One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless.
My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUN IS NOT APPEARING IN THIS EPISODE AND DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!
Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!
A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!
Episode Six
A Combination Battle
Dan and Runo were at Six Flags Over Huaraz. It was a very average theme park. Guys in mold and oldy costumes walked around trying to hug people.
"I wanna go on the Ferris wheel!" Runo begged.
"Pffft. Ferris wheels go around and around." He paused for a reaction. "It's BORING."
"Then I'll go by myself...POOPYHEAD!!"
"Oh, I'M not the POOPYHEAD. A certain girl who goes by the name of RUNO is the POOPYHEAD."
"Well, I'm the only one with tickets left. You just ate stuff all day."
"Hey! I have a high metabolism. Unlike a certain POOPYHEAD."
"I'm not a pooyphead! And if we're going on ANY rides, it'll be the Ferris wheel, ya got that!?"
"But I bought you a corn dog!"
"So? What's your point?"
"That's gotta be worth SOMETHING."
"And I thanked you by getting you a cookie. I'm going on the Ferris wheel and there's nothing you can do about it."
"Fine, fine, I'm going...wait! There's something over there!"
"A plane?"
"No! FLOOOOWERRRRS..." He drooled over a bunch of flowers that appeared on two young magicians' chests. A crowd roared with applause! The two preteens were suddenly in it!
"Anybody interested?" the red-haired one of the duo asked. Everyone fell silent. "Well? ANYBODY!?" The crowd didn't make a sound.
"OOH PICK ME PICK ME PICK US" Dan and Runo jumped at the chance.
"Alright, this guy and this midriff-baring young lady, come on up!" the red-haired magician welcomed.
They ran onstage. Runo jumped around, posed, and said, "Ta-da!"
Nobody replied. Not even the crickets.
"Well," the red-haired magician began, "let's start the first trick!" He laid out a deck of cards on a table. "Pick a card! ANY CARD." His voice grew deep and demonic at the end. Nobody noticed.
"Any card, huh..." Dan rubbed his chin. "Hmm...my favorite number's one, but it's also the loneliest one, so since Runo's also here, I'm gonna pick the second one! So I piiiick...THISCARD!" The scene was intense as he picked the card.
And there was a twist.
Just...guess it. Deep down you know what it is.
IT WAS THE DOOM CARD. DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
"The Doom Card!" Runo stated the obvious.
"THAT was a TWIST!" Dan backed away in shock.
"That's because Mask the money's involved!" Runo backed away, getting into a stupid pose.
"Well, duh!"
"I'm Ken!" the red-haired one said.
"And I'm his brother, Men!" The purple-haired one FINALLY talked.
"Waaah!" Dan was shocked. "You're his BROTHER!?!? But I thought you were a girl!"
"EVERYONE says that! You, the girl, you must be Runo, that abused girl! And you, the jerk boy, you are Dan CRAP, that Bakugan jerk boy!"
"I've got a plan for this battle!" Runo said with her upper lip hanging goofily over her lower one. "I'm deadly serious about this."
"Hey, where's da magic?" a deep-voiced man shouted. "Hell, I'm ridin' the Ferris Wheel."
"Ready for a combination battle?" Red-haired Ken asked.
At the same time Dan and Runo shouted, "A COMBINATION BATTLE!?!?" It was quite stupid.
"Quite right," Men said, "a combination battle!"
The two kids gasped. "A combination battle!" they repeated.
"Well," Dan cried, "whether it's a regular or combination battle, I'm up for it! Ready when you are!" His lips went a little off-sync.
"What, we're automatically accepting the challenge!?" Runo was astonished by Dan's overconfidence. "But we can just-"
"Bakugan Brawl, Open!" Discarding their noses for a moment, the four marble players disappeared in a puff of light. A roller coaster stopped.
Yes, they're ALREADY starting a game.
They were in Sub-Terra, apparently, throwing out Field Cards and, of course, the Doom Card. As it was set, evil laughter echoed throughout the field.
"What was-" Dan started.
"Oh," Ken answered, "that was just something else Mask the Money programmed into the Doom Card."
"Oh." They left it at that.
"Bakugan Stand!" Men threw out his very ow Super Robotic Pirate Ultra!
"There are so many Super Robotic Ultras running around these days!" Dan shouted.
"That's right! Field Card, Open! Super Robot Reinforcements!" Fire erupted under Super Robotic Pirate Ultra.
"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 380 G'S."
"What a DUM maneuver!" Dan taunted. "It's just like mine, and I suck! ...But not as much as a certain poopy RUNO!!"
