CHAPTER 6 : Hers
BPOV
Alice came bounding towards my car, a chirpy look on her pretty face. She always cheered me up. Sitting with Edward for an hour after he accused me of having a go at his girlfriend left me in a decidedly chilly mood.
"Bella, is it alright if I get a lift home with you this afternoon?"
"Yeah, sure. Edward not going home?"
"Who knows, the bitch took my seat."
"Ahhh." But why the happy face?
We both hopped up into the cab of my old truck. I could see Alice eyeing it off uncomfortably, wanting to say something about the state of it, but she withheld.
"So, you're never going to believe the conversation I just had with Jasper."
"Do tell.
"He just told me he thinks I'm hot!" She squealed at me. I'm quite sure if I was a normal teenage girl I would have screamed in unison with her. But I'm not. Squealing was never really my thing. But this was good news. And for me, not entirely unexpected. All I saw of Jasper was the way he looked at Alice, and it was completely different to the way he looked at any other girl. If Alice had noticed, I was pretty sure she'd put it down to having 'brotherly' affection for her. I was starting to think it was something altogether different.
"Well of course he did Alice. You are."
"Yeah, but I'm not Jessica or Lauren hot. As much as I hate to admit it, I can appreciate that on the hotness scale those two bitches are up there."
"Yeah, I guess. But I guess it depends on what you go for. If you want something really obvious that in ten years time is going to look old and wrinkled and fake because they've spent too much time in a sun bed and too much time having their boobs pumped up. It's just unnatural being that tanned in Forks. Truly Alice, you don't see yourself very clearly do you?"
She just looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers. And then we were silent except for Alice giving me directions to her house.
As we pulled up I remembered the last time I was here, 5 months ago. The butterflies were back in the pit of my stomach as I looked along the veranda to where I was sitting when Edward and I first met. Oh how things have changed. We walked into the house and towards the kitchen. In the light of day with the partygoers removed it looked even more amazing. Clearly the Cullen's had quite a bit of money.
"Bella this is my Mom Esme. Mom, this is my friend Bella Swan, remember I told you about her."
Esme came towards me wiping her hands on her apron, before wrapping me in her arms for a brief hug.
"Yes of course Bella, it's so lovely to see you, call me Esme." She seemed very motherly. It kind of made me a bit uncomfortable.
"Hi Esme, nice to meet you."
"Well, this isn't the first time we've met Bella. I remember seeing you with your mother when you were just a baby." Her face turned all motherly concern now, and she rested her hand on my shoulder. "Now Bella, I was so sorry to hear about your mother. If there's anything I can do for you please let me know." She wiped a small tear away from her eye. "Raising a child on your own can be hard enough, but when you're a man raising a teenage daughter, heaven knows that's just a recipe for disaster."
"Mom, Bella is eighteen."
"Oh, I know, but you know what I mean."
I couldn't believe someone was being so open with me about my mother. Most people tip toed around it. Actually, that's not strictly true, James would head them off at the pass and steer them in another direction. Saving me from having to deal with the questions that would often upset me.
"Would you like to stay for dinner dear?" Esme asked.
"Maybe next time, I'd better get back to cook Charlie dinner, I'm not sure what he used to eat before I arrived, but I'm pretty sure it was take out most nights." I didn't want to be here when Edward showed up. And I most certainly didn't want to keep talking about my mother.
Esme giggled in a girly way, and didn't force the issue. "Well, you're more than welcome any time you like. Thanks for dropping Alice home....why didn't you come home with Edward honey?"
Alice just rolled her eyes and huffed like a petulant teenager. I guess she probably was one.
"Oh, I see. Did the she devil steal your seat again?"
Alice simply nodded and headed out the door. Seems Esme wasn't overly fond of Jessica either.
"See you later Esme."
"Good night Bella, say hi to Charlie for me. And please stay for dinner next time."
Alice walked me out to my car.
"Can I ask you a question Bella?"
"Sure."
"You don't talk about your Mom much." Oh, I was not expecting that. Adrenalin started racing through my body as I realised Alice was going to make me talk, and James wasn't here to protect me.
"That's not a question Alice." I said it a little too harshly. But just because her mother had known my mother and bought her up in conversation didn't give Alice the right.
