I'M SO SORRY!!!! This would have been out so much sooner if my flashdrive hadn't messed up. It deleted the entire chapter and I had to write it out again.

I'M SORRY!!!

Pairings: SephxCloud, Eventual SephxZackxCloud, Eventual TsengxReno

-o-o-

There were certain times in Cloud's life when he wished he could simply stop exsisting. This was one of those times.

The burning hot water pounded mercilessly into Cloud's pale skin, thundering in his skull and turning him a light red color. He didn't care that he was overheating, and he didn't care that he could harm himself.

He wished he was better, he wished he could erase the humiliation he caused his beloved mentor. He wouldn't tell anyone this, not even his best friend Zack, but he absolutely adored his mentor. Maybe it could have even been love, but Cloud had never felt such strong emotions, so it was hard to be sure.

But whatever the emotions were, they didn't merit what Cloud had done to him.

-o-o-

(Earlier in Physical Training)

Cloud eagerly trotted to the training room Sephiroth had reserved for them. He loved to train with his mentor because he was always patient and if Cloud was in danger of dropping his sword or something as dangerous, Sephiroth would swoop in and scoop up the sword, tossing it a safe distance away, before ushering the blong to a bench to rest.

Allowing himself a small smile, Cloud pulled open the door and walked in. He was surprised to see several people he knew to be SOLDIERs. They all looked at him and he shuffled nervously in place. Had he gotten the room number wrong?

But no, Sephiroth strode out from the locker rooms dressed in his leather attire. Cloud was more used to seeing a loose long sleeved shirt, usually in a pale color, and loose fitting darker pants. Sephiroth had confessed that he only wore this outfit for appearance sakes, and he'd much rather walk around in the traditional uniform or regular clothes. But for the sake of Shinra, he donned this suit when he had something to prove.

Gone from the man was the casual stance, there was no softness in his eyes, just a detached acknowledgement.

Cloud shrunk in on himself and the men started whispering. For some reason, he felt scared of these men.

Sephiroth tossed Cloud a blunt practice sword, who had to drop his bag clumsily to barely catch it. He managed to pick up his bag while holding the sword, and began slowly walking towards the group.

He gently set his bag down on one of the benches close to the three that the SOLDIERs were gathered on. squaring his shoulders, he turned and saluted the higher ranked men, keeping the sword in his free hand.

"At ease, cadet," Sephiroth said, his voice low and commanding. He gestured for Cloud to come closer. "Would you spar with me?"

They had sparred several times before, Cloud vastly outskilled, but entirely too determined. It always ended with Sephiroth calling it to a halt because cloud started swaying precariously. Once Zack had come in after such a session and he threw a fit. His voice was still ringing in Cloud's ears a week later.

"Yes, sir," he responded promptly. There was no other option, really. His hand began to sweat and his grip became too tight. Cloud vaguely thought he might vomit.

But no, he followed Sephiroth to the center of the room and stood across from him without incident.

Sephiroth raised his own practice sword and Cloud tried to do the same. Jerkily, he managed to raise it halfway. It wasn't the proper stance and Cloud flinched, knowing something was going to happen.

Snickers from the benches broken out and Cloud had to swallow repeatedly and blick rapidly to keep the tears and the lump in his throat at bay. Sephiroth frowned, hurting Cloud more than the scornful laughter from the benches.

Laying his sword down for the moment, Sephiroth came over to help adjust Cloud's stance. This repeated itself. Four times.

When Cloud's stance met Sephiroth's approvement, they began. Their movements were slow and, on Cloud's part, panicked, because this was the only way he could move right now.

All in all, he dropped his word eleven times, and fell on his ass four times.

After the fourth time, Sephiroth sighed lightly. "Enough. You may pack up and shower," he ordered.

Without looking Sephiroth in the eye, Cloud nodded and choked out a couple words that sounded like: "Yes thank you sir."

Miserably, he dragged himself over to his bench and began cleaning the sword. He tried very hard not to hear the men.

Sephiroth joined the group of men. One of the men made a comment that was just too much for Cloud.

"Sir, you should let that kid know there are other things to be than a SOLDIER. As desprate as we are, we don't need someone like that. He'll freeze up and get himself killed. Honestly, I think he'd do better on his back in a whore-house."

That was the breaking point. Cloud abandoned the sword and grabbed his bag with shaking hands, struggling not to cry. Was that the reason Sephiroth told him he had other options? Did he share the man's view?

Not once looking up from the floor, Cloud stumbled towards the door, blatantly ignoring Sephiroth when he resonded to the man and disobeying the orders to stay. As soon as he cleared the doors, he began to run back to his rooms. The hallways were mostly empty. He did run into Zack and Reno, who were probably plotting something. But Cloud just barged right passed them and continued on his way, heedless of their calls.

When he got home, he locked himself away in his bathroom, finally allowing himself to break down.

