A/N: Just in time for Christmas!!!! My lovelies, thank you so much for your reviews and please accept my apologies for taking so long!!

Have a fabulous Xmas holiday....I'm hoping some time off work will mean I have some more time to dedicate to this story!!

CHAPTER 10 - Selfish

BPOV

My conversation with Alice had me feeling a little off balance. Since moving to Forks Edward had been downright nasty to me, that is, until Friday night. For no apparent reason he had been rude and dismissive. Thinking back to that first day in Biology I cringed. I assumed his abhorrent behaviour was because he thought I wanted to get between him and his downright gorgeous, albeit skanky girlfriend. I'd been thinking about the fact that Alice seemed to be the only one who knew about us. What hot blooded male who has just lost his virginity doesn't go and tell his mates, especially when the girl in question is no longer around to feel the shame of a one night stand?

I thought I'd figured out the meaning behind Edward's dismissive behaviour, but Alice's revelation about Edward's behaviour the day after the party didn't make sense. All I could figure out was he wanted to find me to make sure I didn't go around telling anyone about what had happened. As if I'd go around telling anyone about it anyway, god boys could be such self serving pricks sometimes. But then again, people like Lauren and Jessica probably behaved that way. But then what Alice said about Jessica was confusing to me. I couldn't actually believe that he was going out with her because we looked similar. That just didn't sound right. At all.

After Friday night's drinking games sitting with Edward in Biology today was already going to be awkward. But with what Alice had just revealed to me I was now just confused. Truth be told I had thought about Edward after that night. A lot. As much as I didn't like to admit it to myself. He'd filled my head night and day in the first few weeks...months even. I knew all I had to do was ask Angela for his contact details, but what was the point? It was unlikely that I'd be back in Forks any time soon. But I had regretted not doing it....at the time. Desperately.

I walked into our Bio room and sat in my usual seat, butterflies at the pit of my stomach again. Edward wasn't there yet which only increased my nervousness. I sat tapping my pen on the pad of paper in front of me, subconsciously trying to expel the feeling building up inside of me. He sauntered in a few minutes later. God he was still so good looking, it really did take my breath away.

"Swan." I heard that smooth voice come from beside me, a little softer than usual, sexy. Stop it!

I turned and looked at him briefly trying to read the expression on his face. Was he back to being asshole Edward. Or was he finally going to show me the beautiful guy I remembered meeting in Summer. Or perhaps he was just going to start treating me indifferently. Perhaps that would be better. Safer.

"I'm sorry about Friday night Bella," he said softly.

I contemplated his comment for a while. Thinking through everything Alice had just revealed to me.

"Why would you be sorry Edward?" He studied the confused expression on my face, and I could see him fidget uncomfortably in his chair, his hand going up to scratch the back of his head as he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry that Jasper bought up something so personal in front of everyone. I promise I didn't tell him about it."

Now I was even more confused. Why wouldn't he want to tell anyone about it. He's an 18 year old guy who had sex with a complete stranger. Why not tell people? Well I wasn't going to get any answers if I didn't ask any questions.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure?" he said hesitantly.

"Why did you look for me the next day?"

He looked surprised. I wasn't sure whether he was surprised at the question, or surprised that I knew he had been looking. But he looked a little like a dear caught in headlights.

"How.....how do you know about that?" He was looking down at his hands which were tapping nervously on the desk.

"Alice told me." He shook his head lightly from side to side. Hopefully I hadn't just gotten Alice into trouble.

Edward looked back at me and the look in his green eyes was pleading with me not to continue with my line of questioning. He was nervous as all hell, but after the way he'd treated me over the last couple of weeks I couldn't help it. Part of me was enjoying watching him squirm.

"I....I....wanted to see you." He sighed, almost with relief as he looked up into my face again. "You didn't give me any way to contact you, I wanted to see you again." He looked like he was searching my face for something. What I wasn't sure. Forgiveness perhaps for being such an asshole. But this didn't answer my question. Why did he want to see me again?

"Did you want to see me so you could ask me not to say anything to anyone?"

His face fell a little, the look of confusion turning into an incredulous scowl. "What! No. Why would you think that?"

I shook my head from side to side, unable to believe he would have no idea why I would think that. "Because of the way you've been since I've been back, I thought maybe you regretted it. Maybe you didn't want your friends to know. Clearly you haven't told any of them."

"God, no Bella that's not it at all......" he trailed off, looking for the words, but the teacher was at the front of the class, and had already thrown one or two looks in our direction. Our conversation didn't go any further as we both pretended to ignore the fact that you could cut the air between us with a knife. I was suddenly aware of every shift of his body, everything he wrote down in his note pad, every breath he took.

But at least I had an answer to one of my questions. However it still didn't explain a great deal.

