A/N: Happy New Year. Thanks so much for all the reviews – I got more last update than for any other one!! It makes me so excited, so I got my ass into gear and got this chapter finished for you. Told you reviews make me write quicker!! If I know people are desperate to find out what's next it guilts me into writing!

CHAPTER 11: Break Me

"Hi," she said quietly. She seemed a little better than she had been at lunch.

"Hi. I didn't think you were coming tonight."

Bella looked down at her hands and then took a step towards me lowering herself on the step next to me and sighing heavily. She shrugged her shoulders and then looked up into my eyes. It was as if she was pleading with me in some small way. I didn't know what to do or say. But there was a very large part of me that was selfishly hoping like hell that James had fucked up and that it was now over between them.

BPOV

I had gone home from school wanting to escape everyone. Wanting to escape the laughing happy people who wouldn't understand what today meant to me. But when I got home the silence from Charlie was asphyxiating. I knew he didn't know what to say to me today. And he was probably sad in some way himself, but I had to get away. I hadn't intended on going to the Cullen's, it's just where I ended up. Deep down it's where I knew I wanted to be the most, with my new family.

As I sat there on the front steps of their home looking into Edward's deep green eyes I realised I needed to let it out. I wasn't coping today and I needed to unload something, I just wasn't sure what. James wasn't here, hadn't called yet, even though he must know, and I was relieved when I pulled up to my friend's house that Edward was sitting out the front. He was probably the one person who could help me with what I was struggling with today, and it meant I didn't have to face everyone else, yet.

"It's my mother's birthday today.....it's just...it's just been kind of rough that's all." A tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away not wanting him to see it. No one saw me like this.

"It's alright you know." His voice was soothing, gentle, but not scared like so many people would have been to talk to me about this. But I was a little confused by his statement. "It's alright to cry. If you're upset, you don't have to hide it."

"But it's private."

"There are no rules Bella. Grief isn't something that is the same for everyone."

"I don't like getting upset about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't.....I don't like thinking about what happened, I don't want to go back there. It's too.....it's too hard." I never went back there. Never thought about it. Except at night, when I was asleep.

Edward took a deep breath then looked at me. "Bella, I don't want to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. No one can tell you what you should be feeling, or how to go through this. Except maybe a therapist. So all I can do is tell you my experience. When my mom died I was lost....for years. Esme was the one who finally made me see that talking about it helped. Like you I still don't think much about what actually happened. And to be honest I don't even remember much, I'm kinda lucky that way I guess. But she helped me start talking about my mom and remembering there was good stuff, before the bad." Edward paused for a moment, looking off into the distance as if in his own private moment. "Ask just about any of that lot in there what I was like the few years after she.....after the accident. I'm surprised any of them still speak to me. I was horrible to be around. Still am sometimes." Perhaps that helped explain some of the mood swings. I felt them too.

He looked at me a little apologetically, his beautiful green eyes framed by long dark eyelashes. I watched a tear slowly make its way down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away, he just let it fall.

His admission triggered something in me. Something that felt small, subtle to begin with, but as the moments ticked by I could feel the rise and fall of my chest become heavier as I felt the weight around me grow heavier. Silently tears started to fall from my eyes and I wasn't entirely sure whether they were for me or for him. I was just imagining a frightened little boy, not knowing which way was up, just having lost his mother. And then I was thinking about my own, and I broke into a loud sob as I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder. He didn't shush me or tell me to be quiet, or try and make me smile the way James would have, he just let me be. And we sat there like that, on the top step, in the cold, with Edward's arm wrapped around my shoulder and my head buried between my knees as for the first time I let my grief overwhelm me.

For the first time I let someone see me grieve, someone see me cry, and I didn't hold back. Edward hadn't even tried very hard, but for some reason my grief that had been internalised for so long was openly displayed for him to see.

