TITLE: A Black sealed "Forgive me" Letter.
PAIRING: Hephaestion and Alexander.
RATING: R
CATEGORY: AU.
DISCLAMER: I don't know the people involved, no harm intended, everything is product of my imagination, but I wouldn't mind sharing my life with the blue eyed god.
NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.
FEEDBACK: comments are love! Yes, please any kind of them will help me to improve my writing or leave it forever.
Hephaestion was devastated, he couldn't believe that Alexander had done that to him, the man who had said many times he loved his Phai with his entire royal heart; but he had, and this time the brunette didn't know if he would be able to go back from there.
Alexander had taken a new lover, a very young Macedonian blond boy with striking emerald eyes and a flawless and unmarred body. To put the matters worse, the new "toy" had a very big mouth and he didn't know when to shut up so he had been showing off around the palace and its surroundings, bragging about his relationship with the great Macedonian king. He had even dared to approach Hephaestion and asked him how he felt after being dumped and adding that he didn't want any hard feelings between them whenever they crossed their paths.
Hephaestion angered to the point to go and see Alexander and the General plainly asked his king to control his young lover. Alexander, listening to him with a smirk in his face, laughed loudly at him and left him standing alone in the middle of the throne room while he walked away.
The brunette Chiliarch looked astonished at his lover's lack of respect and love towards his person, so he decided that if that was the situation, he would take some measures to safeguard his heart and his sanity.
First of all, he moved his things out of the royal chamber and chose the furthest chamber to settle his new sleeping arrangements. He also decided that he would chose a different shift to eat or exercise than Alexander's so in that way he would not have to tolerate any of their presence.
He made those changes very early in the day and no one realized about them until Cleitus asked Alexander where his handsome lover was. Kostas looked at the black warrior with disdain because he had not noticed him sitting next to the king. The young man spoke up his own thoughts and Cleitus laughed loudly telling him that he was not Alexander's lover but just his part-time shag until the stubborn king came back to his senses.
Kostas blushed deeply and Alexander looked at Cleitus with a strange look in his eyes trying to understand why Cleitus had said that.
Alexander turned to his right to discover that Hephaestion's place was empty and he frowned because he had not realized that his lover was not by his side, as usual. Suddenly, it dawned on him that he had not seen his blue-eyed beloved since the previous night when he had left him standing alone after a ridiculous and strange lover spat.
He lifted his gaze and saw Theo entering the room; he called him and asked when his master was coming to dine with them. The nervous page answered that Hephaestion had already eaten and he was also sleeping. Alexander thanked him, having a strange feeling in his guts and let him go.
Time later, Alexander felt a hand caressing his thigh and going up towards his groin; his manhood reacted to the caress and he thought that his lover was being quite bold doing that move in front of so many people. When Alexander turned, he found naughty emerald eyes and not the warm cerulean ones he was so much in love with. The king pushed away the wandering hand and told Kostas off telling him that it was not the place or the time to be doing that. The young toy boy felt really chastised and remained in silence for the rest of the dinner.
Alexander submerged himself in his own thoughts and he didn't take part in the conversation around him.
In a moment and out of the blue, he stood up and left the dining room quickly, bidding a "Health to you all" as he was walking away. The presents looked at him surprised by the sudden attitude, and only Cleitus realized that the young king was feeling remorse due to his previous actions.
The blond entered the royal chamber quietly because he didn't want to wake up Hephaestion but when he reached the side of their bed, he found that it was untouched. Looking around the chamber, he realized that there were some things missing. Panicking, he went directly to their clothes trunks to find that Hephaestion's clothes were no longer there; his sandals and boots were also missing as well as his books and personal things.
The king fell onto his knees and cupping his head between his hands he realized what he had done and he could now understand what Cleitus had meant earlier during dinner.
He sat in their loveseat in the balcony, the very same seat where they had shared amorous kisses and made love quite often.
Selene, the night star, was hidden behind a thick grey cloud and so the king of the known world felt even worst in the dark.
He thought that he could go and ask about Hephaestion's whereabouts but after some minutes he realized that if Hephaestion had moved his things out of their chamber it was because he wanted to be alone. Going against his heart, Alexander remained on the couch, curled up in the chilly night and Helios found him still there when he decided to show his shiny face to the mortals behind him.
