A/N: So not as long as usual, but there are a few people who need to be put out of their misery quickly so here it is.........

CHAPTER 8 – It Is What It Is

"I never ever..........lost my virginity to someone sitting in this room."

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck me dead!

How in the hell was I getting out of this one? And why in the fuck did Jasper say it? Bella looked at me, her beautiful eyes wide open with shock, waiting for what I was going to do. Do I lie, and not take my shot? But then Bella will think I lied to her. Do I drink and 'out' us, although the boys would automatically assume I'd lost my virginity with Rosalie or....Alice. Eew. But even still, they'd be extremely pissed that they didn't know the real details. Not that I'd ever technically told them about the girl they assumed it was with, but whatever. It was still a lie by omission.

As Rosalie and Emmett were complaining about how much they'd already had to drink Alice commenced making a big commotion about it as they skulled. Her little arms were flailing everywhere and she was calling them out on being such big softies when it came to drinking. She was distracting them for me. I very discreetly picked up the closest full shot glass, and with as little movement as physically possible I bought it to my lips and drank it quickly. I didn't put the glass back down on the table, I just put it down beside me on the floor where it wouldn't be noticed for now. I was pretty sure Rosalie and Emmett didn't see me. But I wasn't so sure about Jasper. There was a reason he asked that question in particular, and I had no idea how he'd know anything about her and I, particularly that I'd lost my virginity to her. Unless it was just a lucky guess? But Jasper had always been perceptive, that was for sure.

Bella just continued to look at me wide eyed. I wanted to know what was going through her head. Why was she looking at me so strangely? She knew she was the first girl I'd ever had sex with, so why the strange reaction? Maybe it was because it was the first real acknowledgment that I'd made that we'd been together? Who knew? I wanted to know though.

For now, I was just glad the wrath of Jasper and Emmett, not to mention Rosalie Hale wasn't coming down on me. Fuck me. That was the closest escape I think I'd ever had. And I'd had a few lately. But I was pretty sure I'd have to deal with Jasper at some point, that was far too much of a coincidence.

After taking yet another shot I was definitely over this fucked up game. My head was completely fried. My stomach would definitely appreciate the break, and Bella sitting there on the other side of the coffee table staring at me was going to bring me completely undone if I didn't escape it soon. This was going to fucking hurt tomorrow that's for sure. Jess wasn't going to be happy about the hangover I had, and would be all over my ass if I didn't back up for the party tomorrow night.

Everyone else looked like they were done for the night. Alice started making her way up the stairs to the spare room. She was always the princess who couldn't sleep on the fucking lounge. Emmett vaguely pointed Bella towards a lounge, knowing he could leave the rest of us to fend for ourselves. What a host!

I walked to the kitchen knowing that if I didn't get some water and Tylenol into me now my head was going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow. I filled two water glasses up and went back into the lounge room where Bella was snuggled up on one of the lounges, Jasper was on the other one across from her, fuck him. I knew there was another lounge in Emmett's dad's office so I wasn't upset about missing out on somewhere to sleep. But being upset about it was just admitting to myself that I wanted to be the one on the lounge next to her, and that was just a fucked up lost cause. I put the glass of water on the coffee table not far from Bella's head so she'd see it in the morning. I put a couple of Tylenol down as well, she'd appreciate that. I went into the laundry and found the linen closet and found a couple of blankets. Going back to the lounge room I could already hear Jasper quietly snoring. I looked down at Bella who already looked like she was peacefully asleep. She was beautiful, her lovely brown hair fanned out on the pillow behind where her head lay on the side. I just wanted to run my hand through it once, to remember what it was like, but I didn't dare. I lay a blanket over her and tucked it in around her. As I did she moved her head toward me and opened her eyes briefly. Smiling before closing them again and drifting off to sleep, or passing out, one or the other. Jasper didn't need a blanket. That mother fucker never got cold.

I turned the lights out in the lounge room and made my way the short distance down the hall to Emmett's dad's office not even turning the light on. I decided not to pull the lounge out, just opting to sleep on top of it instead of using the pull out double mattress. I'd probably wake up with a sore neck as a result, but at this point I didn't really care. I just wanted to get to sleep as soon as physically possible so I could quit thinking about the girl asleep on the lounge outside.

BPOV

Oh god, the look on his face when Jasper said what he did. I thought Edward was going to vomit he was so white. He'd been caught out. I'd caught him in his lie from Summer. I knew it! While I already suspected he wasn't a virgin due to the fact that the whole experience felt so right, so perfect, the fact that he now sat there knowing he'd been caught out made me seethe. But then as Alice started flapping her arms about and making a commotion, with lightening fast speed I saw him pick up a shot glass and discreetly tip it into his mouth without taking his eyes from me.

OK then. Maybe I was wrong?

I was expecting everyone to say something, but no one said a word. Not one. This was fucked up. Rosalie and Emmett were probably too distracted, not to mention too drunk to notice. But Jasper and Alice just sat there. Neither of them acknowledged a thing. It was weird. What was with these people that they didn't ask? It was almost as if they all knew but had been forbidden to acknowledge it, or were ignoring it for some reason I couldn't fathom. Like it was a big secret. Was he ashamed of it? Was he ashamed of me? I know I wasn't the prettiest girl in class, I certainly wasn't Jessica, but I wasn't the ugliest girl in class. He seemed to be into it that night, but it was a long time ago now, and it was one night after all. I remembered Jessica was upset about not being able to find him that night, perhaps he wanted to keep it from her. I don't know. All I know is at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. He had Jessica. I had James.

I woke the next morning on the lounge with a blanket over me and a killer freaking headache. Rolling over I noticed a glass of what I hoped was water on the coffee table with a couple of little white tablets. Please dear god be pain relief for my head. I picked them up and skulled the glass of water, thankful to whoever put them there for me. It was going to be a long day.

