How is it that Karen was virtually invisible for 15 seasons?

As Kenny walked home he spied a gaggle of hipsters sipping wine on the lofts over looking his house. He spat at the base of the structure. It was 3 PM and these fuckers were drinking. They were no better than Kenny and his lot, in fact as far as Kenny was concerned they were much worse.

He had been at home for scarcely a minute when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was a text from Tammy.

[[WTF was that drawing you stuck in my locker?]]

Kenny pursed his lips. Her disapproval stung more than he had expected it might.

[[Sorry I'm not an artist]], Kenny texted.

He breathed. Time for the big reveal.

[[I know you are Tree Mouse Girl and that you know I'm Mysterion. Sorry for taking so long to figure that out.]] He entered a smiling emoji.

He waited for a few seconds, that seemed like an eon, for her response.

[[Took you long enough]]. A few seconds later a gyph of Pewee Herman appeared with the caption "connect the dots", underneath it.

Kenny smiled in spite of himself. Even if Tammy wasn't his girlfriend anymore she still was a good friend, better than any other Kenny had. It was a fucking shame it had taken him so long to realize that. He shouldn't have thrown the baby out with the bathwater all those weeks ago, or all those years ago. Karen had cried all night and his mother had been irate.

[[Did you find what you wanted?]], he inquired.

[[No, Olivia gave me the slip. At school she said she gave it to someone else.

[[So why did you just vanish in the middle of the mission?]]

Right then Kenny made up his mind to tell her the truth about his unusual condition. Once he retrieved the video everyone would know anyway. Besides the TP bandit and his henchman Butters knew the secret. If his enemies already knew what was the point of keeping it from his friends, even if they wouldn't believe him.

[[It's complicated.]], he explained, knowing it would not be enough for her. [[I'll explain it to you tonight in person. I don't know who the TP Bandit is, but I know who one of his henchmen is and where I can find his lair.]] he hit send. .

[[And what do I gain from this?]] Tammy asked.

[[The TP bandit is obviously in league with Olivia and her friends. We take him down we find whatever it is you were looking for.]] He waited.

[[So what do you say?]] he asked again.

He waited and he waited and he waited.. Still no Tammy. "Kenny you should get started on your homework", his mom said, not in the least surprised that he had managed to get himself to school and back without her help. Being poor and having both of his parents being avid consumers of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Kenny had had to learn to look out for himself at a young age. His parents had gotten better, due to the joint threats of having their kids hauled off to foster care and Mysterion beating the shit out of them.

Their wasn't much else to do so Kenny got to work on his homework. His Mom sat down at the Kitchen table next to him. She smiled as he busied himself with a math worksheet. "You know your the best of everyone in this family at schoolin right?", she smiled at her son. "Your my special little boy." "You mean I'm the only one who isn't fucked up by some mental disorder.", he sneered at her. The rest of the statement,'and their fucked up because you couldn't stop drinking and getting high for 9 months', was left unsaid. His father would have hit him or yelled at him for saying something so disrespectful. His mother just looked down sadly and got up from the table.

Bored, and uninterested in the sums, Kenny doodled on the page. He drew Princess Kenny. Her long blond feminine hair blowing in the wind ready for action, her bow drawn, and her titties flashing. Kenny had been to an art museum as part of a school field trip. A lot of the paintings and sculptures had been just as pervy as his shit if not moreso. Especially the Greeks and the Romans. Jesus Christ those dudes were fucked up. He supposed it made sense. Olden times was when Game of Thrones had happened. Ans as much as South Park sucked, living in Westeros would be a bajillion times worse.

Kenny had given up waiting for Tammy to text and was about to suit up to go infiltrate Professor Chaos's lair when his phone buzzed

[[Okay I'm in. I'll see you their. Try not to text me so much were both poor and this shit costs money.]] Tammy texted. Kenny jumped for joy. I

Imprudently he texted

[[Tammy I'm sorry we broke up. It was a mistake. I was afraid. Please take me back.]]

Their was no response.

—

Mysterion froze like a dear caught in head lights. He gazed at the tearful eyes that watched him from the window. They were blue like his own. Karen. Oh god, Kenny thought, his heart pounding. She'd seen him jump out from Kenny' window. She knew who he was. Mysterion ran up to the window, preparing to explain why he had hid his identity from her. She turned away from the window

"Karen wait, he said as he clambered up into her room. "I'm so sorry please don't leave me", Guardian Angel, she wailed, tears in her eyes. "Why would I do that?", Mysterion asked in his usual gruff voice. "Because whores don't get Guardian angles! I'm like a worthless peace of chewed gum. And angels don't watch over chewed gum!", she blubbered. Mysterion placed his arms around his little ward. "Karen your not a chewed peace of gum your a girl", Mysterion said more sternly than he had meant to.

"He left me too you know", she said, presumably referring to Ruby's boyfriend. "He was so nice to me. He thought I was pretty. He told me so. He noticed me. Nobody notices me", Karen's voice softened into a whisper. "Then one day he said he wanted to kiss. I said no. He was dating Ruby and I didn't want to make her feel sad. But he said he was giving me his heart and if I didn't kiss him he'd hate me. So I did."

"You know sometimes I feel happy when I'm sad.", she confessed to her angel. "Why?",Mysterion asked. "Well most of the times anyone pays any attention to me is when I'm sad. That's the only time you show up guardian angel." The awful truth was that she was right. Most of the time Kenny hardly remembered Karen existed. But whenever she got into trouble he or Kevan would race off like gallant knights to comfort her.

"I'm a terrible little sister and I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve to have a guardian angel.", she buried her face in her pillow. "No your not.", Mysterion lifted his charge up and looked her in the eye. "You can't control how you feel Karen. Only what you do. So your not perfect, nobody's perfect." That was certainly true for Kenny McCormick. That was why Mysterion was here. Mysterion looked out for the week. He took care of his sister. He kicked villain ass. And he did the things Kenny McCormick could never do. Kenny was a perverted little shit who enabled Cartman and died way to often. How could he be anyone's guardian angel?

It was time to go. "And don't worry Karen. Your far from the first person to do stupid shit for love.