Sorry for not posting in a while, but I've been busy. Anyway as you will probably notice the story begins as a text conversation. I've done this before but I think my current method is better.
Also (( is Cartman's texts, while (is the TP bandit 's. Let me know what you think of this chapter, I could really use the feedback.
((Yo yo bandito))
(Never speak to me like that again. Are we clear Coon?)
((Yeah okay bro whatever))
(I'm not your bro.)
((Whatever dude. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I received the package))
(And)
((And what))
(You know how to use it?)
((Of course I do duh))
(Good. Then I'm sure you know the implications of the video for our old friend)
((Yeah I get it those implications are very unfortunate))
(You might want to talk to his lady friend. Though I'm sure you know you are well acquitted with the art of blackmail)
((Right blackmail Kenny's girlfriend, of course.))
(Get it done Coon.)
Cartman set his phone down and paced about the room. "You know why you did this. This is a one Coon franchise and their wasn't enough room for the both of us."
Two gritty angsty heroes with questionable morels. Hah that was a barrel of laughs. One of them would become a superstar. A franchise header. A winner. The other would be consigned to the C list and probably killed off in the first major crossover.
In a just world the superior super hero, the Coon, would obviously prevail. However this was not a just world. But a fallen one. Filled with vice and crime and Jews. And Mysterion had a certain charm to him. The Coon always strived to make the world a better place. And yet that angsty redneck's fandom was twice the size of his.
Cartman had never been able to figure that out. As far as he could discern people liked Mysterion because he was so dark and gritty that their was little to no difference between him and the villains. The Coon by contrast was a pure hearted idealist who always strove to make the world a better place. Yes that was it.
It didn't matter anyway. Mysterion had been expelled from the team. And yet Cartman knew that you could climb your way back up to grace from even the deepest falls. He had done it himself.
His phone buzzed.
(Cartman)
((Yes))
(Your doing your job right?)
((What else would I be doing?))
(Pondering why everyone likes Mysterion more than you. And wondering if he could ever upstage you)
((No way dude that shit's gay))
(Glad to hear it.)
(Get to work Coon or I will find another two bit "superhero" to replace you.)
The conversation was ended. He picked up the package in his hands. "This thing plays video?", he asked himself. He shook the ancient device up and down. "Now who do I know who hunts ancient devices." Cartman stroked his chin in contemplation. "What about Indiana Jones", a small voice just above his head. Cartman spun his head around, "Who said that?" "It,s me, Cupid Me.", the slight voice replied. "Cupid Me what are you doing here? You only get involved in lovey dovey shit." "Your in love silly. Your in love with that Superhero guy." "Fuck you man I hate Kyle!", Cartman shouted in denial. "No it's not Kyle silly", he sounded off with one of his classic tee-heee-hee's. "Well it ain't Mysterion that's for sure. I told you dude I'm strait!", Cartman stomped his foot to emphasize his anger. "No silly, the hero you love is the Coon." Cartman raise his eyebrows. "Dude you do know that I'm the Coon right?" "Yes, you love yourself.", he said like it was the most obvious things in the world. "But that's beside the point. You need somebody who knows about ancient artifacts. "Jones has been in four movies about hunting down ancient artifacts. He knows how these things work.
"You mean three movies and a turd in a nuke proof refrigerator", the fat boy snarked. "Also I really don't like the anti- Nazi bigotry he displayed in the first and third movies.", he stroked his hairless chin in contemplation. "Still I suppose the second one makes up for all of that PC shit.", Cartman said with a shrug of his shoulders.
A quick Google search revealed that Jones lived in Wyoming. The Coon donned his costume, grabbed some money for the bus, surveyed his room one last time, and leap out his window into the cold cold night.