The body on the lounge across from me stirred, I realised quickly that it was Jasper. He rolled over to face me, his eyes squinting as the soft morning light filtered through.

"Oh god," he groaned. "Please tell me I didn't drink as much as I think I did last night."

"Morning Jasper......wish I could help, but I'm pretty sure you probably drank more than you think."

"Eghhhhh, it's going to be a shitty ass day, and I've got to back up again tonight."

"That's right, that party."

"Yeah, you coming?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Why not, your boyfriend wouldn't approve?" he said jokingly.

I laughed a little, knowing he was just teasing. "No, James isn't like that. Actually, he thinks I'm a bit straight."

"Are you?"

"Uh, I don't know....yes...no.....I don't think completely. I do have a cop for a father."

"That's true. Do you miss him?"

"Who my father?" That seemed like an odd question now that I lived with him.

"No, James. You must miss him right?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Well, gee Bella don't sound so heartbroken about it." He said sarcastically. "So I'm guessing he's not the love of your life then, if you're not really missing him."

I just stared at him blankly for a while, not entirely sure what to say to him. I thought James was probably the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But was he the love of my life? I wasn't sure whether I believed in that.

"Do you really believe in all of that shit, you know, 'the love of your life', 'soul mates', 'love at first sight' even?" I was pretty sure Jasper would have no opinion on this topic of conversation, or if anything, he'd tend to side with me in not really believing in any of it.

He looked at me and I could tell he was seriously contemplating his answer, like he knew something about love. From what I'd heard Jasper was the last person to know anything about love.

"I think it would be a really sad world if none of that was for real. Yes I believe in it. I believe in all of it."

Wow, there was more to Jasper than I'd given him credit for. Eighteen year old boys aren't normally in the habit of admitting shit like that. But I was getting the impression that Jasper wasn't the usual eighteen year old guy. Deep down anyway. Because on the surface he sure was screwing around like one.

"Why do you screw around so much Jasper.......I mean, don't get me wrong I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, well, not as long as you're not hurting the people you love there isn't. But, you know, you just seem better than that. You seem like you've got a heart."

Jasper sighed, rolling over onto his back so he wasn't looking at me. He ran his hands over his face while he shook his head.

"I don't know Bell, it is what it is. It's just a way to pass the fucking time you know?" But I could tell he was evading the real answer, and I started to wonder whether it had anything to do with Alice and the way Edward protected her last night when Jasper suggested he would 'get her off' at school.

"That's such bullshit Jasper and you know it." He spun his head to look at me and I raised my eyebrow knowingly at him. "Are you scared of getting hurt or something?"

His brow furrowed as he looked at me. I was getting the impression he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Like I said. It is what it is. Sometimes you just can't have what you want." There was some finality in his statement. But holy shit it was loaded with so much meaning. I was right, I'm sure I was, the only question was, why in the hell can't he have her. Does he think she's not interested? Or was it all to do with Edward. Hmmmm, it'll keep though, I was going to get to the bottom of this. "So, how long have you and James been together?"

"Um, about a year I guess. We broke up for a few months towards the end of Summer and then we got back together."

"Why'd you break up?"

Oh god, do I tell him he cheated? It's not like other people around here didn't know, but the answer made me feel so ashamed.

"He....ah....he kissed another girl at his graduation."

He contemplated my answer for a while. "Why'd you get back together then?"

Now it was my turn to contemplate my answer. I sat up on the lounge crossing my legs Indian style in front of me, nervously playing with the blanket in my lap. No one had ever asked me that question before, so while I'd thought about the answer, it was never something I'd had to articulate before, particularly given that it was all wrapped up with the accident and my mother. But I had to give Jasper an answer, and I couldn't help but be completely honest with him.

"He helped you know? After.....the accident, he was just there. And I forgave him I guess. He helped put me back together, he saved me from drowning in the memory of it all. After a while he just never left, and he was just there, and we were together."

"Wow, sounds so romantic Bella," Jasper said sarcastically. "I was kind of expecting you to say it's because he grovelled and swept you off your feet, and makes you feel beautiful and loved and safe and sexy as hell. That you love him and couldn't stay away from him, and knew that he would never, ever do something like that to you again. Because you deserve better." It was Jasper's turn to raise his eyebrow and look knowingly at me. But that just made me mad.

"What the hell do you know Jasper, you won't even put your heart out there."

"Too true little Swan, too true. But at least I'm not settling."

"I'm not settling Jasper. You don't know anything about James and me. You've never even met him?"

"Well, I look forward to being proven wrong. When is he coming to visit? He is going to come and visit you right?"

"He's coming on Valentine's weekend in a few weeks," I replied more than a little defensively. Although it still wasn't confirmed for sure.

"Well excellent. I look forward to having a few drinks with him at Alice's party." He looked smug for some reason.

"What party is that?"

"Alice has a Valentine's Day party every year. It's kind of tradition. She does Valentine's Day and the Summer party the last weekend of Summer break. It's kind of like a Winter party and a Summer party. And I expect this year will be huge seeing as it will probably be the last one before we all finish school and go off wherever the fuck we're going to go to college or whatever."

EPOV:

I stayed glued to the wall as I listened to Bella tell Jasper that James was coming to visit Valentine's Day weekend. Fuck if I was going to have that scumbag in my house. At the very least if he was coming, I was going to get the fuck out Forks.

A/N: So, I hope you liked how the start of the chapter went. I ALMOST changed it due to the pressure from some reviewers. I actually wrote a version of it where it all came out and everyone reacted but decided to stick with the original plan. If you want to see the other version Review and I'll send it to you.