Cops

"Where the hell are Jeff and Matt?" Stephanie asked Shawn and Hunter as they entered her office. They had been on the other side of the arena trying to tie Hornswoggle to a hood of a car so they could have themselves a leprechaun hood ornament but the summoning to Steph's office had put an end to those plans.

"Uh…Matt and Jeff who?" Shawn asked, trying to play dumb. He hated being called in here. He felt like a child who had been called into the principal's office. Actually though, this was worse. Stephanie was a McMahon and she was diabolical enough to marry Hunter so yeah, this was much much worse.

Stephanie glared at him in irritation. "Matt and Jeff Hardy. Your partners in crime. Two of the biggest pains in my ass in the history of pains in my ass."

"Do they beat out Jericho?" Hunter had to ask.

Stephanie just gave him a look that wiped that stupid smirk off his face. "Just tell me where they are," she growled. "Is that really so hard to do?"

"It is when you won't like the answer," Hunter admitted. Shawn quickly smacked him on the chest for revealing such information but the damage was done. Stephanie's entire face twitched and she pinched the bridge of her nose before slowly shaking her head.

"What happened?" When they didn't answer her she smacked her hand against her desk really hard, making them both jump. "I said what happened?"

Hunter and Shawn exchanged looks. "We have to tell her."

"No way dude."

"We have to."

"Noooo no no no. She's gonna get pissed."

"She's gonna get pissed if we DON'T tell her."

"You're damn right I will," she growled.

"See?" Hunter said triumphantly.

Shawn sighed in defeat. "Fine. But YOU'RE showing her."

"Fine." Hunter turned to Stephanie and held up one finger. "I'll be back in a minute." He left the room, leaving Stephanie and Shawn alone together. Shawn was fidgeting a whole bunch and he started doing it even more when Stephanie leaned back in her chair and just stared at him.

"What?" he said, totally paranoid now. "What are you looking at?

"You," Stephanie replied.

"Why?"

"Because you either look like a kid who's hand got caught in the cookie jar or a little kid that really really has to pee."

"You can't decide which?"

"No, not really. And I don't have to so there." She stuck her tongue out in a surprising show of immaturity. Though with all the stuff Shawn, Hunter, Jeff and Matt seemed to get away with, she figured that little bit from her wouldn't hurt.

Hunter came back a few minutes later with a videotape in his hand. "You're going to have to see this to believe it," he announced. He turned on the TV and popped the tape in. "I was just recording this shit for the hell of it and I'm like so glad I did it now. This shit is fucking amazing."

"Oh lord…" Stephanie had this feeling she didn't even want to know yet her eyes were glued to the TV screen anyway. Shawn sat down on her desk and Hunter came over to stand next to her. They both had already seen it but of course they were going to watch it again. Despite the fact they were scared shitless of Stephanie's reaction it was still quite entertaining.

Bad boys! What ya gonna do-

"Hunter!" Stephanie said in exasperation. "Why the hell did you record Cops? I hate that show!"

"Well it's not always about you," Hunter pointed out. The glare he got for that made him shrink back and put his hands up in surrender. "I love you…"

She just kept glaring until Shawn grabbed her head and made her look back at the TV. "Watch!" he ordered. "Or you'll miss it."

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" the cop asked to the person inside of the car.

Stephanie frowned. That car looked awful familiar…

"I don't watch my speed sir. The speed watches me."

Even from the distance the camera in the cop car was, it was still very easy to see the irritation that flashed across his face. "Have you had anything to drink tonight?"

"Noooo. No no no no. I'm not an drinker and a driver sir. All I had were my brownies. My special special brownies that are really quite tasty. I would share one with you except I ate them all."

"That is NOT who I think it is, " Stephanie said, trying to convince herself more than anyone else. The fact that she recognized that voice had not set well with her at all. "That is NOT him no no no."

"You know, denial is a river in Egypt…"

"Shut up Shawn!"

"I was just saying. You didn't have to yell."

"Sir I need to see your driver's license and regis-what are you doing?"

"Oh my GOD!" Stephanie exclaimed as Matt got out of the car and started practically hanging off of the state trooper that had pulled him over. She slapped a hand on her forehead and shook her head in denial. "No no no no no no NO!"

"You know, throwing a tantrum at the TV won't change anything," Hunter said innocently. He got punched in the arm really hard for that. "Ouch! I was just saying!"

"You need to get back in your car." The officer was trying to reel Matt back in but Matt was just not having it. "Sir!"

"You need to relax," Matt said, actually trying to jump up on the poor guy and wrap his legs around him. "Just relax darling. Take it slow. Let Papa Matty help you."

"Dear God he's begging to get the shit beat out of him," Hunter said with a shake of his head. "And nobody could blame this poor guy. If I had a high hick trying to dry hump me I'd beat the shit out of him too."

"He really needs to lay off the brownies," Shawn said wisely. "I mean really. It's clear they've messed up his brain real bad."

Stephanie shook her head and rested her forehead against her desk. "I can't watch any more. Shut it off. Just please shut it off."

"But you haven't seen the best part!" Hunter grabbed the remote and fast forward through Matt getting arrested for trying to like rape a police officer and went to the end of the show. "You really need to see this part."

"Don't worry, nobody gets dry humped in this one," Shawn assured her as he made her sit back up.

"That wasn't what I was really-"

"I can weed-eat like a motha fucka boy!"

"Oh GOD!" Stephanie slammed her head back down on her desk, ignoring the way she nearly knocked herself unconscious doing it. She had just seen Jeff in full Itchweeed mode running around in some poor suburban neighborhood with his weed-eater and cutting up people's lawns. Why he was doing it was not clear. It was Itchweeed; his reasons were never clear because they only made sense to him.

"Now it's not clear that brownies were eaten here too," Hunter said, clearly enjoying this show because Jeff and Matt were making this big of asses out of themselves. "But I wouldn't rule it out."

"Silly Hardy's. They're so stupid." Shawn laughed a bit before moving his legs to sit Indian style on the desk.

"You better back up off me demons!" Itchweeed yelled at the two officers trying to come towards him. He waved his weed-eater around like it was a sword or something. "I mean it! Be gone demons! I don't want any part of you now. I'm just trying to work on this yard now, you know?

"He really gets into this Itchweeed thing a little too much," Shawn said. "I don't think it's healthy."

"I know," Hunter agreed. "Maybe he's got like a multiple personality thing going on."

"Or maybe he's just loony toons."

"Maybe." Hunter put his hand on Stephanie's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "What do you think honey?"

"I think…I think I'm going to kick the shit out of both of them." She got up out of her chair and stormed out, slamming the door shut behind them. Hunter and Shawn winced at that before looking at each other and then shrugging and going back to watching the TV. At least it wouldn't be them getting killed.