Disclaimer: Trigun is sadly enough not mine, or there would have been way more episodes!

-{- these are memories-}-

Chapter33: Meryl's POV
"Meryl, can we talk for a minute?" Milly asks, her eyes big as if she is troubled.

Nodding, she motions to the side and the two girls take a walk. When they are a little ways from camp, yet still within sight of it, though hopefully out of hearing range she turns to her best friend inquiring, "What's wrong?"

For a minute Milly bites her lip before answering, "I think I like Mr. Knives, but I also think he is the reason Nick is dead. Is that wrong?"

Sighing, she murmurs, "Oh Milly."

"I'm not sure what to do, why did I not realize that Nick was working for the bad guy? I realize that he's not the bad guy now, but he was then. Why do I like him? Is it wrong to like him? I just…Meryl I'm confused." She babbles to her, voice soft and full of worry.

She tries for a reassuring smile as she replies, "Listen, Nick might have been working for Knives, but he wasn't a bad person, he liked kids way too much. Past that, he honestly wanted to protect Vash and us. I would also like to point out that he was drawn to you like a moth at times. Let's face it, there were a couple of times he would stick around just to be around you, not for Vash or me." pausing, she considers it for a minute before continuing, "Now then, what type of like are you talking about? Friendship? Physically? Emotionally? Because the Knives that is staring at the bulb is a completely different one than the one Vash carried home to us not that long ago. That Knives was an ass in the worst possible way, I am pretty sure this one is an ass too, but in a good way. That edge of insanity is subsiding, allowing for the personality beneath to come to the surface."

Her eyes widen as she listens, "Are you sure Meryl?" she questions softly, staring hard.

She nods, answering, "I am, so don't write him off yet, just don't jump to fast either. You have a good sense of determining what a person is like, trust it. After all, which one of us realized who Vash was first way back when?"

Milly's eyes light up, as if something in that statement reassured her, "I was of course," she responds, her mood suddenly lighter. "Come on, let's go rejoin them."

She smiles, and the two girls walk back to where the twins are waiting with Kikyo's sand form. When they get back over there she inquires, "So, do we know why Amber tried to die without saying a word?"

"Loneliness," Knives murmurs softly, his glance flicking at the bulb, "She was lonely underground and sought to return to the home plane."

She glances at him, surprised at the amount of understanding in his tone. Then she thinks about it a moment and realizes that it is not surprising considering loneliness led him to genocide just to get his brother back.

Well, I have resubmerged her in the hive, and Yali has agreed to keep check of her for a while. It will help both of them. Kikyo comments, Perhaps you can do something with her in the near future and make her happy? Or find a town that needs a plant, though right now she is not very strong, her energy is going into reforming herself. Now I will be off, time to return to my bulb for a nap, please stay out of trouble for at least a week.

With that the sand form dissolves and she take to the air in her energy bird form.

Knives' POV
After Kikyo flies off he decides to try speaking with his sister. Are you better? He inquires of Amber, his focus locked on the recovering plant in the bulb.

Go away, you're the reason I'm lonely. She replies, her voice full of sorrow.

I'm sorry. He replies before accepting her choice and turning away. With a small frown he goes to picking up his supplies from the camp, carefully placing them back into the saddle bags. He had made it a point to not be annoying during this trip. It was a chance to start over, something he sorely needed. That was also something they had been letting him do. His mind is spinning with everything that he had learned and was still working on accepting. So far it had been difficult for him to accept that he was wrong, but it was made harder by the fact that his brother had been right. Particularly since he had been sure for years his brother was wrong. Giving a small shake of his head, he tries to clear his thoughts, something that used to be easy for him, but had become difficult since being submerged in the hive.

Once his small amount of supplies are packed he sits down with one leg folded beneath him, the other foot flat so he can rest his chin on his knee and watches Amber with unseeing eyes his mind in a time long past.

-{-"Knives?" Rem called out as she entered the stasis chamber that he had chosen to hide in. "Where are you?" her voice was full of worry that he had not acknowledged back then. She had come around the corner of one of the stasis beds and had found him curled up against one of the machines shaking. "What happened Knives? Are you alright?"

Shaking off the pain he replied, "I'm fine Rem, I just wanted some quiet." Back then he had never admitted that Steve had attacked him, that his small body was covered in bruises beneath his flight suit. As a child he had assumed that she had known and not cared.

Crouching in front of him she smiles, softly asking, "Would you like to come listen to music with me? I won't talk if you want."

He had shook his head no, he could feel Vash approaching and knew that Vash would want to spend time with her. It was better if she spent time with Vash instead.-}-

Shaking his head again he pulled out of the memory, something he hadn't thought of since the Fall. He had intentionally forgotten everything good that she had done with him and for him. Focusing only on the pain instead or the fact that Vash was the one she preferred when in truth she had tried to be fair to both of them only he had not cooperated. Looking back without the rage there was a lot of things he had intentionally ignored or forgot. Sighing, he closes his eyes just remembering for the first time in years all the little things he had intentionally forgot. It would be a long time before he would realize that the others were waiting for him.