The rest of the week went on. Lunch was spent with Rosalie, Emmett & Alice as per last week. But Jasper and Edward seemed to spend more and more time with us rather than with the skanks they were hanging around with the week before. On several occasions I noticed Jessica send death stares in our direction, but whenever Edward turned to look at her, which wasn't often, she would smile sweetly and wave. They seemed to spend less and less time together as well. A small part of me rejoiced at this, but it really didn't concern me. I was looking forward to James coming to visit in a couple of weeks. He had been on the phone regularly, but our conversations were never very long.

Friday night we ended up at Emmett's again. I was now well and truly part of their group and it made me feel for the first time in a long time like I really belonged. No longer having a mother around to give you a sense of warmth, comfort and that feeling of 'home' had been difficult. But my new friends helped restore some of that feeling, albeit in an altogether different way.

I was feeling bad that Angela and I had spent very little time together since moving to Forks. She and I spent two weeks together every Summer for the past I don't know how many years, but since coming here I'd hardly seen her. So one day at lunch I ditched my usual crowd and asked if she and I could have lunch together.

"So Bella, what's been going on? I'm so sorry we haven't had a chance to hang out. But I can see you're being looked after pretty well." She was eyeing the table I would normally sit at for lunch.

"Ah, yeah....they're all really nice. They've been very welcoming."

Angela shifted in her seat a little. It looked like she was trying to get the courage to say something to me.

"What is it Ang?"

"Well, I don't want to sound....I don't know. I just want to make sure you understand what his reputation is like."

"Sorry?"

"Jasper, just watch him. I know you're with James, but Jasper has pretty lose morals when it....."

"Hang on a second Ang. What are you talking about? Jasper's not interested in me, and I'm definitely not interested in him."

Angela sat looking very confused. "But I thought after....after the party in Summer, he asked about you. Wanted to know who you were, where you came from, how I knew you." I must have looked puzzled because she continued. "He wanted to know when you were coming back. I asked him why he wanted to know all of this stuff but he just shrugged and told me no reason. We never spoke about it again. And I see you two around, talking heaps."

"Look Angela, I've honestly got no idea why he asked all those questions. Well, I don't think I know...but...maybe, but......I know he didn't know about it then." I was half talking to myself and Angela was now the one looking at me with confusion.

I pursed my lips together, contemplating whether I should tell Ang what happened that night. Other people seemed to know now. So I should probably make sure Ang heard the truth from me.

"Ang, I should probably tell you something.....about that night." I was nervously playing with my bottle of drink, picking at the label.

"What.....what happened Bella?" She was looking a little panicked as if something bad had happened.

"No, no, nothing bad happened Angela. I met someone that night. And spent quite a lot of time with them. Like, a lot of time, away from the party, by the pool." I was trying to make it obvious what had happened. I wasn't sure whether she was getting my drift or not. She was concentrating on me, and then she looked shocked.

"Oh my god Bella who was it." She squealed far too loudly. Realising she'd drawn attention to us she quickly slapped her hand over her mouth and ducked her head towards the table. "Please tell me it wasn't Mike......or Eric.....or Tyler. Please tell me it wasn't Tyler. Jesus Christ it wasn't Ben was it?" She looked shocked at that last one.

"Angela! No no, it wasn't any of them."

She sat up a little bit straighter and started looking around the room, searching for whoever it was. "Is he here, in this room?"

I bit my lip and nodded slowly, aware that Edward was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria. Her eyes would fall on a table and look around and then she would dismiss the guys that were sitting there. She did this several times until her eyes fell on my usual table. She already knew it wasn't Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett weren't together then, so it could have been Emmett....or clearly, Edward.

I could see the smirk start to form at the side of her mouth as she looked from their table to me and then back again. She could clearly see the blush rise from my neck upwards partially giving my secret away. She knew she'd struck gold. Now she just needed to decide which one it was.

"You're not Emmett's usual type, so I'm going to have a guess and say it was Edward. Cullen."

I nodded again, slowly closing my eyes not wanting to see the look on her face. I would be in trouble for so many reasons over this. Especially the fact that I hadn't told her about it.

"Oh......my.....god. Bella, have you got any idea how many girls at this school want to get into his pants. He was so untouchable up until....up until....just after Summer. Oh, my god, what did you do to him Bella?"

I contemplated telling her for a few seconds. Then I just couldn't help it. "I took his virginity."

"You what? Jesus!" She practically yelled. "Have you got any idea what sort of a prized possession that is around here. The guy is a god, I mean, just look at him, he's divine. Every girl in school lusts after that guy, including me! And until the start of this school year he wouldn't go near anyone, it just made him all that much more delectable, the fact that he wouldn't just screw around because he could. So what happened? Tell me everything."

"Jesus Ang I can't tell you everything!"

"Please. Come on Bella."

"Ok, I don't know. You remember when you wanted me to dance and I wouldn't because I hated the music. Well I went outside to get some air and he followed me."

"Why did he follow you?"

"I don't know Ang, we'd sort of been flirting with each other all night, just checking each other out. Catching each other....you know."

