Fudd and Kaiju

an omake based on, "Taylor Varga" by mp3.1415player

Across the world, the Endbringer alarm sounds once again for the second time in a week. Teams of parahuman heroes and villains scrambled from their places of rest to answer the call, gathering quickly at staging points to be sent out to the far ends of the earth.

An sensation of unease swept through many, as the news of which Endbringer they were being summoned to fight, began to filter through the ranks. It wasn't Behemoth, the Hero Killer. It wasn't Leviathan, the Hope Crusher. Nor was it the Simurgh, the Mind Breaker. No, it was much worse than they could hope to put words to.

All three Endbringers, were converging on a single spot deep in the Pacific Ocean.

The generators quickly began to spin to full power across the warehouse containing the portal device, as several parahumans, PRT personal and lizard girls ran around the place, launch preparations for the Endbringer counter assault nearing completion. Tesla coils sparked with a high amount of voltage as Ithane and Metis threw switch after switch, spooking the gathered heroes as they began to laugh like mad scientists.

It was into this echoing disturbance, that Armsmaster walked into the warehouse followed by technicians carrying a case marked radioactive. Looking around the enlarged space, taking in all the new equipment, the worried looking personnel and the cackling lizards, he let out a resigned sigh before calling out to Ithane and Metis.

"What in tarnation, is going on here?"

The reptilian sisters stopped their cackling to acknowledge the arrival of the hero only to freeze, their eyes going wide with surprise before they broke out into hysterical laughter clutching to each other for support. Armsmaster huffed and crossed his arms over his armor, grumbling about ragflagistic leaping lizards, under his breath.

"You're face!" laughed Ithane, "What happened to your face?"

Grumbling some more, Armsmaster quickly strode towards Saurial's cousins, his signature blue and silver armor and halberd reflecting the lights from the numerous jacobs ladders from around the room. His face on the other hand, was missing it's also infamous neatly trimmed beard. Instead, flowing out from beneath his faceplate was a large, long, bushy, fire red handle bar moustache. With a huff of air, that briefly blew his moustache away from his face, he addressed the laughing lizards.

"A small incident with a new chemical compound and a missed decimal point in the last upgrade to my automated shaver, but that's not important right now. What's our ETA on Kaiju? And do we have a lock on where the Endbringers are converging?"

With a last chuckle, Metis grinned toothily at Armsmaster, "The last satellite update gave us a location, all three Endbringers are estimated to be making landfall on Easter Island in the next twelve minutes, give or take. As for our strange monster, Saurail was in the water just minutes after the siren went off. Kaiju should be here in approximately eight minutes. Do you have the boom maker?"

"Yes we're all set," replied Armsmaster. "Those varmints are going to get a nice surprise this day."

Armsmaster looked around the former fish plant turned mad scientist laboratory, taking in all the new equipment that had been installed since his last visit. "Why do you have so many old monster movie set props, that are unnecessary for the function of the portal, and just give this place a creepy atmosphere?"

Metis and Ithane grinned wide showing of rows of sharp teeth that made the PRT personnel shudder in horror, and spread their arms wide bowing slightly.

"Presentation!" they exclaimed together.

From a console to the right, a technician called out, "Kaiju has entered the harbour."

Ten minutes later, Kaiju stepped thru the portal and onto Easter Island. Ithane and Metis sighed. It was all in the claws of the hundred foot tall lizard now.

The computer next to Metis, issued and alert, catching her attention. Quickly reading the message, Metis turned to Ithane and said one word, "Coil." Then she was gone, out the door and beyond the DWU compound less than a minute later, not even noticing when a startled worker accidently dropped a bucket of white paint down her back.

The sun was just coming over the horizon in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, warming the waters around the mysterious Easter Island when every bird on the island suddenly took flight traveling to parts unknown. Moments later a bright pinprick of light appeared near the eastern shore, before it dramatically expanded to over a hundred feet in height. From within stepped out the eighty foot tall, seven limbed, blue scaled, friendly lizard, Kaiju. Toting her nuclear powered shotgun over her shoulder she looked up and down the shore curiously before focusing on the unnatural scent that was in the air.

Stepping fully onto the beach, the large lizard surveyed the portal as it began to close. Just before it disappeared, a small drone buzzed out of it and began to circle Kaiju. A small breeze brought the scent of Leet and Uber to her nose, with a mental grin, Kaiju quickly fashioned herself a brown and scarlet hunting vest and deerskin hunter's cap. Smirking, Kaiju looked right into the lens of the hovering camera, bringing up one of her clawed fingers to her snout signaled for silence.

"Shhhhh. Be wery, wery quiet. I'm hunting Endbwingers."

With that she brought her shotgun to her shoulder and began to tiptoe into the center of the island. That she was humming the mission impossible theme while doing so was totally a coincidence.

Hidden in a crater along the western coast of the island, Kaiju crept towards the three Endbringers as much as her thousand ton frame could sneak that is. Observing her query, Kaiju paused as she took in the scene. Below her the three Endbringers were what looked like in the middle of a heated debate, wildly gesturing and screeching at each other. But the most peculiar thing about these menaces was their appearance. Normally the Endbringers would be monstrous looking giants uncaring about their physical appearance, but for some strange reason it looked as if the Endbringers had tried to put on disguises in order to hide from the enemy. Badly.

