Chapter 9
"Oh, Captain. I forgot. I took this from your quarters yesterday." Daniela told Mike, she pulled a handful of bullets and placed it on the table in the wardroom. Mike frowned as he placed his coffee on the table and picked up one of the bullets. It was from his personal weapon that he had stashed in the gun safe of his quarters.
"What?" He asked her perplexed as to how she got her hands on his gun.
"Really, you should know better than to lock up a suicidal man with a loaded weapon." She clicked her tongue disapprovingly at him.
"It was locked in a gun safe." Mike told her bluntly as he was never letting that woman back into his quarters ever again.
"It only took three tries. Child's play or should I say birthdays..." Daniela drawled him smugly, he would've laughed if his privacy hadn't been invaded. Though, he was impressed as she had somehow figured out the code was a mashing of his kids' birthdays, Just the days. How she could learn that, he decided he didn't want to know.
"Remember, when we talked about how you had to give up a life of crime?" he asked her.
"I borrowed them to play Jacks in my quarters." Daniela said casually with a smile as she sat down and waited for breakfast to be served. "I can't watch any more of your movies. Anyway, how long until we get to the United States?" she asked.
"It's right around the corner." He told her snidely, as if he were a beleaguered parent on a road trip with a child.
"So if we're all off the ship then I can fraternise with whomever I want?" she asked him, but her eyes and daring grin were thankfully glued on Burk across the table from her. The poor bastard looked uncomfortable, Mike was just glad it wasn't him.
"As long as I don't know about it and it's between two consensual adults." Mike told her.
Tom woke up hours later, for the first time since returning to the ship; he felt better. He was by no means cured or passed the withdrawal of being off the drugs. He was still sweating, his stomach felt sore and prickly, his head throbbed but it had lessened. The strong desire that clawed at him with fiery claws had dulled, his mind was somewhat clearer even though it wanted him to sleep.
He laid in bed next Sasha, he couldn't remember how they'd gotten here. All he could remember was the gun, Sasha broken down and in tears. Something he'd never wanted but at the same did. He wanted it because it meant she was just as imperfect as him. But something else became clear in his mind. He was tired of the state he was in. He no longer wanted to escape the man he once was before the drugs. He also no longer wanted to be numb, the new clarity of thoughts that flooded his mind felt refreshing and welcome.
He looked to Sasha, she was fast asleep. Her hair a mess, she had dark circles under eyes that contrasted starkly against her pale skin. He couldn't be the man who tore her apart; he also knew that he couldn't just check out either. He didn't want to become a monster, for the first time in months; he wanted to get up. He wanted to take a fucking shower and shave the stupid beard off his face.
He tried to gently push off the bed but it woke Sasha up. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him.
"I'm sorry." He told her, sincerely. He knew words were not enough but he could do better, he would do better. He had to just move forward and find some kind of balance in his life. He needed to be a father to his kids. His throat grew sore as he thought of them.
"Hey, it's ok." She said as she smoothed a hand down his arm.
"It's not, but I want to be okay. I just need this shit out of my system." He told her.
"I know, it just takes time." She told him, the woman had the patience of a saint to put up with him.
"Yeah, I still feel like crap." He admitted, any previous version of him would never admitted such weakness but Sasha had seen him at his worst and taken the brunt of his ugliness. Yet, she was still here. God, he wanted to kiss her but he held back out of vanity. He could smell himself and it wasn't pretty.
"How about some food? It might help given you haven't eaten much the last few days." she offered.
"Sure, that would be good." He said.
"I'll call the kitchen." She told him, she rose from the bed and straightened her shirt. "Maybe you could take a shower?" she suggested, he couldn't help but smile.
"You have no respect." Burk commented with a shake of his head as Daniela had her feet propped up on Wolf's bed by the man's head. Sure Wolf was in a coma but he could wake up to a pair of feet in his face.
"Do you have a brother?" Daniela asked him.
"Yeah." Burk said. "You've met him, Lt Commander Burk?" he asked, Daniela smiled like a cat that had been given a bowl of cream.
"He's your brother?" she asked in an appreciative manner.
"Yeah." Burk said disgruntled as he did not like sharing the limelight with his brother. Nor did he like how his brother made him feel like Quasimodo in the looks department.
