Hunter's Revenge

"I can't believe them," Hunter said in disbelief. It was the day after he had almost lost his penis and he was still having a hard time coming to terms with what had happened. "I can't! Steph they…they…they…" His voice trailed off and he tried to collect himself. It didn't really work out so well. "They almost took my manhood!" he exclaimed tearfully, looking down at his groin. "Poor Hunter Jr. He's so unloved."

Stephanie shook her head in disgust. "Those idiots have gone too far," she declared. "They can believe we're raising an army all they want but what they tried to do was unacceptable. They must be punished and they must be punished severely."

Hunter's eyes widened. "Are you going to wear your dominatrix outfit?" he asked eagerly. "Because that would be hot."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not going to wear my dominatrix outfit."

"Why not?"

"Because you're the one that's going to be giving out the punishment."

Hunter's face paled. "But…but…what if they try to womanize me again? I can't go through that again Steph. Why can't you do it? You're a woman already. You don't have a dick they can cut off."

She gave him an exasperated look. "I'm pregnant Hunter. I can't go after them in this condition. What if something bad happened to me and it hurt the baby?"

Hunter frowned. "But you're Stephanie. Nothing ever happens to you." He wrapped his arm around her. "Besides, they're terrified of you, so they'll never really touch a hair on your head." He pouted his lips and gave her his best kicked puppy dog face. "Come on, help me out here. Avenge me and be my wife in no clothes."

Stephanie glared at him and he slowly began backing away from her. He knew what the look meant. "Hunter, I am a hormonal time bomb at the moment," she said, advancing on him like a shark that smelled blood. "If I deal with your idiot friends right now, I will kill them, which will get me in big trouble with Dad. Now I know you're scared but you better man up and reclaim your balls so I can go back to plotting world domination in peace."

Hunter's jaw dropped at that last part. "What did you just say?" he asked, not sure if he heard her right.

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I said you better get Sledgey so you can threaten to smash them into little pieces. That should scare them."

Hunter was pretty sure that had not been what she had just said, but he wasn't going to argue with her. That was just wasn't something that was wise to do. Not if he wanted to live to see the birth of his child anyway. "Okay," he agreed.

"Sledgey and I will take care of business. But if they get the best of me and chop of Hunter Jr. I want you to know that he loves you."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "I love him too," she replied. "Not get going. Dinner is in a couple of hours and you can't be late. We're eating dinner with my parents."

Hunter groaned. "Oh joy."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

…

"How much longer do we have to hide in here?" Shawn asked. He, Matt and Jeff had barricaded themselves into a hotel room and were currently hiding under the covers together. "I'm getting really hot and I'm find of afraid that Jeff's going to fart."

"I'm not gonna fart!" Jeff said defensively. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I saw you eating that burrito from Taco Bell earlier," Shawn replied. "You're a disaster waiting to happen."

"I am not! You take that back right now!"

"Guys, would you please shut up?" Matt said in exasperation. "I'm trying to think of another plan here."

Shawn snorted. "I hope it works out better than your last one. The whole choppy choppy the wee wee thing never works out well for anyone."

"Yeah well, you didn't come up anything better!" Matt said defensively.

"That's because I'm just here to look pretty," Shawn said defensively.

"Guys, I has a weird feeling in my tummy," Jeff complained.

Matt and Shawn looked at each other before quickly jumping out of the bed. They knew what was coming and refused to stick around and get caught in the evil Dutch oven. "That was too close," Matt said with a sigh.

Shawn nodded. "Yeah, I--" He stopped when he heard something up in the ceiling. "Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?" Jeff asked with a frown.

Matt put his hand up to shush Jeff and looked up. "I heard it," he said quietly. "I don't know what it was but I heard it."

They all listened as the creaking noise coming from the ceiling get louder and louder. Just as Shawn was starting to get really worried, the ceiling caved in and Hunter fell out of it and landed on the bed with Jeff.

"Oh my god!" Shawn shouted.

"Holy shit!" Matt exclaimed.

"Matty!" Jeff screamed. "Help, he's going to kill me!"

Hunter just laid there and groaned. "I landed on Sledgey," he complained. He pushed himself up and grabbed on to his beloved weapon. "Oh Sledgey, that hurt." He spotted Jeff trying to get away and he quickly grabbed on to him and held the sledgehammer up to his throat. "Nobody move or I'll bash his throat in!"

Matt put up his hands and gave Hunter a pleading look. "Hey man, don't do anything crazy here, okay? Jeff's an innocent boy and he doesn't need to get hurt."

Jeff whimpered and kicked his feet. "Matty help me!" he pleaded. "Hunter's gonna beat me and it's gonna hurt!"

Shawn gulped and hid behind Matt. He knew Hunter was furious about what they had tried to do and he knew that they were in big trouble for it. "Look Hunt, we're sorry about what happened. We were just trying to stop world domination. We didn't mean--"

"There is no plot for world domination!" Hunter shouted angrily. "There never has been and there never will be, you fucking morons!" He took a deep breath and smirked. "Now Stephanie said I need to get revenge…and since I've got Sledgey with me, I'm going to tell you exactly what's going to happen here."

Shawn shuddered. He hated the sound of that.

…

After a long day of promotional work, Mark was exhausted and ready to go back into his hotel room and go to sleep. He wasn't even paying attention to Glenn as he rattled on about stuff he didn't even care about. Part of him actually wanted to tell the bald man to shut up, but he didn't because that was just going to cause a headache inducing fight.

"Are you even listening to me?" Glenn finally asked.

Mark shook his head. "Nope."

Glenn rolled his eyes. "Oh that's great. You are such a--what the fuck?"

Mark frowned as Glenn put the car to a stop. Out in front of the hotel, tied up to the flag pole was Shawn, Jeff and Matt, who were completely and totally naked. "Uh…what the fuck?" Glenn asked.

Mark shook his head. "Glenn, when it comes to these idiots, not knowing is the best for everyone. Believe me, I know."