Douchebag retreated to the other side of the room. Mysterion gave pursuit by instinct. He only realized he had fallen into a trap when Douchebag turned around,to reveal he had retrieved a fire extinguisher, and fired it into Mysterion's face. It slammed into it like a cold fist.
The King followed soon after, tackling the stunned Mysterion and throwing him to the ground. "What"(Punch) "The" (another blow fell on Mysterion) "Fuck" (he felt that one.) "Is" (you get the drill) "Wrong"(he was starting to see blood.) "With"(that one broke his nose.) "You". A final blow impacted right in the center of Kenny's mouth, sending blood and teeth flying.
Mysterion lay on the ground,coughing blood. "What's wrong with me is that I finally figured you out Dovakiin. You planned all this. Your the TP Bandit." He laughed a little at the irony of the whole situation. The King tilted his head.
"What?", he said like Kyle would when something really dumb happened, which because this was South Park, meant often. "Dude me and Chaos were trying to stop the guy. Just like you."
That couldn't be true. "But the guy who…", he sputtered, it was no use mentioning that. "But..but…he's evil.",Mysterion sounded much less sure of himself than he had intended. "Chaos fought by my side against the Nazi's. Against the elves. Against you. He's saved my ass a thousand times!",the New kid's voice bit with anger. "And you, you who bust in here while we were minding our own business,you who have thrown throwing stars in the eyes of not one, but two kids. You who betrayed your friends. You who punched Butters in the face when he tried to be nice to you. You call him evil?!"
"But it seemed so obvious", Kenny said to himself as much as his persecutor. "Well appearances can be deceiving motherfucker!",Dovakiin said angrily. "But the Mass Effect reference, you and Butters are the only ones I know who play that gay ass shit.",when he said it out loud it sounded so stupid. "What the hell are you talking about?", Douchebag said with frustrated exasperation. "Just what the hell is a Lazarus?", Mysterion asked, exhausted by all he could not tell.
"I think you mean the Lazerus project. It's what brings commander Shepard back from the dead right at the beginning of Mass Effect 2, you know right after the Normandy gets blown up by the Collectors. I think the name comes from the bible, but I don't know exactly what it is. Didn't you and Butters play Mass Effect together?" "Yeah but I kind of got distracted.", the dark hid Kenny's abashed blush. "Of course you were", Dovakiin said with pretend maturity.
"So Lazerus means brining somebody back from the dead.", Mysterion was up on his feet. He stroked his bloodied chin in contemplation. The tattered mask. The blood on his face. He looked to Dovakiin like a horror movie villain. "Basically."
"Why do you guys care?", Mysterion asked. "You guys have no dog in this fight. Nobody else is doing anything. Even the Coon and friends haven't gone after this villain.", he tasted the bitterness in his mouth. Of course they'd all forsake the villain who went after poor people. That was probably why serial killers always killed hookers. Nobody cared what happened to them and nobody cared if Kenny's house was TP'd.
"Some things are to important to ignore. The TP Bandit's been carrying out these crimes with impunity, and going far beyond any TPing any one of us has done. Plus I'm pretty sure the bastard stole Butters's phone. And you were right, nobody else was doing anything, even the cops aren't after this guy.", for most of his life Dovakiin had dreamed of being a police officer, that or a fireman. In that one regard he was a normal kid. He found himself feeling affection for this poor, both literally and figuratively, kid, fighting a lonely battle against the forces of evil. That did not mean he approved of the insane way he had acted, or forgave what he had done to Butters, but he began to understand what could drive a servant of the light to such darkness.
"The Cops are doing the best they can, given that the TP bandit threatened to go after their houses, as I suspect you already know", King Douchebag scowled at the implication Mysterion was making. It seemed that even after Dovakiin had explained everything, Mysterion could still not shake free of his prejudices. "I mean their hardly going to just let some random kid walk into the station and give them the evidence." Mysterion wasn't convinced that the New Kid wasn't spinning some story. If he was being honest with himself he didn't want to be convinced.
"Well if they wanted to put someone on the case I don't see why not? I mean they let me and Butters go in the station and we we didn't really have any business being there."
Kenny didn't want to believe this ether. But now that he thought about it the more the cops actions didn't add up.
He stood up, straight, his face a bloody ruin, looked Dovakiin dead in the eye and said, "I won't fall for your tricks. I know what I saw. The only one who could get him to do something like this is you!", he shouted.
"You know you made a mistake, you just won't admit it", the New Kid was growing more and more irritated. "No! I am Mysterion! Guardian and Protector of the Earth! I protect this city! I do what is necessary to", he spoke without Mysterion's deep gruff voice. Though the superhero proclaimed himself to be Mysterion, he sounded more like scared,angry, in denial, Kenny McCormick.
"Your 10 years old!", Dovakiin interjected, sending Kenny into silence. "Just like the rest of us.
Your angry your scared, and your acting like an idiot. It's nearly bed time, and I'd suggest you be nicer to me, otherwise you'll have to drag you crippled ass home all by yourself."
Mysterion said nothing. "That's what I thought", Dovakiin said victoriously. He tried to lift Kenny's arm over his shoulder. Mysterion rebuffed him. "I can take care of myself." I suck at that,he thought. I suck at taking care of anyone else even more.