April arrived at the hospital just before dawn, feeling a little nervous. The deed had been done - and recorded in triplicate. She'd dropped off the application just before starting her "weekend". She had no idea how long these things usually took, but at least she had avoided spending those first two days feeling jumpy about seeing Dr. Stark again.

Despite the positive things he'd said about her the other day, there was still a paranoid part of her that worried her application would be turned down. Thankfully, today she was on Dr. Shepherd's service, and the bulk of the morning went by quickly. Neuro may not be her thing, but the cases were fascinating, and there wasn't a more agreeable attending in the whole hospital.

She and Derek were discussing the details of treatment in the hallway outside of the patient's room when Dr. Stark came around the corner, walking towards them. Dr. Shepherd finished his sentence, then asked, "Do you think vagal nerve stimulation will be enough?"

"Ahh..." April said. Her mind had gone blank.

Dr. Shepherd looked at her in concern, but then Dr. Stark stopped next to them, nodding to Derek. Derek nodded back, "Dr. Stark."

"Dr. Shepherd," Stark replied courteously. He turned to April. "Dr. Kepner. I just wanted to let you know that your acceptance letter is in my outbox, you can pick it up anytime."

"Oh," April said, perky, trying for normal. "Thank you, Dr. Stark. I really appreciate it."

Derek's eyes lit up. What was this?

"Sure, sure," Dr. Stark said, nodding. He gave April a tight and brief smile, almost a grimace really. "The department is lucky to have you," he said simply, and Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise, turning his face toward April with an incredulous look as if to ask her to spill.

But April didn't seem to notice his expression at all - blushing, she smiled and nodded to Dr. Stark, who bobbed his head one more time, then backed up a step, turned and walked away down the hall.

"Sooo," Derek drew out with a grin. "It seems congratulations are in order."

April blushed as she turned back to him. "Thank you, Dr. Shepherd."

He said speculatively, "I had no idea you were considering a peds fellowship, Dr. Hunt will be disappointed, I heard he was hoping you'd go in for trauma."

Crap. In her momentary relief, she'd forgotten that she would now have to deal with any fallout over her choice. "I did seriously consider trauma," she said slowly. "But..." She glanced down at her shoes, unsure about how to rationalize her choice.

Derek pursed his lips. "Meredith mentioned that you had dated Dr. Stark briefly? I hope that didn't weigh in your decision." His voice held no censure, only concern, but she couldn't help but feel needled.

"Not at all," she replied forcefully, looking back up, her eyes burning. He only smiled in amusement. Realizing that getting defensive would just make her look worse, she recalculated. "Well, actually, it did," she admitted, "but probably not in the way you're thinking." He raised an eyebrow, and she explained, "At first I was a little worried that we wouldn't be able to have a good mentor relationship." Then she hastened to add, "not that our working relationship has been anything professional since then, it's just - you know..."

"Sure," Derek said, taking pity on her. "It's always a little awkward to go back to a strictly professional relationship after dating, even casually."

"Exactly," April said quickly. She collected herself. "Anyway, I don't think that's an issue anymore, and so I picked peds because..." She hesitated.

"Oh, you don't have to explain that part," Derek said easily, looking back down at the chart, making a few tick marks. "It's easy to see how peds is the best of all worlds. Easy to sleep at night knowing you did your best to save kids all day, and pediatric surgeons see a bit of everything from every other specialty," he continued, dropping their patient's chart into the plastic bin affixed next to the door. "Anyway, we should get to lunch, we've got a long afternoon of surgeries."

"Yes," April said firmly. "Absolutely." They parted ways, Dr. Shepherd heading toward his office, and April heading towards the cafeteria. As soon as he was out of line of sight, though, she doubled back towards Stark's office. It wouldn't take that long, she told herself, to grab the letter. She had time...

She gave herself a full 24 hours before facing up to telling the chief. At the end of her shift the next day, she walked into his office and shamelessly borrowed Derek's words about peds offering a little bit of every other specialty, plus the moral satisfaction of saving kids. It went better than she'd feared - the chief had simply nodded. And as she was walking out, he'd said, as if an afterthought, that since she had her work hours in other departments already filled out, that she should feel free to start scheduling herself in peds at will.

April smiled to herself, elated at the memory, as she unlocked the front door of Meredith's house. A year ago, she'd been at the bottom of the list, still in disgrace from being fired, and now she was not only chief resident, she had permission to become a de facto fellow a bit early.

The door swung shut behind her with an slight echo. Actually, it didn't feel like Meredith's house anymore. Meredith was gone, and so was most of the furniture - it had disappeared several days ago in a moment she'd missed, as the moving truck had arrived when she'd been working. Right now, the house didn't feel like anyone's.

It had started feeling especially empty in the last couple of days. The end of the month wasn't until Thursday, but apparently Jackson and Lexie had convinced their new landlord to let them start moving boxes in a little early, and as soon as they'd had an air mattress in the new place, they'd stopped spending nights at the old one.

April wandered through the living room, dropping her bag on the floor by the stairs since there wasn't an end table there anymore. At least they had left the couch and the television, she thought. Derek wanted a big screen plasma and a gigantic leather sectional to go with, so she could watch anything she wanted - provided it was airing right then. The DVD/DVR was new, so it was gone, too.

Depressed, she walked into the kitchen, hitting the play button on the portable CD player she'd plugged in last night to mask how silent it was with everyone gone. The speakers started a drum beat, and a few seconds later she heard "there's a fire starting in my heart..." and tuned it out to open the pantry and find something to eat.

