One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless.
My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention Mr. Coolshot himself Shun, and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!
Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!
A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!
Episode Fifteen
Duel in the Desert
The car flew, stopped for a second, and flew again. Suchi and Akuma were dropped off in the ocean. They hit the frigid water with a ploosh, gasping for air and flailing around helplessly. "Those BLUB jerks!" Akuma managed to say. "What'd we BLUB ever do to them?"
"I dunBLUBno!" Suchi hollered in panic. "All I know is that I can't BLUB swim!"
"Hey BLUB I see something swimming in the water! Maybe we could ride it?"
"Sweet! Good job, Thinman!" Suchi and Akuma high-fived shortly before dipping under. After a few seconds, they surfaced again with a gasp.
"Never high-five me again underwater or you'll be a thin boy too, Suchi!"
"I'm sorry BLUB. H-hey, that thing's getting closer! Grab onto my back and I'll jump!"
"Who said you get to make the rules?" But Akuma jumped on anyways.
"On three! One...two...three!" They pounced.
On an Antarctic shark.
As the three surfaced Suchi said, almost in denial, "We made it! We are actually riding a freaking shark!" He laughed to himself.
The shark was shaking like a bull in a rodeo and tearing Akuma to shreds in its deadly jaws! "Not me!" he cried. "It hurts to speak! It hurts to breathe!"
"I'll save ya, buddy!" But just then, Suchi fell backward into the water.
See what happens next on the Suchi and Akuma show...after the break.
But right now, what's important is what the Bakugan Battle Brawlers are up to! Their car dropped Shun off at his cool house. "Be back in five minutes!" Marucho said, waving. "Try to bring the pizza back hot 'n' steamy!"
"Will do." He held up his hand as a signal of wavytude. Then he walked through the gates and rode pygmy winged hippo Bob through the garden.
I wonder if the pizza's not burned, Shun thought. With all my money, the thing I DIDN'T spend much money on was the kitchen, of all things.
He opened his pizza oven, which happened to be Sega brand Custom Pizza Video Gamer's Choice Fiveyearsinarow Pizza...Pizza. He took the pizza out of the old-style oven, bringing with it a lot of smoke. After he was done coughing, he realized that...the pizza was in perfect condition, topped with amazingly-undamaged pepperoni in the shapes of all your favorite Sega characters.
He bothered to read the several haikus on the box:
Sega brand pizzas
Perfect, straight from the oven
Genuine goodness.
Sega not only
Gives you great games like Sonic
But also great food!
After just one bite
You'll want to eat even more
But don't eat too much!
Sega brand pizzas
Best for eating while gaming
Meh everywhere else.
Why am I eating this crap? Oh yeah, because Sega endorses it. Plus I don't want to disappoint that Marucho kid. He looked around before running away, hoping to catch the car before time ran out.
Just as he left, Mask the Money crawled through the window in full thief attire with a little paper bag. He saw two out of three evil Bakugan sitting on a counter, so he stole them (rightfully? Almost!)! "Mu hu hu hu h-"
"Hey, Shun, I think I hear something!"
"YOU HEAR NOTHING!"
"Oh, never mind."
"Good, 'cuz I need to bring this pizza and fast. I think the five minutes are almost up, Hammy!"
"OHMYGOSHHURRY!!"
When the coast was clear, Mask the Money continued and, eventually, finished his evil laugh.
By the time Shun got outside the house, the flying car was LEAVING. "Oh, s***," he cursed, and he made his way up to the staircase. "Knew I shouldn't have read those Sega pizza haikus."
He leaped up the hidden staircase on the back of the pyramid house, found his Emergency Home Grappling Hook, and used it to grab onto the car's hood...successfully! He was soon flying a few meters below them.
"Hooray!" Hammy the Hamster cheered. "Your insane physical strength and dexterity allowed you to grab onto the car! But...can you climb up and get in the back seat again? I mean, you're still holding that pizza in your other hand!"
"I know, right? And I have no idea how I'm gonna climb up this thing! It's already hard to stay on with one hand! And now it's getting cold again and I'm just wearing jeans." He tried not to shiver. "Bet those other brawlers don't think I'm still here..."
"Relax, Shun!"
"HOW can I relax when I'm SEVERAL FEET IN THE AIR, trying to hold a steaming hot PIZZA while I'm trying to HOLD ON FOR MY LIFE with the other!?"
"Fear not, Shun, for I see the forty-eight states not far below us!"
"Great view, but why'd they go so high?"
"No idea! Let's work on fixing that obliviousness, Shun!"
"Okay, good idea." His feet touched land. "Here we AAH!" He leaped forward to avoid the car, which crash-landed...but was instantly repaired. He removed the grappling hook and put it in his deep pocket...and realized that they were in big, red, dusty, fully-modernized Grand Canyon. He put the pizza down slowly and looked around. Wow.
"Shun got here already!?" Runo was shocked as she stepped out! "Wow, you're so rad!"
"No, I just clung onto the hood of the flying car with a grappling hook."
"THAT'S EVEN COOLER!!"
"Hey, r we getting dan?" Julie asked. "I mean, we already dumped Suchi and Akuma into the ocean. They have sharks there! They'd never make it!"
"Just to be safe," Marucho decided, "we would be better off without our leader. Is everyone adequate with my proposition?"
"Yeah," everyone said, except Julie, who frowned.
"And before we get on the road, let us all partake in the eating of some of Shun's delicious pizza!" Marucho happily took a slice, took a bite, and slowly slid it back inside. "...Okay, never mind that! Julie, show us where Bakugan Valley is! Lead the way!"
"Will do! Hop on in, 'cause Julie's drivin'!"
"Julie," Butler said with a sense of urgency in his voice, "it would be wise if somebody who had EXPERIENCE driving would drive. Such as me."
