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CHAPTER 5: His

EPOV

I lay on my bed contemplating how I would apologise to Bella for what I'd said this afternoon, or rather for what I didn't say, but should have. God I was a fucktard! Alice was right, I was the one person in Forks who could help her get through this. I knew that if she kept everything about the accident and her mother's death bottled up then it would fuck her up completely. Internalising shit like that would have long term effects. But really, wasn't that James' job? Wasn't he helping her deal with this?

And I had my own problems to worry about. If I went out of my way to help her then I'd need to get closer to her, and I had no intention of doing that while she had a boyfriend. Staying away from her was the only thing I could do to stop myself from falling back into her again. I was on a knife edge and I knew if I fell off I'd have a very difficult time pulling myself back up.

The sound of Jess' ring tone on my phone bought me out of my daze. I reached over and picked up the phone, noticing the new picture of her she'd programed onto it when she called.

"Jess."

"Hi babe? How was your day?"

"OK I guess. What's up?"

"Well I hardly saw you today. I didn't see you at lunch or after school so I thought I'd call."

"Oh, right."

"Hey you want me to come over, I could sneak out?"

"You better not, I'm doing homework," I lied. I wasn't in the mood for Jess tonight.

"I know, but I just miss you so much, I had a shitty day."

"Did you, what happened?" I tried to sound concerned. This was a regular occurrence.

"Oh, it's nothing, you don't need to hear about it." And this was the typical Jessica response. She was good at playing the martyr.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me why'd you bring it up?"

My relationship with Jess was a strange one. Physically we were good. But over the phone, not so good. She usually just whined about shit that I had no interest it. I usually started to switch off right about now. It hadn't always been like this. She was much more interested in me in the beginning, now she was much more interested in the dramas that seemed to follow her around on a regular basis.

"Well OK. It's the new girl. I think she's a complete bitch."

What the..... "Who Bella?"

"Yeah, Bella. By the way how do you know her so well?"

"Oh, um.....she's friends with Alice I guess. And she's my Bio partner." Shit, I didn't need to have this conversation.

"Oh, of course. Alice I forgot about her. Well, that's where it all started anyway.....Hey did you know she was at your party in Summer?"

"Oh.....um yeah. I guess she was." It didn't sound like she was calling me out on it. Didn't sound like she knew anything, but probably safer to admit that I knew she was there than to deny ever having met her before.

"Anyway, in English today she was a complete bitch to me. I was just sitting there minding my own business talking to Lauren. Then I politely turned around and asked Alice to introduce her to me and Bella was so rude."

"What did she say to you?" I wasn't sure whether my defensive tone was aimed at Jessica or Bella.

"Well, you know how I was a little bit drunk at your Summer party and may have thrown up as I got out of Angela's car. Well, apparently Bella was there, in the car with us, not that I remember, she's so fucking plain and forgettable, her brown hair is so dull she really could do more with it. Anyway she said she remembered me throwing up on myself. As if you'd bring that up?" She screeched. "She said it so loud most of the class room heard. I was mortified."

I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. Because at the time I'd first heard the story I'd pissed myself laughing, I just didn't realise it was Bella who was in the car with her. It made my heart ache to have the little pieces of her life since I walked away from her that night revealed to me from other people like they knew her. Especially Jessica.

"Oh, Jess, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it."

"And your sister, she didn't say anything to protect me. She just sat there smirking." If Alice had had anything to do with this I'd be pissed.

After my phone call with Jess I sat on my bed slowly stewing about what she said that Bella had said to her. Why would she bring that up if she wasn't trying to be rude to her? Bella must have been having a go at her. But she'd assured me she didn't want to break Jess and I up, and she had a boyfriend. Why bring it up at all?

I spent the rest of the next day avoiding/ignoring Bella until after lunch and we were walking to Biology. I walked up behind her grabbing her arm to get her attention.

"Bella?"

She spun and looked at me blankly, god she took my breath away even when she wasn't trying. She could see I wasn't happy.

"So what happened with Jess yesterday in English?" I asked calmly, trying desperately not to get lost in her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Her eyes were boring into mine now and the proximity of her body to mine was having an affect on me. This is what I was concerned about, I just had to stay away from her. Push her away.

"Jess told me you were rude to her in English yesterday. Why would you say that to her?"

"What do you care?"

"I don't, I just don't want you causing trouble with my girlfriend if you're angry with me."

She looked at me incredulously. "God Edward, not everything is about you!" she stormed at me. "Alice was just about to burst into tears listening to her and Lauren talk about...." but she stopped herself and looked away from me.

