Lucy lay completely still in the infirmary, watching the light spread across the ceiling as the sun slowly emerged over the horizon. She knew she was back at the guild, that it was Loki holding her now healed hand, that Wendy had mostly fixed her up apart from the sacrificially carvings decorating her torso which would never fade away and she knew that it was Happy stationed beside her head by the pillow. What she didn't know was why she still didn't feel safe? Why, even though she was sure her body had been cleaned numerous times, she still felt dirty? Or how long she had been unconscious.
Careful of the sleep felines around her Lucy pulled herself free of the tight bed sheets and swung her now healed legs onto the carpet. The cold air hit her like a tsunami; it had been so long since she felt cool air, or fresh air. Cautiously she pushed herself off the bed, her legs were still painfully sore and she had to hold onto the wall to stop the world from spinning. It took her sometime but eventually Lucy made it to the small bathroom of the infirmary. Quietly she shut and locked the door. Lucy stripped herself of the sweaty clothing Virgo had placed her in, and then she removed the clean bandages from her torso. Lucy avoided the mirror in the white room; she wasn't quite ready to see herself yet. After turning the tap of the shower to as hot as it would go Lucy climbed into the pounding water, not caring about the scorching of her skin, only about getting clean.
Loki woke to find his hand full of nothing but cold air. "Lucy?" He asked, bleary eyed he looked around the infirmary not finding the girl, Loki himself panic. He had promised Gajeel to watch her carefully when he had taken the emotional wreck formally known as Levy home yesterday. "Lucy?" He called again, his voice shaking. He listened carefully for the soft voice to reply but he was only met with the sound of running water. Loki rose from his seat and walked to the bathroom door, pressing his ear to the wood he could clearly hear the sound of a shower the originally worry subsiding a bit. "Lucy?" He cautiously called, gently knocking on the door. No reply. He tried again, feeling the dread rise again. "Lucy?" He called louder, waking Happy up.
The cat looked over to the lion to see him banging on the bathroom door, jiggling the door handle and crying out to Lucy. "Loki what's wrong?" He asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The ginger man looked over to Happy briefly before turning back to the damn door banging on it again. "Lucy locked herself in the bathroom." Loki said practically screaming the blonde's name. Happy looked at Loki like he was mad. "Just leave her be, she probably just wanted to shower." Happy said, now sitting up on the pillow. Loki looked over his shoulder to reply until he heard a sharp cry from behind the door. "Lucy!" He yelled, he hoped master wouldn't be to upset about him breaking the door.
Lucy sat on the shower scrubbing, no matter how hard she scrubbed herself she was still dirty, no matter how red her skin turned, still absolutely filthy. In several areas Lucy had broken skin and in dozens more she was scrubbed the scabs from the carvings off. The water was a faint tint of pink but she didn't care. She wanted to be clean again, like before. She couldn't hear Loki banging on the door, or him calling her name or the small cries of pain she was making, all she could hear was dirty, all she could see was her filth. Her body stung as soap entered to open cuts and grazes but she did give a damn, neither did she care when the bathroom door was smashed in and Loki came running in. "LUCY!" He yelled wrenching open the shower door, eyes widening at the pink water, at the scrubbing Lucy. "Lucy," He called lightly, "Lucy, stop." He reached for her arm, gingerly laying his hand across the scrubbing. The second he made contact Lucy dropped the wash cloth and began to scream.
"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!"She screamed, bloodied and wrinkled hands moving to cover her face as the hot water still rained down on her. Loki immediately pulled his hand back. "Lucy, it's me." He said calmly, trying his best not to frighten her. "NO! DON'T! PLEASE!" She continued to scream as nightmares invaded her. Happy came into the room and walked to the shower. "Lucy? It's me Happy." He whispered, hoping to reach her. Tears streamed down Lucy's face to mix with the hot water and her blood. Happy moved forward into the spray and sat next to Lucy. "You're home now. Nothing's going to happen to you."Happy said, watching as the girl wrapped her arms around her knees. 'Home' seemed to get through to her because at the word she looked down to the small blue cat, her dull brown eyes boring into him.