"Nonsense, I can drive!" Julie squeezed herself into the driver's seat as everyone else hurried back in (except Alice, she was in there to begin with). She pulled the car out of neutral and sped forth...for five seconds until stopping at a sign reading "Bakugan Valley". "Told you I could drive!"
"Yeah, for five seconds," Runo groaned. "Maybe shorter."
Man, I HATE Julie deep down inside! Runo thought. She's all lovey-dovey with Dan, whom I hate! Hey, she's just like Helga Pataki.
"It doesn't look specific," Gorem said. They were looking at a vast expanse of rock and what-not and have-at-you. "Where do we start looking?"
"Say hi to Gorem, everybody!"
"Hi."
"He's the best Bakugan ever ever ever and he's never ever leaving me ever ever ever!"
"You're scary."
"Say hi to him, everybody!"
"Hi."
"AAAANYWAAAAYS-A, let's start at that cave right there! Watch out for those icky disgusting bats, all!"
The butler safely parked the flying car right outside of the cave. Now they were walking through it, with no icky disgusting bats in sight. "This is a cave...in Bakugan Valley!" Julie squealed. "Yeah! Bet you knew that already, right?"
"Yeah."
"We're so smart! Let's try to lean left, gang!"
"Oh, right, Einstein thinks she knows," Runo grumbled.
"Hey! Einstein's a man!"
"Excuse me? IS a man? I think he WAS a man, since he's NOT ALIVE! Ooh, SOMEONE'S clingy!"
"And that someone is RUNO!"
"Oh, I think that someone is a person standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF Runo RIGHT NOW!!"
"You mean GOREM? Oh, I think you need to go back to second grade, Runo, because Bakugan aren't human!"
"Don't pull me into this."
"Too late, Gore!"
"Don't CALL me that."
"I think somebody's Bakugan is being mistreated," Runo said, rubbing Halo Tiger painfully against her cheek. "Oh, I think her name is JULIE!!"
"No, I think her name is Runo! Oh, am I right? I am! Because Runo's STYUPID! And in Dan's own words, Runo sucks!"
"Don't you dare go there, sister."
"Runo su-ucks, Runo su-ucks!"
"STOP that! I mean, seriously, no one's joining you!"
Alice looked around timidly before mumbling, "Runo su-ucks..."
"I SAID NOBODY'S JOINING YOU!!"
Alice backed down.
"Well, no one's joining YOU, either! And, oh, I think here in America, we have the right to free speech! Runo su-ucks! Runo su-ucks!"
"Julie su-ucks! Uh, the-e mo-ost! Julie su-ucks! The-e mo-ost!"
"Stop it! Both of your chants are HORRIBLE!" Shun tried to get between them. "Face it, we're lost, and the only way we're getting out of here is if we get together, stop saying we suck, and move it. Besides, you two are fighting for Dan's affections, right?"
"Right!" they both cheered.
"Oops! I was trying to hide that from the rest of the team!" Runo covered her mouth in shame.
"It's obvious. Everyone can see it."
"Anyways, from what I can tell, Dan thinks you're too tsundery and you're too chatspeaky."
"WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT US!?!?" They suddenly grew huge and surrounded Shun!
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger." They immediately backed away. "And besides, you don't want to be like Sakura and Ino, do you?"
"Who are THEY?"
"Fine. I'll tell you a story, but I'll make it quick. One day there was an ineffectual boy named Sasuke that everyone loved. There were two girls named Sakura and Ino that both pined for him. If rumors went around that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, they'd grow it long, because everyone loves the ineffectual kid SO much. Anyways, they ended up in a catfight, Sasuke probably doesn't care for either of them, and they end up crushed. Also Sakura cut her hair at the end, so maybe you should be more like here. Wait, never mind, it was cut off so she could escape from an attack. The end."
Julie clapped for a seconds. "Great story. But I think that's impossible because Dan OBVIOUSLY loves ME! Seriously, have you seen how he reacts to me when I kiss the screen?"
"Scared and confused?" Marucho answered.
"Wha - yeah - NO! He LOVES it! Dont you see now why everyne wuld ship us nsted of with that Runo girl over there?"
"Uh, guys," Alice said, being attacked by a bat colony.
"Oh, quit mumbling and let's go," Runo demanded.
"Uh, okay."
"Wait! Everyone follow ME, Julie! Because, you know, I've been here before!"
"Let me lead," Shun said.
"Why?"
"I'm not catfighting?"
"I figured it was impossible for a boy to catfight, buuut okay!" And everyone followed him without much argument.
"Hey, guys," Alice said.
"Not now!" Runo snarled.
"...Aw." A scorpion had poisoned her foot.
"Hey, I think I've found an oddly-convenient doorway," Shun alerted. "Let's push it over and see if it happens to be where something related to Vestroia is!"
"I love your sarcasm!" Julie said.
Shun easily pushed down the doorway. They reached a room filled with colorful light and floating pillars! "WOOOOOW!" Julie marveled. "...This is a great place to put on makeup!"
She can't stay serious for a moment, can she? Shun thought.
"This is the plAAAYAAAYAAAAACE!!" Preyus and the other Bakugan started floating up into the sky!
SHWOOP, SHWOOP, SHWOOP SHWOOP! SHWEEEEOOOOUUUMMM!!
Such were the sounds effects that the Bakugan made when they flew out of sight and then transformed into a spiraling void!
"AAH! Good if you wanna get your makeup ALL MESSED UP!!" Runo badly retaliated, and they all shielded their eyes and braced themselves.
They were now in what looked like a messed up watercolor image of the six Brawlers in front of respective backgrounds. There was one big glowing ball in the middle, but it was really small, so it didn't seem like it mattered. "Looks like the animators ran out of budget!" Hammy the Hamster panicked.