"Shut up, I'm not poopy! And besides, WHENEVER your enemy has a weak Bakugan, it's a trap!"
"Huh?"
"A trap. You know, the one that...traps you."
"Traps you?"
"You know what trapping is, don't you?"
"Huh?"
Runo slapped him. "STOP YOUR METAL GEARING!!"
"Metal Gearing?" SLAP! "Ow! Aaaanyways, I'll just send out Panja the White Lion Demon!"
"Panja? Didn't you say he got eaten a while ago?"
"Well, just like there's a lot of humans there's a lot of albino lion demons. Get used to it."
"But-"
"Bakugan, Stand!" Dan finally sent out Kimba's evil father. He was snarling behind Super Robotic Pirate Ultra! "Oh yeah! Back Attack!"
"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRA LOSES ATTACK AND GAINS DEFENSE."
"What's that supposed to mean!?" Runo yelled, suddenly in the corner of the screen.
"Ability Card, Activate! Marionette!" Ken declared.
"It's a trap!"
"WHAT was-"
"Another thing added to the Doom card."
"Oh." Runo stepped back.
Anyways, Marionette picked up Panja, moved him a little, then plopped him down in front of Super Robotic Pirate Ultra.
"Oh, yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."
Everyone stayed silent.
"ROBOT PAWNCH!!" The robot pirate delivered a killer blow to Panja! He flew right into Men's mouth.
'FATALITY."
"Panja! No! PANJAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."
Everyone stared at Men.
Catching his Giant Black Mantis (when did HE get there? they wondered), Ken grinned a despicable grin. "You know, your Bakugan could do a great magic show. They make a GREAT vanishing act."
"INTO MAH STOMACH!!" Men boomed.
"That was a MEAN can o' beans! What's next, green beans?" Dan inquired. "It's horrible!"
"No. Next it's string beans. That much is certain."
"What are you talking about, Runo? It's obviously baked!"
"SHUT, UP!!" their talking Bakugan (or is it Bakugans? The world may never know) screamed in unison. "Just make your move!"
"Hm," Runo began. "That Giant Black Mantis he just re-tossed is at power level 350, and Ken's obviously got a trap prepared for us."
"He DOES!?"
"No duh. There's ALWAYS a trap. Unless the enemy's not stupid."
"But Men is stupid!"
"Hey!"
"Let's fight it anyway! Bakugan Stand!" She summoned a marble. "Ability Card, Activate! Combination of Chaos and Marcus!" From the marble rose Whitesnake, roaring viciously as 80's music played in the background (Jump, to be exact). "When I use this card, Whitesnake gains 100 because his attribute is awesomer than yours!"
"WHITESNAKE POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 400 G'S."
"But didn't you say," Dan timidly interrupted, "that he probably had a trap put down?"
"Who cares? Just listen to the music."
"Okay. Doob, doob, doob, doob, doob da dooby doob, doob doob doob doob..."
With the power of one of Van Halen's songs, Whitesnake gained glowing powah! The vortex of rockin' energy swirled and spiraled around him like a bunch of tadpoles. Nothing could stop him now!
A nerdy voice said, "That won't help you!"
"HUH!?" Runo screamed, looking like a dying old lady.
"It's a trap!"
"Doubletown!" Men shouted.
The music was changed to the Doubletown song. It sounded a lot like Funkytown, only with Doubletown in it and thus completely different. Dan tried to sing along. "Won't you take me to...Doubletown. Won't you take me to...Doubletown. Niiih! I just can't get with this song! It's not hip and happening enough!"
Neither could Whitesnake who, at the sound of Doubletown, wilted like a flower.
"WHITESNAKE POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 300 G'S."
"Please!" Men did declare. "I bet you've only heard the chorus."
"Should've listened to yourself!" Dan taunted.
"Should've stopped me!" she retorted.
"Runo sucks SO MUCH, she needs someone else to RESTRAIN her SUCKNESS!! Now, who's with me!? Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"
"Dan sucks! DAN sucks!"
"Runo sucks SO MUCH, she can't even taunt right! Now, who's with me!? Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"
"You both suck! Mantis, send this snakey into mah tummeh!" Giant Black Mantis smacked the snake into Men's stomach.
"FATALITY."
"Oh yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."
"Snakey! Come back!" Runo whimpered.
Opening his mouth really wide Dan shouted, "Smooth move, Runo! You really know how to dish it out!"
"You look angry, stop it!"
"SHUT, UP!!!" the Bakugans demanded.
Men placed a Bakugan in a machine and immediately flung it out for some stupid reason. "Bakugan Stand!" Super Robotic Pirate Ultra appeared again! He also threw a field card. It sounded like a jet plane.