I slowly came out of my daze and realised Edward's arm was still around my shoulder, his hand quietly rubbing circles on my shoulder and down my arm, his body sitting precariously closely to mine. I'm sitting here openly grieving for the first time in months about my mother and I'm thinking about how Edward's arm feels across my shoulder and how his body feels next to mine! And it feels good, and I shiver, but it could be the cold, it could be him, I'm not sure. I raise my head from my knees and shift away a little. No point in tormenting myself over what will never be.

I looked up and shook my head a little, trying to bring my brain back to reality and clear my mind of the thoughts that seem to be overtaking it more and more lately. I must look awful. Red eyes, snotty nose, puffy face. I wiped my face on both of my sleeves and tried to pull myself together as best I could. I felt drained, drained of life, and exhausted, but somehow I felt just fractionally better as I thought about the last birthday I spent with my mother. She'd taken me to a pancake parlour and we'd eaten our way through the menu. It was stupid and childish, and the type of place your parents might take you when you turn ten, not eighteen.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me, smiling hesitantly at me. Encouraging me.

"I was just thinking about my eighteenth birthday."

"Good girl." He didn't ask me any questions, he just let me think about whatever it was that seemed to make me smile just a little. And that helped. He just seemed to know what to do, and I was grateful.

We sat for another few minutes in silence, just listening to the sounds around us, the noises coming from inside, Emmett's booming laugh, Alice's squeals, the movement of the water in the stream far off in the distance, Edward's breathing. The last time I'd sat here with him was such a different situation. We weren't in exactly the same spot, just a little further off, but still, it bought back the memories. "Should we go inside now?" Edward stood up, offering me his hand again. He'd been making a habit of this, but it felt good to have my hand in his once more. His cold fingers wrapped around mine. The shiver ran through my body again.

"Thanks Edward." He turned and looked at me, hopefully not too closely, but I couldn't tell as I was trying to hide my face by looking at my feet. I felt his cold hand under my chin as it gently lifted my face up so my puffy red eyes met the penetrating green of his.

"I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but I'm here for you Bella." He smiled reassuringly at me, and then looked at me apologetically, in a playful way that showed he was ashamed of his behaviour. It helped lighten the mood somehow.

"Yeah, well, you'd do well to be nice to me from now on. Now that you've seen me cry there's no telling when you might get that sort of reaction from me and do you really think you could cope with that again."

"Christ no, you only get one chance to cry on my shoulder! You'll have to find someone else to hear your sob stories from now on," he retorted sarcastically. "I hear Emmett is good at that sort of shit."

As we entered the house no one looked terribly surprised to see me walk in. It gave me the distinct feeling they knew I was out there, like someone had seen me. I didn't feel comfortable knowing that other people had seen me fall apart. For some reason only Edward made me feel OK about that.

I needed to lighten the mood a bit so after I grabbed a drink I found myself sitting with Jasper. He was always good for a laugh, and I wanted to continue getting to the bottom of the whole Alice situation. It should be good for keeping my mind off what today meant to me, and help get my wandering mind off Edward, where it should not be.

"Hey Baby Bell! What's going on? Actually, stupid fucking question, clearly you're having a fucked up day. Want to hear about my day?" I nodded my head, sounded like he was on a roll. "Well, school was pretty fucked as usual, I spent most of the day trying to avoid Lauren, although to be honest she wasn't so much the problem, Jessica was on my case about her. Jesus Christ that girl needs to know when to give up. I'm so not interested in Lauren."

"So, who's your next victim then?"

"Bella," he looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "I wouldn't call them victims. They're all pretty willing."

"Pssh, you know what I mean. From what I hear you usually have one lined up pretty quickly after the last one. So tell me who she is, who have you got your eye on now?" I was in a massive fishing expedition, hopefully I was reeling him in and wasn't about to hit a snag.

"Hmmm, wouldn't you like to know darlin'"

"Honestly, I don't think I do." Please tell me, please tell, me. Oh, and please let it be Alice.

"Why? You want to be on the list?"

"Hardly Jasper. Anyway, there are two problems with that. One, I have a boyfriend....."