Kaiju tried to guess what they were thinking, when they decided to try and dress like thirty foot tall harmless woodland creatures, but choose to ignore it as irrelevant, though Varga wouldn't stop laughing in her head.

Moving closer, she tried to figure out what the beasts were trying to imitate. Behemoth had covered itself in a grey moss trying to make it look like fur and bent saplings tied to it's head, which after a moment, Kaiju figured out that the Behemoth was imitating a giant grey rabbit… weird.

Her attention was than moved to the fast pacing aquatic threat. The Leviathan looked just as bizarre, as it had manipulated black oil to cover its body in the shape of black feathers and had apparently carved some coral into the shape a beak. A black mallard, really thought Kaiju.

The Simurgh on the other claw, was a whole other kettle of fish. It had done something to itself, she wasn't sure what, but it now looked like a giant multi-winged silver angel wearing a black and white cat girl costume, that looked very professionally done.

It was kinda ridiculous, really.

Tiptoeing closer, the Endbringers suddenly became alert and turned towards her immense form when she accidently stepped on a fallen tree causing a loud crack as it snapped in half easily from her weight. Everything froze.

Finally the taboo was broken by the Behemoth speaking for the first time in memory, as its deep voice rang out it munched on a piece granet it had picked up somewhere.

"Eh… What's up Croc?"

Five minutes later, Kaiju was very amused kept trying to shove one of their brethren in front of her shotgun.

"Rabbit season!"

"Cat season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Duck season!"

"Cat season!"

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Lizard season!" The three Endbringers looked at Kaiju, "What? I was feeling neglected."

The three monsters went back to their argument.

"Rabbit season!"

"Cat season!"

A frustrated Behemoth and Simurgh glanced at each other, and gave a slight nod.

"It's Cat season!" screamed the Simurgh pulling on the shotgun to point at herself.

"No! It's Rabbit season!" rumbled Behemoth stepping into the weapon's path.

The over agitated Leviathan was going nuts, grabbing the end of the barrel pulled on it till it was right in it's face, and screamed fanatically at Kaiju, "It's Duck season, Shoot!"

Kaiju pulled the trigger.

BOOM!

Hawaii -

"You've been a great audience! Goodbye Honolulu, and have a great night!" The blond and feather headed young woman called to the huge crowd in front her stage. The crowd had just begun to chant for an encore when a brilliant light exploded across the horizon to the south, followed minutes later by several large bangs.

The ground shakes, as what ever had happened set off a nearby volcano, realizing the danger they are in, the crowd quickly begins to become a mob of panicky human.

Seeing the once cheerful people become an unruly mob, the young singer Canary, took it upon herself to use a part of her power that she rarely indulged in, her hypnotic voice.

"Attention," she called into her microphone. "Attention everyone! I know you are all scared, but I must ask you to calm down. Panicking will not help. Please listen to me." Seeing everyone turning to obey her, she quickly gave instruction to calmly evacuate the area, and to help each other reach safety as quickly as possible.

Paige 'Canary' McPhee watched as the masses quickly escaped the area, she stayed to the last feeling it was her responsibility to make sure her fans got away unharmed. As she began to make her way out of the stadium, another boom of sound came from over head. She and the cameraman who had stayed to film all the action, looked up and watched as The Simurgh, in a cat costume, tumbled uncontrolled overhead towards the now active volcano.

Shocked, Canary stumbled on the uneven ground, causing her to bite her tongue.

"Ow! My thonge!" she exclaimed, before turning to the cameraman. "I thought I thaw a putty-tat!"

Making a decision, Canary, and her cameraman, make their way up to the edge of the volcano, dodging streams of lava and hot gasses, all the while sending the images live over the world. Sooner than expected, they reach the volcano rim, where they find a badly injured Simurgh, hanging onto the lip with a few fingers.

"I did! I did, see a putty-tat!" murmured Canary into her live mike.

Stirring up her bravery, Canary approaches the Endbringer, which gives her a pleading look.

"This little piggy went to the market." she chants, as she loosens the Simurgh's hold.

"This little piggy stayed home." another finger loses its purchase.

"This little piggy had roast beef." One more finger left.

"This little piggy had none."

With that, the Simurgh plunges deep into the crater, and begins to be seared alive by the lake of lava.

"This little… aww, no more piggy's" Canary grinned at the camera.

Back in Brockton Bay, Coil could feel his heart practically exploding in his chest, as he races from street to street on foot. Looking behind him, he whimpers as he catches sight of the monster stalking him.

Metis, her scales black as night, chases Coil down the streets of Brockton Bay, skipping happily after him, her black scales coated with twin white lines of paint from an errant placed paintbrush trailed down her back. Laughing merrily at the fun she's having, she calls out to Coil.

"Come, Mon Cheri! Let me embrace you! It is how you say, eh, painful at first, but I'll survive it."

"You're despicable!" Coil cries, as Metis pounces on him.

Several officers watched as Metis chased after the villain known as Coil, all across Brockton Bay, gathered on the Docks, they took bets and called encouragement to the exhausted villain.

Just above them, the sounds of rusted hinges being forced to work after a long time, draws their attention. A shirtless and drunk Kenta, sticks his head out the window of the tavern he had been drowning his sorrows in for the past few weeks. Seeing himself being looked at oddly by the police officers, he stutters out, "Th-a, Th-a, Th-a, That's all folks." before climbing back into the tavern and his drink.