Demonic Hellspawn Part 2

"Daddy, what are we listening to?" Aurora asked from the backseat of the car.

"Lady Gaga," Hunter answered as he pulled into the garage. He had just gone to the grocery store to get some milk and she had insisted on coming with him. Stephanie and Murphy were both taking a nap so she had nobody else to hang out with.

Aurora frowned and tilted her head to the side. "Who?"

"Some really popular singer that allegedly has both male and female genitals," he answered without even thinking about what he was coming out of his mouth.

"Well what are genitals?"

Hunter stopped and gulped. Stephanie was going to kill him if she ever heard Aurora asking that. "I'll tell you that when you're older, okay?" he offered. "And I'll give you lots of ice cream if you never ever ask Mommy that question. Do we have a deal?"

Aurora nodded happily. "Deal!"

Satisfied, Hunter switched the car off before getting out himself. As he was walking around to the other side of the vehicle to get his daughter out, he could have sworn he heard something. But as he went to look, he was grabbed from behind and forced to sit down in a lawn chair that he and Stephanie had stashed in there ages ago. "What the hell?" he yelled as he tried to yank himself free.

"Sorry man, but this is for humanity's own good," Jeff said as he and Matt tied him down to the chair.

"Yeah," Matt agreed. "We can't let you keep producing at this rate. We've got too much to lose if your numbers get too large."

Hunter looked at his friends like they were insane (which he already knew that they were…but that was beside the point). "What do you mean my numbers?" He tried to get himself out of the ropes. "Look, whatever you think I'm doing, I'm not doing it!" He gave Shawn a desperate look. "Shawn come on, you're my bestest friend in the whole wide world. You believe me don't you?"

Shawn looked apprehensive. "I want to…but I can't take that chance." He opened up the car door and smiled at Aurora. "Hey baby girl," he said cheerfully.

"Hi Uncle Shawn!" Aurora said back just as cheerfully. "Why do you and Dumb and Dumber have Daddy tied up?"

"Hey!" Jeff whined. "I'm not dumb! And Matt…well okay, he's dumber but--OW! Shawn, Matt hit me!"

"You deserved it you little bastard," Matt grumbled.

"Did not!"

"Hey!" Aurora said loudly. "My question didn't get answered!"

Shawn sighed and got her out of her seat. "Listen, Dumb and Dumber need to play a little game with your daddy," he explained. "So why don't you and I go outside and play for awhile?"

Aurora smiled. "Okay Uncle Shawn." She waved at Hunter. "Have fun Daddy!"

Hunter shook his head frantically. "No! Aurora don't believe them! They're--" He was cut off by Jeff's hand covering his mouth, so he immediately just bit down on it because that was his instinct.

"Ouchies!" Jeff cried out as he quickly moved his hand back. "Matty! He bit me!"

Matt smacked Hunter upside the head. "No biting!" he scolded. "Or I'll pull your teeth right out of your mouth."

Hunter shook his head in disbelief. He felt so lost and confused and unloved at the moment. "Guys come on, cut this crap out," he pleaded. "This isn't even a funny joke. This is just stupid."

"We're not joking dude," Matt said in a very serious voice. "You having two kids was bad enough. But a third one…you're raising an army Hunter. You must be stopped." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a scalpel.

"Uh…what the fuck are you going to do with that?" Hunter asked nervously. He really did not like where all of this was going.

Jeff giggled as he undid Hunter's jeans. "We choppy choppy your wee wee!" he declared.

"WHAT?" Hunter yelled. He started fighting to get free even more. There was no way in hell that he was going to let this happen. He happened to like his wee wee, thank you very much. "Stephanie! Help me!"

Matt quickly shoved a dirty greasy rag into Hunter's mouth to shut him up. "I still say we should have brought something with us to numb him up," he said as he started helping Jeff get Hunter's jeans out of the way. "I mean, he might be plotting world domination with an army, but he's still our friend."

Jeff shook his head. "If he doesn't feel the pain, he'll just get it reattached and procreate some more. Doing it like this is the only way he's ever going to learn."

Hunter let out a muffled protest as the scalpel started getting closer and closer to his most beloved body part. Oh my God, if they actually do this I'm going to kill them…

"What is going on out here?"

Matt and Jeff froze as Stephanie (who had baby Murphy in her arms) came into the garage from the house. Hunter let out a sigh of relief. He had never been so happy to see his wife in his life. "Uh…go away!" Jeff ordered. "We're busy."

Stephanie just glared at him. "No, I will not go away. Now I don't know what is going on out here, but it's going to stop right now. You understand me?"

"Oh yeah? And what if we don't want to stop?" Jeff asked. "What then?"

"I choppy choppy YOUR wee wee!"

Hunter raised his eyebrows as Jeff shrieked in fright. In all of his years of being with Steph, he would have never thought that he would ever hear her say those words.

Suddenly Shawn came running back into the garage, looking terrified out of his mind. "Help!" he said as he hid behind Matt and Jeff. "She's going to eat me!"

Aurora giggled. "You're silly Uncle Shawn. I just want to play with you…forever…and ever…and ever…"

Matt's eyes widened. "Retreat!" he ordered. "Retreat now!"

Hunter watched his idiotic friends while shaking his head. Not only had that been weird, but it had really pissed him off. How dare they try to cut off his love gun? There will be retribution for this, he vowed as Stephanie untied him. They will rue the day that they messed with me…at least I think they will, if rue means what I think it does. Hmmm…should I look it up? Nah, I'm Triple H. Words mean what I want them to mean.