-o-o-

Cloud sobbed all the harder at the memory. He had embarrased Sephiroth. Sephiroth! The main reason he had joined Shinra in the first place.

He howled in pain, oblivious to the world. He didn't notice when his legs gave out and he fell to the bottom of the shower with a dull thudding noise. If anything, he just cried louder.

He was too absorbed in his grief to notice the sounds of the door opening, or even when the water was shut off. He did, however, notice when a sinfully thick towel was draped over him.

He clutched it around him firmly, burrowing into the deep fold, not ever wanting to face the world again. Hands rubbed his back through the towel, slow and relaxing.

Cloud regained a bit of his composure and peeked out and up at the one who gave him the towel, knowing he needed to thank the person.

To his surprise, it was Reno. His red hair was messily plastered to his pale face, which had a slight sheen of sweat, probably caused by the overly burning water Cloud had been standing under.

Abrupty, Reno attacked Cloud's wet hair with another towel. When he was done, Cloud was more than a little disoriented. "Hey, kid."

"Reno? What? Why are you here?"

"'Cause I'm a rocking friend. I don't leave friends to cry alone in their bathroom while trying to dramaticly drown and burn himself to death in the shower. I heard there are a couple SOLDIERs out there that need a good ass-kicking. A good Gongagan style ass-kicking."

Cloud looked up uncomprehendingly. Reno had to explain. "Zack is now crawling through the vents being a ninja and searching for the guys so he can kick their asses. And that guy that made that smart-ass comment? He's in urgent care. Sephiroth was not amused."

Cloud's eyes teared over once again. "Does Sephiroth hate me?" Cloud asked in a small scared voice. "Is he ashamed of my failure?"

Reno scooped Cloud into his lap, tucking the towel around him firmly. Despite his flirty nature, he didn't want Cloud like that. He wanted him happy and serene, like how he would be if the two men in love with him told him that they loved him. They loved eachother too, but were too stubborn to admit it. Before Cloud had come along, Sephiroth and Zack were getting closer and closer to doing so. After Cloud fell into their lives, Zack and Sephiroth focused all their repressed love on him, and he soaked it up gladly. But even with as much love they steadily poured into him, Cloud was still terrified that they were just setting him up. Reno wished he could do something, but his hands were tied, for the SOLDIERs weren't going to confess their love to the blond.

"Sephiroth thinks your amazing, Cloud. He expected you to freeze up completely and/or fall into a quivering pile of blond puppybo," Reno explained in a soft voice.

Cloud whined a bit at the nick-name, but was otherwise silent.

Reno stood, still cradling the blond he was so fond of. Without a sound, he carried Cloud to his bed and tucked him in, heedless of his nudity. Cloud protested and stammered and blushed when Reno pulled off the towel to place him between the blankets. Cloud indignantly covered himself with a thick plush blanket.

Reno just grinned and flopped down next to the cadet, ignoring the fact the bed was much too small. Cloud was tiny enough that they just barely fit.

Reno wondered if the reason Sephiroth bought such a small bed was so Cloud didn't have room here to romantically lose his virginity, which knowing Cloud, he wasn't going to put out unless he was absolutely in love and in a respectable place. Reno doubted Cloud would loose his virginity in a place like where Reno lost his; the back alley of a bar.

"Sephiroth knows your smart and talented. If a person comes to watch, they would never guess it because being watched makes you shy. He just wanted to adjust you to being in the public eye. Sephiroth is a well-known man, and everyone wants to see what kind of cadet he is turning out. He would never hurt you unless absolutely necessary."

Cloud dabbed at his still leaking eyes with Reno's shirtsleeve. "You really think so, 'eno?" he sniffed.

Reno fished in his pocket for the tissue he always kept with him after that 'incident.' He put it to Cloud's nose. "Blow," he commanded sternly. After a moment where Cloud looked at him dumbly, he obeyed. "Sephiroth thinks your amazing. He is renouned for his short temper with people in general. You've earned his respect and his trust. You'll have to do something overly hugely stupid to make him turn on you."

He looked down at Cloud, only to find him asleep. Reno told the sleeping boy what he always wanted. "Sephiroth loves you, and Zack does too. You three belong together."

Cloud's fist closed on on Reno's shirt, leaving him no other option than to slip out of his shirt and leave, or stay cramped on the bed. Reno decided to leave and gently slipped out of his shirt. He changed his mind when he felt how good the blankets were against his skin. He just leaned back, sharing Cloud's pillow.

How could three men be so thick? They really beleived that the others didn't love them. With Cloud it was to be expected, given his unloved childhood.

Reno recalled the file the Turks had compiled on Strife, Cloud, SOLDIER cadet. They had even discovered that his father was indeed very much alive. And married to a woman barely older than his soon-to-be sixteen year old son. Uhg, Reno thought, grimacing, that guy is such a sleeze.

