Captive

Hunter groaned as he felt little hands grabbing and touching him. "No girls," he muttered, thinking it was his daughters trying to get him to wake up and play with them. "Not now. Go bug Mommy."

The little hands kept right on touching him though. And slowly but surely, he began to realize that there were too many of him to just be his two daughters. Maybe they invited their little friends over….wait, are they even old enough to have friends yet? He tried to start pushing them away, but realized that he couldn't move his arms. Starting to freak out, he opened his eyes and saw that he was not only tied up, but there were a bunch of leperchauns checking to make the sure that the ropes were secure. "Hey!" he shouted, doing his best to scare the little bastards. "Get off me!" He tried to pull himself free from the ropes but he was tied up too tightly. "Shawn! Shawn!"

"Hunter I'm right here you goof!" Shawn exclaimed. "Look over."

Hunter did that and saw that Shawn was tied up right next to him. "Shawn, what the hell is going on?" he asked. "Where the hell are we?"

Shawn shook his head. "I have no idea. I've tried asking them but they don't speak English."

"Oh come on, they have to speak something." Hunter looked at the nearest leperchaun. Just to be on the safe side, he decided to speak very very slowly. "Where….are….we? What….do…you….want….with…us?"

The leperchaun began grunting and babbling incoherently. Hunter stared at it, desperately trying to understand what it was saying. "Okay, I've got nothing," he finally admitted. "Look Tiny Tim, if you can't speak English then could you speak Mexican instead?"

"Hunter!" Shawn gasped.

"What?" Hunter said, genuinely confused about why Shawn sounded offended. "Steph and I have a Mexican maid! I sometimes understand what she says so—"

"First of all, your maid speaks Spanish, not Mexican," Shawn told him. "Mexican is a type of people and their food, not a language."

"No, Spanish people speak Spanish because they're from Spain," Hunter interrupted. He could not believe how dumb Shawn was sometimes. "Mexicans have to speak Mexican because they are from Mexico."

"No—"

"Yes—"

"No—"

"Shawn—"

"Rebecca told me that Mexicans speak Spanish and she's smarter than you so shut your stupid mouth!" Shawn yelled angrily.

The leperchauns all began grunting and jumping around, startling both members of DX. Hunter didn't know why they were so agitated, but he didn't like it. "Shawn, we can settle the Mexican thing later," he said. "Right now, we just need to get the hell out of here."

Shawn nodded. "I agree. The rope is itchy and I have to pee so—"

"Dude, TMI!"

"TMI?"

"Yeah."

"What's that mean?"

"Too much information."

"Well why didn't you just say that? We could have avoided all the confusion."

Hunter sighed. "Shawn—" He stopped talking as the leperchauns went crazy again. This time the tiny captors didn't just grunt though; they began tossing gold coins around and not only were those sons of bitches big, but they hurt too.

"OW!" Shawn yelled. "My eye! Hunter they hit my eye!"

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Hunter replied. He was moving his head all over the place, trying desperately to avoid the coins that were coming at him. He was able to avoid some of them, but he was still getting hit by over half of them. "Damn it, stop it! What the hell is this all about?"

The leperchauns stopped and stared at him. For a moment, he thought he was actually going to get a response to his question, but then they all just stepped aside and looked at the one that had to be the ringleader in all of this.

"Hornswoggle!" Hunter and Shawn both gasped at the same time.

Hornswoggle, who was dressed in full DX gear, began grunting excitedly and doing crotch chops right and left. "Would you stop that?" Hunter yelled, getting pissed off. "You can't do that anymore! We have a court order!"

Hornswoggle glared at him before taking a piece of paper out of his pocket and putting it in Hunter's lap. "What does it say?" Shawn asked.

Hunter read what it said and his jaw dropped in shock. "Oh my God," he said in horror. "According to the Leperchaun Act of 2009, any time a big person attacks one of these jolly green midgets, they have the right to seize anything of the attacker's that they want!"

"That's terrible!" Shawn exclaimed.

Hunter shook his head. "It gets worse. Hornswoggle is looking to steal everything DX! The name, the merchandise, the rights—he's going to kick us out of our own group as soon as the Leperchaun Comission signs this!"

Shawn looked absolutely horrified. "You can't do this!" he yelled at Hornswoggle. "This is completely illegal!"

"You'll never get away with this!" Hunter added. "You—"

Hornswoggle bitched slapped him before taking the paper back. He started to run away, and for a horrible moment, Hunter really thought the paper would get signed and then DX would be in Hornswoggle's control. But then…

"GOTCHA!" Stephanie yelled at the top of her lungs. She snatched the paper out of Hornswoggle's hands and held it above her head. "Look! Look! There's a guy out there stealing your Lucky Charms!"

The leperchauns gasped and all took off running to save the charms. Stephanie laughed and turned to face Hunter and Shawn. "Hi boys."

Hunter and Shawn stared at her in shock. "How did you know?" Hunter finally asked.

"There's a mole within the leperchauns that told me what was going to happen here tonight," Stephanie said as she ripped the paper up and put it in her pocket. "He told me where to find you guys."

Hunter sighed in relief as he and Shawn got untied. "Wait, you actually understand one of them?"

Steph nodded. "Yeah and it's a good thing I do. You two would have been screwed without me."

"Yeah we would have," Hunter admitted. "Although I would still like to get scr—"

"Hunter!" Shawn and Stephanie said at the same time.

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'll shut up. Jeez, you guys are no fun at all.