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My flash drive has messed up. All of my plans for this story have been deleted with no hope of retrieval. With it went the next chapter so that's why the next chapter will be delayed.

Now for the hard part...

I was planning a sequel to this story (and possibly something else after that) but other than an account of what I planned, everything was lost. Do you all still want to see a sequel? It would take a while so I'm not sure. I'm still willing to do one but I just want to know one is actually wanted.

SO REVIEW AND TELL ME.

While you wait for the next chapter to be rewritten, enjoy this little look at what's happening back at Shinra while our favorite SOLDIERs are out on vacation. Yay for Turk drama!

-o-o-

"Reno," Tseng called. The redhead resisted, looking out the window stubbornly and refusing to look back at his lover.

They had been in this stalemate for hours now. It had gone on since Reno came back from a mission that went very, very badly.

"Reno, you have to eat," Tseng ordered. "You-"

"I DON'T HAVE TO DO A DAMNED THING!" Reno roared, finally spinning around to face the head Turk.

"Yes you do," he answered calmly. "I know that you're worried but-"

"You don't know anything," the younger resisted.

"I do," he promised. "Just eat and we'll go visit him."

Reno didn't have anything to say to that. He whirled around, shaking his head to try and clear it unsuccessfully. The rage was welling up and he lost his words. He screamed at the sure weight pressing on him.

Tseng dropped the plates he had been putting on the table, ignoring how they shattered on impact. He was holding Reno in his arms as soon as humanly possible.

"I'm sorry," he said. He knew that nothing he said would help now, not when he was the one to blame for the mission going wrong. If he had only allowed them to come back a little sooner instead of pressing for more information... Rude...

The screams subsided for the most part, tapering off into little helpless sobs. Reno squeezed back and they stood there, clinging to eachother so long that the food cooled and the sky darkened.

"I'm sorry," Tseng said again after a time.

"I know," Reno acknowledged. "Me too. He was protecting me..."

Tseng knew this. He had heard the story already but he let Reno retell it.

"We didn't see the shooters until a little too late... Rude... He took the fire... I shot the bastard," Reno swore. "Straight through the fucking face."

"He won't hurt either of you to again," Tseng agreed. "And we have great doctors here and excellent materia. Rude's going to be just fine."

"When he does I'm making him make me some coffee," Reno whispered, trying to free himself from Tseng's grip.

"I'm sure he'd love to." Tseng let go and stepped back, peering at Reno's face with concern. "And Reno... I do know what I'm talking about. I've had hurt partners before. I've sent men to die. I might not do much field work anymore but I still remember."

"I'm sorry," Reno murmured and for the first time that night, looked him in the eye. "I don't want to be like this."

"No. Never say that. The second you stop caring is the second you turn into a monster," Tseng reprimanded harshly.

Reno looked at him with piercing eyes. Tseng stared back just as carefully.

"The second I stop caring is the second Shinra wins," he said quietly.

"You don't care about Shinra," Tseng replied.

Reno was silent. Tseng didn't allow it to show but he began to panic. He didn't want to lose Reno and fear made him stupid.

"The second you stop caring and let Shinra win, you stop caring about what happened to you. Shinra is evil. Don Corneo, you know him and you hate him don't you? The Honeybee Inn, all of them. Shinra lets that happen. They help it happen, make it happen. Do you want to force people to that? Do you want to make another generation of fucked up kids that turn out like you?"

Reno didn't answer. He didn't even look at him again as he walked out, leaving Tseng to wonder what exactly he did wrong.

-o-o-

Reno had no clue what he was doing here. He hated the damn place and everyone in it. He never wanted to see it again. As a youth he was desensitized to it.

After all, that was how it was. Nothing would change. And then he was offered a chance to leave it behind. To live in a pretty apartment, being paid more than he ever would have and all he had to do was the job he would have been doing regardless.

What happened? He still couldn't figure it out. He became a Turk and got away from it all. Most of his old contacts (no friends to speak of, that word was only used on the Plate) had assumed he died.

He had a life that many would kill to have. Many had already tried and failed. He had it though and he had a man that loved him. He was able to actually call people friends for once.

He had it all, so why was he standing in the back ally of the bar his father spent his entire life in? Why did he have to reopen the wounds after they had long since closed and scarred over?

Rude would have kicked his ass for this, he was sure. But he's in the hospital, dying, a small voice in his head harshly spoke out.

Cloud would have worried and done anything he could to get him back to Shinra where he could watch over him. But he's away with his lovers, leaving you to rot, the voice reminded him.