"What budget?"
"Hey, everyone! Shun's talking to himself!" floating Marucho announced.
"Why are we floating around like this?" Runo wondered.
"Woo!" Julie started flying in circles. "She can FLY!"
Marucho gasped. "This is...!"
"Yes," Halo Tiger, still a marble, said from above. "Our dimension."
"Which we've been in several times already...?" Alice mumbled.
"Hey, according to what her grandfather said, can't you transform into your original forms right now?" Shun guessed. "No offense, but the ball form's kinda weird."
"...You're right."
But then everybody else turned into a Bakugan! "Woah!" they all shouted, falling into watercolory dimensions.
Runo appeared in the white, kind of darkened one. "This is the Chaos world, where I was born," Halo Tiger said.
"Gee, seems like a crappy place to live."
"It does now, thanks to the interfering purple stuff."
"Even without it gee, seems like a crappy place to live."
"...Yes, it does now, doesn't it?"
Marucho appeared in a blue place with a bunch of crystals in it. "This place looks kinda snazzy!" he exclaimed.
"Yep!" Preyus cheerily said. "But hey, who brought in the new furniture?"
"You mean it didn't ALWAYS have the gems in it? Boy, does THIS seem like it once was a crappy place to live!"
"Hey!"
Julie was in a dark void with rocky pillars in a pile of lava. "What's going on heeeere!?" she wailed.
"It's MORPHING! Into EVIL!" Gorem shouted.
Shun appeared in a completely dark-purple place. A Moldy Birdman dive-bombed from a single skylight into a purple haze ocean of sorts. It exploded into a mushroom cloud.
"Bizarre," he stated.
"Don't worry, YOU'RE safe. I mean, nobody CARES about THAT thing, that THING that just exploded in the ocean," Skyress said. "IT'S HIS OWN FAULT." A few red tornadoes blew through their holograms.
Then all five were blasted back into their own universe. "Wha! Explain!" they all said at once.
"I must admit, I am totally schnikey'd!" Marucho gave in to the "craze".
Then everyone "gasped" at the same time!
"Like, gasp!"
"Angry gasp!"
Shun gasped.
Alice didn't do anything.
"I concur!" Marucho technically gasped.
They ran out again thanks to a sudden, convenient cave-in! Oh, and Alice was attacked by another big bunch of bats. Now the whole cave was caving in on itself! Luckily they found the exit quickly (leading everyone to wonder why they felt lost in the first place) and escaped just in the nick of time. Now the whole cave was blocked by a lot of huge rocks.
"THAT was much too close for comfort!" Marucho said.
Shun dusted his jean clothes off. "Well, now we know that cave has some connection to Vestroia. But exactly what kind? Halo Tiger, any ideas?"
"Honestly, I have no idea. We just kind of floated up and away into holograms and...honestly, I am as confused as you are!"
"Maybe it's just a viewing portal, or whatever you call it, to the Bakugan world. Either way..."
"Then how did it show us Vestroia?" Runo asked.
"Aren't the Bakugan world and Vestroia the same thing?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Gorem said.
"Uh, erm, I didn't see anything," Alice said with a bat still in her hair.
"Maybe because -- wait, have bats been attacking you this whole time?" Shun asked.
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you say so?"
"...Um..."
"Don't force her, Shun!" Hammy the Hamster cried. "Be gentle! Smart, but gentle!"
Shun sighed. "Okay. Well, maybe it's because you don't have a Bakugan."
"No duh!" said Skyress.
"What disturbs me," Halo Tiger stated, "is the rate at which Vestroia is being destroyed."
"Hey! What're you doin' down there!?" Billy yelled from some cliff above.
"Huh? Uh..." Alice looked up at two mysterious hooded figures.
The cloaked dudes leaped, tumbled in mid-air, and landed clumsily on the ground, spraining their left ankles. "Ow!" they both yelped, wobbling whilst holding one ankle.
"Told you all this looking-cool stuff is only for professionals!" Combo Charlie remarked angrily. His voice wasn't nearly as raspy and hoarse as it may have seemed before...somehow.
"Sorry. It worked on paper."
"What are YOU doing down here is the question," Runo said, getting up in their grill.
The two of them took off their hoods, revealing their identities! Julie swooned at the sight of her precious Billy, because she seemed to like most guys no matter what. "Hey! Billy! I luv u!"
"How many people do you claim to have affections for?" Marucho inquired.
"Who cares?? Anyways, that guy's my neighbor Billy, and I have no idea who that other guy is!"
"If you looked up at the Bakugan leaderboards, you might know me as Combo Charlie."
"So...yeah!"
"What are you doing, snooping around here?" Billy asked suspiciously.
"You're one to talk," Shun retorted, gesturing toward their black cloaks.
"Yeah, well...uhhmmm, we live here! And we hear tell there's a storm comin', so we brought our ponchos!" This brought a startled look to the Brawlers' faces!
"Heyyyy! I watch the news! There's no storm coming!" Julie said.
"True. Then ya caught us!" They threw away their cloaks somewhere, either to forget all about them or get them all dirty before they pick them up again. "We've got these here Doom cards!"
"So you are Mask the Money's lackeys!" Marucho decided.
"Why would you join up with that creep!?" Julie said.
"Well, we thought it was a dumb idea at first," Combo Charlie recalled, "but then that guy Klaus said if we don't brawl you, we won't have any game! So since we have game, we're takin' you on!"
"And yer WIMPS!!" Billy taunted.
"Who's goin' to the butcher first?"
"...I will." Shun stepped forward.
"OMG BILLY!!! Im joining up with him!!!" Julie stood next to him.
"Field, open!" they all cried at the same time.
Bakugan Battle Brawlers continues right after these messages, y'all!
Now, back to Bakugan Battle Brawlers, man!
