Anger Management

Jeff put his hands on his hips and glared at everyone. Matt and Hunter were on one side of him and Shawn was on his other side. Ever since Matt and Hunter had put Shawn in the dumpster, the Heartbreak Kid had been desperately been seeking payback. The only problem was that he wasn't a match for Matt and Hunter when they were working together. They kept thwarting his attempts at revenge, which pissed Shawn off and the hissy fits he was throwing were threatening to tear the group apart. That was why Jeff had called for this meeting. Everyone was really starting to get on his nerves and he wanted to make them knock it off.

"This is getting out of control," he declared, making sure to glare at all of them. "I mean it. Yesterday you all knocked Skittles out of my hand when you were fighting and I had to eat them off the floor."

Matt frowned. "Jeff we've talked about that. You're not supposed to do that anymore."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "They were Skittles Matt. I couldn't let them go to waste on the floor. And that's not even what we need to be concerned about right now."

"What are we supposed to be concerned about anyway?" Hunter asked. "I don't want to be concerned. That puts too much stress on me, and you know what stress causes right?"

Jeff just stared blankly at him. "No," he replied bluntly. "And I don't care."

"Well you should care," Hunter snapped. "Because it causes wrinkles. And wrinkles are not cool. I mean, look at Shawn. He obviously--" His eyes widened as Shawn growled and took a threatening step towards him. "Matt! Save me!" He jumped behind the oldest Hardy brother and trembled in fear.

Jeff grabbed Shawn and pushed him back. "Stop it!" he yelled. "I've had enough! You people are driving me insane!"

"They started it!" Shawn whined.

"No we didn't!" Matt snapped. "You did!"

"Yeah!" Hunter agreed. He was still hiding behind Matt.

"You--"

"SHUT UP!" Jeff screamed, making the other three jump. "I can't take this anymore! You are going to start getting alone and you're going to do it right now!"

"But how?" Shawn asked. "We've got all this anger stored up inside of us…it's a force that can't be stopped!"

Jeff shook his head. "Au contraire Senor Michaels. It can be stopped. You see, back when I lived in a Tibetan monastery--"

"You've never lived in a Tibetan monastery," Matt interrupted.

Jeff glared at his older brother. "Must you spoil things with facts?"

Matt just rolled his eyes.

Jeff took a deep breath and fought the urge to slap Matt as he went on. "Anyway, as I was saying, back when I lived in a Tibetan monastery, the monks there taught me that instead of taking my anger out on others, I should meditate and let the peace find me…or something like that. I wasn't actually listening because there was something shiny on the floor and I was wanting to pick it up."

"Of course you were," Hunter muttered.

Jeff ignored that comment and sat down cross legged on the floor. "Come on, sit down," he said. "We need to mediate the anger out of us."

"Do we have to?" Shawn asked. "This will be so much more simple if I'm allowed to kick Hunter and Matt in the face."

"Shawn, if you do not sit down this second, I will make you regret that you were ever born," Jeff threatened.

Shawn let out a dramatic sigh and plopped down on the floor. Matt sat down too, obviously not wanting to fight with Jeff. Despite being the only one standing, Hunter didn't automatically sit down. "This is stupid," he declared. "I don't want to do this."

"Too bad," Jeff said. "You're doing it."

Hunter shook his head. "No way. I'll feel like an idiot."

"Well you're already an idiot, so that excuse won't work with us," Shawn snapped.

"Screw you Shawn," Hunter snapped. He tried to walk away but Matt grabbed him by the waistband of his jeans and forced him to sit down. "Hey! What the hell are you doing Matt? I thought we were friends!"

Matt shook his head. "Just sit down and get this over with Hunter."

Hunter glared at Matt but gave in. "Fine. But I still thinks this is stupid."

"Oh stop pretending like we care about what you think," Jeff said impatiently. He took a deep breath and put his hands out his side. "The first thing you need to do is cross your legs and put your hands out like this. This gets you in the zone. Once you're in the zone, you close your eyes like this--" He quickly closed his eyes-- "and say "Hummmmmmm". The humming is very important. Without it, you are not meditating. You're just sitting there like a moron. Now come on, do it with me."

"Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm," Shawn, Matt and Hunter all said at the same time. Jeff joined them, and for one brief moment, they achieved complete peace and harmony. But that ended when Hunter had to go and open his big mouth.

"This floor is hurting my ass," he announced. "I want to get up."

"Shut up Hunter," Matt ordered. "Nobody wants to hear about your ass."

"You should," Hunter snapped. "My ass is a very important thing. If it's not comfortable, I will make all of your lives a living hell."

"Whatever dumbass."

"Hummmmmmmm," Jeff said, hoping to get the two of them back on track.

"My legs are getting a cramp," Shawn complained.

"Already?" Matt said incredulously. "We haven't even been sitting for five minutes yet!"

"Yeah but he's the old man of the group," Hunter pointed out. "He can't sit down like us young folk."

"You're not much younger than me Hunter, so shut your fucking mouth!" Shawn snapped.

"HUMMMMMMMMMM!" Jeff said extra loudly, opening his eyes and glaring at everyone. They were ruining his meditating damn it.

Hunter shook his head. "At least I'm not going bald like you Shawn!" he stated boldly.

Shawn's eyes darkened. That hair comment had crossed the line. Before Hunter could apologize, Shawn had jumped up and lunged himself at Hunter. The two of them began rolling all around the floor, hitting each other in the face and pulling each other's face. Matt jumped into the fray and started trying to put a sleeper hold on. Jeff scowled. This had gone on long enough. If they weren't going to end this, he would do it for them. He got up and jumped into the fray, landing on Matt's back and putting him in a sleeper hold of his own.

"Jeff wait," Matt said. He got up and started trying to get Jeff off of him. "I can't breathe…"

Jeff really didn't care at the moment. He kept the sleeper hold locked in until Matt had nearly passed out. Then he finally let go and proceeded to super kick Shawn and take Hunter down with a clothesline. Then he gave the Game a leg drop for good measure. "You should have meditated you dumbasses!" he snapped. He kicked Matt in the ass and stormed out of the room. Now he was too annoyed to mediate, which meant that he had to go do the other activity that relaxed him. Where meditation ends, masturbation begins.

…

A/N: ~giggles~ That last line came from a Twitter conversation with RRatedauthor. I think it's something worth knowing.

On a side note, RRatedauthor and I have collaborated on yet another story together. It's called Strange Bedfellows and it's under his profile page (I need to put a cheap plug in here…without DX, I'm not getting my daily recommended dose of them).