"I know, it's just, doesn't it help........you know.....to deal with it if you talk about it?"
"No."
I couldn't even manage a good bye before I got in my truck and took off as quickly as I could. Tears began to stream mercilessly down my cheeks as I thought about my mother. Crying about her wasn't something I allowed myself to do very often. James didn't allow it and it had helped me to keep it together....most of the time. It made me think about the protective way that James had sheltered me when my mother died. I hadn't seen him in two months when the accident happened, not through his lack of trying. But his Mom and my Mom were best friends, so when I woke up after the accident he was the one there. I was surprised at first, it had been so long, and our last conversation was anything but polite. But he never left me alone, he was at my side day and night. He helped with the doctors, he helped with my therapy, he helped with the funeral. But most of all he helped me forget the car accident.
He helped the numbness to ease, and the nothingness to disappear
Whenever anyone brought the accident up he asked them to leave. The only people who I had spoken to about it were the police. It was the only time I would allow myself to re live the pain, other than in my dreams, which still haunted me three months later.
At first James was just there as a friend. But his small touches and kisses on the cheek slowly turned into more. They would linger just a little longer each time, until all of a sudden we seemed to be together, there was no discussion. It just was. And we never talked about 'Grad Girl' again.
He knew my Mom. She adored him. I knew both our mother's talked about our future wedding, even when we were broken up. So I just accepted the situation. It warmed my heart to know that James had known my Mom. When I was finished at school in Forks I had planned to go to College in Phoenix. To be with James. My mother would have wanted it. And it felt good to know that I would make one of my mother's dreams come true. It felt good to know that my Mom knew the guy I would probably spend the rest of my life with.
Going back to the place where I was loved, where I had lived with my mother just seemed like the only thing that mattered some days. It was the only thing keeping her alive.
o0o0o0o0o0o
I woke up on Friday morning in a cold sweat, nothing new. Since the accident sleep had become a broken series of nightmares that never allowed me any true rest. James couldn't be there to protect me at night. He was always in his frat house, and now he was a thousand miles away. During the time we spent together he was wonderful in making me forget what happened, taking my mind away from the nightmare that started the moment my mother suddenly hit the brakes. The blood curdling scream is the thing that stuck out the most in my nightmares. I was never sure if it was mine or my mother's.
But I put it to the back of my mind quickly. I was expecting a call from James this morning. He'd promised me yesterday in the email that I'd received that he'd call me. So I raced through the shower and got ready as quickly as possible. My phone rang just as I finished getting ready.
"Morning James."
"Morning Bells,".....and cue the chuckle. James never ceased to find that greeting amusing. "How are you feeling sweetie?"
"Good, I'm....good. I think. I just......"
"Well, you just keep your chin up, don't let anyone get to you and in no time you'll be back in Phoenix......Ouch, knock it off, I'm on the phone." Clearly he'd been interrupted. I could hear the guys of his frat house making noise in the background.
"Look babe I've got to go. But I'll call again tomorrow. Probably late, there's this huge party going on here tonight, you know how it is. I guess you'll be in studying tonight will you?"
"Actually I'm spending the night with some friends."
"Which friends?"
"Just some people from my year at school. They're fun, you'd like them."
"Well don't do anything too crazy Bells." Our conversation finished off on his sarcastic note. Life had been pretty quiet in the last few months, I hadn't spent a lot of time out with friends doing typical teenage things. And he knew Angela was a bit nerdy so he probably assumed I was hanging out with a bunch of mathletes.
I was disappointed our conversation was so short. My conversations with Esme and Alice had thrown me off a bit, and I wanted some reassurance, I would just have to wait for next time.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o
My first week at Forks High had been a cluster fuck of run ins with Edward Cullen. How we were going to manage to get through the rest of the year I had no idea. By Friday we just decided to completely ignore each other. What his problem was I'll never know. I was clearly out of his league. The gossip I'd heard in the girls toilets and around school was starting to make me question whether he'd actually been a virgin when we'd slept together. It had seemed that Edward was a very busy boy before getting together with Jessica. I was beginning to question whether what he'd told me that night was complete bullshit or not.
But by the time Friday night came around I didn't care. I was finally going to have some fun whether Edward liked it or not. I was in a different city (not that Forks was even close to being a city, but, you know), people didn't look at me with pity, there was no expectation that I might lose it at any moment. It felt as if the heavy weight that had been chained around my chest for the last three months had lightened....just a little.
