Smile Bitch!

"You cannot seriously be considering this," Matt said in disbelief. He looked at Hunter and Jeff like they were more insane than usual (and honestly, he thought they were at the moment). "This has got to be one of the--no, this is THE dumbest things you two have ever thought up of. Do you realize that this could get you killed?"

Jeff rolled his eyes. "You're being overdramatic Matty. What is so bad about trying to cheer Mark up?"

"He's Mark!" Matt reminded him. "He loves being grouchy! That's him on a good day! You trying to "cheer him up" and "make him smile" is going to get you two killed."

"No, it's going to get him killed," Hunter said, pointing to Jeff. "Because I will toss his scrawny ass into the line of fire and run like hell if Mark comes after us."

Jeff pouted his lips. "Aw, why doesn't anybody love me anymore? It's no fair! I wanna be loved!"

"You are loved you dope," Matt informed him. "Hunter is just a jackass."

"Am not!" Hunter denied. He held up a sock puppet that had had blonde hair from a barbie doll glued on to it, the letters DX written on it and pieces of leather hanging off the side of it. "You're the jackass!"

Matt stared at the sock puppet. "What the fuck is that supposed to be?"

"Uh....Shawn."

"That's Shawn? Wait, why isn't he on this dumbass scheme?"

"Cuz he's still won't come out of his room," Jeff replied. "He won't tell us why though. He just keeps saying that he's busy. I think after we cheer up Mark we should see what he's up to."

"That's assuming you live through cheering Mark up," Matt said. He sat down on his bed. Jeff and Hunter had already tried to force him to come along with them, but he had refused. He wasn't as stupid as they were, so he knew a lost cause when he saw one.

Jeff shook his head. "Nuh uh Matty. That's assuming we live through cheering Mark up."

Matt frowned. "But I told you--"

Hunter blindsided Matt by picking him up and tossing him over his shoulders. "Sorry Hardy, but what you told us doesn't actually matter at the moment."

Matt whined and tried to get free from Hunter's grip, but he failed miserably. Defeated, he settled for lots of yelling instead. "I want no part of this! I want it to go on the record that I do not want to do this because I do not want to die!"

Jeff giggled as he hopped along ahead of them. "You're so silly Matty." Then he began singing. "Little Bunny Fufu, hopping through the forest, knocking field mice and killing them until they're dead!"

Hunter sighed. "Jeff, that's not how the song goes."

"It is now!" Jeff replied. He waved at Ted, Cody and Phil as they passed them by. Ted waved back, Cody didn't give Jeff a second look and Phil ran screaming for cover. "Mark!" he shouted when he saw the Deadman. "Oh Mark!"

Mark, who was innocently just trying to get some ice from the ice machine, grunted as Jeff jumped over to him and gave him a hug. "Damn it to hell Hardy, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm gonna cheer you up!" Jeff said happily. The fact that Mark was looking at him in a way that would make most other people run screaming for cover was completely lost on him. "You're always so grouchy and I want to make you smile."

Mark stared at Jeff for the longest time before turning to Hunter and Matt (who was on his own feet again, but unable to get away because Hunter was holding on to him). "Tell me he is not serious right now."

"Oh come on Mark," Hunter said with a grin. "A smile wouldn't kill you, would it?"

"No, but it might kill you," Mark growled.

The smile was quickly wiped off of Hunter's face and it was replaced with a look of fear.

Matt held up his hands and hoped that he could possibly get shown some mercy if he threw Jeff and Hunter under the bed. "I just want it to be known that I had nothing to do with this plan and I don't even want to be here right now. They made me come along with them."

"Oh don't be modest Matty," Jeff said, taking the Shawn puppet from Hunter. "Don't let me and Hunter take credit for your idea."

"Jeff shut up! This was not my idea!"

Mark rolled his eyes. "You know what? I'm going to walk away right now, and it would be best if you all just left me the hell alone now."

"Wait!" Jeff said. He stopped Mark before he had even taken two steps. "Shawn has something he has to tell you."

Mark stared--no, GLARED-- at the Shawn puppet. "Jeff seriously, I--"

Jeff made the Shawn puppet kiss Mark right on the lips.

"Oh dear God," Matt said under his breath. He could not believe Jeff had just done that. What the fuck was Jeff thinking?

Mark glared back and forth between the puppet and Jeff. "You better pray that the real Shawn put you up to that Jeff," he finally said. "Or we are going to have a serious problem."

Jeff folded his arm and followed Mark as he started walking away. "You're not getting rid of me that easily Callaway!" he nearly shouted. "I will get a smile out of you even if I have to bug you all day!"

Matt and Hunter let Jeff go off by himself. Matt felt bad about that, but if Jeff didn't know when to leave shit alone, whatever was going to happen to him was just going to have to happen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think we should go to the circus," Jeff said, babbling as fast as he could. Mark was doing everything in his power to ditch him and he was doing everything in his power not to be denied. "A circus has clowns. Clowns would make you smile. Oh and we could ride the elephants and camels and we could get our faces painted--"

Mark rubbed his temples. "Jeff please, I'm begging you to shut up here. I know you think I need to smile, but I don't. I'm happy not smiling. Now please go away."

Jeff shook his head. "Nope. You're gonna smile, even if it kills me." He grabbed Mark's arms and then stood on the larger man's feet in an effort to stop him from going anywhere else. "If we go find Phil and have you chokeslam him, would that help?"

Mark glared at him. "The only person who's going to get chokeslammed is you Hardy, so you better get the hell away from me."

Jeff pouted. This was not going the way he wanted it to. Mark's not even listening to me, he thought to himself. He won't even consider doing what I say. That made him mad. Damn it, he was wasting a lot of time and effort into this. The least Mark could do was try. Letting his temper get the best of him, he did the stupidest thing he had ever done: he slapped Mark across the face and shouted "Smile bitch!"

Mark blinked, looking like he didn't just believe Jeff had done that. Jeff blinked back at him, wishing someone would just strike him dead before Mark decided to do it. When nothing happened and Mark started reaching for him, he took off running and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Mark watched Jeff go, almost chasing after him before shaking his head and chuckling. Sure he would throttle Jeff later when he got his hands on him later, but just knowing that he scared people so badly...well, THAT did make him smile.