Demonic Hellspawn, Part 1

"Guys, we've got a problem," Jeff announced.

Matt nodded. "We sure do."

Shawn looked back and forth between the two brothers. "Are you two talking about the same thing that I'm thinking about?"

Jeff looked at Matt. "I'm talking about the fact that Stephanie's pregnant again," he said.

"Oh. Well I was talking about the fact that both Candice and Maria want me to impregnate them," Matt said.

Shawn sighed dramatically. "Well shit. I was just coming here to complain about the fact that I was out of ice cream again." He pouted and folded his arms over his chest. "Way to make me feel insignificant you guys!"

Jeff rolled his eyes. Shawn was being a drama queen, like usual. "Since when have Candice and Maria wanted babies?" he asked Matt.

"Since Stephanie got pregnant again," Matt answered. "They found out and they found the news so exciting that they decided they wanted babies of their own. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to the act of getting them knocked up. But I'm not ready for kids. I'm really not. Having kids means taking responsibility for them and that's not something I want to do. I'm too young to be tied down to two babies!"

Jeff frowned. "Wait, aren't you already tied down to two balls and chains? Why would two more be a big deal?"

Matt sighed. "Well how would you feel if Beth wanted a baby?"

Jeff's eyes widened. "No! No baby! I'm the baby! Beth can't have a baby cuz then I won't be the baby anymore!" He started stomping his feet while making a loud whining noise. "Matty, tell her she can't have a baby!"

Matt just stood there and blinked for a couple of minutes before shaking his head in disbelief. "Wow Jeff. That was remarkably immature, even for you."

Jeff didn't actually care. What he cared about was not having a baby."

Shawn shook his head. "I'm glad Rebecca isn't telling me we should have more babies. I love Cameron and Cheyenne to death but they're both way more mature than I am. It makes me feel bad about myself."

"That's exactly why I don't want to have any," Jeff said. "But if Maria and Candice want them now, it's only a matter of time before Beth wants one." He sighed. "This is all Stephanie's vagina's fault. If it didn't appeal to Hunter so much, he wouldn't have as much sex with her and then she wouldn't keep getting knocked up every other year."

Matt shook his head. "I think Hunter's penis is the problem. All it wants is sex and Stephanie has no choice but to give in."

"Now hold on a second," Shawn said. "It's not the penis or the vagina's fault. It's the sperm and ovaries fault. Obviously Hunter has extremely potent semen and Stephanie's ovaries are producing twice as many eggs as the average woman."

Jeff cocked his head to the side. "But how do we determine which one is more at fault? I mean, it can't be as simple as 50/50 blame."

Shawn thought about that. "Well I suppose one of us could have sex with Stephanie while Hunter has sex with one of your girlfriends. I'm sure that would probably prove something."

"Uh…let me point out a couple of flaws with that plan," Matt said. "First of all, none of us could impregnate Stephanie until she has the baby that's in her right now because she can't get pregnant again until then. And second of all, do you really want to sic Hunter on our women? I mean seriously, isn't it scary enough he's spawning with Stephanie? Do we need to add anymore children to his growing army?"

Jeff and Shawn gasped. They hadn't thought about the fact that Stephanie and Hunter could possibly be raising their own army. "Oh my God," Jeff said under his breath. "What if they don't ever stop having children? What if they just keep having more and more and more until they have a full size army at their disposal?"

Shawn's eyes got as wide as dinner plates. "Oh God…it'll surpass the DX Army…it'll be more terrifying than Evolution…it'll be the McMahon-Helmsley era, part two!"

Matt shuddered. "No! We can't allow that to happen! We all barely survived that the last time around!"

Jeff took a deep breath. "We must put a stop to this unholy army before its too late."

"But how?" Shawn grabbed Jeff by the shirt and began shaking him frantically. "How do we do it? Tell me Jeff!"

"Ack! Quit shaking me!" Jeff ordered. He pushed Shawn away from him and smoothed down his shirt. "We should probably find Stephanie first. She's the one who's carrying Hunter's newest hellspawn."

Since neither Matt or Shawn had objections to that, that's what they did. It didn't take them too long to find the Billion Dollar Princess. She was sitting at her desk in her office, looking over some paperwork while holding Murphy in her lap. Aurora was on the floor, playing with her toys, and she was the one that looked up and saw them all come in. "You pay with me!" she ordered. She got up to her feet and grabbed a toy hammer. "Pay with me!"

Jeff, Matt and Shawn froze. "Oh my God!" Jeff exclaimed. "She's already has a kid size sledgehammer! Hunter's already training her for world domination!"

"Hey!" Stephanie said, looking up and glaring at them. "Would you tone it down? I'm on the phone here!"

"Uncle Shawn!" Aurora said impatiently. "Pay wit me!"

Shawn wrung his hands together nervously. "Maybe later honey."

She shook her head. "No! You pay now! We pay whack mole!" She started hitting Shawn on the legs with the toy hammer.

"Oh my God!" Jeff yelled. "It's started! Run for your lives!" He grabbed Shawn and Matt and they began running away. They didn't get far though because as soon as they were halfway down the hallway, they ran into Hunter.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Hunter asked. "You want to go get something to eat?"

"No!" Jeff yelled. "We will not eat with your big nosed, world dominating planning ass!"

Hunter's jaw dropped. "Ouch! My feelings!"

"Sorry buddy!" Shawn said as they ran away. "I--owie! Matt! Why did you elbow me?"

"We do not say sorry to the enemy!" Matt hissed. "Are you trying to get us all killed?"

"I just--"

"Just be quiet Shawn. I'm going to come up with a plan to save us all, okay?"

"Okay," Shawn and Jeff agreed. Matt was smarter than them, which was a good thing because given the gravity of the situation in front of them, they needed a good plan. Without one, the earth was definitely doomed.