Alice came home with me after school so we could get ready before going to Emmett's. Even for just a casual Friday night in the girl got dressed up. I figured it was all for Jasper's benefit. She looked none too impressed with my wardrobe, the various band t-shirts in my draws were strewn across the floor, her brow furrowing each time she pulled a new one out.
"You know Alice, you won't find a Beyonce one in there."
She turned around and glared at me.
"Are you knocking my taste in music Bella?"
"Not at all Alice." I replied sarcastically.
"I'm just looking for something a little more appealing to the opposite sex."
"What on earth for. It's just Jasper, Emmett & Edward, they're all taken." She whipped her head around furiously and glared at me. "Sorry, Jasper's not. But he would be if you'd just tell him how you feel."
"You know I can't Bella." She sat down on my bed a little defeated. At least this got her away from my wardrobe.
"Well if you're not going to tell him why don't you at least make him jealous or something."
"Because he wouldn't get jealous because of me."
"I beg to differ. I think we need to find you some hot piece of ass to flirt with, then see what he does."
She looked at me sadly. "And if he doesn't do anything?"
"Well, then he never deserved you in the first place."
Alice and I arrived at Emmett's after everyone else, I wasn't sure whether Edward knew I was coming or not. But again, I had to tell myself I didn't care. And really, I didn't. James had been on the phone to me almost every day since I'd arrived reaffirming the reason we were together...he was caring, and protective and always kept my thoughts away from that horrible day. He was helping me to forget, yet he was keeping me connected to her.
We walked in without knocking and went straight through to the kitchen where Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie & Edward were already gathered. Emmett's parents clearly weren't home as he was already into the beers when we arrived at 5.30. It looked like this night could get very messy looking at the quantity of beers in the fridge. Everyone welcomed me into their little Friday night tradition, with the exception of Edward, the ever present scowl was on his face. Unfortunately it didn't detract from his good looks, I don't think anything could. My stomach lurched as he ran his hand through his hair and his eyes darted to meet mine briefly before he turned away.
"So Bella, how have you enjoyed your first week at Forks High?" Emmett boomed across the room.
"Um, it's been good I guess. You know....as good as starting a new school in the middle of the year can get?"
"Anyone been giving you any trouble? You just let me know and I'll sort them out. No one gives shit to one of Emmett McCarty's friends and gets away with it." I noticed Alice's eyes flash in Edward's direction as he watched me for my answer.
"Ah, no I don't think so," I replied hesitantly. He already knew about my run in with Jessica, as did everyone else. No need to go over old ground in front of Edward.
"She's already got half of the football team eyeing her off though." What the fuck Alice? I just glared at her. "Mike, Tyler and Eric have already asked me about her," Alice continued excitedly. And if I wasn't mistaken there was a hint of mischief in her voice.
"Alice?" I cringed.
"It's true. They all think you're gorgeous, however I have let them all know that you are completely unavailable."
"Oh, huh, well at least that bit's true." I knew I was blushing something chronic, I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I just wanted to press the bottle of beer to my cheeks to cool them down.
"Trust me Bella, the first bit's true as well," Jasper chipped in as he moved through the kitchen and pinched me on the ass as he passed me. I think I blushed even more. A pained look flashed over Alice's face which quickly disappeared as she tried not to show too much emotion.
Moving into the lounge room with our drinks we all settled around the television, the boys fighting about what they wanted to watch, Alice and Rosalie discussing the latest clothing line from somebody or other.
"J Man, we always watch the Simpson's. Every fucking Friday afternoon for the last six months we've watched the Simpson's," Emmett argued as he went to swipe the remote control from Jasper's hands.
"That's because emo over there has an obsession with the Simpson's and can't miss a fucking episode," replied Jasper pointing in Edward's direction as he looked down at his beer bottle, peeling the sticky label off the front of it.
"We don't have to watch the Simpson's every Friday, it was just all that was on. You can watch Wipeout if you want Jasper," Edward replied. Looking very much like he was completely disinterested in the conversation. When he looked up at me he was still scowling, but with a hint of embarrassment.
