Escape From the Chicken

"Bitch I think we're lost," Jeff said as he shook his head. In the midst of looking for a ho trying to hide for him he had found Matt, who was still baked out of his mind because he kept finding and eating more and more special brownies. Jeff had decided to drag Matt along with him on this hunt for the ho, finding a lot of entertainment in randomly smacking Matt and calling him names and pretty much getting away with it completely. Unfortunately for him, he had gotten TOO into that entertainment because now he not only forgot which ho he was looking for, but he didn't even know where the hell they were.

Matt grinned and let out a short laugh. "Maybe you're lost but I'm not." He took a few steps back and stretched his arms out. "See this? See all this?" He waved his arms around wildly. "All this is MY habitat. The trees, the sun the grass the wind-it's a part of me. It calls to me, hugs me, kisses me. It completes me."

Jeff blinked slowly and stared at Matt like he was completely insane. "That's it. No more brownies for you. Not ever."

The grin faded from Matt's face and his eyes narrowed at Jeff angrily. "Excuse me? I NEED the brownies! The brownies make me ONE with this earth! They take me up-"

"Matt you're baked." Jeff could hardly believe the stupid shit that was coming out of Matt's mouth right now. Usually he was high along with him so he never got to actually listen to the shit they all said when it happened. "You're not one with the earth." Either Matt was going to have to shut up, sober up or he needed to get high with him because there was only so much of this crap he would be able to stand to listen to.

"I am too!" Matt insisted. "Who told you I wasn't? Was it the man? Did the man tell you that?"

"The man? What man?"

"The MAN! You know…" Matt waved his hands around all spazz like and Jeff could only shake his head. "The MAN! The one that holds me down!"

"Matt you're not black. You're white. You're a white Southern boy. So technically, if you really think about it, you're the man holding other people down." That got him a slap right across the face. "OW! What the hell was that for?"

"Don't you EVER accuse me of working for the man again!" Matt shouted angrily. "You hear me? Don't you EVER do that crap to me! I wouldn't EVER work for that man. Not ever! Screw him and his injustice. I will NEVER stand for it!"

"Okay okay okay!" Jeff put up his hands in surrender. "I get it! The man bad. Bad bad bad."

"Damn right," Matt grumbled. "And don't you ever forget it."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Bad man or not, I don't know where we are, so maybe you should use your new found earth connecting powers to figure it out.

"Fine. I will." Matt sat down right there on the ground and crossed his legs. "Stand back. I need space."

"Space for what?"

"Connection you idiot."

"…You're SO lucky I don't slap you with my pimp hand." Jeff watched Matt impatiently for a few minutes, scowling when the minutes just dragged on by. "Well?"

"Hummmmmmmmmm!" Matt said loudly. He had his eyes closed and was rocking back and forth, just completely ignoring Jeff. "Hummmmmm! Hummmm!"

"Matt-"

"HUMMMMMM!"

"MATT!"

"WHAT?" Matt opened his eyes and gave Jeff an irritated look. "What is it?"

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

"Well why not?" Jeff whined impatiently.

"Because you're disrupting my flow!"

"Your flow? Is it your time of the month?"

Instead of getting mad like he normally would, Matt suddenly found that to be the most hilarious thing he ever heard. He started laughing so hard he began to cry and Jeff found himself laughing too just because Matt was.

"Matt come on, we gotta just go." Jeff grabbed the now protesting Matt by the wrists and pulled him up to his feet. "Maybe we can call Shawn and Hunter and have them pick us up."

"Ugh but-" Matt stopped suddenly and his eyes just about popped out of his head. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Jeff looked to where Matt was looking and grinned. There was a guy dressed in a chicken suit handing out free pieces of chicken. "Freaking sweet!" He tried to go over there to get some but Matt wasn't having that. He started dragging Jeff away and when Jeff resisted he threw him over his shoulder and took off running. "Matt! What the hell?" Jeff tried to somehow escape Matt's grasp. "I want the chicken!"

"No you don't!" Matt replied. He was literally shoving people out of the way as he ran, not even bothering to apologize to anyone. "Bad chicken! BAD CHICKEN!"

"No! It's a GOOD chicken!" Jeff insisted. It was like talking to a brick wall but he was trying to. "It's got FREE FOOD!"

Matt ignored him and ran faster. The so called "bad chicken" hadn't even seen them so there was absolutely no danger but in Matt's over baked mind? The chicken had zeroed in on them and was now giving chase, trying to burn his feet to smithereens with lasers that were shooting out of his eyes. "No no no not today Mr. Chicken!"

"Waaaah!" Jeff screamed as Matt nearly tripped and sent them both crashing to the ground. "Matt! Would you be careful?"

"No time!" Matt yelled. "Gotta keep going!" He didn't think he was running fast enough anymore so another means of escaping was now necessary. There was a cab up ahead but it was still quite a ways. He almost went for it anyway but then another thing caught his eye and it seemed like a much better idea.

"Matt…who's bike is this?" Jeff asked as Matt set him on the bike's handlebars and then got on it himself and started peddling as fast as he could. The owner of the bike had come out of the store he was in and was screaming and chasing after them but Jeff just waved at him and Matt ignored him completely. Running from the chicken was much much more important.

"Where are we going?" Jeff was getting mad at the lack of answers Matt kept giving him. "And you tell me this time or I'll feed you to that chicken myself!"

"I don't know!" Matt answered. "I'll figure it out when I figure it out."

That wasn't much of an answer but it was all Jeff was going to get. He knew it too and he began to pout and whine because he was really good at that. "I want ice cream," he announced.

"No. No ice cream."

"Why?"

"We're running from the chicken."

"There's no chicken Matt."

"Yes there is."

"No there's not."

"Yes there is. The man sent him after us."

"Ugh!" Jeff shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Matt! I want ice cream and I want ice cream NOW!"

"And I said NO!" Matt said angrily.

Jeff scowled. No? No? Was Matt insane? Nobody said no to him. He was Jeffrey Nero Hardy. He got what he wanted when he wanted and anyone who dared to defy that needed to learn a big time lesson. "GIVE ME ICE CREAM!" He literally screamed that so loudly in Matt's ears that he about gave his older brother a heart attack. "ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE-" Matt suddenly lost control of the bike because Jeff's yelling was bothering him that much and down they crashed to the ground. "Ow!" Jeff got pretty banged up in the fall. "Mean!" He smacked Matt across the face.

Matt shook his head and took his wallet out of his pocket and tossed it at Jeff's face. "Here. Just take it. I don't care." He got up to his feet and picked the bike back up and took off once more, leaving Jeff all by himself there.

Jeff watched him go incredulously before laughing in victory. Sure he was alone once again but he had Matt's money now and not only could he get ice cream, but he could get anything else he wanted as revenge for Matt being an idiot. "Victory is mine!" He raised his hands up in victory and jumped up to his feet to do a little dance before hopping off like a bunny rabbit. "Ice cream, here I come!"