They had their gate cards set. They were all in position.
"And now," Billy said, tipping his hat, "I s'pose it's about time for us t' get to brawlin'. Shall we?"
"No! I'm not ready yet!" Julie was messing with her purse...or something.
"Well, too bad, 'cause I'm brawlin' without yer consent! Bakugan Brawl! Terry High Noid, stand!" At his command, the wolf arose from an orange vortex, complete with a grudge against elephants. "Alright, it's your turn...that is, if you've got the game."
"Yeah, CHUMPS," Combo Charlie said, "let's see how you do against US, about the only people in this place who have GAME."
"Oh, shut up! I'll show you I have game!" Julie stepped forward, right after Shun did. "Heyyyyyy-uh! I stepped forward first! Doesn't that mean it's my turn!?"
"No, I am...pretty sure Shun stepped forward first," Marucho decided.
"Oh, come, now! Just because everybody luvs Shuny here or whatever doesn't mean he gets to go first!"
"No, he's definitely going first."
Runo jotted down some stuff in a notebook. "Love interests: Dan...Billy...Gorem...Shun..."
"Yes, Shun's going first," Shun insisted. He placed a marble into his spring-loaded BakuGantlet and yelped, "Bakugan Brawl!" Moldy Raven's marble was thrown near High Noid. "Moldy Birdman, stand!"
"It's Moldy Raven," everyone else in the immediate area corrected.
"Oh, right."
Moldy Raven was busy flying over High Noid and appearing in front of him rather than behind, perhaps in a useless, showy kind of fashion.
"Your birdbrain isn't gettin' past my...wolfbrain! Gate card, open!" Everything turned into a desert. "And now, ability card, activate! Desert Thunder!" How spinning like the Tazmanian Devil was thunderous is beyond me.
"HIGH NOID POWER LEVEL 460 G'S."
Anyways, the wolf stopped spinning around and decided to just run a few laps around Moldy Raven, who just kind of stood there.
"Heyyy, you know what would be good to say right now Billy?" Julie looked around with a big grin on her face. "That High Noid is - heh - running circles around shun!" She held in her laughter -- badly.
Billy stared at her.
"Let's just ignore that. Ability card, activate!" Shun threw a green glowy card straight at High Noid's shadow, locking him in place strangely. "Shadow Scrap!" The desert disappeared from right under their feet.
"HIGH NOID GATE CARD HAS BEEN NULLIFIED. CALCULATING...CALCULATING..."
Billy jabbed at his BakuGantlet. "Gosh dangit, why's this thing so cheap!?"
"HIGH NOID POWER LEVEL DECREASED TO 310 G'S."
"Shun's ability card wiped out High Noid's advantage completely!" Marucho screamed.
" 'Atta boy, Shun!" Preyus cheered. "Even though I hardly know you, I'm rootin' for you!"
High Noid sttod there with a wacky look on his face. You could tell he was used to a lot of wacky hijinks back in HIS day. Moldy Raven slowly walked up to him, looking calm. Then he grabbed his shoulders and BAY-UM! Suplex maneuver! High Noid was down for the count!
"Wha-a-a-wha?" Billy looked at the marble in disbelief. "This obviously isn't over, uh, eastern hemisphere FREAK!!"
"Hey! Don't be like that, man!" Combo Charlie defended. "Besides, I see why he's ranked six now! Basic strategy! But he's gonna see why I'm up one higher now! Huh! Heh! Yeah! Aw right!" He started breakdancing and what-not, then kicked his Bakugan onto the field! "Bakugan Brawl! El Condor, stand!"
"Okay, let me take this, uh, other birdbrain on?" Julie stepped forward again. "Okay-uh-whu-WHA!?!?"
They weren't fighting a bird in any way, shape, or form. What they were up against looked like some sort of skull talisman with limbs stuck on with crazy glue. It wiggled around, letting its limbs flail, saying, "ABABABABA."
"Who stepped forward first this time?" Shun looked confused. "It was me, right?"
"No, this time is was most certainly Julie," the referee Marucho said.
"Yes!" Julie cooed. "Bakugan Brawl! Tuskor, stand!" She summoned a big elephant before Billy and Charlie.
"TUSKOR IS BETTER BY 10 G'S."
"Ability card, activate! Nose Slap! Get ready to face the BFE!!" Tuskor now wielded its snout like a chain mace!
"If by that you mean big FRIENDLY elephant, I'm ready! Ability card, activate! Blow Away!" Combo Charlie commanded a whirlwind to surround Tuskor and send it somewhere else.
"Aah!" Julie panicked.
"Your p***-poor pachyderm is no match for my ability, 'cuz it neutralizes YOUR lame ability!"
Tuskor's snout was forced to contract as it touched land again. Now the medallion Condor guy was ready! "ABABABABA!" it howled, dancing in that weird, freaky, flailing fashion.
"Oh, SNAP!" Runo snapped her fingers and did a weird little dance. "That girls in TROUBLE! Now you're REALLY cruisin' for a bruisin'!"
"Uh, what?" Alice mumbled.
"No, that's definitely not something Dan would say."
"Oh...sorry."
"Gate card, open!" Everybody was now in an air vent, meaning it was all green and windy around the two fighters! El Condor got a glint in his emerald eye.
"OPPONENT POWER LEVEL INCREASED BY 100 G'S."
El Condor fired a giant energy beam from his mouth, blasting Tuskor clean off the field. He looked around just to make sure that Tuskor was done for. As the elephant somehow fit into Charlie's elongated mouth, the medallion shook around with a hearty "ABABABABABA!!" Then it seemed to frown as it was sucked up into Charlie's palm.
"Tough luck, yo! That's what you get when you play the best!" Charlie smirked. "What about you, double digits? You getting any meals?"