But I couldn't help but smirk a little at him. And I started to giggle. I couldn't help myself. I began laughing uncontrollably. Edward continued to scowl back at me and then his face broke out into the most heavenly smile as he began to shake, trying to hold in the laughter. But he couldn't, he began to laugh uncontrollably as well. It was the first time I'd really laughed in months. The memory of that night was all of a sudden crystal clear in my mind as I thought about my stupid Simpson's underwear. But with it came the memory of the feelings that I held that night. The feelings that I hung onto in those first few weeks afterwards until my world was ripped apart. And then they were forgotten.
Everyone else just stopped what they were doing and looked at us, having no idea what we were laughing at. We'd hardly communicated since my arrival. We'd had several conversations that were stilted and angry. But this was new, and different. This was more like the way we were on my last night in Forks in the Summer.
"What the fuck kind of drugs are you two on and where can I get some?" asked Emmett as they all stood staring.
"Well.......what's so funny?" Asked Rosalie.
"Nothing, nothing at all," laughed Edward as he tried to control the laughter, wiping tears away from his cheeks and then running his hand through his hair.
"Oh, come on, you two have hardly said a word to each other since Bella got here. And now you're in cahoots about something?" So they'd noticed we weren't really very friendly.
"Cahoots? Emmett who the fuck uses that word?" Teased Jasper.
"I do, dickwad! And do you want to fight me about it?" Jasper just laughed back at him.
"So, you two, spill."
"Seriously, it's nothing. Just something someone said in Biology today about Banner and the Simpson's wasn't it Bella?"
"Seriously you kind of had to be there." I helped, hoping they would just drop the story. I smirked conspiratorially at Edward and the subject seemed to have been dropped. Well at least by everyone else.
For the rest of the night Edward seemed to relax. For some inexplicable reason whatever had been bothering him for the last week seemed to have passed and he was back to being the Edward I knew in Summer. I wasn't sure what I preferred. At least when he was being a moody asshole I had good reason to dislike him. It meant I could stay away from him easily and not be bothered by my attraction to him. The fact that I wasn't really missing James wasn't helping. It wasn't that I wasn't missing him, I was, it was that I wasn't as sad as I thought I'd be to have left Phoenix behind. Left my mother behind. But then again, my mother was all around me. She had grown up in Forks, lived in the house that I now lived.
I was no longer in danger of Edward Cullen. Or should I say, James was no longer in danger of Edward Cullen. His strange behaviour from the last week seemed to have disappeared and he was treating me as one of the other girls instead of his mortal enemy. I was so not the type of girl he would normally go for. He was just spreading his wings that night, and I was the happy, and at the time very willing participant, although I still had my doubts about his story. But at the time he'd helped me get over James' deception. It was all good. I knew where my place was now, I was feeling more and more comfortable about him.
The pizzas arrived and were disposed of quickly. I was grateful for the food, the alcohol was going to my head and I was feeling more than a little tipsy. I noticed on more than one occasion Edward looking in my direction. Again it reminded me of that night back in Summer. But I tried to shake it off this time. So much was different now. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend, I wasn't leaving tomorrow never to return.
I found myself on a lounge talking to Jasper late in the night. Of everyone, I had had the least to do with him. He'd always been off chatting up girls during lunch and I wanted the chance to get inside his head and talk about Alice.
"So, Bella. You and Alice seem to get along really well. It's nice she has a new friend. She spends far too much time in her own head," Jasper seemed genuinely concerned about her. I was onto something here, I was sure of it.
I laughed it off a little though, looking across at where Alice and Edward were standing near the kitchen door discussing something. Alice was waving her hands around describing something to him. Edward looked a little distracted.
I just laughed at Jasper's comment, shaking my her head. "You wouldn't know they're related."
"Well, they're only step brother and sister so what do you expect?"
"What, I thought they were like twins or something."
"No, noooo." He scoffed, "Alice and Edward couldn't be further than related." He seemed to be finding the whole idea utterly preposterous and was laughing at me. "Esme, Alice's Mom & Carlisle, Edward's Dad got married when Alice and Edward were about 10 or 11." I was too drunk for this conversation but I had to find out more.
"So where are their other parents?"