Zack would have followed him down to keep him out of trouble and gotten them into even more trouble that they had to fight their way out of. But he was with his lovers and probably didn't even remember him, he once again realized.

Rufus would laugh at him for his stupidity. He would tease him and open the wounds farther just to hurt him.

Tseng would... He wouldn't even care. Why should he? Afterall, he thought that Reno condoned prostitution and stood behind Shinra while it simultaneously screwed millions of people over.

"Reno," a familiar voice called from the entrance of the ally. He looked over automatically and took stock of the situation without realizing it.

The man stood there, looking at him. His clothes were worn and in disrepair like many slum dwellers. Reno could smell the alcohol from where he was standing. The shadows obscured him face but when he stepped forward he could see that he did know the man. The man was a former client from the days he made a living on his back.

"Carters," he greeted. The man smiled and Reno got the feeling that he was in more than a little trouble. He backed up, intending to just bolt when he realized there was nothing but rotting wood behind him. He was trapped in the ally.

"It's been a while," the man stepped closer.

"Can't say I give a damn," Reno shrugged and silently cursed himself for forgetting his weapons. He was trapped as Carters advanced until he stood in front of the red head.

"You always did like being stubborn," he remarked casually. Reno tensed, ready for a fight but Carters was faster. He brushed against his skin just enough to get a syringe under the skin and push the plunger.

The second the needle left his skin, he sagged down and was caught by a chuckling Carter. Reno tried to scream just to do something, anything, but he couldn't. His eyes shut and he knew nothing more.

-o-o-

It was warm, he noticed. Under the plate wouldn't be this warm, would it? And it would stink under the plate but it smelled fresh.

Reno stirred and sighed as his mind tried to understand. He felt whatever he was sitting on dip under weight. Prying open his eyes, he saw his lover hovering over him. Forgetting that he was ever mad, he leaned forward to claim a kiss.

"Mm, what happened?" Reno groaned, falling back on the pillows as his head throbbed.

"I found a man trying to rape you," Tseng said very calmly in the way Reno had come to associate with being completely uncalm.

"Did he succeed?" Reno asked.

"No," Tseng said shortly. "I made sure of that. Reno, we need to talk."

"Yeah, I think so," Reno murmured, looking at the ceiling.

"I didn't mean what I said," Tseng confessed. "It's just... I couldn't bear the thought of you trying to make yourself into a killing machine. It isn't possible."

"Then what about you?" Reno demanded.

"I have killed many," Tseng said slowly, thinking. "But I still feel. I don't have nightmares but that's because I have learned to live with it. I still feel Reno, or do you doubt that I love you?"

"I-I don't..."

"Then why do you think I am a mindless murderer?"

"That's not what I meant either!" Reno yelled in a rush. "I just want to stop hurting after every little thing!"

"You will. Once you've made yourself and everyone you care about invincible and immortal. It isn't possible to stop hurting completely but you can try to minimize it."

"How?" Reno asked bitterly.

"By being strong. The stronger you are and the more level headed, the more you can accomplish. Since you like to use me as an example, I will do as well. I have the best aim in the Turks and maybe the world. My hand-to-hand skills are excellent and while I am not the best with a sword, I can proficiently use a nightstick. I keep my calm and make decisions. I keep you safe, don't I?"

"Yes," Reno admitted guiltily.

"I keep the President and Vice President safe, don't I?"

"I get it."

"I keep Sephiroth and Zack safe from Hojo," Tseng persisted. "I keep the crazed Silver Elite from Cloud, don't I?"

"I said I get it!" Reno growled.

"Then don't forget it. It's morning now and the doctors have healed Rude enough to have visitors. Will we be going?"

"Yes," Reno said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"Hey, look at me," Tseng commanded, guiding his face to his own. When they parted he gave him a stern glare. "I love you."

"I love you too," Reno whispered and hugged his lover.

-o-o-

This is a little preview thing about the sequel if you all want one.

-o-o-

This morning I woke up screaming again. Zack shushed me before I could wake the entire building. He looked horrible when he quieted me. I don't think he's slept more than a few hours since he left.

The dream was the same. He's always there in the dream and then he's gone and I tear everything apart until there's nothing left but I can never find him.

I'm here without you. There's so much I want to say to you but I never found the words and now you aren't here to tell them to. You're gone and you left Zack and I in more pain than you could imagine. I think I'm well within my rights to have a few nightmares once in a while.

I want to be angry that you're gone and the last words we exchanged were in shouts, but I can't. I'm still in love with you too deeply to even care.

I'm sorry for whatever you thought Zack and I did. Please, just please come back.

Cloud, we need you.

-An Excerpt from Sephiroth's Journal-