Pants on the Ground

"So let me get this straight," Matt said slowly. "You took a marker and wrote that Hunter was your bitch on his chest?"

"Yup," Shawn said with a nod.

"And now he's absolutely furious with you and wants to kick your ass."

"Uh huh."

"Yet you don't think think you brought an ass kicking on yourself?"

"Nope."

Matt sighed. He and Jeff were keeping Shawn company as he hid from Hunter, and it was becoming obvious that he was not going to take any responsibility for his actions. "Shawn, I hate to tell you this, but if you ever wrote that I was your bitch on my chest, I would kick your ass."

Jeff, who had been lost in his own little world up until this point, suddenly looked at Matt in shock. "You want to do WHAT with Shawn's ass?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "I said--"

"You would kick my ass?" Shawn said, exaggerating how hurt he was by Matt's statement. "After all we've been through together?" He sniffled a little bit. "I guess our relationship means nothing to you. You were just using me for my body!"

Matt blinked several times. He had no idea what Shawn was babbling about. "Shawn--"

Shawn suddenly began to sob. "Why do you close your eyes when we make love?"

"WHOA!" Jeff shouted. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" He held up a package of Skittles. "Who ate all the red ones out of here? I've looked through this entire bag and there are no red skittles in here!"

Matt, who was still stunned by Shawn's question, completely ignored Jeff. "What in the world are you talking about?" he asked HBK. "Seriously dude, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Shawn shrugged and stopped pretending to sob like a little baby. "I don't know," he admitted. "But whenever you're in a bind, you should say that to someone. You would be amazed how much that throws people off."

Matt frowned. "If it throws people off so much, why don't you just use it on Hunter and get him to stop being mad at you?"

Shawn shook his head. "I tried it once before. You want to know the answer he gave me when I asked him that?"

"No," Matt replied honestly. "I'm actually too chicken to even want to know."

Shawn went ahead and told him anyway. "He said I make funny faces when I cum."

Matt shuddered and made a gagging noise. He had not needed to hear that.

"Matty!" Jeff whined. He was being ignored and he absolutely hated that. He needed to be in the center of everyone's attention or all was not right in his world. "Where are my red skittles? Did you eat them? Because we've talked about this!"

"I didn't eat your Skittles Jeff," Matt said, already losing his patience with Jeff. He was not in the mood to deal with Jeff's antics today.

Jeff pouted and looked at Shawn. Shawn immediately shook his head. "Nope. Wasn't me."

Jeff groaned and stomped his foot unhappily. "Well I didn't read all the red ones! And if it wasn't me, then it was someone else!"

Matt shook his head. "Jeff, there's nobody stupid enough to touch your skittles besides Shawn--"

"Hey!" Shawn said, obviously offended by that.

"Sorry, but it's true," Matt replied. He looked at Jeff. "You do things all the time that you don't remember later. You probably ate those fucking Skittles yourself."

That was obviously not the right thing to say. Jeff scowled and folded his arms over his chest. "Someone here could be lying," he announced. "And if you don't tell me the truth right this second, I'll be forced to do something really bad!"

Matt sighed in exasperation and looked at Shawn. If anyone here had ate the skittles besides Jeff, it was Shawn. But Shawn looked just as confused as Matt was, which meant he hadn't done it. If Shawn had done it, the innocent look on his face would have looked a lot more forced. Shawn wasn't as good at trying to pretend he didn't do something like he thought he was.

"Fine! Be that way!" Jeff exclaimed. He took a deep breath and began to sing this: "Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!"

Matt slapped his forehead. He and Jeff had watched that episode of American Idol, and now he was wishing that they hadn't. Jeff wouldn't stop singing that fucking song. "Jeff please--"

"Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!"

Shawn leaned over towards Matt. "Are those the only words from that song he remembers?"

"Probably," Matt replied.

Jeff jumped forward all of a sudden and yanked Shawn's pants down. "Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground!"

Matt's jaw dropped open in shock. "Shawn is that a thong?"

Shawn turned a deep shade of red as he quickly pulled his pants back up. "Jeff! Why the hell would you do that?"

Jeff just cackled and went for Matt's pants. Matt quickly blocked that attempt though. "Oh hell no little brother!" he exclaimed. "There's no way you're doing that shit to me!"

Jeff pouted for a second but then he just pushed past Matt and left the room. Matt looked at Shawn before chasing after his younger brother. He could sense that Jeff was up to no good in at the moment.

As it turned out, he was one hundred percent right about what Jeff was up too. Jeff was not only still singing the song, but he was randomly pulling down people's pants as he did so. "Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground. Hey camera man, your pants are on the ground! And so are your pants Evan! I'm Jeff mother fucking Hardy and all your pants be down on the ground!"

"I'm going to kick him right in the face," Shawn vowed. He had followed Matt out of the room and his face was still red with embarrassment.

Matt frowned. "That doesn't sound like a very Christian thing to say."

Shawn frowned back. "I wouldn't expect it to." He pointed to Jay, who was just getting his pants pulled down by Jeff. "Christian's over there. He doesn't kick people in the face."

Matt rolled his eyes. "That wasn't what I meant you douche!"

Shawn kept frowning. "What is a douche anyway? I don't know why people use it as an insult." He scratched his head and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth.

Before Matt could answer, he saw Hunter and Stephanie attempting to storm over to them. But before they got very far, they ended up running into Jeff. Jeff wasted no time in pulling Hunter's pants down. "Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin like a fool with your--hey! Let go!" He tried to fight off Hunter's and Stephanie's hands, but he failed. Within seconds, he was the fool with his pants on the ground.

Stephanie crossed her arms over her chest. "Now what have you learned?" she asked.

Jeff looked down at himself and then grinned. "That I'm one hot looking fool," he replied.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You are so--oh my God!"

Matt's jaw dropped. Hunter had just taken it upon himself to pull down Stephanie's pants for her. "Oh man, he is just asking for it," he muttered.

"Hunter!" Stephanie shrieked. "Why would you do that?"

Hunter smirked. "Because I could."

In a rage, Stehpanie began screaming and smacking Hunter as hard as she could. Matt began laughing as hard as he could until he felt a tugging on his own pants. He tried to block it but it was too late. His pants were now also on the ground.

"Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground!" Shawn sang. He was jumping up and down and pointing at Matt.

Matt glared at him. "You are so dead!" he snarled.

Shawn paled and ran away. Matt tried to chase after him but fell because his pants were still around his ankles. Oh damn, I really look like a fool. That's it, he's so dead when I get my hands on him.