"Shut yer food hole! Gate card, set!" Billy set a gate card. "And now, Bakugan Brawl! Wormpoint, stand!" A terrifying carnivorous worm showed its face! "C'mon, Julie, no need to be scared."
"Hey your right! Lemme do this!" Shun and Julie stepped forward at the exact same moment!
"Wha...who goes first this time?"
"Well, I did this and so and so and that..."
"Well, my foot's out a bit farther..."
"You're lying!"
"I'm not!"
"You just moved it!"
"Can I just go first?"
"Ok dont mind me!" Julie danced away.
"Bakugan Brawl! Moldy Birdman, stand!"
"IT'S MOLDY RAVEN."
"Oh, right."
As Moldy Raven flew onto the field, "THE BATTLE CONTINUES."
"Dang, there must be sumthin' SERIOUSLY wrong with this BakuGantlet o' mine!"
"Time to blow YOU away this time around!" Combo Charlie did a radical breakdance. "Hah! Yeah! You're likin' this! Let's brawl! El Condor, stand!" A creepy medallion bounced off his kneecap.
"EL CONDOR BETTER BY 10 G'S. MONEY IS ON HIM."
"Gate card, open!" For some reason, Shun pointed at it with two fingers. "Mirror Turf!"
The ground below Moldy Raven's feet turned into a card with his reflected image...and some crazy moon language. It made him say in a really deep voice, "Oh, yeah. This is MY mirror turf!"
"ASSESSING POWER LEVEL........................"
Billy smacked his BakuGantlet. "Godd***it! Can't this fancy hardware stuff go any faster!?"
"................POWER LEVEL DOUBLED."
Billy facepalmed. "THANK you!"
"Smooth move, Shun...not. Ability card, activate! Solar Blecchzus!" Combo Charlie summoned clouds through which light streamed.
"Wh-what'd he say?" Julie said.
"He said Solar...uh...I dunno." Shun shrugged it off.
"Sorry, man, but my ability's better," Charlie said, confident.
"G'S DECREASED TO 280 G'S."
El Condor's eyes shone emerald before shooting an energy blast at Moldy Raven. It sent the suplex-er straight into Charlie's mouth. "Hm. Second course." He patted his stomach. "Good job, El Condor!"
"ABABABABABA!!" It shook around and turned into a marble again.
"They even took out Shun's Moldy Raven!" Runo sounded amazed. "And Shun's awesome! How'd they do that?"
"Higher rank?" Shun suggested.
"Right, that! You got any advice, Halo Tiger?"
"Even I do not know," Halo Tiger admitted.
Julie looked around expectantly. "I thought somebody was going to say something? Oh well, guess I'm wrong!"
"Now they will!" Charlie said out of almost nowhere.
"I knew youd come in 4 me in the end combocharlie!"
"Uh, what the hell is up with this girl?"
"Oh, nothing, she's just crazy in love with every boy she meets at some point. Komba...OCharlie..."
"Hey, the name's COMBO CHARLIE, girl! If you're gonna get it wrong, get it wrong to yourself! Don't say stuff like that out loud!"
"Let's just put these pigs in the pigpen, Combo," Billy said.
"Dude, it's either call me Charlie or call me Combo Charlie! It's never Combo, that just ain't right!"
"Less tough talk moar battling! Bakugan Brawl, hwah! Armory Arms, stand!" The big brown armory snake appeared now. It unsheathed its spiky not-really-a rattle and, strangely, rattled it as if it were one.
"I hope yer stupid snake is ready for the POUNDIN' it's about t' receive!" He did another baseball pitch and NO IT WAS NOT COOL. Especially after he's done it just about every single time he plays a Bakugan. "Bakugan Brawl! Cycloid, stand!"
"ASAKEFAHABEBAH!!" it spewed this time.
"BATTLE CONTINUES."
"WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS!?" Billy whacked his dysfunctional BakuGantlet again.
"Huah, hiyah, wah!" Julie made some strange hand movements. "There is NO way I'm losing to a weird mythical creature from Europe! Gate card, open! Mirror Turf!"
The ground below Armory Arms's scales turned into a card with his reflected image...and some crazy moon language. It made him say in a high-pitched voice, "Oh, yeah. This is MY mirror turf!"
"Hm, looks like everyone's getting that card now," Hammy said.
"I might need a new strategy," Shun said, rubbing a chin of his.
"Talkin' to yourself, Shun?" Combo Charlie hollered.
"Kind of."
"Heh heh! Look, Shun's talking to himself!"
"So?" everyone said back.
"Heh heh…oh."
"ARMORY ARMS POWER LEVEL INCREASED TO 600 G'S."
We quickly zoom by the field once more. Well, didn't get to see much back there, did we? So much for that opportunity.
"Ability activate! Smackdown!" Again the worst hand of the lot, the unarmed left, expanded.
"BLEHHHHHHH!!" He smacked the field into submission…predictably.
"EEK! I forgot all about that signature move, somehow!" Julie almost flung her useless headphones clear off with THAT one!
"Heh heh, what a ditz!" Marucho chuckled after this SILLY fit of forgetfulness!
"SMACKDOWN NEGATES MIRROR TURF."
"I'm the KING of, uh, Terry stuff, and yer not even close to bein' the queen, or the old maid!" Billy cried. "Time for a hammer slammer!"
"Wait don't you mean its…HAMMER TIME???"
"…No."
"STOP! HAMMERTIME!!" Cycloid cried anyways.
"Aah! He likes me! EW!" Julie ran away and cowered behind Shun.
"Get off," he demanded.
"No, let her get off on her own time," Hammy the Hamster insisted. Shun growled softly.
"UGGGGHAAAAAAA!!!" Cycloid spewed, bringing down his hammer with a mighty KRASH.