"Talk about what?" she didn't answer me. "Talk about what Bella?"

"Go and ask your sister what she was upset about Edward, it's not my place to tell you."

"Fuck, I wish someone would tell me why Alice hates my girlfriend so much!" Bella just stared at me. "What?"

"Edward, I've been here for about what....two seconds now? Even I can see it's actually the other way around. Jessica hates your sister, she was being so mean to her in class yesterday. Alice was sitting there doing nothing and she was almost crying. God, you have no idea do you?"

I was a little taken aback by Bella's outburst.

"And anyway, I'm not angry at you, you're angry at me. You've been rude to me ever since I arrived and I don't know what I've done. I can't help it that I'm here Edward. If I had the choice I'd still be in Phoenix, but I don't. I didn't have any choice but to come here so I'm sorry if I've done something to offend you. But I can't change it, I'm not going anywhere."

Once again Bella turned on her heal and walked away from me towards Biology, and once again she had left me speechless. And once again I felt like a complete asshole. The hurt look on her face pulled on my heart strings maddeningly. I took a deep breath and followed after her. I didn't know what other way to do this. Ignoring her and being rude to her was the only option, but even that didn't seem to be working too well for us.

For the third day in a row I sat in Biology and didn't hear one word Banner said. I just felt the warmth emanating from the girl sitting next me, accentuating the smell from her hair and her body, wafting over and driving me insane. It was a smell I'd yearned to remember. I'd spent hours in the shampoo aisle smelling every single bottle until I'd finally found the one that reminded me of her, and bought it. Smelling it every morning when I got in the shower. I had to get this under control but I couldn't figure out how to. It wasn't under control before she came back, what made me think I could possibly get it under control now that she was here, sitting next to me for an hour every day, making friends with my sister, encroaching on my life. And deep down I knew I didn't want to, but I had no choice.

Why could everything be so perfect for that one night in Summer, but now we could hardly even be in the same room together, let alone speak to each other. I knew why it was, I was upset with myself for settling. I was mad at myself for the way I'd behaved since that night. Mostly for the number of girls I'd been with, and there had been a lot. And I was taking it out on Bella. That, and I was pushing her away because I couldn't have her.

It had all started about a few weeks into the school year at a massive party at Emmett's. As per usual he handed out the condoms and I copped the usual shit about my V status. They didn't know I'd lost it. I finally cracked and picked up a junior who had been looking at me with big puppy eyes for weeks now. I was fairly certain she was no longer a virgin, so I didn't feel completely selfish about the act. And luckily it didn't look like she felt too hurt the next week when I didn't call her, or even really speak to her again, other than the occasional polite flirtation in the quad at lunch time. She deserved better. And so did all of the other girls I either kissed, got to third base with or fucked since then.

Emmett and Jasper were finally off my case. I'd finally found a use for all of those condoms that Emmett handed out. And I'd finally found an emotional outlet for everything I'd kept pent up since August.

And that's when Jessica happened. I knew she'd had a thing for me for the last year. Everyone knew she'd had a thing for me. She'd made it quite obvious on more than one occasion at more than one party. But I'd never really been interested for some reason. I could appreciate that she was hot, I even got along with her reasonably well, but I'd just stayed away for some reason, maybe because of Jasper.

Then one night she had her long dark straight hair out, and she'd curled it. She reminded me of something that I wanted. As I sat next to her on the lounge, pissed out of my brain I started actually paying attention to her flirtations and I found myself flirting back. The look in her eyes was one of pure lust. The next thing I knew she was straddling my lap, I had my hands on her ass pulling her into me, and she had her tongue down my throat. I didn't sleep with her that night. I think she thought she'd left me wanting more.

But I did sleep with her the next weekend at a party at her house. I'd fucked her, stayed a few hours in her bed and then got the fuck out of dodge. But I wasn't a complete asshole, I was softening towards her. I found myself talking to her at school most days. She was sweet and flirtatious and kept her problems to herself and didn't cling. It was easy.

Then another two weeks later we were together again after a football game and that was it. Emmett announced 'three strikes and you're out' meaning I was now in a relationship with her. Whatever the fuck that meant. And it had been pretty good mostly. The sex was regular, thanks to parents who were either away a lot or didn't pay attention. We didn't have many classes together meaning we didn't spend too much time together so she didn't wear out her welcome. I still had my Friday nights to myself, much to her dismay. I can't believe she thought I'd give that shit up!

But two months later we were at make or break stage. I either declared myself or I got out. Before Bella I'd been thinking maybe I was headed in that direction. Maybe. But now I knew I wasn't. So what was I going to do?

