Campaign Speech

"So what exactly are we doing right now?" Hunter asked as he followed Shawn through the hallways backstage. He was supposed to be in a meeting with Stephanie and Vince right now, but Shawn had grabbed him before he could get there and was now dragging him off for some unknown reason. He was going to get in so much trouble later for missing the meeting yet he couldn't get that through Shawn's head. Shawn was insisting that what he wanted was more important so how was he supposed to argue with that? It was Shawn. There was no winning an argument with him.

"You'll see," was Shawn's cryptic answer. He had been refusing to tell Hunter what was going on, saying that it was a surprise. Hunter had been wary of that from the start. Surprises and Shawn were never a good thing. The only thing worse than Shawn having a surprise was Jeff having a surprise-and sometimes even then Shawn somehow ended being worse. Maybe he should have just went to the meeting after all.

"Come on come on!" Shawn said impatiently. "Don't be so slow man. We're almost there."

"Almost WHERE?" Hunter asked, getting frustrated with being kept in the dark so long. "Christ Shawn, WHERE are we going?"

"Here!" Shawn stopped at an unmarked door and opened it. "After you my friend."

Hunter's question still really wasn't answer but instead of bothering to ask what was here, he just rolled his eyes and went inside. There was nobody else in the room but there were rows of chairs set up and a podium at the head of the room. "What the hell is this?"

"Campaign speech," Shawn answered, dragging Hunter to the front of the room.

"….Campaign speech?" Hunter was even more confused, if that was possible.

"Uh huh." He sat down in the middle of the front row and pulled Hunter down in the seat next to him. "I got told about it earlier. Sounded important so I thought we should come." He glanced around, frowning at the emptiness of the room. "I told Matt and Jeff to come too damn it. If they're late and embarrass me I'm going to kill them."

"Shawn…" Hunter had to take a moment because he didn't even know where to start. "What is this campaign speech?" Might as well start there. "What is even going on?"

Shawn opened his mouth to answer, but before he could actually say anything the door opened and in came R-Truth. He didn't even look at them as he came in. He just walked up to the podium, setting down the folder he was holding and opened it. "What the hell is he doing?" Hunter asked.

"Ssssshhhh!" Shawn hissed, elbowing him in the gut and giving him a dirty look.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen, for being here today." Truth seemed oblivious to the fact that Shawn and Hunter were the only ones in the room. "Earlier today, I announced my bid for president. Now, I want all the little Jimmys out there-" he looked down to his left, like there was indeed a little Jimmy standing next to him before looking back up to continue his speech "to know that I care about them. I do! I'm a gooooooooooooooooood R-Truth." He smiled and leered his head around, an absolutely hokey expression on his face. "And as a goooooooooooooood R-Truth, I will watch out for the little Jimmys and for the box of spiders." His entire expression suddenly soured at those words. "I don't like spiders. But I WILL eat them in spider stew. We'll ALL eat the spider stew. It will give us the energy to help get me into office."

"What office?" Hunter asked.

"The office of United States of America," Truth replied. He gripped both sides of the podium and looked around the room, a wild look in his eyes. "And if I'm elected, I will deport John Laurinaitis, David Otunga, Vickie Guerrero, the Miz and Dolph Ziggler to Mexico in exchange for another box of spiders, Antonio Bandaras, and Alberto Del Rio's car dealer."

Hunter didn't even know what to say to all of this. He was at a complete loss for words, which wasn't an easy thing for him to be. He usually had something to say for everything but not this time. This time he was truly and utterly baffled. He had stumbled across someone weirder than him, Shawn, Jeff and Matt, which was saying a whole hell of a lot.

"And now," Truth's voice was picking up volume now since he was excited "with me as President and Little Jimmy as my running mate, I would like to introduce to you all my secretary of defense, Shawn Michaels."

"WHAT?" Hunter shouted in disbelief. He gave Shawn an incredulous look, who was getting up to his feet and bowing to the crowd that wasn't there applauding the announcement. "Are you kidding me?"

"Thank you, thank you very much." Shawn was totally ignoring him now. "I would like to say what an honor it is to be serving under President Truth-"

"President Truth?" Hunter shook his head, really not believing this. "Shawn, NOBODY is electing this guy into ANYTHING! This is INSANE do you even realize this guy is even crazier than us? He needs like a mental institution or-"

"Security!" Truth suddenly yelled, prompting Shawn to deliver the Sweet Chin Music right into Hunter's face. Hunter fell right out of his chair, hitting his head on the floor and nearly knocking himself out. He groaned, hearing Truth and Shawn laughing their asses off at him. I'm going to KILL those sons of bitches…