"Ah, yes. The elusive James." I rolled my eyes, Jasper always gave me shit about him. "And two.....?"

"Two. Wouldn't think you and Edward would like to make a habit of being with the same girl. You know....cast offs and all that." This was the first time we'd had a conversation acknowledging that I knew that he knew, whilst inadvertently calling Jessica a Cast Off!

"Yes with you, I could guarantee you that would be a problem." I looked across at Jasper. He was just looking at me smirking. He had mischief written all over his face and I wanted to ask him what he meant, but I wasn't game enough. I couldn't know. If there was something behind his meaning I didn't want to know. "You really did a number on him you know?" Jasper looked at me arching a well defined eyebrow.

"Hardly, he has the lovely Jessica to keep him occupied."

"Oh please." He scoffed. He drained the last of his beer and then picked up the fresh one that Emmett had put down in front of him before returning to the kitchen with the other's to cook dinner. "Why do you think she's not here tonight? Never here on Friday nights?"

"I don't know?"

"It's because no one actually likes her that much. Including Edward."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"I don't know. Just....he's a good guy Bella, don't write him off because of his behaviour over the last few weeks."

"I can hardly write him off. He's actually started being really supportive. But you've got to admit he's been a complete prick to me."

"All I'm saying is, I'm sure he's got his reasons." OK, how did we get onto one of the two topics I didn't want to talk about. I needed to steer him back in the direction of what I wanted to know.

"So, tell me. Why is Alice still single?" Couldn't be any more direct than that could I?

"Ahhh, that's an easy one Bella. She's got a brother that scares everyone away."

"What, why would he do that?" How dare he! And had he scared Jasper away?

"Alice's dad abandoned her. He just doesn't want to see her get hurt by another man. She gets a bit sad about it still sometimes, you can see it in her eyes."

"Are you sure it's because of her father, or is it because she's a gorgeous teenage girl wondering why the fuck the guy she likes isn't paying her any attention?"

"Hadn't thought of it that way. What guy does she like?" Jasper sounded ever so slightly alarmed, although I suspect his response would have been a little quicker had he not been getting quite so intoxicated. I knew it.

"You should ask her and find out for yourself." I raised my eyebrows suggestively at him. Hopefully he got the point, because the guy seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she had feelings for him.

APOV

I watched Jasper walk away from Bella as Rosalie and I walked out of the kitchen, leaving Edward & Emmett to finish dinner. It drove me insane that she was able to have in depth discussions with Jasper. I wasn't jealous, well, I was, I wish it was me. But I wasn't jealous that he might fall for her, or she might fall for him. But I was jealous that they seemed to have some connection that I didn't seem to have with either of them, they looked like they had frank honest & open conversations, you could tell by the looks on their faces. I wanted to have that, with both of them. But Bella was still closed off about a large aspect of her life, and Jasper well, he was just Jasper....he still made me nervous a lot of the time.

We went and joined her on the couch, handing her a Vodka Cranberry.

"So Bella, tell us a bit about James." Rosalie asked her.

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Tell us how big is cock is, or how good he is in bed or about the last time you two had sex. I don't care. Just something to make the horny pixie live vicariously through someone other than me for a change."

Bella looked a little shocked at the question but then laughed heartily, it was a vast change from the way she was sitting on the front steps with Edward a little earlier. Perhaps I could use this to find out a little more about her relationship with James.

"Just ignore Rosalie Bella." OK, make it sound like you don't want to know, and be a little more subtle. "But you must be looking forward to having him here. Will he be staying with you and Charlie?"

"Yeah." She took a large sip from her drink before placing it back on the table in front of her.

"Charlie must be more liberal than I thought?"

"Oh god no. James will be sleeping on the lounge."

"Yeah, but I'm sure he'll be sneaking into your room," I replied, trying to encourage a little more information out of her.

"Ah, I don't know, I guess...we'll see." She seemed hesitant for some reason.

"Oh come on Bella how long has it been since you've seen him, you must be dying to get into his pants," retorted Rosalie.

