Peeping Toms

Matt looked over at Jeff, who was humming way too innocently to actually be innocent. "What are you up to?" he asked.

"Nothing," Jeff lied. He was sucking on a grape lollypop, so his lips and tongue were all purple. "Why would you think that I was up to something?"

"Beause you are always up to something," Matt replied. "That's kind of the way you are."

Jeff pouted his lips. Now he was insulted. How could Matt even think that about him? That was just plain mean. "Screw you Matty. I'm gonna go play with Hunter now and you're not invited."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Wow, my feelings are just so hurt by that," he said sarcastically. "I'm just going to go cry in the corner now like a little baby."

Jeff flipped Matt off and stormed out of the room. He didn't like being accused of being up to something. Sure he had stolen the master key to all of the hotel rooms from the maids and he was planning on going into people's rooms to mess with them, but that didn't mean he liked being accused of being up to no good. It just made him feel like a criminal or something. And unless he was gonna get a gun out of it, he didn't want to feel like a criminal.

"Hunter!" he called out. "Where are you? Come out and play with me!" He turned the corner and saw Phil and Tommy Dreamer by the vending machine. "Hey have you guys seen Hunter?"

"You stay away from me!" Phil yelled. He backed away from Jeff. "I don't want anything to do with you!"

Jeff frowned. "What crawled up your ass today Phil?"

"I think he's still upset about you kidnapping him and putting him into a cage full of gorillas," Tommy said wisely.

"Oh come on Phil, that was fun!" Jeff insisted. "The gorillas really liked you. They just wanted to be your friend."

Phil glared at Jeff. "Those gorillas were not looking for friendship. They were looking to kill me and you are evil for enjoying my pain."

"Hey! I'm not evil! You're the evil one here!"

"Oh yeah? What did I ever do to you?"

"You stole my title at--"

"That was a storyline! You knew that was gonna happen!"

"I did not!"

"You did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Enough!" Tommy yelled. He put his hands on Phil and Jeff's shoulders. "This has gone on for way too long. You two are going to stop fighting right now."

"What if I don't wanna?" Jeff asked.

"Then I'm gonna smack you in the head with my sledgehammer," Hunter replied. He walked over to them and grinned. "I just went by Matt. He said you were looking for me."

Jeff nodded. "Matt's not my friend anymore so I'm gonna play with you instead."

Hunter frowned. "Don't you say that all the time?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know."

"You do realize that you'll be forgiving him before the day is over, right?"

"Don't point out stuff like that. That's just gonna waste time by taking it away from what we're about to do." Jeff took the master key and used it to unlock the first door he saw.

"Okay, this could be considered morally and possibly legally wrong," Hunter told him. The Game smirked. "I love it."

Jeff grinned and carefully opened the door. Whe he and Hunter saw was Chris Jericho trying to teach Big Show how to....well, he was trying to....Jeff couldn't even believe what he was seeing.

"No no no you big idiot!" Chris said impatiently. "You have to put your hand here and your foot over there. Don't you know anything?"

"Hey, this isn't easy for me," Big Show said defensively. "I'm a lot bigger than you are Chris. I don't bend like you do."

"Wow," Hunter said, not even bother trying to hide the fact that he and Jeff were watching this. "I'm very disturbed right now but I can't look away."

Chris and Big Show looked up from their game of Twister. "Do you two hypocrites mind?" Chris said angrily. "We're busy here!"

Jeff quickly shut the door. "That was mildly disturbing," he said as he and Hunter walked away.

Hunter shook his head. "I think "mildly" is putting it too lightly. I don't think we're gonna see anything worse than that."

Jeff unlocked another door and they looked in. They found Morrison standing in front of a full length mirrior, admiring himself in a dress. "Damn, look at me," the Shaman of Sexy said to himself. "I'm so pretty that I can even be a girl."

Hunter's jaw dropped while Jeff burst into a fit of giggles. "What the fuck are you doing you freak?" Hunter shouted at the top of his lungs. "Have you lost your damn mind?"

Morrison screamed and threw a shoe at them. "GET OUT!"

"Gladly you fruitcake!" Hunter yanked Jeff back while shutting the door. "I'm not liking this game anymore Jeff."

Jeff struggled to stop giggling. "You know, that's not any worse than the time that we tried on high heels or the time I cross dressed so--"

"Those things were different!" Hunter exclaimed. "They were us and there were purposes behind those actions! Morrison is just an idiot."

Jeff couldn't disagree with that. He went to another door and unlocked it. Just as he was about to open it, someone did it for him. "No!" Shawn said. "You cannot come in and see what I am doing! That is not allowed!"

"Why not?" Hunter asked. "Are you masturbating in there or something?"

Jeff made a face. "Hunter!"

Hunter just shrugged innocently. "What? Rebecca ain't here and a man has needs Jeff. You'll understand that when you grow up."

Shawn turned a deep shade of red. "I am not masturbating!" he told them. "Now go away!" He slammed the door right in their faces.

"Okay then," Jeff said slowly. "He's acting a little weird." He went to another door and unlocked it. "I think the people around us have some serious issues."

Hunter nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah."

Jeff opened the door and poked his head into the room--only to come face to face with Mark. "Uh...hi!" Jeff forced himself to say cheerfully.

"Oh boy, this isn't gonna be good," Hunter muttered.

Mark glared at both of them. "Give me that key right now," he growled. "Or I will hurt you both in ways you could have never imagined possible."

"Wait, what's the magic word?" Jeff asked.

"NOW!" Mark barked.

Jeff whimpered, handed Mark the key and hid behind Hunter. "I is scared!"

Hunter stared at Mark until the Phenom snarled at him and then he took off running. "Okay, we are never doing that again," he said. "At least not while Mark is on tour with us. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Jeff said quickly. Even he wasn't dumb enough to fuck with the Undertaker....well okay, he was, but not tonight. Mark was too grouchy tonight. But maybe some other time would be...oh who was he kidding? Mark was always grouchy.

Jeff's eyes brightened. "I've got an idea!" he exclaimed.

Hunter groaned. "I'm not gonna like this, am I?"

"No but shut up because you're gonna do it anyway. We just need to get Matt and Shawn because this job is gonna need all of us."

"Wait, what are we doing?"

"We're gonna cheer up Mark and make him less grouchy."

Hunter stopped in his tracks. "You've got a death wish, don't you?"

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Now is not the time for stupid questions. Now is the time for planning. Now let's hurry up! I need to execute this plan before dinner tonight. Matt gets pissed when I miss meals."