"Oh no you don't!" First he threw down a field card. Then he continued, "Bakugan Stand!" He summoned Rhinozoid! "Good ol' Rhinozoid! Nothing beats that!"
"RHINOZOID POWER LEVEL 290 G'S."
"You've obviously got an ability card to help him out," Men said, "but you're still takin' a chance! Heh heh! This game is so predictable. I love it!"
"I'm-a gonna use Fire Stuff!" He threw some fire. It swirled around Rhinozoid like a bunch of tadpoles, or a sack of potatoes. Who knew. "It boosts his gogos by exactly 10! He can also attack anywhere on the field!"
"Wait," Runo intervened. "What happens when two guys with the same power level attack each other?"
"Hm. Good question. Guess we'll find that out...AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!!"
Nothing happened.
"Oh, well. I guess we won't."
Ken declared, "Bakugan Stand!" Mark the Centipede appeared. He smiled.
"WWWAAAAAAAAH!" Dan screamed, taken aback by this friendly grin.
"It's a trap!"
"Ability Card, Activate! Pirate versus Marcus!" Above them, a hologram of some fat guy meeting a typical pirate face-to-face hovered.
"Never heard of THAT one before. So what, is there a Chaos and Wet Ones matchup?"
"Yes."
"It can't do NUTHIN against my jungle breath!"
"What the--I'm not gonna ask. But in that case, it CAN do SOMETHING! It...makes...your...Rhinozoid...gain...more...power. Ohsh*t."
"Not if I can help it! I use my own ability card! Marcus versus Pirate!" Above them, a hologram of a typical pirate meeting some fat guy face-to-face hovered. "It'll make...your...centipede...stronger. OH SH*T!!"
"It's all in the cards! AAAhahahahaHAAAAA!!!" Mark the Centipede strangled Rhinozoid, squelching him into a mouth.
"FATALITY."
"SAURUS COME BAAAAACK!!"
"Who's Saurus?" Runo asked.
"Haha."
"Hmmhmm."
"Yeah."
Bakugan Battle Brawlers will be right back!
The Bakugan Battle Brawlers are back! Battle on! ~Runo
Ken said, "Dan, you cannot WIN. You've only got one Bakugan left."
"What about ME?" Runo said.
"Eh, actually I thought of bringing in Suchi for backup."
"QUE!?!?"
"Runo, pull something out of your sleeve!"
"Uhh..." Runo literally pulled a card out of her hair!
"Hey! That's not what I meant!"
She threw a field card and cried, "Bakugan Stand! Rhinobot!" The quarterbackin' Rhinobot was summoned! "Yeah! You'll do SO much better than Rhinozoid! Right? RIGHT!?"
Silence.
Men shouted, "Bakugan Stand! Pirate Caped Crusader!" A knight with a cool cape appeared! Sadly, he was discriminated against rhinos. "Thanks to his discriminating power, he gains power when going against rhinoceroses! Attack!"
"BLAH!" Pirate Caped Crusader stumbled forward, wielding a flamin' sword!
"IT'S A FREAKIN' TRAP!"
"IT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD WHEN YOU SAY IT!! YOO SUCK RUNOOOOOOOOOoooo....."
"Triple Battle! Now Dan's gotta throw down a Bakugan!"
"All right! Ready to pull off a smooth move?"
"Yeah, dawg!"
"Frickafrack!"
"Outta sight!"
"Wicked!"
"Radical!"
"Let's slam 'em!"
"Totally!"
"Right, Drago?"
"Meh."
"Keen! Bakugan Stand!" Dan summoned his old pal Drago! "Ready to kick some glass?"
"No."
"Groovy!"
Pirate Caped Crusader dashed forward once more! "Ah, but I am also discriminated against dragons! Only the caped crusaders may survive!"
"Boosted Dragon."
He splattered in the flames.
More music started up. Dan sang, "We did it! We did it! We did-"
"No, you didn't! It's my time to shine!" Ken yelled.
"Oh yeah. When I say Hillshire you say Farms. Hillshire."
"You're a BUMBLING idiot."
"Who said that?" Runo wondered.
"Who cares? Bakugan Stand!" After throwin' down a face-down, Ken also threw down...the Reaper!
"Aah! The Reaper!"
"Don't fear him!" They all stared at Dan. "What? You played Jump."
"Huh," Ken said. "Good point."
"Dan!" Runo demanded. "You take on the harder, more reapery one! I'll take the easier, more robonic one!"
"Yeah! You suck, Runo! That's why you have to take the Pirate!"
"Shush!" Rhinobot appeared! "Link Ability, Activate! Dummy of My Memories!"
"POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO...DECREASED TO...UHH..."
"No other abilities or traps can be activated this brawl!"
"Hey!" Drago cried. "That's actually kind of strategic!"
"FFFUUUUU-"
"Wait." Men put his arm on Ken's shoulder. "I'm the one who taught you Bakugan. I can help you with this."
"Actually I'm the one who taught you Bakugan."
"Oh."
"....."
"So we're pretty much-"
"Yeah. Screwed."
"Uh, yeah."
"So, my turn. Bakugan Stand!" A football spiraled into the air! It was Rhino Demon, who sounded like a hawk again!
"Just like old times!" Dan smiled blissfully.
"What old times?" Runo inquired. "You never told me about any old times! What's been going on between you two!?"
"SHUT, UP!!"
"Okay, fine, sheesh. Gate Card, Activate!"
"Now's my chance!" Ken threw down a face-down and then activated it! "Ability Card, Activate! Backfire!"
Chopman appeared and chopped some wood in half! "Chop!" the green inmate exclaimed, and the field cards was exodia obliterated.
"Chopman? WHO'S Chopman?" Dan asked earnestly.
"That guy," Runo explained.
"That? What? Huh?"
Runo didn't answer. "Ability Card, Activate! Cut and Savor!" A delicious meat cutlet hovered in mid-air! Then Halo Tiger slashed and clawed and chewed through it! Now the tiger was on the field!
"Raaaah!" Halo Tiger roared like a wimpster.
"How'd she DOO dat!?" Men questioned.
"She used a card," Ken said, giving the obvious answer.
"Let's clean house!"
Dan stared at her.
"What?"
"It's just...nobody says "clean house" any more. Cleanin' clocks is all the rage in Japan!"
"Cleanin' clocks?" Ken repeated. He laughed himself to tears. "Man. Cleaning clocks. Can you imagine the slang in Asia these days?" He was caught off guard by the impending doom brought upon Men's Bakugan by Rhinobot and Halo Tiger. "OH NO!!"
Before he was even hit, Rhino Demon knew he was dead and flew back into Men's hand as if by default. "Not even a cool attack? I'm getting nothing out of this, aren't I?"
"Just a pounding! Now it's my turn!" Dan interrupted. "Bakugan Stand! Turn it ooooooonn!" Drago flew onto the scene just like a field card.
"Let's get this done quick so we can go on the Ferris wheel," Drago said bluntly.
"Ha! He's not that smarticle!" Men said.
"So," Reaper said, "we meet again, Drago-"
"Cut the philosophical **** and let's get on with it."
"Let's brawl!" Dan and Men, who was suddenly controlling Reaper now, shouted.
Like a giant fighting robot, Drago's wings retracted, a power nobody expected! Then the two...held hands and tried to push the other away! Yeah, that works. "Why-aren't-I-using-my-TEETH!?" Drago grunted.
"Here's a better question for the Reaper," Dan cried. "Why do you serve Mask the Money!?"
"He gives me everything I want. Eating those who lose in the fight of life is no crime, so long as it is justice that is done."
"JUSTICE THIS!! BOOM BUBBLE!!" He spat out an exploding fireball, and the Reaper turned to ashes, or, rather, a marble!
"Take that demon to school, Drago!" Runo cheered.
"And you call Japan's slang funny!" Dan chuckled. "Seriously! School's good for you, but NOBODY wants their clocks cleaned for them! They'd rather not know what time it is!"
"Here! Take this mantis!" Ken gave his brother a marble!
"Why can't you use it yourself?"
"I'm..." he sniffled, "not cool enough. I had to be taught all these rules by you, Men. I'm not cool enough. NOT COOL ENOUGH!!"
"Uh, okay. Field Card Set! Bakugan Stand!" Giant Black Mantis appeared behind Super Robotic Pirate Ultra!
"It's powerful!" Runo screamed. "It's got 350 G's!"
"Drago's stronger than that! Were you paying attention to that lat battle at all!?"
"Yes!" She paused. "No."
"And if your Bakugan really is THAT WEAK, then you use a card to help! You really DO suck!"
"Like you don't," Runo mumbled. "Gate Card, Set!"
"I'll set a gate card, too!" Dan joined in!
"Bakugan, Stand!" Rhinobot stood proudly on his new turf.
"Bakugan, Stand!" Dan chipped in with a certain Drago.
"BOOSTED DRAGON!!"
"Nobody told you to attack yet!"
"I DO WHAT I ************' WANT!!" Everyone was blown back by a reasonably big explosion.
"SUPER ROBOTIC PIRATE ULTRA DEFEATED."