"Edward doesn't flirt you know Bella. He's too guarded for that. This is big."

"Well we were flirting, he followed me and we talked. About loads of stuff, and about James who I was angry at. Then one thing lead to another. We kissed and then we got onto the whole virginity thing, I found out he was a virgin so I offered to be his first."

"And why wouldn't you?" she remarked sarcastically.

"So we went up to one of the sun lounges by the pool. It was incredible. Certainly didn't feel like his first time I can tell you."

"So what does this mean?"

"What do you mean 'what does this mean'?"

"I mean for the two of you."

"Nothing. We hardly speak to each other. Well, that's not true, we kind of speak to each other now, but when I first got back he was a complete asshole to me.'

"Doesn't sound like Edward Cullen to me."

"Well, people aren't always who you think they are. What are you grinning about Angela?"

"Nothing, I don't know. You two would make a great couple, that's all."

"You're forgetting one thing?"

She looked like she was off with the fairies. "Hmmmm.....what's that?"

"We both have significant others."

Angela sighed sadly. "I know."

As I looked across the cafeteria I notice Edward looking in my direction. He quickly looked away when I busted him, running his fingers through his already messy hair as if frustrated about something. It reminded me a little of the night of the party, we had done that so many times, busted each other just looking. He rose from his chair, glancing at me briefly again before walking out of the cafeteria shaking his head from side to side. I couldn't figure his mood swings out.

EPOV

By the end of the week I realised I had been putting myself in Bella's way, watching her surreptitiously. I was at my car as soon as the bell went, but then loitered as long as possible, just waiting to catch a glimpse of her. Making sure I was eating lunch at my regular table, instead of with Jessica. Getting to Biology early in hopes of spending more time with her. All of these things had gone unnoticed by me during the week, but by the end of it I realised I was subconsciously unable to stay away from her. I had to do something about it. My eyes constantly scoured for her, never resting until I found her brown hair in the corridor, following it until it disappeared around a corner. My eagerness to have her within my sights was unsettling given our current situations.

Jessica was driving me a little insane. She was being a little clingy, well, a little more clingy than usual and all it was doing was pushing me away further. It was as if she could sense I was getting ready to break up with her. Did chicks have a sixth sense for that sort of shit? Who knew, but she surely seemed to. All she could talk about was her birthday this weekend and how excited she was about the party she had planned. It wasn't anything huge. Just an intimate dinner party with her closest friends. But it was being fully catered, her parents wouldn't be there and I was pretty sure she was expecting that I would lavish her with lots of gifts and attention. Given that I was planning on breaking up with her very shortly after I knew I had to be careful about how much attention I gave her. But I wasn't a heartless bastard.

But for now I was looking forward to Friday night. We'd had a change of plans this week. Emmett's parents were going to be in town for a change and mine weren't, so we were spending the night at our place instead. It would give me at least a few hours of uninterrupted time with Bella, albeit with four of our closest friends. But whatever, beggars can't be choosers. And right now I was happy to be a beggar, if that's all I could get.

So at lunch on Friday I was gutted to find out Bella might not be coming. As I sat down at our lunch table Alice was deep in conversation with her.

"What do you mean you might not be coming tonight?" Alice whined. "Bella, you can't just not come."

Bella looked up at me as I sat down and then looked at her plate of food. Something seemed off.

"Charlie just wants me around so I may not be able to come tonight, that's all. It's not a big deal," replied Bella quietly. She was trying to speak softly so as not to disturb everyone else at the table. Usually Alice would keep on at someone until she got her way, but with Bella I had noticed she didn't push like she did with other people. I wasn't sure why that was, but she seemed to drop the subject, almost as if she understood she was a little fragile. I just hoped she didn't feel sorry for her, I knew Bella wouldn't want that.

Looking at Bella as she sat there at our lunch table, long hair down and framing her face as if in hiding she seemed a little on edge as well, like she was only just keeping it together. I was worried about her. Something definitely appeared to be wrong and I didn't know how I could help her. She was quiet afterwards in Biology, we had a test which prevented us from talking and then she left the classroom a few minutes before the end of class saying she had finished her test and could she be excused.

So I was surprised when I was sitting outside on the front porch at home that night to see her truck pull up. Bella got out and slowly walked up the front path, playing with her keys in both hands as if nervous about something. I tilted my head to the side watching as her pretty face looked away from me nervously.

"Hi," she said quietly. She seemed a little better than she had been at lunch.

"Hi. I didn't think you were coming tonight."

Bella looked down at her hands and then took a step towards me lowering herself on the step next to me and sighing heavily. She shrugged her shoulders and then looked up into my eyes. It was as if she was pleading with me in some small way. I didn't know what to do or say. But there was a very large part of me that was selfishly hoping like hell that James had fucked up and that it was now over between them.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Please press the little button and review. Anything pissing you off (except for Jessica, Lauren & James)??? Just give it to me!! (and feel free to give me a little love if you really want!!)