is wrong! I'll scream rape!"

"IF YOU DO NOT QUIT TOUCHING ME THIS INSTANT, I'LL REALLY GIVE YOU SOEMTHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!"

"That's it, I've had it," Shawn said. He grabbed another fortune cookie and opened it up. Once again, they all changed bodies, but this time things worked out a little better.

"Oh thank God," Matt said. He was back in his own body. He grabbed the bag and held it out of the other's reach. "We are getting rid of these right now. These things are evil."

"I agree," Shawn said. He set down the newspaper Candice had used to beat Hunter with. "I don't ever want to do that again."

Jeff glared at Hunter. "Please tell me you just liked touching Candice too much and it has nothing with being on top of me right now."

Matt, Shawn and Candice frowned. "What?"

Hunter groaned and quickly started heading towards the door. "I'll be in the bathroom," he told them.

"Doing what?" Shawn asked.

"You don't want to know!"

Matt frowned. "Wait, you're in my house! You can't do that here! Hunter!"

Jeff watched Matt run after Hunter. "Well that's great. Matt's not ever going to let me eat a fortune cookie again."

Candice patted him on the back. "It'll be okay. We'll just eat his chocolate chip cookies instead."

Jeff grinned. "You're an evil and diabolical woman. Don't ever change."