Comic Book Chaos

"I can't believe we're doing this," Hunter muttered under his breath. He looked absolutely disgusted by what they were about to do. "I mean really, is this necessary? This is completely and totally retarded."

Shawn smacked Hunter on the chest, annoyed that he was being such a big grouch about this. "Come on, lighten up Hunt. This isn't going to be that bad."

"Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD? We're going to a comic book theme party hosted by a guy that we make it our mission to annoy all the time! How does this make sense?"

Shawn shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not here to understand how make things sense. I'm just here to look pretty." He pushed Hunter out of the way so he could look at himself in the rearview mirror. They were going to Phil's comic book costume party and he was dressed as Robin while Hunter was his Batman. If this was 1997 he would have been Batman and Hunter would have been Robin, but times had changed and he had come to accept his role as goofy side kick.

Hunter rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well let's get this over with." He got out of the car and started heading to the house. "Are you sure Steph and Rebecca are going to meet us here?" If he was going to have to sit through this bullshit, he was going to take advantage of the opportunity to stare at his wife's boobs while they were confined to leather (he had given her strict orders to wear leather and she had better listen because…well because he begged like a big baby, severely sacrificing his pride for the sake of his sexual fetishes).

"They said they were going to," Shawn said. He followed closely behind Hunter and rang the doorbell when they got up the porch steps. "Why would they lie?"

Hunter shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe-" He stopped talking as Phil opened the door. "Uh…Brooks? What the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm Wolverine," Phil explained. He held up the fake claws taped to his knuckles. "You know, from X-Men?"

"Ah. Hugh Jackman does it better," Hunter said bluntly before grabbing Shawn by the arm and pulling him into the house.

"Hunter!" Shawn scolded. "That was mean!"

"It was not," Hunter denied. "I was telling the truth. Isn't the truth supposed to set me free?"

Shawn gave him a disapproving look. "Yeah but it's not good when you hurt someone's feelings like that. Little white lies are okay."

"No they are not. They are destroying America's youth and I will not stand for it." Hunter had no idea what the hell he was yammering about and he had no intention of actually figuring it out. He was too busy looking at what was going on around them. They had taken so long to get ready that they were late and things had gotten started without them. He cursed under his breath as he stared out at the sea of his co-workers, managing to spot Stephanie and Rebecca talking to Maria in the corner of the room. Stephanie had gone with a Halle Berry Catwoman costume with the leather pants with slash marks in them, a push bra like top that crossed at her stomach and half a cat mask and Hunter officially did not care how horrible that movie had actually been; his wife looked hot as hell and he was more in love with her than ever.

"Shawn! Hunter! Over here!" Rebecca yelled as she waved them over. She was dressed as Wonder Woman and she had her arm around Maria, who was dressed up as Batgirl.

"I'm coming my darling!" Shawn replied. He pushed his way past Luke Gallows and Serena and Hunter followed him, feeling like one of the biggest nerds on the entire planet. His reputation was never going to recover from this and he was going to kill everyone responsible for this.

Stephanie raised her eyebrows at Hunter. "What's with the Batman costume? I thought you were dressing up as Thor."

"I was going to until a certain blonde drama queen decided he needed a Batman to his Robin," Hunter muttered.

Shawn looked aghast at those words. "Who would do such a thing?" he asked, completely forgetting that he was the drama queen in question.

Resisting the urge to smack Shawn for being dumb, Hunter started looking around for Matt and Jeff. "Where's Dumb and Dumber?"

"Version 1.0 or 2.0?" Stephanie asked.

He frowned. "Wait, what?"

"Well Dumb and Dumber Version 1.0 is right in front of me already-"

"Hey!" Shawn said loudly. "We resent that!"

"And Version 2.0 has been missing all night," Stephanie said, continuing as if Shawn hadn't said a word at all. "It's not a good sign at all."

Maria nodded in agreement. "I haven't seen Beth and Candice either. This is not a good thing. There's no telling what Jeff's done to all of them."

Rebecca frowned disapprovingly. "Why do we always blame Jeff for this stuff? It's really kind of mean."

Shawn looked at her like she had just grown a second head. "It's ALWAYS Jeff's fault honey. He starts the most of the chaos in our lives and even if it's not his fault we blame him anyway. That's the way this cookie crumbles."

"Well that cookie is not nice," Rebecca sated. "And we need to find the others before they get into trouble."

"More like we need to go find the others and BAIL them out of trouble," Maria muttered. "Because there's no way they're not already in it."

"But where do we even start looking?" Hunter asked. "They could be anywhere."

"Uh…guys? I think I know where they are."

