To Catch a Nash

"I can't believe he did that to you," Shawn said as he shook his head. He was sitting by Hunter's bed, who was milking the attack Kevin Nash had given him on Raw for all that it was worth. He had been in bed all day and was constantly yelling for Stephanie to pay attention to him and get him anything he wanted. "That was not cool."

"No shit," Hunter said. He was switching through TV channels impatiently, clearly not liking anything he was seeing. "He hit me with that damn sledgehammer TWICE. Do you know how much that shit hurts?"

"Actually? Yes I do." Shawn gave Hunter a dirty look. "YOU'VE hit me that stupid sledgehammer PLENTY of times. You've hit like EVERYONE with that stupid hammer. I think this is karma coming back to bite you in the ass."

Hunter's face paled a bit at that. "Kharma? Oh come on! I already had Kevin kick my ass I really don't need her doing it to."

"Her? What? No!" Shawn shook his head as he realized who Hunter thought he was talking about. "I'm not talking about the wrestler I'm-oh never mind. Just take this as a lesson as to why you shouldn't be going around and hitting people with that thing."

Hunter pouted his lips. "But it's FUN!"

Shawn sighed in defeat and rolled his eyes. He wasn't even going to dignify that with a response. "What are you planning on doing? You know, as revenge?"

Hunter's pout turned into a bit of a smirk. "Oh I've got something up my sleeve. Don't you worry about that."

Knowing Hunter, that was something to actually be worried about. "What is it?"

"I shouldn't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a secret."

"But I'm your best friend! You're supposed to tell me secrets!"

"Oh yeah." Hunter had forgotten that little fact. "I sent the most dynamic duo ever to deal with him."

Shawn's eyes widened. "You sent Batman and Robin!"

"…No…Matt and Jeff…but they're in Batman and Robin costumes. Doe that count for anything?"

Shawn mulled that over for a moment. "I guess. They didn't eat any brownies again did they?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then it should work out pretty well."

…

"Why do you get to be Batman?" Jeff asked as he watched Matt setting up the net above the doorway to the arena. They had been given a special mission from Hunter and would be properly rewarded if they managed to succeed in the task. Nothing motivated them more than the promise of Grey Goose vodka and chewy chocolate chip cookies. "That's not even fair Matt. We should have talked about this first.

Matt shook his head. "What was there to talk about? I'm talk dark and handsome like Batman and you're annoying and useless and in the way like Robin. It works out perfect."

Jeff didn't care for that answer at all. "I'm cooler though! Everyone wants to be ME not stupid Matt Hardy."

"Yeah well I'm Batman so just deal with it."

"But it's not faaaaaiiiiirrrr!" Jeff balled up his fists and stomped his foot. It didn't get him his way though. Matt just finished setting up the net and climbed back down the ladder, putting it away before whacking Jeff upside the head and then making him hide with him. "What exactly is the plan here?" Jeff asked, rubbing his head and still pouting. He hadn't actually been told what the plan was. He had just been following Matt's lead this entire time.

"It's simple really," Matt replied. "We wait for Nash to come in and then drop a net on him to capture him."

"And then what?"

"You whack him in the head with this baseball bat-" Matt stopped to hand Jeff the baseball bat he had brought along "until he's unconscious."

"Me?" Jeff stared at the bat incredulously. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Because if he gets out of the net to attack I don't want to get hit."

'Well some Batman you are!" Jeff thought about taking the bat and whacking Matt in the head with it. Before he could actually do it though, Nash came walking in and Matt tugged at the rope, making the net come down on top of Nash.

"What the HELL?" Nash yelled, his voice so loud that it made both Hardys cringe.

"Now Jeff!" Matt shoved Jeff towards the captured man. "Now now now!"

Jeff rushed out, swinging the bat like a madman. He managed to crack Kevin in the ribs, making the larger man howl in pain and stumble back a couple of steps. He swung the bat again and again, trying his best to get him across the head to knock him out. It didn't exactly work out for him though. Somehow Nash managed to get out of the net and he lunged at Jeff angrily. Jeff screamed and dropped the bat in surprise before running away as fast as he could.

"Jeff!" Matt shook his head in exasperation. "Jeff get back here!"

"Fuck you Matt!" Jeff yelled back. He was easily outrunning Nash because his legs actually worked and he wanted to keep it that way. Matt rolled his eyes, knowing he should have expected this. If he wanted anything done, he had to do it himself. He got out of his hiding place and grabbed the fallen baseball bat, whacking Nash in the head with it. Down the big man went and Matt hit him one more time just to make sure he was out. "Good boy." He threw the bat down and grabbed the rope he had brought with him and tied Kevin up real tight. Once he was done with that, he started dragging the unconscious man, cursing Jeff under his breath as he did it. Doing this by himself was even harder than he could have even imagined.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Matt blinked in surprise and looked over at Mark, who he hadn't even known was in the building. "Taking him to Mark Henry's dressing room and covering him with steak sauce."

"Do I want to know why?"

"Hunter says he must be destroyed so I figured Henry could eat him and take care of it for us."

Mark stared at him incredulously. He tried to form words but there were none to be had. He just shook his head in disbelief and left Matt to carry out his plan.