A little over a half hour later, she washed the last of her dishes and wandered back into the living room, wondering what to do with the rest of her night. Living alone wasn't so much freeing as it was boring, she reflected. She sat down on the couch before realizing that she'd left the stereo on in the kitchen.

She was too tired to follow a television show plot anyway, she thought, even Law and Order. She kicked off her shoes, laying down on the couch. Her afternoon of surgeries had worn her out more than she'd thought an hour ago, but she wasn't ready to go upstairs yet. Maybe the music would distract her just long enough to drift into sleepiness.

Adele was in the middle of a cover of "Lovesong". Original, April thought a little snottily. Alice had sent her this album. The baby of the family and the only one with any artistic tendencies, she usually had great taste in new music, but April wasn't feeling this one. The singer was clearly talented, but this song and every other 80s cover had been done to death since the release of 50 First Dates.

Mercifully, the track ended. April sighed in relief, and she relaxed into the couch as she took a mental inventory of her life, trying to adjust. She lived alone in a quiet house, not with five other loud and busy doctors. She wasn't the disgraced, fired resident anymore, she was chief of them all, and officially accepted as a pediatric fellow. She hadn't told anyone that last bit, she realized. Dr. Stark and Dr. Webber were the only ones who knew, and the chief would announce it next week.

The piano started back up as she thought of what Jackson might say if she could tell him right now. Probably I told you so, if he could tear himself away from his new live-in girlfriend long enough to speak.

"I heard," the speakers crooned, "that you're settled down." April smiled, charmed at the coincidence. "That you've found a girl, and you're married now." Well, that wasn't quite true, April thought - yet, who knew? The way he was fawning over Lexie...

"I heard that your dreams came true," the song continued. Probably applicable. Jackson was clearly over the moon about this new step. He'd said awhile ago that he had what he wanted, while staring at her with a look on his face that caused April a pang of jealousy despite herself. How did Lexie get guys to look at her like that so damn easily? Irritated, she transfered her attention back to the song.

"...it isn't over," Adele sang softly. The piano played mournfully, and then the singer's filled out and turned surprisingly haunting, "nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best, for you, too." It sounded familiar. Had she heard this song before? For some reason, it made her think of Dr. Stark. Had this song played in the restaurant on one of their dates? April listened more intently.

"Don't forget me, I beg. I'll remember, you said - sometimes it lasts, in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." Well, she and Dr. Stark certainly weren't the "it lasts" part of that lyric. She tuned the music out again as she thought about the most recent time they'd been alone together. It definitely hadn't hurt...

He'd called her 'April'. She'd been ignoring that, but she hadn't forgotten it, and now a small shiver went down her spine at the memory. Was she reading too much into that? It was what any of her colleagues called her when they were being informal.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it," Adele sang. She'd done that, showing up at his office, looking for advice. "Follow your heart". Not the words you'd expect from a grinch. Sometimes he seemed full of surprises. "I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over..." That wasn't why she'd gone. She just wanted to talk to him. She'd missed hearing his perspective. He considered personal problems with the same calm experience with which he handled complications in the OR.

"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you..." Adele's voice was raw, as if she was trying to will a new relationship into being just by wailing it. Alright, April admitted to herself. This song made up for the last one. "I wish nothing but the best for you, too. Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember, you said - sometimes it lasts, in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

She hadn't forgotten about him, that there was a nice man under there. The several minutes in his office had been a stilted mockery of their previous rapport. Tears suddenly welled up her in eyes. Did Robert not want to be friends because he didn't remember or miss the easy conversations they'd had? How was it so easy for him to morph right back into someone who didn't give a damn? "Nothing compares," Adele interrupted, "no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes that memories make, who would have known, how bittersweet this. would. taste." April closed her eyes, feeling the water in her eyelashes. Had she made a mistake with Robert? Maybe it was just the song getting to her...

The chorus started again. "Nevermind, I'll find someone like you." When, April thought, feeling petulant. She'd told herself that as she sat and watched From Here to Eternity by herself. She'd find someone like him - someone to watch old movies with, someone who listened to her, someone who told her she was very beautiful. Someone younger, she admitted. Someone her friends wouldn't make fun of her for dating.

But she hadn't, she thought, found someone like him. She didn't have anyone to watch a movie with - she was 28 years old and alone in an empty house that didn't even have a DVD player to watch a movie on.

The tears finally spilled over as the last chorus wound down, and Adele repeated the last line again. "Sometimes it lasts, in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

The CD player spun to a stop with a soft tick, and silence descended upon the house again, making April's soft gasps sound loud and harsh. Hearing herself, April ruthlessly wiped the tears away. Pathetic, she told herself. There was no point in throwing herself a pity party just because she was single. Lots of people were single. She was so successful at work right now, she couldn't ask for everything to be perfect.

She was just tired. It had been a long day. She'd been stressed over telling the chief, and with his anticlimactic acceptance, that built-up tension had to come out somewhere. Besides, this big empty house was depressing. Not quite convinced by the excuses, she pulled herself up and turned off the lights before heading upstairs. Tomorrow would be better, she thought as she fell into bed fully clothed.

.

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**** I couldn't get this song out of my head after they used it in the scene where April watches the movie and looks so sad. I kept hoping the writers would send her back to Stark to tell him she'd watched the movie alone and missed him, or something, anything...but they never did. I guess it's up to us fanfic authors now.

Please review. ****