"Mhmm he is very handsome." Daniela said talking as if Cameron were a perfectly cooked piece of steak. For just a moment, Burk was jealous and against his better judgement opened his mouth.
"He's not single." He told her, a blatant lie. He didn't know why but it bothered him how she bounced around from being attracted to one man to another. But then he knew he wasn't going to cross that line with her ever. She was Wolf's sister and Bro-code was clear; you do not hook up with friend's sisters unless you planned on marrying her.
"Like that would stop me." Daniela said with amusement.
"You had a point before?" He asked her.
"Well, given you're such a goody goody then you would never have put your feet in your brother's face while he was sleeping?" She asked.
"Well-" He started as he knew the answer was he had but she cut him off with a smug smile.
"Ah! That is a yes." Daniela said smugly. "You know, he's in a coma. So he's not going to know unless you tell him." She added.
"He might wake up. Hey, don't do that." Burk exclaimed as Daniela pushed her toes into Wolf's cheek pushing his head. Wolf's head rolled back but he didn't move or wake up.
"See, still out." Daniela said with a shrug.
"What happened between you and Wolf?" he asked as he moved his chair to get into a more comfortable position.
"Parents divorced, he stayed in Australia- I went to South America. We didn't stay in contact. Then 30 or so years later I pay to have him released by very bad people and end up arrested for being an idiot for not noticing that it was a trap. End of story." Daniela said with a shrug.
"And you still hang around him." Burk said, the story was missing a lot of details but he knew she wouldn't go into detail. She'd save it for when it would make the most impact. A 'casual' slip up, for shock value.
"Maybe I'm waiting for you to leave so I can smother him with a pillow." Daniela told him.
"I don't think you would." Burk told her.
"Really?" She asked him, he didn't move which proved her point. "Why do you insist on being my escort? Aren't there others who could do your job?" she asked him.
"Sure, but I think I'd be the only one could stop you from smothering Wolf." He told her, he didn't know why he didn't pass the assignment off to someone else. He could easily make her Miller or Cruz's problem but he liked her. He wasn't sure how he felt being eyed like a piece of meat but she managed to make things seem less important, she made traumas seem insignificant in the scheme of things. She made him smile, something that was rare since the death of his fiancé and Ravit.
"Hmm, I don't know. I could take you." She said looking him over. He smirked as he could overpower her with ease but allowed her to think otherwise.
"I don't think you want Wolf dead. If you had, you would've left him behind in the compound." Burk told her, she gave a careless shrug.
"I'm defective. So stop trying to figure me out. I am as I am, there is no deeper meaning to my actions. There's no sense to them, so stop trying to rationalise me by your narrow scope of what is good and evil." Daniela told him.
"I'm not-"
"You are, I understand it's how you need the world to be. You need it to be black and white to rationalise you do. You need the differentiation between you and the person on the other side to console your conscious. I live in a completely grey area, it unsettles you." she told him.
"Maybe." He conceded, among other things about her that left him unsettled. He knew she had a dark history and wondered how she could keep going on. Yet she did. "Seriously, stop doing that." He told her as she pushed Wolf's face with her foot again.
She grinned cheekily and took her feet lower on the bed. "I think I like you all growly." She remarked, she was about to say something more when Wolf's eyes fluttered open.
"There was a gun in the room but razors were taken out." Tom remarked, four days had passed since he and Sasha had shared the darkest moment of their relationship. It had snapped something in both of them but it was more of a valve release than a total breakdown.
His craving for drugs had faded to a dull ache in the background, a tiny monster in his head that begged to be used but there was no way for him to feed it. He didn't want to, not anymore. The days that followed had been mixed bag of good and bad health. But there was a noticeable difference as everything slowly came back into focus.
He was free from the immunes, while he'd probably never be free of the addiction he'd developed; he'd made groundwork on moving forward. He would upon docking in Norfolk be transferred to the hospital on base for treatment. He also had to agree when she said he had to acknowledge that he was an active user of Nostros, sure he'd been a victim but he was also an active participant in his addiction.
He'd talk to headshrinkers and as Daniela advised join a NA group. The woman seemed to be an endless source of information with annoyingly callous dose of reality. She told him, the best thing he could do was to not pick up a new addiction to replace the current one.