"Happy?" she asked, the Exceed nodded his head and allowed himself a small smile.
"Yes Lucy, come on let's get out of this hot water." He said reaching out his hand, waiting for her to grab it. Loki stood amazed as Lucy placed her wet palm in Happy's paw allowing him to tenderly pull from the steaming water. Master, Gray, Erza, and Mira had come up the stairs to see what the screaming was about. Mirajane gasped at the sight of Lucy. Blood still dripped from the carvings making the white haired mage's first view of them all the more dramatic. She turned to ask Makarov why Wendy and Porlyusica had not healed them but he beat her to it. "The cuts were made with a special kind of cursed knife, they have to heal naturally and the scars will never fade." The old man said eyes down cast. Lucy will never be able to forget he ordeal because of the never fading memory forever carved into her skin. Mira felt tears gather at the corner of her eyes as she watched Happy wrap to the bleeding mage in a towel.
"Happy?" Lucy's small voice asked he had never heard it so small and quiet. It would have been a nice change from her normal shrill and loudness under different circumstances. Happy nodded his head for her to go on. "Where's Natsu?" Everyone flinched at the expected question. Lucy noticed and began to panic. "He couldn't be here right now." Was all Happy said as he pulled the yellow towel tighter around Lucy's body. "Why not?" She asked, fear freezing in her veins.
"He just couldn't." Happy said, moving to the forgotten bandages, meaning to re-wrap Lucy. She stared at the Exceed before she moved her eyes to the cold floor titles. "He's disgusted by me isn't he?" he voice so small that only Happy and Loki were close enough to hear her.
"What? No Lucy of course not!" Loki cried, speaking for the first time since Lucy had screamed at him. "Lucy, Natsu would never find you disgusting." Happy said voice very firm. Everyone flinched; they had not expected Lucy to think that was the reason for Natsu's absence. "I would like to get changed alone please." She said avoiding eye contact from everyone. Loki was about to protest when Happy grab his trouser leg, pulling it slightly. Loki took the hint and followed the cat out of the now door less bathroom.
Lucy turned from the open doorway and bent over for her top. As she rose with the loose fabric in hand her eyes made contact with another set of brown eyes. Before her was the mirror above the sink. For the first time in months Lucy saw her reflection staring back at her. Her skin was so pale she could see blue veins running beneath the surface, the dark circles beneath her eyes sucked out whatever small amount of colour her face had left. He eyes were dull, the once intense chocolate brown, that had since with suck life was now dull and the colour of mud. She was thin and frail, her collar bone stick out so much that the skin seemed stretched to the limit trying to cover it.
She doesn't know how long she stood there, but when she finally managed to break eye contact with the creature in the mirror, Lucy rammed the hand of her guild mark through to reflective glass, smashing it into a million pieces and slicing opening her hand. Lucy moved away from the rain glass as Mira and Erza came charging into the room grabbing hold of the spirit mage. "NO!" Lucy roared backing herself into the sink and cutting open her feet on the broken glass. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" Lucy screamed hand reaching for something to protect herself, Loki and happy came into the room along with Makarov and Gray, everyone stood watching as Lucy started to cry, "You have no right to touch me!" Lucy cried falling to her knees amongst the broken glass.
Loki began to move for his owner when her soft voice stopped him. "Natsu." She cried, it pained him but he knew this wasn't a battle he could help Lucy fight. He turned to a frightened Mira and a shocked Erza, "Go find Natsu. And bring Gajeel just in case." Reluctantly the two left the room without saying a word as Lucy curled up on the floor, broken glass rubbing open her check and cutting open her legs. Glass stuck out of her hand refusing to exit her body and all Lucy did was mutter to her, occasionally muttering the words, dirty, filthy and disgusting.