Reno had gone out to see the man's second wife. She was bruised up, and would be beautiful if she wasn't so banged up. It was clear the guy was beating her around. It was also clear, after he had observed several panicked glances to her abdomen, that she was carrying his child. Did she know that the asshole left his previous wife with a sickened, weak child? Did she know about Cloud?

After hours of endless debating, Reno had given the file to Sephiroth and left it up to him to tell Cloud if he wanted.

Reno was jerked out of his inner musings when the door opened. His best friend Zack Fair stepped in with a grin.

Zack was a very expressional person. You could see the path of his thoughts by how his face looked.

Zack's grin turned into a puzzled frown, and his eyes darted to Cloud several times before resting on Reno. The puzzlement was gone, instead replaced with a blind fury. The Turk had no idea what he had done.

Zack stalked forward and yanked Reno out of the bed, hauling him to Sephiroth's ajoining apartment within seconds. As he was dragged, he allowed himelf to ask; "What they hell, man?" Once again, he was jerked out of his thoughts. This time he was thrown into a wall with SOLDIER force and he felt a rib or two crack.

Struggling to breath, he fumbled for his gun, looking up at Zack with fear in his eyes. The eyes he found were cold and hard. "I will kill you, Reno. For the sake of our friendship, it will be swift."

Reno trained his gun on the enraged man. "Go ahead and try, Fair," he wheezed.

"If only you could have kept it in your pants," Zack deadpanned.

Reno's gun wavered in confusion. "What?" he gasped.

"You damn well know what. You took Cloud's virginity!"

-o-o-

At the same time Zack and Reno were conversing, Sephiroth was explaining to the higher-ups why he put a SOLDIER in urgent care. He just claimed he would not take the disrespect.

Oddly enough, none of them argued.

Sephiroth swept out of the meeting room, leaving the rest to clumsily gather their things and find where their backbone went. He made his way to the elevator made of such a shiny silver that when inside, it seemed that you were in a universe of just you. As he stepped in the space and punched the button, he leaned back on the railing.

Just before the door closed, Tseng slipped in and stood next to Sephiroth while crossing his wrists in front of him. He waited for the elevator to go up a few floors and get between floors before hitting the button that halted the elevator.

He stepped back to his original position and softly asked Sephiroth; "What is the real reason you hurt Samules?"

"Samules? Is that his name?" Sephiroth asked offhandedly.

Tseng stared intently at Sephiroth, willing him to answer. He was not going to let Sephiroth deflect.

"He implied that my cadet should become a whore," Sephiroth said.

Tseng's expression softened. He knew Cloud's low self-esteem well. It probably did some serious mental damage.

Sephiroth continued. "I think that he might think I share the sentiment. A few days earlier, I told him that he had other prospects than SOLDIER."

Tseng shook his head. "You should confess that you love him."

"I do. With all of my heart. Zack as well."

"I mean confess to them."

Sephiroth's face took on an almost-pouting look. "They might not share my feelings."

"Reno says Zack is crazy about you."

"That doesn't say anything about Cloud."

"Cloud isn't the type to chase, he's the type to be chased. He can have his pick of anyone, Sephiroth. But he's always there when you get back from missions. He cooks for you... Tell me, would he do this unless he was entirely devoted to you?"

Sephiroth didn't answer. Tseng didn't want one. He pressed the button to start the elevator again. "I need to collect Reno. He has an assignment."

They rode the rest of the way in absolute silence.

When the elevator opened smoothly, they heard raised voices from Sephiroth's appartment. They shared a glance, and drew their weapons. They cautiously crept forward and peeked around the corner. They saw a person sitting outside the door, Tseng tensed, Sephiroth sheathed his sword and crouched next to him.

"Cloud, you should be asleep."

The brightly colored hair moved slightly. "They woke me up. Reno and Zack are fighting. I think Reno is really hurt..."

Tseng helped Cloud stand as Sephiroth flung open his door. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" he bellowed.

The arguement stopped and they looked towards the door. Reno was holding his ribs, and Zack had a split lip.

"Cloud!" they both called when Tseng steered him in. They turned to glare at eachother. Zack turned sharply back. "Cloud, can I talk to you?"

Cloud followed Zack to a study a few rooms away, out of enhanced earshot. He looked tenderly at Cloud. "Cloud, I know that it is frustrating being a virgin, but that doesn't mean you should give it up to anybody."

Cloud looked up at Zack, face frozen in surprised. His mouth dropped open when he got what Zack was implying.

Zack knew now that Cloud hadn't, in fact, given his first time to Reno. He tried to make a joke of it. "Aiming to catch flies with that, Blondie?" he weakly asked, touching Cloud's jaw. It snapped Cloud out of the trance.

"ZACK FAIR, YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!"

-o-o-

I need help again. I was wondering if anyone would like to see TsengxRufusxReno in here. I need someone for Rufus to love...

And all the other characters! Any pairing suggestion will be considered!