I either stay in a relationship with a girl so I can get laid once or twice a week. Or I get the fuck out.

APOV

I seethed as I sat in class watching as Jasper sat and flirted with Lauren in the seats in front of me. Really I don't even know why I was worried. I knew him well enough to know that when he was done with her he'd be onto the next one. Lucky bitch. Or unlucky depending on the way you looked at it. At least they were getting to have their way with him. What was I getting....the little sister routine. I guess I should be thankful that I got more time and better quality conversation than they ever got.

One day. One day I'd show him how I felt, but only when I was strong enough to walk away when he rejected me....well, had his way with me then rejected me. It would rip my heart in two, but wasn't it better to put your heart on the line than never to have done it all. Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that Cullen, you just want to get in his pants.

The thought of his hands all over my body, his lips on mine, my legs wrapped around his waist. Sigh.

Jasper must have heard me sigh as he turned and looked at me quizzically.

"What's up little one?" He whispered so the teacher wouldn't hear.

I blushed a little as I shook my head. "Nothing Jas, nothing at all," I whispered back.

"Doesn't look like nothin'. You look sad, you know I don't like it when you look sad."

Lauren turned around and glared at me. Stupid fucking bitch.

"I'll be OK."

"Let's talk about it after class, OK." He reached over and put his hand on my desk waiting for me to acquiesce. So I did, how could I resist. Plus it meant he couldn't talk to the dumb slut next to him. But what the hell was I going to say was upsetting me?

Jasper actually waited for me after class. Which shocked the shit out of me. I knew he meant well when he said we should talk, but I was pretty sure I was way further down his list of priorities than Lauren was and he would have been dying to walk her to her car or something. The 'or something' being the operative in that statement.

"So little one, what's on that sweet little mind of yours?" He threw his hand over my shoulder in a friendly gesture. It felt so good to be tucked up under his arm. But I knew it was a brotherly one, not one that screamed 'Alice, I want to fuck you senseless every night for the rest of my life.'

"Nothing much, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Ali, this is me you're talking to. You know you can tell me." He paused and then looked down at me hesitantly, "have you got guy problems?"

"Huh.....oh, well......"

"Ali, has someone hurt you, I swear to god, if one of those fucked up idiots...."

"No, no Jas it's nothing like that. He doesn't even know I exist."

"What do you mean he doesn't even know you exist?" He looked at me incredulously.

I just stopped in my tracks and looked up and him and shrugged my shoulders.

"Ali, trust me, I'm sure he knows you exist." What was that supposed to mean?

I turned and walked away, Jasper easily caught up behind me as I walked towards Edward's car. He threw his arm around my shoulder again. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take.

"Look, if he doesn't know you exist, then he doesn't deserve you. You're hot. You're one of the hottest girls at this school. And you've actually got a brain, and a personality. So...."

"You think I'm hot?"

"What? Of course I think you're hot." He bent down and whispered in my ear as we approached Edward who was leaning against his car. "But don't tell your brother I said that." He smirked at me, playfully tapped me on the ass and then walked towards the side of the car that Edward was leaning on as I walked towards the passenger side.

What the fuck was that about. What the fuck would Edward care if Jasper thought I was hot? But I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. Jasper thought I was hot. I was doing a little internal dance!!

"Alice, what the fuck has gotten into you? I know you're easily excitable and love to jump up and down, but honestly I've never seen you so excited for school to be out."

OK, maybe not so internal. But I couldn't help it.

"Fuck Edward, stop taking your bad moods out on other people," Jasper said protectively.

Just when I thought my afternoon couldn't get any better Jessica sidled up beside me and opened the front passenger side door and hopped in, deftly putting an end to my great mood....and talking my seat. Oh for the love of god, why did this have to happen to me? The only thing that could make it worse was Lauren turning up and getting into Jasper's car. Please dear god don't do that to me and completely ruin my afternoon.

"You getting in Ali?" Edward asked.

"Ah..." I scanned the parking lot and spotted Bella's truck and Bella walking towards it, "no, I've got to go catch up with Bella. I'll get a ride home with her."

Both Jasper and Edward looked at my quizzically. I noticed Jessica smirk from inside the car. Stupid bitch. I just turned and walked towards Bella, hoping like hell her truck would make it all the way to my place. Then maybe it could break down at my place, and she'd have to stay for dinner, and then stay the night, and I could make her wear something skimpy to bed, make sure Edward sees her in it, and then she'd have to get a lift with us to school tomorrow. You can shove that up your slutty ass Jessica Stanley.

A/N: Please, please let me know what you think!!