Christmas Shopping

"Matty I don't want to go shopping for other people!" Jeff complained as he was dragged into the mall against his will. "I don't want to get them presents! I don't even want to get you a present but I'm required to by Christmas law."

Matt glared at his baby brother. "You better watch your mouth or I'm not going to give you a good present. You know that Christmas isn't just about getting gifts. It's about giving them and spreading good cheer and peace on earth and--"

"Would you shut up?" Jeff asked grumpily. "You sound like a damn Hallmark card." He sighed unhappily and looked around. The mall was with so many shoppers that it was ridiculous. It was going to take them forever to get this stupid shopping done. "Who are we even getting presents for anyway?"

"Well you need to get Beth something and I need to get Candice and Maria their gifts. Then there's Hunter, Shawn, Dad, Shannon, Shane---"

"Well here's an interesting idea," Jeff said, cutting Matt off. "Why don't we just save us all the trouble and get them gift cards? That way it saves us the trouble of actually having to buy them crap."

Matt gave Jeff an exasperated look. "Gift cards are such a cop out. We need to get our friends actual gifts to show that we care."

Jeff sighed in exasperation. Matt was making this way more complicated than it needed to be. Gift cards were not a cop out. Gift cards saved the gift giver a whole bunch of time and trouble. Actual gifts were a pain in the ass unless you knew exactly what the other person wanted.

Mistaking Jeff's frustrated sigh as one of defeat, Matt dragged the Enigma into a jewlery store. "I heard Maria and Candice gushing about some necklaces the last time we were here," the dark haired man said. "And I know Beth was talking about a bracelet she wanted from here when you were only pretending to listen to her."

"Wait, how did you know that I actually wasn't listening to her?" Jeff asked.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Cuz that was the day you ate that entire pack of Jolly Ranchers. Believe me, that stupid candy was all you were focusing on then."

Jeff put his hands on his hips. "Jolly Ranchers are not just stupid candy. Jolly Ranchers are my life when I run out of Skittles and you won't buy me more."

"Whatever. Let's just get the jewlery and go."

Jeff rolled his eyes and wandered off to where the bracelets were. He just wanted to go get a slushie. Was that too much to ask? One slushie and he would be happy. But no, mean old Matt wouldn't go buy him a slushie. Apparently, just because he was thirty two years old, that meant that he had to buy his own slushies. It's so unfair, he thought to himself. I'm the baby of the family. I should be bought all the slushies I want.

There were a lot of really pretty bracelets that Beth would love and there was one really sparkly one that caught Jeff's attention. He went ahead and bought it for her, actually proud of himself for finding a good gift. "Ha!" he said as he and Matt left the store. "The bracelet I got Beth is way better than the stupid necklaces you got Maria and Candice."

Matt frowned. "You haven't even seen the--"

"I don't care! My present is better because I said it was!" Jeff stuck his tongue out and flipped his brother off to make his point.

Matt shook his head. "Wow, that's really mature Jeff."

"Oh fuck you Matty." Jeff looked away from Matt and saw the toy store that was nearby. "Oooohhhh! Toys!" He took off running as fast as he could. He wanted to look at the toys.

"Jeff! Get back here!" Matt ordered. "We're not looking in the toy store!"

"Oh yes we are!" Jeff replied. He kept running until he was actually in the toy store. He giggled happily and began looking around. He loved toys. Toys were awesome. He didn't care that he was supposedly too old for them. He was planning to keep playing with toys as long as he wanted.

All of a sudden, someone grabbed him from behind and scared the shit out of him, causing him to scream. The person immediately began to laugh. "Oh man Jeff, that is way too easy to do."

Jeff groaned and turned around so he could smack Hunter. "That's not funny you asshole! You really scared me!"

Hunter just kept laughing. "Oh it is funny. Believe me, it's fucking hilarious."

"It is not!" Jeff folded his arms over his chest. "What are you even doing here anyway?"

"Shawn's supposed to be here Christmas shopping for his kids," Hunter answered. "But I think he's more interested in getting stuff for himself."

"Hunter! Hunter! Come here and look at this!" Shawn yelled eagerly.

Hunter and Jeff exchanged looks before going over to see what had Shawn so excited. "Listen to this," Shawn said. He pressed a button on a red truck he was holding and squealed as it made noise. "See what I did? I made it go vroom vroom vroom!"

Jeff giggled. "Let me try!" He reached out to press the button only to get his hand slapped by Shawn. "Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"Mine!" Shawn snapped greedily. "You don't get to touch!"

Jeff glared at Shawn. "Hey! I'm the baby here and I should be allowed to touch whatever I want!"

Hunter tried to get in between them. "Jeff come on, there are other trucks--"

Jeff kicked Hunter between the legs and shoved him out of the way. He should have known that Hunter was going to take Shawn's side. Hunter always did that. It was annoying. "Gimmie!" Jeff shouted, grabbing on to the truck and trying to yank it out of Shawn's hands.

"No!" Shawn yelled back. He was doing everything he could to keep Jeff from getting it.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Damn it old man, hand it over!"

"Never! You'll never take it alive!"

"It's a truck you stupid head! It's not alive!" Jeff was planning on pulling on the truck all day if he had to, suddenly got a great idea. He let go just as Shawn yanked back as hard as he could. The Hearbreak Kid fell down and the truck went flying out of his hands. It ended up hitting some random old lady right on the head and making her stumble and fall. "Holy crap!" Jeff exclaimed, putting his hands over his mouth to hide his giggles.

"Jeff!" Matt yelled, coming in just in time to see all that happened. "What the hell did you do?"

Jeff pointed at Shawn. "He did it!"

"I did not!" Shawn denied defensively. "You did it!"

Hunter, who was still holding on to his aching balls, got back up to his feet. "You are dead meat Hardy."

Jeff squeaked as he ran off. This was why he didn't like shopping. It always ended up with hiim getting chased. Must not get caught by Hunter. Must not let that big nosed bastard catch me and kick me in my balls in retaliation. My balls like being not kicked. Must be like the Gingerbread Man and not get caught. Hehehe....I like gingerbread cookies. If I escape this with my life, I must go home and have Beth make me those cookies.