Instead of being destroyed or hit, Armory Arms swam off into Billy's mouth like a slow-moving roller coaster. "Armory! Arms!" Julie was tempted to run after the snake…until Billy ate it with a hearty western gulp. "Armory Arms, waaaah…" She fell to her knees, then to the ground in a big heap. Luckily Shun moved away, and was unharmed.
"Julie…" Alice mumbled.
"That wasn't very fun at all!" Combo Charlie said, already poised to breakdance. "Rumor had it you were GOOD!"
Shun tossed a new gate card out. "We'll just have to wait and find out about this rumor."
"Oh, really? Well, me and Double Digits here are gonna raise the stakes in AWESOME!"
"I'm…not…named…DOUBLEDIGITS!!" Billy shouted in Combo Charlie's face.
"Well, you are to me, homie!"
"H-hey, is that nickname s'posed to be affectionate or something?"
While they were busy yapping, Shun had summoned his green butterfly man, or princess, or whatever-it-was-again. Whatever, let's just call it AVBM. He/it looked at the nearby humongous worm, distressed.
"Ha! Yeah! Break it down!" Combo Charlie breakdanced another one of his cards out onto the field. "Gate card goes swimmin'!"
"Wha?" Marucho rubbed his eyes in confusion.
"Ha, wha, yeah! Gat card goes swimmin' and my guy goes for a DIVE! Bakugan Brawl! El Condor, stand!" He kicked the marble three times, then bumped it onto the field with a quick thrust. It was now steamy amulet versus insectoid.
"Julie..seriously?" Gorem asked, levitating. "Wipe your tears, Julie. I hope you're better than this. Come on, I AM about the strongest Bakugan you have. Use me and win automatically every time. Because I'M ONE OF THE MAIN CHARCTERS TOO, AND WILL NEVER REALLY DIE. At least not in the hearts and minds of everybody."
"R…really?"
"Plus if I died they would lose sponsors."
"Hey, you're right!" She immediately cheered up and got back on her feet! "What motivational advice that was! I love you, Gorem! You're sweet!"
"Literally?"
She didn't answer. "This ones 4 u bily!" She pitched like a baseball hero, glowing orange as she went backward JUST enough. "Bakugan…Brawl!" The marble flew like a speeding bullet and…flew onto the ground behind the worm.
"…But…I was aiming for the…" She pointed to the supposed worm head.
"…Maybe the universe decided that joke had lost its luster?" Marcho guessed.
"What joke?"
"Oh, never mind."
Now Gorem stood triumphantly over the eeeevil wormy thingy. "See what happens when you're the main character, Julie? Just watch."
"No way, he's wrong as a dull needle!" Billy activated his own reinforcements! "Gate card, open! Nobody Cares!"
"NEW FIELD." That's it, just…a new field. Yeah, just a grey, crazy moon language-filled field.
"BATTLE!" they cried, even though the winner was probably obvious now that they BOTH KNEW THE EXACT POWER TOTALS OF BOTH BAKUGAN. So either Billy was obviously dumb, or he was obviously planning something.
Wormpoint wiggled around the field, seeming to taunt Gorem. "Oh, he's SO hard to hit," the golem said. He punched one of the many exposed wormy segments and obliterated Wormpoint in one fell blow.
"Yay," said everyone who wasn't evil. Or named Alice.
"Wait! The gate card…" But, as usual, nobody paid attention to Alice. "No! He's not safe! HE'S NOT SAFE!!" She began to howl like a madwoman! "Get him out of there! GET HIM THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!"
Gorem kind of fell into the ground. "Huh? Wha? Oh, I'm just sinking like quicksand."
"IT'S QUICKSAND!! IT'S QUICKSAND!! ONCE YOU LAND ON NOBODY CARES, YOU GET SWALLOWED UP BY QUICKSAND!!"
"Oh, I didn't know that, thanks," Gorem said sarcastically, almost completely swallowed up.
"We gotta help him!" Julie said in the voice of an older, more annoying person.
"Ha! Looks like yer Gorem's up to his armpits in Momma's own home-made batch o' trouble!" Billy laughed. "Thought I told you, I'm the king and you're not even the little ol' maid! Cycloid, get out there!"
"!!"
"Who's the mainER character?"
"And who's the main course?"
"Don't finish my puns, Combo!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Cycloid raised his mallet in preparation for attack!
"Ability card, activate!" Shun stepped in. "Scarlet Twister!"
The AVBM, whom I guess everyone forgot about, summoned a not-red twister around Gorem and made him disappear, JUST in the nick of time. Oh, but he reappeared on another gate card.
"RAA-eh? Blargh?" Cycloid looked around in confusion and disgust. He looked up to see Gorem standing a few feet away. Despite this, he continued to pound the ground with his stone mallet. "BLARGH! BLARGH! BLAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
"GOREM HAS RETURNED TO HIS CARD SAFELY. WHAT A HEARTWARMING TALE."
"You hush up, gauntlet!" Billy gnawed on the gauntlet in anger.
"Thanks, butterflyman. Even though I know you will not reply."
"Don't mention it!" replied a raspy voice.
"WHA?!?!"
Before he could ask any more questions, AVBM turned back into a marble and got sucked into Shun's fingerless glove, and Gorem into Julie's longer fingerless glove. "Shu-u-u-u-uuuuuuuuun!" she moaned angrily in an escalating tone of voice. "You sacrificed Air Vent Butterfly Man!"
"And? Gorem's a main character. We'd lose sponsors."
"Oh yeah right."
"Sponsors? Who cares about the money?" Combo Charlie set a new card. "Ha, yeah! Goin' for another swim! Gate card goes swimmin', Bakugan goes for a dive, and he's taking you with 'im to the bottom! Bakugan Brawl! Buzz Bee Toys, stand!" He summoned a bee unaffiliated with such a company. Looked more like a limbless hornet, though. "Now for the big COMBO CHARLIE COMBO!!" he then howled.