A king with reddish eyes and tousled hair appeared in the dining room, wearing his yesterday's wrinkled clothes. His two coloured eyes wandered around the room, looking for the only person who could soothe the pain in his heart. Not seeing him, he dragged himself out and back to their chamber. Cleitus, who was coming from his lover's quarters, stopped to inform Alexander that he had seen Hephaestion ridding on Auburn and heading south. Alexander knew where Hephaestion was going but he wouldn't dare to follow him. His lover only went to their secret spot on the lake when he wanted to think and Alexander had decided the night before that he would let Hephaestion pace their make-up if he decided he still wanted a relationship with the king. Alexander had also realized by now that if Hephaestion decided not to come back to him, he would be completely within his rights.
However he knew that he could try to explain his behaviour and asked for forgiveness. This was truly a "black seal" letter.
He announced his companions that he needed a couple of hours for himself so there would not be any interruptions.
He sat at his desk, looking towards the other desk in the room, now void of its writing utensils, scrolls and maps that used to fill its entire surface. He took a scroll and a stylus, the one that his Phai had gifted him many years ago. He started writing but his mind was faster than his hand and after the third crossing out, he decided to stop, clear his mind and think what he truly wanted to write.
After breathing deeply two or three times, he took a clean parchment and started to fill its surface with his untidy penmanship.
Dear Hephaestion,
I know that I don't deserve your attention but I needed to write this letter with the only purpose of asking for your forgiveness.
My dear Hephaestion, even though I know that I cannot call you mine anymore but that is how my heart calls you; please forgive me, I know that I don't deserve it after all you have tolerated from me but now I realized that I have been an insensible bastard.
You are the most important person in my life and I love you, no one else, but you also know that if I take to my bed someone else it is not because I love you less but simply because it is in my curious nature.
I know that it is not the best explanation but it is the truest one; I really don't know why I can't stop those stupid urges to bed anyone who I found interesting enough when I have the most amazing man by my side.
I really hope that you can find inside your heart the tinniest reason to forgive me but if you cannot find it, you should know that I would never stop loving you.
Forgive me for my lack of respect towards you.
Forever yours,
Alexander.
The king kissed the letter and after mixing some wax with charcoal, he took his signet seal and stamped it onto it.
Hephaestion found the letter on his bed when he came back from his ride. The first reaction was to take it and throw it far away from him, it nearly fell down through the open window but it fell onto the windowsill and Hephaestion realized that he seal had been broken. He looked at it but left it there, trying to make his urge to read it to fade away. The temptation was kept away for many hours and it was like that because Hephaestion closed the heavy drapes that separated his inner chamber from that area.
Because Zeus was almighty and didn't want to see his favourite mortal warrior hurting so much, he made Alexander go to the dining room earlier and he found the brunette of his desire having dinner alone and being served by the very same Lena, the royal cook.
But Hephaestion was Aphrodite's protégée and she didn't want him to suffer either so she took a decision for him. She lit Hephaestion's dormant pain and anger towards his king, once more.
Alexander's heart sank to his feet when he saw his General leaving his plate still full and going out of the dining room. Lena threw a worried look towards the king but she didn't utter a word. She picked up the plate and, covering it with a cotton cloth, she headed towards Hephaestion's chamber.
Alexander went back to his room without eating at all.
The companions gathered around the table and while eating they brought up the problem between Alexander and Hephaestion. Ptolemy remained in silence but Cleitus, being always the loud one, offered his opinion and all the presents agreed with him. They all knew that Hephaestion was right and that he had the right to feel angry about the new lover, especially after Alexander's display of love and commitment towards him in the city of Troy but they also know that if Hephaestion didn't come back to Alexander, the young king would be quite useless. Even though Hephaestion was always laughed at by many of the companions, no one could deny the good influence he was on Alexander, especially when the young blond king was acting a bit irrationally.
They all decided that they would give them more time to sort out their feelings but if that took too long, they would intervene.
A month later, Alexander seemed like a bear with a sore head, unable to function properly because his best counselor was no longer giving him his opinion or suggesting a better option.
Hephaestion was pretending to be working in his chamber when a loud knock on his door brought him back from dreamland. A dry "Enter" was followed by the door opening and the tall figure of the black warrior darkened the entry. Black eyes set onto blue ones and for the first time the older man could see pain and distress in those blue pieces of heaven.