They all turned around and frowned at the Spiderman that was talking to them. "Who the hell are you?" Hunter asked.

Spiderman took off his mask and revealed himself to be none other than Daniel Bryan. Shawn was happy to see his former pupil but Maria just looked confused. "Who's that?" she asked Stephanie.

"Remember that guy who got fired for choking Justin Roberts with a tie during the first Nexus attack?" Stephanie whispered. "That's him."

Maria's eyes widened in understanding. "Really?"

"Yup. I'm the crazy tie guy," Bryan confirmed. "And I know where Jeff and the others are."

"Wait, how do you know where they are?" Hunter asked in confusion.

Bryan just shrugged. "I'm Daniel Bryan. I know all, I see all-"

"You're just a short little nerd-ow!" Hunter pouted at Shawn, who had just hit him. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You're being a butthead," Shawn replied. He put his hand on Bryan's shoulder and nodded at him. "Can you take us to them?"

Bryan glared at Hunter a little bit before nodding. "Yeah." He motioned for them to follow him. "Come on. We need to get going. I don't know exactly what Jeff was up to-"

"See?" Stephanie said to Rebecca. "It's always his fault!"

"-but it didn't sound good," Bryan concluded as they left the party and headed out to go collect the other idiots.

…

"Jeff come on, you're being crazy!" Matt said as he struggled to get out of his bonds. He and Candice hadn't even gotten a chance to get into their costumes. Jeff had ambushed them as they were doing so and knocked them out so he could drag him to wherever it was they were. Matt had no idea where their location even was or why Beth wasn't around to stop all of this.

"Yeah really!" Candice agree. She pouted her lips and gave Jeff a pleading look. "Beth wouldn't want you to do this to us baby. You're going to get in trouble-"

Jeff stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself to be in a Joker costume. "She will know nothing vile woman! She's at the evil in-laws so she will not know of my plans for world domination!"

Matt sighed. Great. He's fucking lost his damn mind. This is not going to be fun. "World domination? Well since when does that involve tying us up?"

"Since I realized that you are a giant butthead who will ruin my plans," Jeff said as he plopped down on Matt's lap.

"And why did you kidnap me?" Candice asked.

"Because you're part of my Operation Human Shield."

"WHAT?"

Jeff just giggled and reached into his purple coat to pull out a really big hunting knife. "Let's put a smile on that face!" he said gleefully.

Matt's eyes widened and he proceeded to do the only logical thing he could do: he screamed.

…

"Why would Jeff take them here?" Maria asked as they approached the seemingly abandoned warehouse.

Bryan shrugged. "I don't know. But…what the hell?"

Hunter groaned as The Great Khali came out of the shadows and started making his way towards them. "Oh fuck me…"

"Not now sweetheart," Stephanie said as she patted his arm. She took a couple of steps forward and straightened herself up to her full height. "Khali-"

Khali roared something that nobody could understand and Bryan pulled Stephanie so he could step up to the plate. "Is Daniel Bryan going to have to choke a bitch?" he asked as he reached into the pocket of his costume and pulled out Justin Roberts' pink tie.

Hunter and Shawn exchanged looks as Khali roared angrily. "Why is he talking in third person?" Shawn asked in confusion.

"Who cares?" Hunter replied. "He's like four feet tall! What is he going to do-" The sound of Matt screaming made Maria and Stephanie run around the distracted Punjabi Playboy and Hunter and Shawn ran after them because they did not want to be squashed or choked any time soon. When they got into the warehouse, they found Jeff sitting on a tied up Matt's lap and he was about to cut up his own brother's face. "Bad Jeff!" Rebecca scolded. "Bad!"

"What the hell?" Jeff said angrily. "My giant didn't eat you?"

"Nope," Hunter said smugly.

"Well then, I'll guess I'll just have to blow you up then!" Jeff pulled out what looked to be like a real detonator and Shawn sprung into action. Before anyone knew what was happening, he ran forward and kicked what was actually just the remote control to a remote control car out of Jeff's hand before kicking the younger man in the face.

"Dude, Robin just showed you up big time Batman," Maria said with a laugh.

Hunter glared at her. "Quiet you…"

"OW!" Jeff yelled as he writhed around in the floor in pain. "What the hell Shawn?"

"I win!" Shawn shouted triumphantly. "I win I win I-" The warehouse door opened and to everyone's surprise, Daniel Bryan came in, holding up the tie in victory. "Does Daniel Bryan have to choke another bitch?" he asked just a little too eagerly.

"Uh…no," Stephanie said hesitantly. "I think we're good."

"Yeah," Hunter agreed. He reached out and patted the shorter man on the head. "That'll do pig, that'll do."