"Bakugan Brawl!" Julie re-summoned Gorem. "You cant pull off tht supr Charliecombo this time Charlie! Now, Gorem!" she howled.
"I wouldn't bet on that one! Gate card, open!"
Marucho whispered something in Julie's ear. "I'll see your gate card and raise you MAGMA PROVIDENCE!!" She changed the field from Windtown to Erfworld after magma raged throughout for a second. "Thanks a lot for that suggestion Marucho!"
"You're welcome!"
"BRAWLER'S POWER INCREASED TO 480 G'S."
"Now, finish him with a big clap!"
Gorem pulled back his awesome fist, forced to clap El Condor into submission instead. It made a big dust cloud, but it was less awesome. Well, maybe it was a BIT awesome, seeing as Combo Charlie was in awe of it.
"…Woah," Combo Charlie stared up at the colossal golem.
"You are not the Terry master, Billy. You feed off of it and the leafy greens it grants you!"
"Yay! You tell that billy whose boss!"
"You're not the Terry master, either."
"Oh, come on!"
"Hey, Shun!" Hammy beckoned. "Tell 'em it's time to lock and load!"
"No! Why would I say that?"
"Come on, just say it!"
"LOCK AND LOAD!!" He loaded a Bakugan into his marble launcher.
"Wow your so cool shun!" Julie said, amazed.
"He IS!" Runo swooned.
"I don't get it," Alice mumbled.
"Uhh…good job!" Marucho cheered.
"Wow, that's some catchy phrase you got goin' there," Billy decided.
"Catchy? CATCHY? That's AWESOME! No wonder he's not a DOUBLE DIGITS like YOU, DOUBLE DIGITS!"
"Shut up about that, Combo!"
"See how that went, Shun? Now, let's brawl!"
"Bakugan Brawl! Skyress, stand!" For the first time in this fan fiction, Shun unleashed Skyress…
A green vortex erupted from the marble! It circled up towards the heavens, summoning fearsome thunder and lightning, the darkest of storm clouds, and then…the most heavenly of light. From this most heavenly light descended an avian – no, a dragon! It was a feathered dragon with emerald-marked head, forest-toned body, and the roar of a thousand ferocious cries.
"I am the great Skyress!" she yelled. "All shall bow before my might, or face the wrath and the fury of my all-powerful tyranny!"
"BATTLE CONTINUES."
"I'm…decidedly unamused," Combo Charlie said. "Gate card, open! Quartet Kettle! Go, Harpus!"
"Hee HEE!" Julie giggled like an excited baby as her Bakugan glowed, then flew out onto the field to fight again.
A weird bird lady appeared on one side. "AH'M HARPUS!!" she screeched. "Wait, who's that over there? Who is THAT over THERE? What is it, a dragon, a bird, what? I have no idea what THAT is supposed to be. What, what's it called, Skyress? What, it's a sky empress? That's not a species, that's a fancy name! It does not work, it DOES NOT WORK. Get me away from this thing before I explode or something."
"You insolent little harpy…!"
"Yes, the 'harp' stands for 'harpy' and the 'us' stands for 'we're gonna beat you like a fresh egg'!"
"Ugh! I don't get your inferior harpy jokes!"
"Ability activate! Feather Storm!"
Wind spiraled around Harpus and became a swirling ball o' pain. "This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me, because it doesn't hurt me at all!" But the wind orbs bounced off of Gorem's massive palm, which came in just in the nick of time.
"Show some respect, lady. It may be a fight, but, well…th-there's still rules. Yeah."
"They ARE!?!?"
"Ability activate!" Shun said. "Green Nobility! Violet Winds!" But the winds weren't violet, and…whatever, just read the story.
Skyress became covered in what looked more like green fire than it did wind. "That's not even wind!" Harpus complained in an old hag's voice. "That's more like energy, or fire, or SOMETHING!"
"That energy or fire or something is going to KILL you!"
Skyress bumped into Harpus…apparently hard, since it slaughtered her. The marble bounced away.
"Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" Combo Charlie made an annoying scream.
But wait! There was still a weaker, more wimpy character to defeat! Gorem danced around Buzz Bee Toys, arms askew like a defending basketball player! "Hey, everyone cheer for Gorem!" Julie cried. "Come on, cheer!"
"You can do it, Gorem."
"Now, finish it the exact same way you did it before!"
Gorem again did not finish off the enemy spectacularly. He just clapped and BAM! Buzz Bee Toys was yesterday's hip new thing.
"Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" Combo Charlie made an annoying scream.
"Outta sight."
"Now there's only Cycloid to murder!" Skyress said. "I'm going to have a great time doing THAT…collectin' the spoils of war…destroying a vastly inferior life form…"
"I'M collectin' the spoils THIS time around!" Julie decided.
"But that's ALSO yesterday's news," Gorem said. "You've already done that! Unless you have another signature Bakugan who talks that you haven't told me about, it is NOT INTERESTING."
"Bakugaaaaan…"
"Oh no. You are not doing that pitch again."
"Brawl! You, Gorem, are sorely mistaken!! Stand!!!" She did the oh-so-FAAAAABULOUS pitch again, bending backward, glowing orange, yadda yadda yadda, the Bakugan opened and released Gorem early this time so he rammed into Cycloid this time and Cycloid was pushed back so that was kind of a nice touch.
"BLAHBABLAH, SIR!!" he spewed at Billy, pushing himself and Gorem back onto the field.
"Wha? Oh well." Billy shrugged the mostly-nonsense command off. "Ability activate! Big Fat Migi!" The useful arm swelled up to a big, fat size! "And if it didn' work the first time, daddy always said, try, try again!"
"FEBLEHKFWAOJAHEHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cycloid went berserk on Gorem's (impenetrable) shield! But it was impenetrable, so imagine how that turned out.
Combo Charlie looked around and noticed that no one else was saying it. "The shield's drainin' his power, man!!"
"CYCLOID'S POWER LEVEL ERRATIC."
"WHAWHWHWEHH!?!?" Cycloid looked at the broken hammer pieces in shock!
"Use an impact move, Gorem!"
"And here I thought you wanted me to clap again." He cracked his knuckles for a second. He punched the air in practice a few times. Then he took a deep breath...and spun around for a super-strong kick to the neck! It caused Cycloid to explode into a fiery mushroom cloud – in other words, be defeated.
"Yes!" Julie jumped for happiness. "Yessss! YYYESSSSSSSSSS!! You did it, Gorem! I knew that wasn't yesterday's news! It's TODAY'S HEADLINE!!"
"Uhh…noit'snot." Cough cough.
They soon arrived in Bakugan Valley again.
"Wow, that was fun!!" Julie exclaimed. "Hope you're your old self again Billy!" She gave him a hand to shake, but Billy slapped it! "HUH!?!?!"
"Get off yer high 'n' mighty saddle, Julie. That was some dirty dancin' you pulled off in the end. You just got lucky, is all. Plus, if you fight my Cycloid with yer Gorem again, that's just yesterday's news. It's boring, and we've already seen it, so why bother?"
"But billy…"
"No 'but billy's! Yer yesterday's news! YESTERDAY'S NEWS, and don'choo ferget it! Get in the car, Combo."
"I'm not Combo!"
"And I'm not Double Digits!"
They stepped into Billy's old shoddy car and drove off a rocky ramp. They never saw that car again…because it fell in a ditch and was damaged beyond repair.
"Billy, wait!" Julie helplessly screamed. "It cant end this way!!!" She fell down and cried like it was a Greek tragedy.
"There was something between you?" Runo said.
"I thought there was something between you and ME," Marucho admitted.
"So did I, honestly," Shun said.
"Can I admit something?" Alice raised her hand timidly. No, she couldn't.
Julie's loveless cries could be heard throughout the valley…
Meanwhile, at Dan's house…
Dan wasn't with the Brawlers today, thanks to the growing Suchi and Akuma conspiracy. He had to waste his time playing a soundless Flame Hyenard stage.
"Buuuurn," Dan moaned lazily, filling in the words that should have been there. "Buuuuuuurn to the grouuuuuuuuund. Wooooo. Woooo, wooooooooo. Why am I still playing this?" He turned off his computer. "Hey, Keroro, you got any advice?"
"Maybe you should try playing with yer Bakugans, Dan!" a Dannish voice replied.
"Hey, good idea! Thanks, Keroro Gunsou!"
"No prob!"
"Dan, this is nonsense," Drago said from the tabletop. "Do something constructive with your time. Call your friends up and see how they're doing."
"What could THEY be doing that's interesting without ME?"
"Uh, well, maybe Julie's typing up untrue blog posts about how you supposedly love her."
"Ew no!"
"Or you could read some of your favorite Ke-"
"Read all five volumes!"
"…Okay, what about-"
Suchi and Akuma burst through the doorway, perfectly unharmed. "We've been through a lot today," Suchi said, panting. "Can we just battle you or something!?"
"No!"
"Awwwwwwww!"
"But hey, maybe you'd wanna play with my Keroro Gunsou figures! I just bought this one yesterday!" He held up a figurine of some bland boy with slightly unique black hair. "I'll be whoever this kid is, and you two can have the first tw members of the Keroro gang!"
"Uhh…" Akuma shrugged at Suchi, who also shrugged. "Okay."
"Great!"
They sat around the room, criss-crossed and acting out dumb things with their action figures. "Hey there, aliens!" Dan said, wiggling his figure. "Doop da doop da doop!"
"Oopdoopdoop!" Suchi said with glee, shaking around Tamama.
"This is so STYOOPID!!" Akuma/Keroro roared.
Father Figure opened the door. "Hey, I was right! You really ARE friends! I can tell Suchi and his pal are gonna stay here for a looooooooooooong time!"
"Looooooooooooong time? No! You can't do this to me, Dad! I mean, I have work tomorrow, but come on! This is NOT what it looks like!"
"Are you really playing around with toys?"
"Yes!"
"Good, because that's what it looks like!" He slammed the door.
Suchi and Akuma smiled evilly and pulled out a bunch of marbles. "No! I'm not gonna brawl you!"
"Then we'll ASK you to brawl us every day until we win."
"Th-th-this is terrible!" Dan backed away.
"If you ignore them, they'll go away," Drago said.
"You heard what your dad said," Akuma warned.
"N-n-n-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"
"Come on, it's not THAT bad," Drago assumed.
Hey, I'm Dan, and I start work at the MewMew Brawlers Little White Rabbit Restaurant! We fuel up on espressos and bleep so-and-sos, and I'm glad to be somewhat avoiding Suchi and Akuma again! Just like Mom said, wash the dishes and you'll get allowance! Wait, what? Anyways, one of us could be a spy! Is it Runo, the tsundere? Julie, the gross one? Alice, the shy one who keeps to herself and never really says anything important and doesn't brawl? Marucho, the short one with a lot of money? Shun, the rational one? Or is it ME!?!? My money's on me! Oh, and that's Jackie Chan Bruce Lee, one of the top brawlers! She's be in the third spot if our ranking system weren't so messed up! Maybe she's a spy? Stuff gets warm as Runo wants to challenge me! Oh well, we all knew it was gonna happen!
Bakugan Brawl! *throws marble* *wipes nose* Seeya there!
We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.
Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!