"Alice's Dad has never been around, who knows where the fuck he is, she's never even met him that she can remember, hence the reason she has taken on Carlisle's last name and accepted him so openly as her father. And Edward's Mom died in a car accident when he was about seven from memory. That's why he's such an emo asshole some times. Emmett and I forgive him of it because we know he had such a hard time of it."
"Oh." I was shocked. I looked over at him and he looked up at me, our eyes meeting across the room. I felt my chest constrict and I felt the chain around my neck become heavy again. I have to get some fresh air.
EPOV
I saw Bella talking to Jasper and I was jealous. I was never jealous when he spoke to Jessica, and they had history. But I was jealous of the way they looked like they were having an intimate conversation. I had no idea what Alice was saying to me, I just couldn't concentrate on her. Bella suddenly stood up and took off out the front door.
Jasper looked over at Alice and me for help. I quickly walked out the front door after her not giving anyone else the chance. I knew Alice would understand. It might take a little more explaining to the others as to why I took off after her and not Alice.
She was sitting outside in the cold on the front step. Her knees up under chin with her arms wrapped around them. I quietly sat down next to her but didn't say anything for a little bit. I just sat there with her. We hadn't actually spoken tonight since the Simpson's outburst. But it seemed to have broken the ice sufficiently between us that we could now at least hang out in the same room and not scowl at each other. And she looked so beautiful before when Alice was teasing her about all the boys on the football team who wanted to ask her out.
"I've been kind of an asshole this week haven't I?"
She turned her head and considered what I said to her. I wish I knew what was running through her head. She nodded slowly but didn't say anything to me.
"I'm sorry about that."
"Why?" She asked quietly.
"Why am I sorry or why was an I asshole?"
"Why are you sorry? I think I know why you were an asshole." She had no idea.
"I'm sorry because I can see I've made things difficult for you this week, it was never my intention. You just caught me off guard is all."
She just nodded her head again and looked out into the street turning her head away from me.
"What are you doing out here Bella? It's freezing."
"I just needed.....the conversation with Jasper just got a bit heavy....I needed some fresh air before I got......" But she stopped herself from saying anymore. What was she going to say? What had she been discussing with Jasper? Oh god, no he didn't did he? He basically told her he thought she was hot in front of all of us earlier and he'd pinched her on the ass. At least her reaction was to run off rather than to fall into his arms.
"But he knows you've got a boyfriend."
She giggled at me softly. That was the thing that I remembered the clearest, the way she would giggle like a little girl, her head would tilt down and then she look up at me through those long eyelashes. I hadn't seen her do that since she'd been back. It wasn't making things easy.
"He wasn't trying to pick me up Edward."
"Then what were you talking about that freaked you out?"
"It didn't freak me out." She was playing with the laces on her shoes, considering what to say next. "He was telling me about your and Alice's parents."
Oh. I see.
I just nodded silently to her, figuring out a way to get her talking. I know it wouldn't happen over night. But the very fact that she had acknowledged what had upset her was encouraging given the similarity to her own situation. But I knew she'd consumed a decent amount of alcohol, hopefully she would remember our exchange in the morning and would feel comfortable opening up now that the ice was broken again on the subject. Hopefully I could offer her a better response this time than I had the other day when she told me that her mother had died.
"Will you tell me one day.....what happened? Will you tell me what happened to your Mom?"
She looked at me, her eyes wide and scared. She inhaled deeply before replying.
"I don't know if I can Edward."
I wouldn't push her. Not yet. "OK. But if you need..." I shrugged my shoulders, knowing I didn't need to complete the offer verbally. She simply nodded her head and then stood up.
"Come on, it's freaking cold out here." As she looked down at me it was like she completely shut out our conversation. She smiled mischievously, raised an eye brow and held her hand out to help me up. "I need a drink. It's been a long time since you and I were drunk together and if I remember rightly it was a lot of fun."
A/N: Sorry this took so long. I seriously struggled with this chapter. There was still so much to get out about why Bella and James were back together. But I also needed to give you a bit of Bella and Edward time as well....because let's face it, that's why we're all here. And no Jessica....yay! But unfortunately we're going to have to deal with her (and James) at some point.
The story should move on a little faster from here. The backstory is mostly all out now.
Ah, poor little Alice. She seems to have a little self esteem issue in this story, very OOC for her. But remember, she's been abandoned by her father, so it kind of makes sense.
Let me know what you think!