"Yeah!" Dan screeched. "Done like dinner!"
"Your slang makes no sense!"
"Come on, Runo! You don't get it!? Your mom makes, or does, dinner for you! School's good for you! So who's the sucky one now? Oh, wait, I know. It's YOU!!"
"Here! Take my Bakugan!" Ken threw all his Bakugan(s, whatever) to his brother Men!
"Okay. Bakugan, Stand!" Mark the Centipede smiled at them again.
"Lemme guess," Dan began. "You're gonna use...A QUARTET KETTLE CARD!!!!!"
"How'd you know!?" Men gasped, awestruck!
"I guessed."
"Oh."
"So WE'LLL activate it instead!"
"THAT DOESN'T CHANGE OUR STRATEGY AT ALL!!"
"Bakugan, Stand!" Drago nosedived onto the field!
"Wait!" Runo said. "What if it doesn't activate!?"
"I'll fix that. Quartet Kettle, Activate!" The Quartet Kettle was activated! "Does that answer your question?"
"Still! What if it doesn't?"
"I believe the rules we five wrote together are set in stone and followed by the entire universe, are they not?"
"Can't argue with that, I guess."
"BOOSTED DRAGON!!"
"I didn't-"
"I'M NOT TAKING ORDERS FROM YOU TODAY!!!" Everyone was blown back by a reasonably big explosion. Again.
"Now there's just Giant Black Mantis to take care of."
YOU MEAN HE WASN'T-"
"Don't worry, Drago!" Runo winked, her mouth looking catlike. "Rhinobot''ll take care of this!"
"Looks like Men has a trick up his sleeve...LITERALLY!!" From out of his sleeve, Men pulled a card! "Ability Card, Activate! Super Machete!"
Giant Black Mantis did a little dance. Suddenly his scythe-arm-things were...well...exactly the same. But he got a power boost and now had a power level of 450 G's!
"Dan! We can't win! Drago's only got 440 with Boosted Dragon! And what if Quartet Kettle doesn't-"
"It will."
"But-"
"Just let Drago do this! Bakugan Stand!" Drago had to be re-summoned for some reason. "Let's brawl!"
"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA" Giant Black Mantis slashed wildly at Drago, but kept missing because he had horrible aim. Then he actually scored some hits! But so did Drago!
Taking a long pause between shouts Dan cheered, "Come on, Drago. You can do it. Hang in there. Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Keep going. You're unstoppable. Oh, wait, you're losing. What do we do now!? He's almost down for the count! There's nothing we can do! Nothing we can do!! NOTHING-"
"YOU REALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT THAT FAST!?!?" Runo slapped Dan in the face. "Quartet Kettle's active! Go, Halo Tiger!"
"Rawr, rawr rawr!" A pimped-out tiger ran to his aid!
Drago was laying on the ground now! "He only has 10 remaining G's. It's impossible for you to lose. Really, Men's dumb, so yeah."
"Saber Savor!" The tiger bit into Giant Black Mantis with her sabers, and then savored. Ken and Men lost, as expected.
The roller coaster suddenly swerved off the track. There were 57 casualties and 1000 deaths, 1 of which was one of the mold and oldy costumed guys.
Ken and Men both said, "We lost." Then they flung a cape over themselves and disappeared.
There was little applause. "What was that, mommy?" a little boy asked his mom.
"A very dumb magic show. Now come on, there's better ride than this crap." The crowd of two walked away, having better things to do.
"Hey, that's-"
"Come on, Dan. We've got a ride to ride. What ride should we go on?"
"I thought we settled on the Ferris wheel."
"Yeah!" Drago squelched from within Dan's pocket.
"Aren't you still TOTALLY STOKED about doing something else, like XTreme Mountain?"
"No, I think I'll go there next time."
"I think I'd rather go there now."
"I'm feeling more in the mood for the Ferris wheel now, actually."
"XTreme Mountain!"
"Ferris wheel!"
"I'm saying XTreme Mountain!"
"And I'm saying YOU'RE A POOPYHEAD!!"
"Hey!" Suchi and Akuma popped up from behind! Suchi suggested, "How 'bout that Ferris wheel?"
"Good idea!" Runo actually agreed.
"How about that brawl, Dan?"
"Heh heh, of course not!"
Hi! Runo here! Next Bakugan Battle Brawlers, a new marble comes to town but he finds out the city is really weird! He hitches a ride on a bird but it isn't all it's cracked up to be! He finds two girls who take Bakugan way too seriously and then they get into a brawl! There's also some giraffes!
This is Marucho saying...Bakugan Brawl!
We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.
Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!