Hephaestion sighed deep and loudly and let the man enter without speaking at all. Two hours later both men abandoned the chamber; one with a heavier heart, the other with a clearer knowledge of the situation. However, Hephaestion had decided to cut the king some slack and tried to rebuild their broken friendship with his king, he knew that it would be difficult but not impossible. He also decided that he would start in that very same moment.
Hephaestion began by sitting near the king during their lunch and even though they didn't cross words between them, Hephaestion could feel Alexander's happiness, tingling his skin with pleasure.
During the following days, they began feeling more comfortable with each other but Alexander knew more than well that any innuendo or flirting would not be accepted, not even tolerated so he kept a cordial but caring relationship but never indicating that he wanted their intimacy back, even though it was what he desired most. He would let Hephaestion give the first step towards it.
Hephaestion's heart was in a constant turmoil; he knew he wanted to get closer to Alexander again but he also knew that he would not tolerate going back to that kind of open relationship; he realized that he would have to accept a future wife or wives to give him his heirs but lovers were a no-go.
Alexander was treating Hephaestion as if he were walking on eggshells but he gladly accepted Hephaestion's attempts to go back to a more normal relationship between them.
A foreign event would solve their internal problem.
A merchant brought his species to sell at the market and Alexander went to look for some love potion and he knew what he was looking for. The merchant, however, insisted in giving him another herb, more powerful and effective than the one Alexander had in mind. He also suggested that if he wanted to be sure of the dose or its effectiveness, he could take it himself first.
Reluctantly Alexander took it and decided to do that before using it with his Phai. He retreated to his chamber and prepared the potion carefully. He took a small sip of the beverage and noting happened, he took a bigger gulp and a sudden hotness invaded his body; he fell onto his knees and his hands went directly to his throat because he was feeling it closing.
He fell on his back, sudden convulsions shook his head and limbs from one side to the other, with a final thrust his body went limp while foam spilled out of his mouth and then darkness invaded his body.
Hephaestion, after thinking for a while, decided to invite Alexander for a ride because he wanted to spend some time alone with him and see how things could be mended. He walked towards his former chamber and knocked at the door but no one answered. That was really strange because the guards had assured him that the king was inside. He decided to enter without knocking again and, as soon as he crossed the heavy wooden door, he found his king on the floor, lying on his side, his eyes completely white and drooling thick white foam.
He ran towards Alexander and knelt beside him, cradling his head on his lap while shouting for help. While waiting for the physician, the distressed brunette cleaned his king's mouth and leaned over, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.
"Come on Alexander, wake up, open those beautiful eyes for me, please; my world is too cold without those warm beacons looking at me"
The still body looked like a corpse and Hephaestion could feel how it had begun to lose its warmth. Cursing the old doctor for his lateness, he decided to do something to save his lover. He took the royal body bridal style and set him on the bed, he loosened his clothes and cradling the back his neck with a firm hand, he applied his lips onto the soon-cooling lips and breathed deeply into Alexander's mouth.
He tried three more time without success and seeing Alexander's lips turning blue and a still chest, he begged for Aphrodite's help.
The goddess listened to her protégée's plea and decided to help. She touched Hephaestion's mouth and the General felt a sizzling sensation in it. Believing that the goddess was on his side, he attached his lips again to Alexander's and thinking about his love for the blond man in his arms, he breathed again deeply until white spots appeared in front of his eyes. Golden specks of light passed from one mouth to the other and a soft and warm golden light enveloped the lying corpse and Alexander came back to life with a sharp intake of breath. His eyelids blinked slightly and when he was able to open his eyes, he found Hephaestion leaning over him crying and smiling at the same time.
He gave his blue-eyed beloved a worried look and was about to open his mouth to ask what had happened when he found himself tightly hugged and silenced by warm lips onto his.
"I forgive you, my Alexander, but please, don't try to call my attention like this again" whispered the brunette against his lips.
Alexander smiled broadly because he had been forgiven; he still did not know the reasons for his forgiveness but it didn't matter in that moment because they would have a long life together and time to find out his lover's reasons. What he perfectly knew was that he would never again put his love in anyone else but his Phai.