Coming Soon to DVD

"Hunter I don't see why you dragged me all the way here," Shawn whined as Hunter pulled him along by the wrist across the parking lot. He felt like a small child at the moment and it was not pleasing him. "Just because Raw's here in San Antonio doesn't mean I have to be here! I'm retired now! Retired! Do you know what that means?"

"Yes but I don't care," Hunter snapped. He had an idea and he was not about to be denied. "Matt's touring with the stupid Smackdown guys and Jeff's at home so I can't get them to help me. Besides, you're my one true partner in crime. How can I do something like this without you?'

"Hunter you haven't even told me what we're doing!" Shawn pointed out. "How can I answer that question when you wont' even tell me what's going on?"

That was a good point. Hunter hadn't thought of that. "We're shooting a commercial," he said, pointing to the production truck, which was where he was taking Shawn.

"What kind of commercial?"

"A very very important commercial."

"That doesn't tell me anything Hunter!"

"So? It doesn't have to. Just trust me. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'll get you through this."

Shawn just sighed dramatically. "Okay fine. Whatever. You just better know what you're doing."

"Oh trust me, I do. This is going to be like one of the best things we've ever done. All you have to do is have faith and be able to run when Vince tries to kill us."

…

That night when Raw went on the air, the regularly scheduled programming that had Cena babbling on about stuff nobody actually cared about was interrupted by the cameras cutting to Shawn and Hunter sitting side by side in director's chairs, clad in full DX gear. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages: we here at D-Generation would like to present to you a very special announcement," Hunter said, his eyes twinkling because he could picture the fit Vince was having right about now.

Shawn nodded along. "The WWE is always presenting you with strings of dvds that they want you to buy because they love the money. The latest have been Wrestling's Highest Flyers-which I was a part of thank you very much."

"Oh yes, that was the best part of the dvd Shawn," Hunter said with a nod. "And also on that dvd was Chris Jericho, who recently had a dvd released called Jericho gets an Enema…"

"Hunter I don't think it was called that," Shawn said quietly.

Hunter blinked innocently. "It's not?" he said in confusion. He looked like such a big dumb puppy that it was actually kind of adorable.

"No," Shawn confirmed.

"Oh. Well then what's it really called?"

"Uh…I think the better question is, who cares?"

"Good point." Hunter turned back to the camera and smiled. "Anyway, besides from those, there's also these damn direct to dvd movies WWE feels the need to shove down our throats and honestly, only the ones I'm going to be in are going to be worth seeing."

Shawn snorted. "I doubt that."

Hunter glared at him. "What was that?"

"Nothing…"

Hunter didn't believe him but decided not to push the subject. "So…if WWE is going to be taking your money like we all know they will, we're going to expand the choices because there is stuff they don't want you to see because they are meanies."

"Yeah," Shawn agreed. "The first of them being this…" He held up a makeshift movie cover and grinned. "Operation: Kill WWE's Greatest Douchebags. Everyone from Michael Cole, the anonymous GM, Vinny Mac himself-we will kill them for their heinous crime and get paid handsomely for the royalties."

"Oh yes," Hunter said with a nod. "And then there's this-" He held up a cover featuring all the divas on it. "Divas Uncensored: the utlra naughty edition. See all the shit our TV product is too PG to put on."

"Dude you can't say shit on TV!" Shawn said. He reached over and smacked Hunter on the arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Relax Shawn. The censors will just edit it out. There's absolutely nothing to worry about." He held up the next poster board and continued on like he hadn't been interrupted at all. "Now this one doesn't have a title yet because we can't think of one but we're going to reveal to all of you why WWE hates properly pushing small guys with actual talent-"

The production truck door burst open and Vince came in, absolutely seething mad. "HUNTER! SHAWN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Oh shit," Hunter muttered. "Shawn…"

"I got it!" Shawn leapt up to his feet and took the poster board out of Hunter's hand so he could smash Vince in the head with it. That was supposed to send Vince down but he didn't budge at all. In fact, his face just got redder and his eye started twitching uncontrollably. It actually seemed like he was about to turn into the Hulk or something.

Shawn winced and glanced back at Hunter. "Buddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to run…but I'm afraid to make any sudden movements."

Hunter shook his head. "I know, me too."

"You two…I'm going to kill the both of you!" Vince snarled. "You hear me? I'm going to rip off your heads and shove them so far up your asses that-"

Shawn, both scared and offended by Vince's bad breath, pushed Vince away just far enough so he could get his foot up and super kick the older man in the face, knocking him unconscious. "There. Now he can't hurt anyone."

Hunter smirked. "Dude, I just got another idea for a dvd: your greatest super kicks ever. We could do a countdown and shit and it'll make like millions and millions of bucks."

Shawn grinned. "Hunter…you're a geinous. An absolute fucking geinous."

"I know," Hunter said smugly. He got up and rubbed his hands together. "Come on people! We've got ourselves a dvd to make!"