"Ah, well....we haven't really....it's been a while since we were um.....together, in that way. We haven't really been together since we got back...together." Oooooh, now that said something. My little brain was running a million miles a minute.

"Why in the hell not. You have been together haven't you."

"Yes of course. Before we broke up we had sex all the time. But after the....after we got back together it's just been different." Oooooh, does that mean that Edward was the last guy Bella slept with. I was doing backflips inside with the thought of telling Edward that!

"So, when did you get back together...exactly?" Rosalie eyed Bella suspiciously, as if unable to believe that two people could be in a relationship and not be able to have sex....if they'd had it before.

"Well....I don't know exactly, it just sort of well...he just sort of never left. He helped me in the hospital and stuff. And then when I came home...I mean, to my grandmother's he was really supportive."

Rosalie looked at her with her mouth agape. "So it's not a sexual relationship then?"

"Well, yes. But after the accident....it was just hard for me, he was just really protective. He wanted to make sure I was ready...again. I don't know." I could see she was getting agitated by this conversation. I wasn't sure whether it was because it was about sex, or whether it was because it meant having to bring up information about the accident. Or was it because of Edward. But at least she was talking. "I was pretty injured, I still have scars. I'll always have them." Yeah, and it sounded like James would be one of them if we didn't help her out with them.

The rest of the night continued as per usual, minus the drinking games this time. Although I was almost tempted to do it again to see what other information we could get out of Bella, but today was clearly a sensitive day for her, so I figured it was probably best not to. Bella went to sleep in the spare room while the rest of us stayed up and drank a little more, only I wasn't much in the mood to drink so I left the alcohol out of my drinks, hopefully no one noticed. Edward went to bed not too long after Bella, so I went about pulling out blankets and pillows for Jasper, Rose & Em. They could make themselves comfortable on the lounges.

Shortly after I turned and left the room I heard footsteps following me.

"Ali can I sleep with you," Jasper slurred from behind me. "I don't wanna sleep on the lounge anywhere near Em & Rosie." He started traipsing upstairs quietly behind me. I heard him trip on the stairs once or twice behind me. God, how drunk was he? As I entered my room first I went straight to the bathroom, not wanting to see if he actually followed me in or not, but I could feel his presence. I had always been able to feel his presence.

When I came out of my bathroom I found Jasper passed out on my bed, his shoes sitting neatly beside the bed. He looked so peaceful sleeping there. Instead of crawling under the covers I lay down on top of them with him, just looking at him. Watching. I knew every line on his perfect face, but it still never ceased to amaze me how I could just stare at it, overwhelmed by the affect it still had on me, even after all of this time, and all of those girls.

I pulled a blanket over us. After a little while I couldn't look anymore at what I couldn't have, so I turned over, rolling away from him. Away from what I would never have. The movement of the bed must have stirred him from his sleep because I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I froze, until he pulled me towards him, my body complying.

My heart was pounding. I didn't want to be another one of his bimbettes but I didn't know whether I had the will power to resist him. He wrapped his body around mine protectively and sighed. His body relaxing, moulding around mine as if protecting me. His legs and arms cocooning me into his body, my head tucked under his chin. Safe, warm, agonizingly close.

Oh god, don't do this to me Jasper.

"Hmmm, finally, I have my beautiful little Ali in my arms," he murmured aloud to himself sleepily as he snuggled into me a bit more. His face nuzzling into my hair. My heart immediately started racing as the words escaped his lips. I started questioning my sanity, did he really just say the words I'd been waiting to hear. But he was drunk and he was practically asleep, and this was Jasper. Jasper had girls all over town waiting to get him into their beds, or wherever they had him.

Silently I began to cry, knowing that if faced with the opportunity to be with Jasper I wouldn't be able to resist. But knowing full well it would probably break me.

A/N: Oh, Jasper has been so clueless!! But will he break Alice's heart? Should she give into him or make him work for it?? Please review and guilt me into writing the next chapter!