Something he was afraid he'd do with Sasha, he could easily just sink into a new world with her. So he did his best to be honest with her. She deserved as much, this time he wasn't going to push her out of his life as he had before. He needed to find a balance of dealing with his problem and coping with life again. He wanted to do everything right and he knew becoming super focussed on trying to fix himself would fail. So his only goals were to gain weight, work through the mental issues rolling in his brain and reintegrate back into society; to be in a better place for his kids to come back to him; to be a father again.
"Well, Mike wasn't big on sharing his toilette with you." Sasha offered with a smile. Tom walked out of the bathroom. He was dressed in Mike's civilian clothing. Cargo pants and a navy blue button down shirt rolled to the elbows. It was all just a size too big and long in the lengths. But he was freshly showered, and dressed as they'd be making port in the afternoon. He wanted to leave the ship looking better than how he'd arrived.
"Sit," she told him as she gestured to the bed and held an electric razor in the other hand. Tom did as he was told. He had mixed feelings about leaving the stateroom, he wanted to stay in this bubble he and Sasha shared the last few days. But he also wanted to get back to a man he could respect.
"Don't shave it all off. I want some anonymity." Tom told her, she gave him an amused smile at the instruction but he trusted her.
"I can do that," she replied.
"Your duty ends here." Daniela said to Burk as they stood on the dock. Wolf had been transported to the hospital with Tom over an hour ago and she was left a little dumbstruck on where to go. She'd never been the US, let alone a military base. She knew she was going to get lost.
"Wolf will be at the base hospital. Do you know where you're going to go?" Burk asked her as he'd been surprised to find her waiting for him. Majority of the crew had departed the ship, she stood on the dock looking lost. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her.
"I'll figure it out." Daniela said with a shrug.
"You know, I could drive you to the hospital and help you find hotel accommodation." Burk offered.
"I have no money for a hotel." Daniela informed him. "Don't even think of giving me any either, I'm not a charity case." she added, Burk realised in that moment that she'd given up her cushy life for Tom's. he wondered how he hadn't connected it in his mind before.
"Awwh look at your little sad emoti-con face. Don't worry, I'll figure it out. There has to be a shelter or I heard sleeping in the park is fun. Camping. At worst, I could get myself arrested for indecent exposure. You jail people for that right?" she asked, Burk gave her an incredulous look. "Joking." She assured him teasingly.
"No, it's illegal and your brother would kick my ass if let you sleep in a shelter or were beat up. You can stay with me at BOQ until you're on your feet." Burk told her, as Daniela really needed a lesson on how not to stress a man out.
"BOQ?" Daniela asked with a frown.
"Bachelor Officers Quarters. I think they'll allow you to stay given you helped save Chandler." He told her, he hoped they did otherwise it would make things difficult but he'd worry about that later.
"So are we going to sleep top to toe?" she asked in a mockingly light tone.
"You'll hopefully get your own room. You also can't wear the coveralls." Burk warned her as he didn't need her being confused for Military personnel and getting into trouble.
"Oh Lt Commander Green took them back. All I have is what I'm wearing and a change of clothes Sasha gave me." Daniela said as she lifted the bag and opened for him to see.
"Ok, I just don't want you to get into trouble." He told her.
"Awwh, you care." Daniela quipped with a grin.
"Don't make me change my mind." Burk told her.
"I never thought I'd be signing into rehab." Tom said as he was filling in the paperwork. Sasha had driven him out to the Naval Medical Centre in Portsmouth. Apparently substance abuse didn't stop during the pandemic and according to the Admissions officer; they had limited spaces. Tom was given preferential treatment.
"It'll be ok, the doctors at the hospital said it was best you do the program and I'll be a phone call away. I'll visit and hey-" she lifted his chin up so their eyes connected. "This is time for you to get your bearings. 90 days isn't that long." she assured him.
"Will you go to my house and get some clothes?" he asked her, he didn't have anything with him but figured it wouldn't hurt to have some sense of home with him while he was here. The place didn't look too bad, it was no rehab spa like they showed on TV but he didn't need luxury. He needed help and to be surrounded by people who he couldn't hurt while he finished getting dry.
"Sure, anything else?" she asked.
"Wait for me." he told her, he knew it sounded stupid to make such a request but he needed the reassurance.
"I'll be here when you get out." she said before she gave him a quick but heated kiss. She pulled back and smiled at him.
"90 days." He said with a sigh. He could do this.