It hadn't taken Erza and Gray long to find Natsu passed out from the night before in Lucy's apartment. Whiskey bottle still in his right hand, the story in the other. Without warning Erza kicked his side, pulling a grunt from him. "Natsu you worthless piece of shit, get up." Gray was slightly taken back. Erza was never so aggressive with words with them, no matter what they do. Natsu just moaned something along the lines off "Fuck off you red haired bitch." Natsu was nothing if not creative, Gray found himself sarcastically thinking. Erza reached down and pulled the pink haired man up by his scarf.
"Natsu, stop being a pussy," Gray nearly gasped, Erza was never so crude, "and get your pink ass to Lucy lizard boy." Natsu cracked an eye open and stared at Erza as if she was mad; for once he showed no fear to the re haired titian. "No, I don't deserve to be near her." Natsu said, voice surprisingly not shaking as he pried himself from her grip. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have more drinking to do." Natsu turned away from the two and head towards the door, ignoring how every step made his head flare with pain. "Oh good." Gray finally spoke. "I'll go line up more mirrors for Lucy to smash her hand threw until you finish you binge drinking phase shall I?"
Natsu stopped in his tracks; slowly he turned to the ice mage. "What?" He asked, he didn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Oh nothing, it's just Lucy thinks you won't come near her because you think she disgusting so she rammed her hand through a mirror, let's go Erza." Gray walked past the frozen Natsu towards the door with Erza following. As she walked past him, his hand shot out and griped her arm. "Wait!" He called. "Take me too." Natsu begged. It had never crossed his mind Lucy would think he would come near her because she was disgusting, nor did it cross his mind that she would cause herself harm because of his absence. That he could stay away from. He fell into step beside Erza and Gray, panicking about how he would find his beloved Lucy.
Gajeel had come straight to the guild with Levy as soon as Mira had explained to him what happen. But no matter how hard he tried Lucy would only scream horrible words about herself or for the pink haired dragon slayer. He hoped the idiot would get over himself and come for her. "Lucy, you need to at least move out of the glass." He said, flinching at how another piece pierced her skin and the floor was once more stained with her blood. The once yellow towel was now a light red from Lucy's blood and although the amount lost would cause her any critical issues it was still a problem.
"I'm so dirt." She whispered. Over and over again, sometimes it would change to 'I'm a whore' sometimes to 'I'm disgusting' but it didn't matter, Gajeel hated hear such horrible things leave Lucy's mouth about herself. He was about to attempt once more to calm her down when some else entered the room. Lucy looked up not r=feeling the warm blood dribble down her cold skin, and saw Natsu standing over her. "N-Natsu?" She managed to stutter out as he crouched next to her, gently placing a warm hand on her cut up check.
Everyone waited for the screams of 'don't touch me' to start, but it never did. Instead all they hear was a quiet whisper from Natsu. "I'm sorry I'm late Luce." Natsu removed his hand from the hysteric girls check and scooped her up in his arms. He took her over to the shower and carefully placed her it before turning the water onto a bearable temperature. He then crawled in behind her, ignoring everyone's stares and he hugged Lucy from behind. "It'll be okay Luce." Lucy looked over her shoulder at the man she had been wait three months for. "You left me." She cried. "I screamed for you, but you never came."
Natsu watched the hurt flash through Lucy's eyes; he watched the pain on her face. "I know." He said hugging her as close to him as he could without hurting her. "I know Luce. I'm sorry. I'm here now and I'm not leaving." Natsu held Lucy and she turned and cried into his chest, hold onto him just to make sure he won't let her go.
Oops. Been a while. My bad. But look how nice it turned out. And Natsu manned up. See. Yeah promise it won't be that long again. Well I kinda promise. I'll try not to make it that long for an update again. I love you? Hugs? No. Okay. I understand. You'll get over it.
For sarah, because I know it'll take you foever to get to this point. And then you'll feel bad because I donated a chapter to you. then I can call you a bitch for not readying you dedication on time. not that I don't already but now I'll have an excuse, you know besides the fact that in New Zealand we call strangers mates and mates cunts. How else do you show friend you love them except for insulting them?